Should I go for a girl who had a past relation and shared intimated pictures

[Muhammad Arham]

Respected Brothers, Aslamualikam.

I started talking to a girl an year ago. While we were friends, I asked about her past where she shared with me that she has been into a relationship (2 years). It was a long distance relation and they've meet only once . She told me she kissed the guy when they meet. I however didnt bother at that time as we were friends. But later on, we got into eachother. She never thought of falling in love again with another guy ever but as time passes, she felt in love with me and so do I.

Her past didn't bother me. We started dating, and eventually told our families as well. Now she is my fiance now. But now in my mind, all those negatives thoughts are running into my mind and even I discussed the pass with her again, where she said to me she regretted it and wasn't happy at all. Her relationship was ended as the guy wanted to persue for his career and the girl was in family pressure for marraige. They dated each other, when the girl shifted to a new home in Y country (my country, not gonna disclose the country). She used to live in X country and now she is in Y country. (Y = my country). She spent her whole life in X country but her nationality was Y country as family background is from Y country.

Now, I'm full of negative thoughts all the day that she is going to be my wife, and I cannot get rid off the thought that she had a kissed with a guy and also shared intimated pictures with her boyfriend. I didn't think of it much while we were dating - cos she so much loving, she is too much into me and cares about my thoughts & dislikes. She belongs to a good family. I tried to be positive, that everyone has a past. Even I do have a past relationship, and my past is no less than her. But as a guy, its hurting my ego that my partner had a physical relation (kissing) and share intiamted pictures. I've no idea what to do. this thought is eating my all day.

I tried to overcome this but now I'm getting irriated. There is no way that I can end the relation now as families are involved. So, what should I do other than that? Should I try to overcome it? because I think as a man, what matter to a man alot is his wife's past which matters alot. Because we say, that man dignity is his wife.

I don't know, I'm thinking that this thought may never end even after the marraige. Let me share, that she is vrigin and so do I.

Also, she belongs to a rich family and I'm a middle guy. She does care about my financial status, she doesnt care about anything. She is read yto live with my anywhere and shes too much loving. I got that negative thought while taking the final decision (yes or no) to the girl's family. But then I said yes, as I thought I would get over it. However, I didnt think of it for weeks but suddenly, it is pinching in head.

Let me know what should I do.

 

[Imraan]

Respected Brothers, Aslamualikam. I started talking to a girl an year ago. While we were friends, I asked about her past where she shared with me that she has been into a relationship (2 years). It was a long distance relation and they've meet only once . She told me she kissed the guy when they meet. I however didnt bother at that time as we were friends. But later on, we got into eachother. She never thought of falling in love again with another guy ever but as time passes, she felt in love with me and so do I. Her past didn't bother me. We started dating, and eventually told our families as well. Now she is my fiance now. But now in my mind, all those negatives thoughts are running into my mind and even I discussed the pass with her again, where she said to me she regretted it and wasn't happy at all. Her relationship was ended as the guy wanted to persue for his career and the girl was in family pressure for marraige. They dated each other, when the girl shifted to a new home in Y country (my country, not gonna disclose the country). She used to live in X country and now she is in Y country. (Y = my country). She spent her whole life in X country but her nationality was Y country as family background is from Y country. Now, I'm full of negative thoughts all the day that she is going to be my wife, and I cannot get rid off the thought that she had a kissed with a guy and also shared intimated pictures with her boyfriend. I didn't think of it much while we were dating - cos she so much loving, she is too much into me and cares about my thoughts & dislikes. She belongs to a good family. I tried to be positive, that everyone has a past. Even I do have a past relationship, and my past is no less than her. But as a guy, its hurting my ego that my partner had a physical relation (kissing) and share intiamted pictures. I've no idea what to do. this thought is eating my all day. I tried to overcome this but now I'm getting irriated. There is no way that I can end the relation now as families are involved. So, what should I do other than that? Should I try to overcome it? because I think as a man, what matter to a man alot is his wife's past which matters alot. Because we say, that man dignity is his wife. I don't know, I'm thinking that this thought may never end even after the marraige. Let me share, that she is vrigin and so do I. Also, she belongs to a rich family and I'm a middle guy. She does care about my financial status, she doesnt care about anything. She is read yto live with my anywhere and shes too much loving. I got that negative thought while taking the final decision (yes or no) to the girl's family. But then I said yes, as I thought I would get over it. However, I didnt think of it for weeks but suddenly, it is pinching in head. Let me know what should I do.

Walaikum Salaam Brother, when it comes to marriage im not sure if we should judge someone based on their past anymore... i used to judge someone by their past long time ago. i am now divorced and have a child that i dont see,i am more religiously inclined and look for someone with those religiously inclined valure more (i never looked at that in someone before i got married), people who may consider me for marriage judge me on my past when i dont want them too, they might see a child they dont want, they might think im the bad guy (who knows) reading your 5 daily prayers is not enough, my ex did read most prayers but the character and morals were still all over the place, like in your situation my ex was from a wealthy family and me middle class, our family values were different whcih apartly contributed to seperation. again my ex had a history, even though she did, it didnt bother me much because all i wanted was to look to the future the point i'm making is that dont judge a person by their past, you need to look at their conduct, morals, vaues and marital aspirations as it is now... if good there is no guarantee it will stay like that, people change, either in good ways or bad.... loads of people have fooled around in the past, they either successfully settled down afterwards or are still fighting their past sinful demons and bringin that into their new relationships. also need to to see their circumstances, does it fit in with yours? also she might have conditions like live seperately to in laws etc, or she wants to work or progress career oir she might not want kids etc etc does her requirements feel like they can be met by you? if she's coming from a wealthy family, you will need to make it clear i.e. how you may finance her, she may have additional finanical needs for her hobbies/clothes/shoes/jewewellry that her parents bought for her, she may need that from you... she may be assuming it,.. but you should clear it with her how you will support her financially. this is often discussed with partners from wealthy familiesi or partners who are working and vow to give up work once married because the husband will now provide an income that they used to earn... dont make any hasty decisions brother, make informed decisions... always remember the hadeeth to tie your camel and then trust in Allah Anas ibn Malik reported: A man said, “O Messenger of Allah, should I tie my camel and trust in Allah, or should I leave her untied and trust in Allah?” The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Tie her and trust in Allah.” Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 2517 brother have you tied your camel... basically take your precautions and then progress this marriage....

 

[Muhammad Arham]

Hi Imran, Thank you for replying.For the financial stuff, we have already discussed everything. Neither their living style is modern nor they are greedy. She belongs to a good family. Apart from the advice. I've gotten over it thinking that I should forget it which I eventually did. But then, it came into my mind again after 4-5 days. So, is there any other way to get rid off it? I try to get over it by thinking that shes too caring and loving, and wanted to spend a life with me.

 

[Imraan]

Well you have to change your mindset and also refresh your thoughts on why you are really marrying this girl and what qualities and attributes she brings to this marriage, doesa she deserve to be 'pigeon holes' or categorised in any way even if it is in your mind? how would you like it if she had the same feelings of you when in reality her feelings contradicted what you are really about. youj need to motivate yourself on how beautiful a successful marriage can be and maintain positiveness, in successful marriages there are great rewards, one of the reasons why we take that risk, im divorced twice but i still cant let it stop me from being married again... people say it was qadr... stay positive brother, if everything is on point regarding thois girl, think positive and look forward.