Parents Pressuring Me To Divorce My Wife

[cuezed]

i need some advice. i've been married for 2 years and 3 months. my wife came over from pakistan 1 year ago. she has been to pakistan twice due to depression. we are both alhamdullillah practicing muslims, and respect each other. but my wife has been depressed and insisted that i send her to pakistan. which i did after seeing her cry and beg me to send her. now she is in pakistan and says she is feeling better and wants to come back. but my parents are fed up and want be to divorce her. the thing is that we both love each other and wish to live together. i want to bring her over and get her checked up. i've reached the point where if i dont divorce my wife, my parents will be upset will me. what shall i do. please give your opinions and advice.

 

[aamirsaab]

Not to sound like a jerk, but you really should talk to your family and friends about matters like these....

 

[DaNgErOuS MiNdS]

Well at the end of the day your the one who is married to her and as long as your happy with the way the marriage is going you shouldn't get divorced. Perhaps moving away from your parents is a option that would easy things down, if your parents are living wit you.

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

Assalamu Alaikum

you should get a trustworthy and fair uncle/aunty/relative/friend to come inbetween you and help you all talk.

this is serious, talk it out, theres no need for a divorce if your both practising and love each other. Theres no need at all.

Talk it out inshaAllah

 

[cuezed]

all my relatives are telling me to divorce her, and be gratefull to Allah, that we haven't got any kids yet. i've bought a new home for both of us.

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

all my relatives are telling me to divorce her, and be gratefull to Allah, that we haven't got any kids yet. i've bought a new home for both of us.

so no one is supporting your marriage?

why are they telling you to let her go ?

bro i think you should consult a sheikh, in all honesty.

bring an imaam in between your parents and your wife, let him hear it all..

that is i believe the best option.


hope it works for you inshaAllaah

Assalamu Alaikum

 

[Malaikah]

I don't understand - why do they want you to divorce her?? Because she was depressed? If so, she needs support, not cries for divorce!

 

[cuezed]

the story is...

my wife was very pious before marriage in her home country pakistan. when we got married and she came over to the uk to me, she felt that her imaan (faith) was getting weak. she is a very obedient wife and i do not abuse my rights and we respect each others rights. so i explained to her that instead of her praying night prayers and Quran all the time (as she used to in Pakistan) she is obeying and worshiping Allah, by being a good wife. she understood this but this fear that she is a bad Muslim got to her head and she demanded to be sent to pakistan, as she felt she would get her imaan back. my parents are very cultural and do not fully understand my wife. i also 100% do not know the core of the problem. but now she is in pakistan, my parents want me to divorce her.

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

in that case you will lose out greatly if you divorce your wife.

this is a trial for you, get a sheikh/imaam to make your parents understood.

inshaAllah pray istikhaara and ask Allah for help.


may Allah ease your burden, he knows what your going through, and will help if you call him.


Assalamu Alaikum

 

[Snowflake]

Not to sound like a jerk, but you really should talk to your family and friends about matters like these....

Why? Why can't the bro ask here for advice? We are his family as well 'One Ummah' remember.


Brother Cuezed,

Be patient inshaAllah and do not divorce your wife at your parents request. They are wrong to demand this from you. But you are not wrong to refuse their demands. MashaAllah you are both happy, so there's no reason for divorce. Explain to your parents that you do not want to hear of this no more and are happy with your wife. Don't they fear Allah, asking you to divorce her when she has done nothing wrong and you're happy with her.

Get as much Islamic advice from a scholar and show it to your parents and whoever else. People need to see sense and not encourage you in what's haram. I will personally phone a scholar and tell you exactly what he says, later inshaAllah. Then relay that info to your parents. All the best.

 

[cuezed]

i have just spoken to my mum, who is also in pakistan, with my nanny. my mum believes in all the gossip that is spreading around, that my wife is possessed by demons. and dont want to give my wife a chance. my mum is very upset with me and as long as she's concerned i'm dead ( ). i tried to talk but they're putting phone down on me and telling me to stop annoying them. i'm am very sad. i dont want to upset my parents but i cannot divorce. is it even possible to divorce my wife whilst she is over in pakistan?

 

[YusufNoor]

the story is...

my wife was very pious before marriage in her home country pakistan. when we got married and she came over to the uk to me, she felt that her imaan (faith) was getting weak.


she is a very obedient wife and i do not abuse my rights and we respect each others rights.

this sounded good akhi, until i read this:

so i explained to her that instead of her praying night prayers and Quran all the time (as she used to in Pakistan) she is obeying and worshiping Allah, by being a good wife.

you CHANGED her religious habits??? Subhannallah, why???
you don't have any kids, so why stop her from her Ibadah? isn't that why you married her in the first place?

Akhi, my wife gets up 2 hours before Fajr, just like her mom does. she prays Tahajjud and reads 1 juz of the Qur'an. after that it's reading Ithcar(sp??) until Fajr. when i come home from Fajr, she is already in bed [cuz she's tired, she's been up for hours!]. i make my own breakfast EVERYDAY and i'm grateful that my wife's Emaan is soo high! the ONLY time that it bothers me is when she's too tired to stay awake until Isha time. you don't have kids yet, why worry?

she understood this but this fear that she is a bad Muslim got to her head and she demanded to be sent to pakistan, as she felt she would get her imaan back.

you MAY be the cause!

my parents are very cultural and do not fully understand my wife. i also 100% do not know the core of the problem. but now she is in pakistan, my parents want me to divorce her.

Akhi:

get some real help! but i offered my advice above.

since my marriage, i have heard other brothers in bad situations, but my wife is the best! i don't have to worry about:

She shops all day!

She spends too much money!

She doesn't want to pray!

She wears tight clothes!

Call your wife, tell her that until you have children, HER Ibadah is HER business and that you WON'T interfere! see if that helps!

 

[cuezed]

i had never prevented her from doing her worship. we always recited Quran together and got up for prayers. it was her own negative thinking that caused the problem. a person's imaan increases and decreases. i took her to the masjid to atend classes. she studyied tajweed. she went college to study english. she used to study a lot in pakistan. i gave her everything she wanted. i fear i might have spoilt her.

 

[aadil77]

i have just spoken to my mum, who is also in pakistan, with my nanny. my mum believes in all the gossip that is spreading around, that my wife is possessed by demons. and dont want to give my wife a chance. my mum is very upset with me and as long as she's concerned i'm dead ( ). i tried to talk but they're putting phone down on me and telling me to stop annoying them. i'm am very sad. i dont want to upset my parents but i cannot divorce. is it even possible to divorce my wife whilst she is over in pakistan?

bro, I'm pakistani and can understand all this cultural business, clear it up with you're parents that shes not possessed by demons, she probly feels like her imaan has gone down due to the common fitna here in uk (pakistan isn't as bad), no you can't divorce her from here as you have to say it to her 3 times,
A
re you sure that there aren't any family issues and gossip thats creating problems with you're family? Its common in pakistan to get in the way

 

[Fishermans_eye]

Is your wife chronically depressed, there is medication?

Does your wife have any family or friends in your town?

Did you grow up in the UK? Cause discrimination and seeing people look at you with hate is very depressing if you're not used to it.

 

[cuezed]

there is A LOT of gossip spreading and reaching my mum, and all negative things about my wife's family. Also there is many stories of what my mum said and things reaching my wife's family. unfortunely my mum seems to be believing in some of the gossip, and this is causing more hatred in her heart for my wife's family. everyone seems to be ignoring my wife and my say in this. now i'm confused to who was actually married :?

 

[cuezed]

she has 2 uncles in london, about 3 hours away from home. i grew up in the uk, and alhamulillah, am striving to please Allah. there are obviously discrimination and people starring at us. we live in an asian area. my wife alhamdulillah proudly wears hijab. i believe she has depression, but never had chance to get medication. my wife wishes to return and we get medication for this problem.

 

[Fishermans_eye]

she has 2 uncles in london, about 3 hours away from home. i grew up in the uk, and alhamulillah, am striving to please Allah. there are obviously discrimination and people starring at us. we live in an asian area. my wife alhamdulillah proudly wears hijab. i believe she has depression, but never had chance to get medication. my wife wishes to return and we get medication for this problem.

Some people are just depressed all the time for no reason. It's genetically and runs in the family. All you need is medication.

She might not be used to the discrimination yet. Some people never get used to it. I'm sure even you have been thinking of getting finished with a nice education and move to Pakistan?

 

[cuezed]

i do believe it is depression. but it is no excuse for a divorce. my parents use the excuse that she left me and ran off to pakistan. i did try to stop my wife from going but she wouldnt listen. i let her go but i warned her this could be last time we see each other, me hoping that she'll change her mind. now it's been 1 week and 2 days, and my wife is sincerely asking for forgiveness and promising that she wont ask to be sent to pakistan, and she'll try to live happily with me. i've forgiven her, but my parents are not allowing it. they dont want to know my wife no more.

 

[Fishermans_eye]

i do believe it is depression. but it is no excuse for a divorce. my parents use the excuse that she left me and ran off to pakistan. i did try to stop my wife from going but she wouldnt listen. i let her go but i warned her this could be last time we see each other, me hoping that she'll change her mind. now it's been 1 week and 2 days, and my wife is sincerely asking for forgiveness and promising that she wont ask to be sent to pakistan, and she'll try to live happily with me. i've forgiven her, but my parents are not allowing it. they dont want to know my wife no more.

My mother died giving birth to me and my Dad got married again and sent me to live with my grandmother who has also died. So I can't possibly relate to you. And I don't know in what way parents opinions matter. But don't listen to them. Islam tells us to respect our parents. But you're married and don't live under their house anymore. So the respect is no longer any submission. Don't divorce her if you don't want to.

All good things take time. Good Art takes years, good stories takes time. Why not good marriages? The only marriages with no problems are the ones where both sexes hate each other.