Well I haven't had a minute to write my story but lo and behold we're having technical problems at work so I guess now is as good of a time as any.
I was a 'cradle Catholic' meaning that I was born Catholic. My mom is devout and my dad is just practicing meaning he goes to church when he has to but he does not pray during the day at all. I have an older brother and two older sisters. My brother is a practicing Catholic, my oldest sister is nothing at all religious wise and my next to oldest is a born again Christian but does not believe in organized religion.
I went through religious education and was confirmed, not because I felt I wanted to but because I was supposed to. As soon as I got to college I stopped going to mass. I didn't attend except for holidays and I never prayed. Then I went through a rough patch in my life and started going again and praying the rosary. That lasted about a year and then I got married to another Catholic.
Every so often I would go to mass but the fact that he never went kind of did me in and didn't encourage me in the least bit. I really didn't start being a true Catholic until my kids were of the age where I had to teach them something. This unfortunately was during the time when the sexual abuse scandal was prevalent in Boston, where I live. Because of that I searched for another Christian religion. I just could not dream that the Pope would not have put a stop to all of this nonsense when it first came to his attention.
I searched and searched and went to Lutheran, Baptist, Congregational, etc. churches and each one left me feeling 'empty'. I started searching my roots and decided that when in the bible Jesus said to Peter you are the rock, that that is what he meant. I went back to the church fullstop and had my kids go to religious ed and all that.
Although I felt this strong bond to God I looked around at the times I would do adoration and just sit in the church to pray rosary or the times I would go to confession and I noticed that the people my age (late 30's to 40's) were few and far between. It was moreso the blue haired gals that would be praying along with me.
I started hearing about Islam more and more due to the obvious state of the world and one thing stuck out to me.................................there is very little crime in Islamic countries, the woman don't dress in miniskirts and go out and sleep around. They follow the rules of the bible without ever feeling a bit of embarassment. In fact they are full of pride when they do this!!!
I looked at my fellow Christians and gee wiz there are so many people in church wearing mini skirts. Not one person, save a few of the elderly women, cover their head in Church anymore even though it was clearly written in the bible to do so. Why was that? I searched and searched and found that after Vatican II people started loosening their ties so to speak. Casual sex became prevalent in that time as well, not just with Catholics but all of the US. (this was in the mid to late 60's).
What happend? Divorce was so taboo before this and now all women were burning their bras and leaving their husbands. Why????
*sigh*
I would go from priest to priest asking if this is right or that is right and I would get five different answers depending on the mood of the priest or the area that they lived in. Some would say birth control is fine others would say it is not. Some would say that you only have to bring kids to mass twice a month if they are little and others would say every Sunday. Some would say mass properly and others would not.
All this time I kept looking at Islam and thinking, they do it all the same way. There are no differences amoung them. I could not bring myself to investigate it deeply though because of course Islam is evil!! That is what we were taught. Beware of false prophets and that is what this is. I avoided deep investigation like the plague.
Until I met Usama. We met online and started talking. I kept waiting for him to say bad things about us and not once did he diss my religion. He said that it is perfectly fine that I am Catholic and that we praise the same God. I waited for him to insist that I revert after we decided to be serious with each other but nothing to that effect happened. As a matter of fact he rarely even brought religion up so as not to stir things up.
I bought the book Understanding Islam for Idiots, or something like that. WOW. What a page turner that was. All of my generalizations of Muslims went right down the drain. I had known a few muslimahs online and started chatting with them. Much to my surprise they were normal!!:uuh: They did not hypnotize me or try to swirl me in!!! Actually they were the most loving gentle and helpful people I would ever meet.
Ok so what was stopping me. Wellllllll............Jesus. I love Jesus sooooo much and I did not want to leave him. Then I watched a video of a man who came to Islam along with a priest. He explained to me how you can still love Jesus and he talked of the inconsistancies of the bible. My goodness I knew for a fact that there are so many many gospels out there that did not make it but always accepted that the VAtican knew best!!! How could they know best if they didn't even stop the child molestation???
I started really reading the Gospels and found how many many of them did not make sense or tie to one another. Then I started to ponder, why if the next one to come is the Holy Ghost, was John baptising people in the name of the Holy Ghost before Jesus was supposedly crucified? Why did Jesus pray to himself in the garden of Gethsemane???
I started learning how to pray, but was so scared that I would mess up. I have a little bit of ocd and it was preventing me from reverting. I met with a nice woman in Boston and she told me that if I were to wait until I knew I would be perfect before reverting, I most assuredly would never revert.
That stuck with me and I slept on it that night and the next. Then I woke up one morning at 4:10am. I NEVER wake up that early, trust me, especially on my days off. I have a hard time sleeping and it is extremely hard for me to wake up even with an alarm clock.
I knew. Allah woke me up to start my new life off with fajr. I took a long shower, put on a long sleeved long dress, covered my head and began to pray.
It is now day 3 and the struggles are increasing. Growing up Christian in the US I just always assumed that the freedoms that we so ardently fight for actually exist. Well I'm here to tell you that they do not. It is extremely difficult to become a Muslim in the good ole US of A. It saddens me that a few sickos had to ruin it for the rest of us.
My family's transition will be very difficult. I have two daughters who are 9 and 10 and I am not making them become Muslim because of their age. You cannot force anyone to accept Islam and especially a hard headed tween who was just taught by you that they should be Catholic. I taught them that Jesus is God and to pray the rosary. How do I unteach this and still remain credible as an authority figure in their eyes?
These are the many stumbling blocks I will have to climb. I remain strong though and when I pray I am so very humbled and I know deep in my core that I am not the one running this show. Never was.
