Not sure how to deal with practicing conservative Islam in a modernist family

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Abdulah97

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So I don't know what it is but these last few months I have been learning about the Salaf and fiqh, scholars like ibn Baz, Al-Fawzan, ibn al-Uthaymeen, al-Albani, learning about hadith etc...

So naturally I began to quit a lot of "little" things, I say little because I want to make a distinction here.

Before learning about the above I was very religious in terms of prayers, looking after parents, fasting, not drinking, drugs, girlfriends etc... But I still did lots of other haram things like regularly listening to music, not lowering my gaze, watching movies etc...

Anyways, I have stopped all that now after learning that its all haram, I don't care if listening to music and watching movies is not as big as committing zina, I personally don't want to do it and stay on the safe side.

Now this caused a disconnect in my family, again my family is very religious as well but also are what you call "fun" as in, they listen to music, watch movies, use foul language, do mixing where female cousins talk and joke with male cousins etc...

Now that I stopped doing this stuff, they are calling me "extreme" and how as long as you are not committing kabair then its not such a big deal to do the above things.

Now this is causing fights in the family to be honest and the biggest issue right now is the beard...

I am growing my beard out because from what I read about the many hadiths from the prophet ordering us to leave the beard, grow the beard, take care of the beard and also the four schools of thought saying its haram as well as the major scholars I listed above also saying its haram and that you are only allowed to shave if its more than a fistful.

Now I don't have the best looking beard and to be frank it does look scary, I do my best to oil it and brush it, but there are hairs that curl up that just make it look scary, I would love to atleast trim those parts to make it a little better but even this is not allowed according to the salaf, you are only allowed to trim/shave moustache and trim/shave beard if its more than a fistful.

My father is literally losing his mind over this issue telling me how its not required, how all the shyaks in San Diego have their beards trimmed, how in USA you want to keep a low profile as a Muslim. I get his point in the past the FBI did talk with my father, not sure how common that is, but I am guessing it was because we are Muslims. He gave me a hadith about when you are under obligation you are allowed to commit haram and he told me that because USA is not Muslim country, FBI interrogating Muslims, and even hate crimes against Muslims that I should trim my beard at the least, not shave it.

I showed him my proofs and he said "did the prophet say its haram to shave beard?" I said "he commanded us to leave the beard isn't it haram to go against his command" he said "he didn't say its haram" and its basically a pointless argument. I told him i don't want to debate on the topic, I showed my proofs, I am not forcing the family all to grow beards, I am just doing what I feel is the way of the prophet based on what I have learned.

Again this is causing big issues in the family and I am not sure what to do, I wish I can just cut my beard and stop all these issues in the family but I know that doing something haram for the sake of parents or anyone but Allah and his messenger is haram so I don't want to do it but at same time I want problems in my family to stop.

What do you guys advise me to do here? I truly want to please my parents but when it comes to religious reasons then I can't but this is causing big fights in the family and I am just not sure how to deal with it...

I think a solution is for me to just not stay in the house too long, i need to make some friends, spend more time in the mosque, get a job, but again this is just going around the main issue which is the disconnect between me and my family, where I want to practice a more conservative form of Islam and they want to be more liberal and modern... Again any advice is welcome
 
May Allah make it easy for you

Akhi, I don't really have an advice. I am the only muslim in the family and no close relatives that I know of are muslims.
So being a muslim is already disconnecting me from them, they can't stand it and hope I will change my mind someday.
I am not disowned, not kicked out of the house, but it sure feels like I'm totally alone. I fast alone, salat alone, I have to cook my own food because they don't care halal or not, and so on.
Alhamdulillah my muslim friends never abandon me. They have their own lives but they don't forget about me and give me things beneficial for my deen Alhamdulillah
May Allah reward muslims who care for each other with good abundantly.
I stick with Islam no matter what. My akhira is way too precious for me. This dunya and whatever people of this dunya do, I will not let them affect my deen inshaAllah
So in my situation I am closer to muslim friends instead of my non muslim family.

There are a few hadiths I want to share with you.

[FONT=&quot]Narrated `Aisha: (the wife of the Prophet) Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "No calamity befalls a Muslim but that Allah expiates some of his sins because of it, even though it were the prick he receives from a thorn." Sahih al Bukhari

Anas ibn Malik reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “A time of patience will come to people in which adhering to one’s religion is like grasping a hot coal[FONT=&quot].” At-Tirmidhi[/FONT][FONT=&quot]

[/FONT]



[/FONT]
 
https://islamqa.info/en/answers/898...ing-to-the-sunnah-at-times-of-widespread-evil

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Islam began as something strange and will revert to being something strange, so glad tidings to the strangers.” It was said: Who are they, O Messenger of Allaah? He said: “Those who are righteous when the people are corrupt.” Narrated by Abu ‘Amr al-Daani in al-Sunan al-Waaridah fi’l-Fitan (1/25) from the hadeeth of Ibn Mas’ood; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah (1273); the hadeeth is also narrated in Saheeh Muslim (145).

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) urged us to adhere to it and not neglect it. He said: “You must adhere to my Sunnah and the way of the Rightly-Guided Caliphs who come after me. Adhere to it and cling to it strongly, and beware of newly-invented matters, for every newly-invented matter is an innovation (bid’ah) and every innovation is a going astray.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (4607) and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“Ahead of you there lie days of patience, during which being patient will be like grasping a hot coal. The one who does good deeds then will have a reward like that of fifty men who do such deeds. – And someone else added – They said: O Messenger of Allaah, the reward of fifty of them? He said: “The reward of fifty of you.”
Narrated by Abu Dawood (4341); al-Tirmidhi (3085) and he said: it is a hasan hadeeth. It was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah (494).
 
Qur'an 6:119:

Why should you not eat of what is slaughtered in Allah’s Name when He has already explained to you what He has forbidden to you—except when compelled by necessity? Many ˹deviants˺ certainly mislead others by their whims out of ignorance. Surely your Lord knows the transgressors best.

Qur'an 9:115:

Allah would never consider a people deviant after He has guided them, until He makes clear to them what they must avoid. Surely Allah has ˹full˺ knowledge of everything.

The God guided you all and told you what is prohibited. Those who are adding something which is not prohibited by the Lord to the "don't do that" list which you call "haram", are going off the straight path.

Honestly, you are unnecessarily dividing your families and friends!

Read both Holy Bible and Qur'an and then you will understand. Only there is a knowledge from the God you seek.

All free-time activities such as watching films, listening to music, playing etc. are allowed, only if the believer does not forget to complete his daily duty, for example to pray to the One God.
 
From what I understand, it's the same in regards to the topic of marriage. Staying single is not haram, but many will say it's discouraged even if you are capable of staying away from zina. I believe the same goes for the beard. I don't believe it is haram to shave it, but it is discouraged.

It being haram/halal is beyond my understanding, but I try to grow mine simply because it is a sunnah and there is no effort in growing it. Allow it to grow and that's it. Easy enough. Whether people like it or not is their problem to be quite honest. You should not have to feel discouraged by your family or anyone for trying to follow the sunnah.



DogLover said:
Qur'an 6:119:

Why should you not eat of what is slaughtered in Allah’s Name when He has already explained to you what He has forbidden to you—except when compelled by necessity? Many ˹deviants˺ certainly mislead others by their whims out of ignorance. Surely your Lord knows the transgressors best.

Qur'an 9:115:

Allah would never consider a people deviant after He has guided them, until He makes clear to them what they must avoid. Surely Allah has ˹full˺ knowledge of everything.

The God guided you all and told you what is prohibited. Those who are adding something which is not prohibited by the Lord to the "don't do that" list which you call "haram", are going off the straight path.

Honestly, you are unnecessarily dividing your families and friends!

Read both Holy Bible and Qur'an and then you will understand. Only there is a knowledge from the God you seek.

All free-time activities such as watching films, listening to music, playing etc. are allowed, only if the believer does not forget to complete his daily duty, for example to pray to the One God.
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Or maybe his family is the one causing division? Someone who wants to follow the sunnah should not feel shamed or discouraged to do so, especially by other Muslims. Your blanket statement of all free time activities being allowed is anything but true.
 
keiv said:
Someone who wants to follow the sunnah should not feel shamed or discouraged to do so, especially by other Muslims. Your blanket statement of all free time activities being allowed is anything but true.
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That is right. As the hadith I quoted above : The Prophet sallallahu 'alayhi wa salaam urged us to adhere to his Sunnah and the way of the Rightly-Guided Caliphs after him.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) urged us to adhere to it and not neglect it. He said: “You must adhere to my Sunnah and the way of the Rightly-Guided Caliphs who come after me. Adhere to it and cling to it strongly, and beware of newly-invented matters, for every newly-invented matter is an innovation (bid’ah) and every innovation is a going astray.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (4607)

And Allah said in the Qur'an : Whoever obeys the Messenger thereby obeys Allah; as for he who turns away, We have not sent you (O Muhammad) as a keeper over them (An-Nisa 80)
 
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Akhi, I am going through the same dilemma. My advice is, don't let it bother you, because Allah is in charge at the end of the day. Would you give up your afterlife, and the rewards of jannah or higher levels of jannah for what your family has to say, when on the jugement day every soul is looking out for itself, to the point that a mother will throw her infant on the ground? Just continue to practice, and inshaAllah your family will be guided, continue to make dua for them. I know the struggle. If you're pleasing Allah, what other people think is irrelevant. As someone else said, the Prophet saws said, "Islam began as something strange and it will return as something strange so glad tidings to the strangers"
 
All free-time activities such as watching films, listening to music, playing etc. are allowed, only if the believer does not forget to complete his daily duty, for example to pray to the One God.
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Simply not true, many films involve mixing, music, foul language, women half naked, drugs, alcohol, anti-religious scenes

Music, our prophet told us music is haram.

The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Among my ummah there will certainly be people who permit zinaa, silk, alcohol and musical instruments…” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari ta’leeqan, no. 5590; narrated as mawsool by al-Tabaraani and al-Bayhaqi. See al-Silsilah al-Saheehah by al-Albaani, 91).

I do agree that in halal things such as playing soccer maybe or going to the gym, yes this is allowed as low as you are fulfilling your obligations but the stuff you mentioned above is all haram so please do not mislead people without any research on the topic.
 
keiv said:
From what I understand, it's the same in regards to the topic of marriage. Staying single is not haram, but many will say it's discouraged even if you are capable of staying away from zina. I believe the same goes for the beard. I don't believe it is haram to shave it, but it is discouraged.
Click to expand...

If it was just a sunnah I would have at the least trimmed it in order to avoid fights in my family over it but sadly it is not.

Shaving the beard is haraam because of the saheeh ahaadeeth that clearly state this, and because of the general application of texts that forbid resembling the kuffaar. One of these reports is the hadeeth of Ibn ‘Umar who said that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Be different from the mushrikeen: let your beards grow and trim your moustaches.” According to another report: “Trim your moustaches and let your beards grow.”

All 4 schools of thought say its haram, only the late Shafi figures say it is "disliked" even though Imam Shafi himself said its haram. Despite the fact that the official position of the Shafi‘i school is that shaving one’s beard is disliked, many prominent Shafi‘is (al-Halimi among the early Shafi‘is and al-Adhra‘i, Ibn al-Rif‘ah, Zayn al-Din al-Malibari, and Ibn Ziyad among the later ones) have taken the opinion that it is forbidden. So even with Shafi school their is a difference of opinion.

It terms of scholars wise, Ibn Hazm, not sure if you know but he is one of the greatest scholars when it comes to difference of opinion, reported that there was scholarly consensus that it is an obligation (fard) to trim the moustache and let the beard grow. Other scholars that say it is haram are, Ibn Taymiyah, Al-Nawawi, ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen, Shaykh Ibn Baaz, and many more...

If you are upon the Shafi madhab yes I could see why you would shave it, but general view is that its not permissible and Allah knows best.
 
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IslamLife00 said:
https://islamqa.info/en/answers/1189/ruling-on-shaving-the-beard

The Prophet sallallahu 'alayhi wasalaam had a thick beard (reported by Muslim from Jaabir)



https://islamqa.info/en/answers/9977/ruling-on-trimming-the-beard-because-it-looks-scary

The Sunnah of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) indicates that it is obligatory to let the beard grow and that it is haraam to shave it or cut it.
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Yeah, I understand that their is a lot of confusion that people think its just a Sunnah, but their is difference in Sunnah, their is optional Sunnah like using miswak to clean teeth before wudu and their is fard Sunnah. When the prophet (PBUH) commands us to do something and we look at all the ahadeeth and not see a single instance where the prophet once cut or touched his beard then we follow that command as we have been ordered by Allah in the Quran to obey Allah and obey his messenger.

But even then as layman we use scholars because they gather all instances about a specific topic and the majority consensus is that its forbidden to touch or trim, a fisful seems to be the minimum but even then it is markoh to trim even if its more than a fist, however anything under a fist, as according to the Sunnah and scholars is fard.
 
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This quote about inventions is not the word from the One God. These sentences belongs to the politician and soldier who had 13 wifes for political reason. He is not the God. There is only One God, nothing more. Only 40 hadiths are words from the Lord. This one is definitely not. I respect both Holy Bible and Qur'an, but I definitely cannot accept over 200 000 hadiths from different people who says that almost everything is illegal. And until today there are massive discussions about halal/haram classification.

One of the most controversial quotes I have ever read.

Abdulah97, before adding my post I researched further information. What I see is that Muslims generally don't know what is precisely legal and illegal. There are some Muslims who says that watching films is completely illegal, but there is an opinion that it is legal if it will not disrupt daily duties. There are several other dilemma and discussions about halal/haram classification. Who is right then, I don't know. If you were right, well, all things I do today would be, in your opinion, "haram", also not permitted. If I was right, I would be relieved that I would not hurt any Muslim by my doing.

I don't want to mislead anyone. If it looks different, then my apologies. May the Lord be with all of you.
 
The Prophet’s Sunnah is the second source of Islamic sharee‘ah. The revelation came down to the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) with the Sunnah as it came down to him with the Qur’an. Allah, may He be exalted, has enjoined upon the believers complete submission to the words of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) and his hadith and rulings, to the extent that He, may He be glorified, swore by His divine self that whoever hears the words of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him), then rejects them and does not accept them, has nothing to do with faith at all. Hence there was consensus among the scholars that whoever denies that the Sunnah constitutes shar‘i evidence in general terms, or rejects a hadith of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him – knowing that it is the words of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) – is a disbeliever, who has not attained even the lowest level of Islam and submission to Allah and His Messenger.

As Muslims we abide by the Quran and the Sunnah of the prophet PBUH. The Sunnah of the prophet PBUH is extrapolated from the ahadeeth, for example the Quran tells us to pray, but doesn't tell us details such as, "pray 5 times a day at this time, for fajr only pray 2 rakah, for duhr pray 4, sit in 2nd rakah etc..."

The science of hadith is extraordinary, it uses a chain of narrators, which allows us to see if its a sahih (authentic) hadith by the prophet PBUH or fabricated, the same cannot be said for other religions. Allah in the Quran tells us to obey him and obey the prophet, and we obey the prophet from his sunnah which again is extrapolated from hadith.
What I see is that Muslims generally don't know what is precisely legal and illegal. There are some Muslims who says that watching films is completely illegal, but there is an opinion that it is legal if it will not disrupt daily duties.
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Muslims when it comes to the pillars of Islam and Quran know whats halal and haram. For example, Allah in Quran tells us not to eat pork, so almost every Muslim knows that its haram to eat pork their is no confusion here.

But then their are what Muslims call "minor sins" when it comes to things such as movies, music, beard, cursing etc... Some of these minor sins are not mentioned in Quran directly but are mentioned in hadith. Some know that these are sins regardless of major or minor while others do not know due to lack of knowledge. For example, I always saw my family listen to music so I thought it was okay, but when I gained knowledge on the topic I learned it was haram.

Yes their are topics that Muslims are not sure if they are haram or halal and they disagree over them, but we are commanded to refer to Quran and Sunnah when this happens. For example the issue of growing a beard. Some Muslims are of the view that its optional, this is their default answer basically, but they don't bother to spend some time referring to all instances where the beard is mentioned in hadith or learning what the majority or consensus of scholars say on the topic. Some Muslims like to go with a minority view or do what we call "fatwa shopping" to satisfy whims and desires. At the end of the day, Allah knows our intentions and he will deal with each and every one of us based off our actions and intentions.

Learning from the scholars as well is what solves a lot of confusion and Allah knows best.

In regards to watching film, if the Muslim who is confused does a little research on the topic he will come to know that as long as the movie doesn't have nudity, music, anti-religious messages then its okay to watch it as along as he does his obligations to Allah.

There are several other dilemma and discussions about halal/haram classification. Who is right then, I don't know. If you were right, well, all things I do today would be, in your opinion, "haram", also not permitted.
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Yes as a layman their is definitely confusion when it comes to "minor sins", thats why the solution here is to refer back to Quran, Sunnah, and the scholars and in shaa Allah that dilemma is solved.

Thats the method I personally prefer at least, I refer to Quran, Hadith and look at the majority view of the scholars and the four schools of thought and take the majority position, not the minority position.

For example I know many layman that are Hanafi or Shafi or other schools of thought and they just follow their school and that way they are not put in situations where they say "is this haram or halal" but can refer to their school of thought and see what they say on the topic.
 
For anyone who wants to check it themselves :


Another hadith about following the sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu 'alayhi wasalaam and the rightly guided caliphs

[FONT=&quot]Yahya bin Abu Muta' said:[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I heard 'Irbad bin Sariyah say: 'One day, the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) stood up among us and delivered a deeply moving speech to us that melted our hearts and caused our eyes to overflow with tears. It was said to him: 'O Messenger of Allah, you have delivered a speech of farewell, so enjoin something upon us.' He said: 'I urge you to fear Allah, and to listen and obey, even if (your leader) is an Abyssinian slave. After I am gone, you will see great conflict. I urge you to adhere to my Sunnah and the path of the Rightly-Guided Caliphs, and cling stubbornly to it. And beware of newly-invented matters, for every innovation is a going astray.'" Ibn Majah 42[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]"... for every innovation is a going astray.'"[/FONT]

فَإِنَّ كُلَّ بِدْعَةٍ ضَلاَلَةٌ

بِدْعَةٍ bid'ah means invention, innovation - in regard to religion, it is heresy (because it is something invented, not from the religion itself)

As quoted from the Qur'an, He who obeys the Messenger has obeyed Allah. (An-Nisa 80)

سُنَّتَ sunnah means the (established) way. Sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu 'alayhi wasalaam means his teaching, examples for the muslims. You can learn his sunnah from hadiths, obviously avoid fabricated ones.


Each person, muslim or not, will be held accountable on Judgement Day. Anyone who puts dunya first, just because something is 'extreme' radical controversial and whatnot, I'm not here to stop you.

This is my last post on this thread.
 
I feel that metaphoric punch into my face. Twice.

This post may be my last at this thread. I want to thank you for your replies. I can agree with most arguments and disagree with some. About pork, it is clear. About creating hadiths it is clear.

About "minor sins" the status is still unclear because of some scholars exists, which opinion about the "halal/haram" classification is different between them. But thanks to your advice, after further and deeper research the problem should be solved.

It is a shocking thing that inventions at all can be interpreted as a going astray. Without inventions, we would know less about our world. Thanks to inventions we can have a better life. It us confusing that God is pleased to those who seek more knowledge about our world but in hadiths inventions are being criticised. Or I just miss the true meaning of these quotes.

Nevertheless I'll search deeper to find some further information about hadiths. Not only those 40 hadiths called "qudsi", but more of them.

May the God be with you.

Disclaimer:
-----------------------
The Catholic Church and the God Himself does not mention anything about Christians reading hadiths and to obey them. From this perspective I did nothing wrong, so I just cannot be classified as a disbeliever. The God, as Qur'an says, have one message to the Christian community, just to stop using the "Trinity" word. The Lord allows Christianity and Islam (Jewish too!). Christians who obeys Holy Bible and will listen this message from Qur'an, have, as Qur'an says, the chance to go to heaven in afterlife as Muslims who obeys rules from Qur'an. Furthermore, the God is pleased to our priests. The question is, if the Christian should read and obey hadiths or not. Please do not send me an answer to it here. Maybe I'll create a discussion about this topic, if I can create it. End of disclaimer.
 
DogLover said:
It is a shocking thing that inventions at all can be interpreted as a going astray. Without inventions, we would know less about our world. Thanks to inventions we can have a better life. It us confusing that God is pleased to those who seek more knowledge about our world but in hadiths inventions are being criticised. Or I just miss the true meaning of these quotes.
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It is about invention in religion, adding or subtracting anything from Islam. Not the scientific inventions which have nothing to do with religion.
 

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