Male Guest In My Home

searchingsoul

searchingsoul

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My husbands nephew was coming to live in our home while he attends graduate school. His mother through a fit because she found it inappropriate for him to stay in our home since my husband is away from home a lot. To appease his sister, my husband thinks we should find an apartment for the nephew and of course pay for it!

Is the type of thought my sister-in-law has cultural or actually rooted in Islam?
 
what is the problem with him staying there?, you didnt give enough info really I mean is she afraid he will fall in love with you and have an affair, this sounds kind of twisted and derranged on her part.
 
I think it's twisted and derranged. She says that a male shouldn't be a guest in a home if the man of the house is away. So I guess she thinks we'll have an illicit affair. LOL I think it's a completely different situation since he's my nephew. My sister-in-law acts insulted because we suggested the arrangement.

I know that certain rules exist in Islam, like covering your hair and not being alone with another man, etc. I thought that this wouldn't apply since he's family and I'm a married woman.
 
yea i dont even know, he is a relative so i dont think that would apply but im not 100% sure, someone on here will know and answer.
 
Peace be to you,

Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and to guard their modesty. That is purer for them. Verily, Allah is acquainted with all that they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and to guard their modesty, and not to display their adornments, except that which ordinarily appears thereof, and to draw their head-veils over their necks and bosoms, and not to reveal their adornments except to their own husbands, or their fathers, or their husband’s fathers, or their sons, or their husband’s sons, or their brothers, or their brother’s sons, or their sister’s sons, or their women, or their slaves, or male attendants free of physical desires, or small children who have no sense of women’s nakedness. Let them not stamp their feet so as to reveal what they conceal of their hidden ornaments. And turn unto Allah altogether, O you Believers; in order that you may attain success." An Nur (24:30-31)

Thats the verse for hijjab.... Since your christian, obviously you don't have to wear hijaab.... (side note: although I did read somewhere about a hijaab command for the christian women)

I think the mother of that kid may not have a problem with you... but a problem with her son. She may not trust him to be alone with other women.
She may be trying to minimize the female contact for him to avoid any sort of fitnah.

The answer to your question however is both.. its cultural and islamic. Quran explicitly states whom a muslimah can reveal herself to and who she cannot.

As far as culture goes... you can never get away from it... but some people take it lightly and some people take it seriously depending on what you have been acustomed to...

I hope everything works out...

peace and blessings,
Hamid
 
Question

What is the meaning of the Hadith: "Your in-law is death”? Can my brother stay with my family in the same house? (My wife wears Hijab.)


Answer

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.

Dear brother in Islam, we would like to thank you for showing keenness on learning the teachings of Islam, and we appreciate the great confidence you have in us. We hope our efforts meet your expectations.

This Hadith you mentioned is reported in Sahih Al-Bukhari, vol. 7, Book of Nikah (Marriage), Hadith no. 159. It reads as follows:

`Uqbah Ibn `Aamir, may Allah be pleased with him, quotes Allah's Messenger as saying, "Beware of entering upon women." A man from the Ansar said, "O Messenger of Allah! What about Al-Hamu, or the wife’s in-law (the brother of her husband or his nephew, etc.)?" The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, replied: “The in-law of the wife is death itself.”

The Hadith is also reported in Sahih Muslim, Kitab As-Salam (Book on Salutations and Greetings), Chapter 8, Hadith no 5400.

Commenting on this Hadith, Imam An-Nawawi, may Allah bless his soul, states: "Al-Layth Ibn Sa`d holds that the “the in-law” refers to a relative of the husband other than his father and sons (who are Mahram (unmarriageable kin) to his wife), such as his brother, nephew, and cousin, etc., with whom marriage would be permissible for her, if she were to be divorced or widowed

As for his saying “the in-law is death”, it means that you are supposed to be very cautious of him as evil is most expected from him. This is because the in-law, contrary to the stranger, can easily approach the lady and violate her privacy, without people blaming him for doing so.

The in-law here stands for husband’s relatives other than his fathers and sons. As for the husband’s father and sons, they are Mahram to his wife and they are allowed to be alone with her. They don’t fall under the category of “the in-law is death”. Those who are described of death are the husband’s brother, cousin, uncle, and all those who are not Mahram for the wife. People usually take it easy and find no problem with the husband’s brother being in private with the former’s wife. This is “death” itself as the in-law is most worthy of the prohibition.

Al-Mazari is of the opinion that the in-law refers to the husband's father, but this not correct and it is rejected.

Shedding more light on the Hadith, the prominent scholar Sheikh Yusuf Al-Qaradawi, says:

“The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, particularly warned women concerning Khulwah (being alone) with male-in-laws such as the husband's brother or cousin, since people are quite negligent in this regard, sometimes with disastrous consequences. It is obvious that a relative has easier access than a stranger to a woman's quarters, something concerning which no one would question him. The same is true of the wife's non-Mahram relatives, and it is prohibited for any of them to be in Khulwah with her.

By saying “the in-law is death” the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, meant that there are inherent dangers and even destruction in such privacy: Religion is destroyed if they commit sin; the wife is ruined if her husband divorces her out of jealousy; and social relationships are torn apart if relatives become suspicious of each other.

The danger lies not merely in the possibility of sexual temptation. It is even greater in relation to the possibility gossip about what is private and personal between the husband and wife by those who cannot keep secrets to themselves and relish talking about others; such talk has ruined many marriages and destroyed many homes. In explaining the meaning of "“the in-law is death,” Ibn al-Atheer says, "It is an Arabic figure of speech like, 'The lion is death' or 'The king is fire,' which means that meeting a lion is similar to facing death and a confrontation with a king is like being in the fire. Thus, privacy between an in-law and a woman is far more dangerous than in the case of a stranger because he might persuade her to do things against her husband's wishes, such as asking him for things he cannot afford, nagging him, and the like."

Thus, we conclude that your brother is only allowed to be with your wife if there is a Mahram with them. If there is no Mahram, then it is forbidden for your to be in a state of Khulwah with your wife, even if she wears Hijab.

Do keep in touch. If you have any other question, don't hesitate to write to us.



Allah Almighty knows best.

source: http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/...h-Ask_Scholar/FatwaE/FatwaE&cid=1119503545654

​


Peace.
 
searchingsoul said:
I think it's twisted and derranged. She says that a male shouldn't be a guest in a home if the man of the house is away. So I guess she thinks we'll have an illicit affair. LOL I think it's a completely different situation since he's my nephew. My sister-in-law acts insulted because we suggested the arrangement.

I know that certain rules exist in Islam, like covering your hair and not being alone with another man, etc. I thought that this wouldn't apply since he's family and I'm a married woman.
Click to expand...

Good Lord he's your NEPHEW how on earth is that percieved to be 'another' man!! :heated:
 
searchingsoul said:
She says that a male shouldn't be a guest in a home if the man of the house is away.
Click to expand...

I agree with that 100% excpecially if you have daughters, i would hate it if a male cousin my ages was living at my house for a long period of time. It happened before but they were older and marriad plus we have like a seperate part of the house where they can stay so they arent in my house, er but yeh one should be careful with these kinds of things...
 
But I just remebered something...

When Prophet Muhammad (sal) took in Ja'fer ibn Abu Talib and later Zaid bin Harith into his home wasn't he already married? I wonder what the arrangement was then with regard to the boys coming into contact with his wife? Anyone know???
 
:salamext:


Sister, remember that the verses regarding the hijaab came in later within the Medinan Period, so when the situation you mentioned above happened - it may have been before the verses regarding the hijaab were revealed.


Allaah Almighty knows best.


:wasalamex
 
she probably thinks he will be influenced with christian values instead of islamic values or something, searching souls husband is a muslim i think :?
 
The idea of a woman taking her hijab off infront of other males from relatives is also split up into two groups; mahrams, and non mahrams:


Question:
what people can a muslimah take her hijab off from?


Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

It is permissible for a woman to take off her hijaab in front of her mahrams.

A woman’s mahram is a person whom she is never permitted to marry because of their close blood relationship (such as her father, grandfather, great-grandfather, etc., and her son, grandson, great-grandson, etc., her paternal and maternal uncles, her brother, brother’s son and sister’s son), or because because of radaa’ah or breastfeeding (such as the brother and husband of the woman who breastfed her), or because they are related by marriage (such as the mother’s husband, the husband’s father, grandfather, etc., and the husband’s son, grandson, etc.). More details on this subject are given below:


Mahrams by ties of blood

These are the ones mentioned in Soorat al-Noor, where Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“… and not to reveal their adornment except to their husbands, or their fathers, or their husband’s fathers, or their sons, or their husband’s sons, or their brothers or their brother’s sons, or their sister’s sons…” [al-Noor 24:31].

The mufassireen said: the woman’s male mahrams by ties of blood, as stated clearly in this aayah or inferred by it are as follows:

1- the woman’s forefathers, no matter how far back the line of ascent goes through her father and her mother, such as her father’s forefathers and her mother’s forefathers. As for her husband’s forefathers, they are her mahrams by marriage, as we shall see below.

2- her sons, which includes her children’s children, no matter how the line of descent goes and whether they are descended from males or females, such as her sons’ sons and her daughters’ sons. As for her “husband’s sons” mentioned in the aayah, these are the husband’s sons from other wives, and these are her mahrams by marriage, not by blood, as we shall see below.

3- her brothers, whether they are her brothers through both the mother and father, or through the father only or the mother only.

4- the children of her siblings, whether they are descended through the males or females, such as the sons of her sister’s daughters.

5- paternal uncles and maternal uncles. They are mahrams by blood even though they are not mentioned in the aayah, because they are like parents and are regarded by people as having the same status as parents, and a paternal uncle may be called a father. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Or were you witnesses when death approached Ya‘qoob (Jacob)? When he said unto his sons, “What will you worship after me?” They said, “We shall worship your Ilaah (God — Allaah) the Ilaah (God) of your fathers, Ibraaheem (Abraham), Ismaa’eel (Ishmael), Ishaaq (Isaac)…” [al-Baqarah 2:133]. Ismaa’eel was the paternal uncle of the sons of Ya’qoob.

(Tafseer al-Raazi, 23/206; Tafseer al-Qurtubi, 12/232, 233; Tafseer al-Aaloosi, 18/143; Fath al-Bayaan fi Maqaasid al-Qur’aan by Siddeeq Hasan Khaan, 6/352)


Mahrams by radaa’ah (breastfeeding)

A woman may have mahrams through radaa’ah. It says in Tafseer al-Aloosi:

“The relationship of mahram which permits a woman to show her adornments may be through radaa’ah as well as through blood ties, so it is permissible for a woman to show her adornments to those who are her fathers or sons through radaa’ah.” (Tafseer al-Aaloosi. 18/143) The relationship of mahram by radaa’ah is like the relationship of mahram by blood – it means that marriage is forever forbidden by virtue of that relationship of mahram. This was the view stated by Imaam al-Jassaas when he commented on this aayah. He said (may Allaah have mercy on him): “When Allaah mentioned the fathers and that their marriage to these women is forbidden forever, this indicates that the same prohibition applies in other relationships of mahram, such as the mother of the woman and those who are mahrams by radaa’ah, etc.” (Ahkaam al-Qur’aan by al-Jassaas, 3/317).

The same things are made haraam by radaa’ah as by ties of blood.

It also says in the Sunnah: “The same things are made haraam by radaa’ah as by ties of blood.” This means that the people who are mahram to a woman because of blood ties are also mahram because of radaa’ah. It was reported in Saheeh Muslim that ‘Aa’ishah Umm al-Mu’mineen (may Allaah be pleased with her) said that Aflah the brother of Abu Qu’ays came and asked permission to see her. He was her uncle through radaa’ah. This was after hijaab had been revealed, so she refused to give him permission. When the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came, she told him about what she had done and he told her to give him permission. (Saheeh al-Bukhaari bi Sharh al-‘Asqallaani, 9/150). This hadeeth was also narrated by Imaam Muslim, where the wording is: from ‘Urwah from ‘Aa’ishah, who told him that her uncle by radaa’ah, who was called Aflah, asked permission to see her and she did not let him. She told the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and he said to her, “Do not observe hijaab in front of him, because the same relationships of mahram are created by radaa’ah as by blood ties.” (Saheeh Muslim bi Sharh al-Nawawi, 10/22)


A woman’s mahrams through radaa’ah are the same as her mahrams through blood ties

In accordance with the Qur’aan and Sunnah, the fuqahaa’ have stated that a woman’s mahrams through radaa’ah are the same as her mahrams through blood ties. It is permissible for her to display her adornments before her mahrams by radaa’ah just as it is permissible for her to display her adornments before her mahrams by blood ties. It is permissible for her mahrams by radaa’ah to see whatever of her body it is permissible for her mahrams by blood ties to see.


Mahrams by marriage

A woman’s mahrams by marriage are those whom it is forever forbidden to marry, such as the father’s wife, the son’s wife or the wife’s mother. (Sharh al-Muntahaa, 3/7).

The mahram by marriage of the father’s wife is his son from another wife, for the wife of the son it is his father, and for the mother of the wife it is the husband. Allaah says in Soorat al-Noor (interpretation of the meaning):

“… and not to reveal their adornment except to their husbands, or their fathers, or their husband’s fathers, or their sons, or their husband’s sons…” [al-Noor 24:31]. Their husband’s fathers and their husband’s sons are mahrams of the woman by marriage. Allaah mentioned them along with their (the women’s own) fathers and sons, and made them all the same in the sense that women may display their adornments in front of them. (Al-Mughni, 6/555)


Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid#

source: http://www.islam-qa.com/index.php?ref=5538&ln=eng&txt=mahram
​
 
Islam does not allow a woman to stay alone with a man who is not her close relative (mahram). This is because it may temt them to commit sins.
 
Assalamu alaikum

Jazakumullah Khair for the fatwa's.

searchingsoul,your nephew-in-law(sounds weird) is not your Mahram(you can marry him). You are like strangers to each other and thus not permitted to be alone together, regardless of whether or not something may happen. It is the same as your cousins. Some people grow up very close to their cousins and consider them to be their sisters/brothers but in Islam, you are permitted to marry your cousin thus it isn't permitted for two cousins to be alone/unveiled.

I don't think your sister-in-law is being unreasonable. If your husband was home most of the time, then there would be less reason for her to worry but seing that this isn't going to be the case, i don't believe she is over-reacting.
 
i think she is personally, people shouldnt be thinking on such dirty terms, his mother obviously doesnt trust her own son and to me not trusting is a very bad thing, especially that searching soul married, i would take it as an insult if that was me.
 
:sl:

I agree with what the others have said here regarding him living with you, but why should your husband be the one forking the bill for a separte apartment? Sorry but me think your nephew needs to get a job and work to pay his own bills. If money gets tight, then theres nothing wrong if your husband helps out now and again but he shouldnt expect to get everything handed on a plate to him.
 
“… and not to reveal their adornment except to their husbands, or their fathers, or their husband’s fathers, or their sons, or their husband’s sons, or their brothers or their brother’s sons, or their sister’s sons…” [al-Noor 24:31].

this says enouugh its her husband's brother or sister's son from my guessing if its his nephew, what on earth is everyone yapping about.
 
Crystal4Peace said:
what is the problem with him staying there?, you didnt give enough info really I mean is she afraid he will fall in love with you and have an affair, this sounds kind of twisted and derranged on her part.
Click to expand...

If soulsearching is halal for him to marry than it becomes a big problem for him to be alone with her all the time and what not
because the prophet (SAW) told us that if two are alone their company will be the shaitaan


What Im not sure about is if she is marhaam for him to be around??? being that he is her husbands nephew????

Maa salaama
 

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