Salam..
I'm quite young and my mum treats me inequally. She treats my brothers like royalty and whenever they do something wrong she doesn't shout at them as much as she shouts at me. I'm the eldest in my family and I have another little sister but she just swears at me and shouts at me so much and when it comes to my brothers she never ever sees them in the wrong. It upsets me so much because in Islam boys and girls are supposed to be treated equally. The other day she made a comment like "Boys are more important than girls, so my sons come first." That made me so upset I was in tears, its not fair. All i can do is pray to Allah and I really do try to make her happy but we always end up arguing and me in tears. I feel like I'm adopted and my mums mind is so backwards.. What should I do? Please help..
Wasalam..
salam sis,
I'll share with you something that I learnt recently. And it was about time I did - considering my age. That's the beauty of getting older btw, lol. I know where you're coming from. Really I do. Without going into the nitty-gritty, I'll just say that I've mildly experienced some of what you have and that in general my relationship with my mother hasn't always been easy.
You see, I always compared how my mother treated me to how other mothers treated their children. And I was hugely disappointed. However, if I'd looked deeply, I would've realised a long time ago that my mother was still a child herself when she had me, so motherhood didn't come easy to her. She wasn't evil or anything - I just expected her to be different.
All my life, due to my feeling let down by her, I felt resentful and found it hard to appreciate her and show her affection. Then recently alhumdulillah, I read an Islamic book called 'Kindness to Parents'. It was full of hadith & Quranic verses and more and really scared the life out of me. I realised that my treatment of my mother was far from desirable in the eyes of Allah. Although I wasn't nasty to my mother, I found it hard to be affectionate to her physically and verbally. But after reading the importance of kindness to parents (mother especially) I realised I had to overcome my psychological issues and break the barrier between us.
I then vowed that from then on I would at every opportunity I'd show my mother that I love, respect and appreciate her and also ask for her forgiveness.
I did that the next day when she was visiting me. It was hard, trust me. But I forced myself to cross the line that was between us and touched her feet and asked her to forgive me for all the times I'd hurt her. She must've been shocked as she sorta chuckled, as did I. I then hugged and kissed her face.
I cannot tell you what a difference that one act made to our mother-daughter relationship. I could see my mothers face glowing, as if I'd given her something she'd wanted for a long long time. Her speech became softer towards me and she was smiling and laughing more. I realised that If I had had expectations of my mother then she'd also had some from me - even when I was just a child. And looking back, she also hadn't got the obedient loving daughter that she had wanted in me. It was catch 22.
You've gotta show her your love, so that she sees that no matter what, daughters can be more loving and caring than sons and also be best friends and confidantes when older. Don't hold back like I did. Hug her, love her and laugh and joke with her to make her feel loved. When she does something for you, kiss her cheek and tell her she's the best mum ever. Everyone likes to be loved and I bet your mum would feel on top of the world if you show her such affection. She will also realise that sons might be the support she'll need when she's old, but the relationship between mother and daughter has it's own rewards to offer.
Finally, don't feel jealous of your mothers relationship with your brothers. Mothers share a special bond with sons as father do with daughters.
As a mother myself, I will be brave enough to admit that we can be silly sometimes. Deep down we just want our child to love us more than anything in the world and if we get annoyed with them, we might pretend like we don't care and all that. But we can be crying inside and wanting our child to apologise so we can show him/her just how much we love them. We want our child's love and affection as much as our children want ours. And if we feel unloved, we can get moody too! Lol, there! Now you know.
Just love your mother hun. Show it in every way possible. I promise she will love and show her affections back thousand time more. Yes, a mother loves her children unconditionally. But don't be fooled into thinking that she shows her love unconditionally when the child she loves so much doesn't seem to be appreciating her. Go and give your mum a hug and a kiss right now and tell her she's the best (even if you don't think so). Make yourself say it and watch her reaction in turn. May Allah increase the love and respect between you both. Ameen.
.. but if tings gets serious:raging:fftopic: