(Cont'd)
So what should i do............?
This child should not be alive!!! I have to do something before anyone else know about this. Just throw this baby inside the toilet hole? Oooo... never. I didn't want to throw her alive into that filthy toilet hole. It's too cruel to do that.
But..how? I dont want anybody to know about it. Without wasting any time, I cleaned up the blood on the floor. I took the bucket and filled it with water, I put the baby inside it along with umbilical cord and blood. Then I put a pile of clothes on the baby... perhaps the baby will suffocate and die... then I'll dump the baby inside the toilet hole.
Yes... I want this baby to suffocate... let her die under this pile of clothes.
Then...I walked out from the toilet slowly to my room. I was so weak and my vision was so blurred. I laid on the bed and cried. I hate Amri. Cruel!! Men are cruel!!!
Knock.....Knock........
Someone was knocking the door. "Rin!!! Open this door!!!", my roomate, Zalifah shouted from outside. I opened the door and shocked to see the hostel principal and dozens of students outside my door.
I fell down after seeing Zalifah holding the baby that I just gave birth less than 1 hour ago. I was sent to the emergency room of Kuala Lumpur General Hospital. The principal came for details about that incident. With tears shed from my eyes I told her everything.
Because of that I was expelled from the hostel and have to postpone my studies for a while. When my parents knew about it, I was being hit by my father. My face was bleeding, I was kicked like a ball. I fainted several time after being slapped by my father.
The baby? My mum gave her to a relative living in northern region.
Amri? That cruel man that destroyed my life was missing and cannot be traced. He never contact me, he dont even care to know whether I've given birt to his child.
Now, it's been 2 years. I am so remorseful. I will never forgive that men until I die.
I was so stupid to believe Amri. I thought he's a gentleman that would be responsible to me and his child. But, he is a coward.
Cruel!!! Because of Amri, I hate all men! Because of a man, I nearly become a killer. I nearly kill my own child.
If Zalifah didnt save the baby, I might be imprisoned, while Amri is still searching for other girls.
My sin was so big. I'm dirty!!! I dont know how to wipe away my sins. I tried to forget that dark tragedy...but I will cannot forget the sound of my baby crying.... forever.
by Aminah Janang (pg. 66, Mastika, June 2006)
