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What to do if your friend gets 'heart-broken'?

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    What to do if your friend gets 'heart-broken'? (OP)






    What to do if your friend gets 'heart-broken'?





    Remember when you and your friend were always close and you could tell each other anything? You were the closest to each other and nobody else came between you two?

    After some time, you noticed that this friend was acting abit strange, and they wasn't giving you the attention you usually had.. wasup with him/her? you asked yourself. This friend gradually started hanging out with you less and you never spoke to each other that much. They started acting abit more 'kool' and they felt that you was oldskool..



    What if it's a guy, or a gyal? you thought to yourself.. i've never seen them act this strange before.





    Turns out, what you thought was right. They wanted to join the scene too and you was left behind, you're still a kid in their eyes but they've grown up. I'm hangin with the bad boyz now, or the 'thuggetez.'





    You either had two options; you could do the same, or you could stay quiet and be a good practisin muslim right? Yeah man, you're bare shareef, thats what they all say... you felt uncomfortable with that, but you was scared about what the rentz [parents] would say, so you decided to stay on the back rowz for abit.



    Turns out, this mate that you had - they wasn't interested in knowing you no more, they were with their crew and had their gyal/kuri or their thug with them. Man, why did this have to happen to me for.. you thought to yourself. Deep down inside, you was kinda jealous - how come this person got all the popularity, even though you was the 'good one.'?





    A little time passed, a while later.. this friend came back to you. They were sad, but still you saw they was dressed the same way as their crew. Hoodie on, and rockiez.. or was it the big hoops and foundation?



    "What's up?" you mumbled..

    "Nothin much, u?" they said.



    You was still kinda sad, confused and not sure what was goin on. You wanted to talk to them like the times before, but you knew that loads of things had changed now. What if things could get better? You wasn't practisin full time, but you knew that dating was wrong, you knew that because you wasn't allowed to talk to that gyal/guy on parents evenings when your parents came over to check up on your progress at school..



    "I got sutin to tell you yeah.."




    You was confused, not knowing what to do or how to respond..




    "Yeah?" you asked.. not knowing what tone of voice to use.


    "It's about this person i got to know a little while back..."






    To be continued insha'Allah..






    Last edited by - Qatada -; 12-07-2006 at 11:38 PM.

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    Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

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    masha Allah! some really good stuff i enjoyed reading that.

    wassalaam
    What to do if your friend gets 'heart-broken'?

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    - Qatada -'s Avatar
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    Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?



    The Moment.




    *the phone rings. the latest R n B polyphonic track*


    You check the cellphone/mobile screen name, it's him/her!



    You got a smile on your face!!



    Hey!! wasup?!!


    hey sup, Listen.. i need to tell you sutin. i need some space for a while.. i got things on my mind and that.

    .....

    ..w-what..what do you.. mean?


    It's not you, it's me.. i got things on my mind, thats all.. i need to sort em out.


    ....

    What is it? What's the problem.. I can try to help you.. remember what we promised each other, we said we could overcome anything together.


    Ayt, yeah about that.. but this is sutin else. We gota have a break for a little while, ya'know.


    But.. how come? Is.. it someone else? Why..


    Don't you trust me!? Look, I just got other things to sort out.

    Anyway, listen, we'll chat later. inabit.



    - silence -




    *a dead tone echoes in your ears*



    You dial the number, which you already know off by heart now.


    "The number you are calling is busy.."



    You call again, again its the same voice.




    *your eyes face down towards the ground.*




    A feeling overwhelms you... a feeling..


    It's the feeling of when the heart beats faster.. a big lump in the throat, it hurts... You can't control the tears, they flood out no matter how hard you try to hold them in. Your head hurts. Whether you're a guy or a gurl, its the same.. if it's your first time - you're going to feel this pain. This is what your friend was experiencing...





    The lump in the throat builds up, it hurts, it feels like your hearts actually reached your throat and you can feel it beating like a drum. It's sour, like.. like when you get hit really hard.


    The higher area of your cheeks [below your eyes] feel the same hurt as your throat, if you don't close your eyes the pain will increase more..


    [like when you've been running for so long and you need to rest, otherwise you get a sour/tangy feeling in your muscles

    [if you want to get scientific: due to the lack of oxygen and building up of lactic acid]]





    This is why you have to close your eyes (to ease that pain), and when you do this - the muscles push against your tear glands which are already building up on the amount of water being produced,[this is the reason for the pain.] and when you close your eyes [the muscles which are holding the tears relax] which releases the water & your eyes overflow with tears.


    "I tried..i swear.. i really tried.. how can people..d-do this..?" they said.


    You can't do nothing, all you can do is watch and make them feel that things will get better with time insha'Allaah. You have to reassure them, you're there for them.. You pass them a tissue, come closer to them.. and give them a hug.




    This is what shaytan promises you.. deceit, false desires and harm, in this world and the hereafter. He makes it seem fun, we get that feeling of adrenaline, a 'high'.. yet anyone who's experienced this 'high' - can tell you that there is a worser pain which comes after it. Whether this feeling comes through drugs, guys/gurls etc.


    Allaah only forbids us from certain things because He knows that they are harmful for us. And he creates these harmful things in order to test us, if we go stay away from them - we may be saved from it, however some even get stuck there for life, while others Allaah saves by bringing them back to the guidance and light. However, this guidance can only come through sincerety and patience.







    ---------------------------------------------------------




    You wake up.. oh no! I fell asleep.. you check your phone,

    2 new SMS messages Recieved.



    I must have overslept, you think to yourself.



    - Open -
    ------
    SMS1
    -----
    hey.. listen, i havn't had no callz since dat day. do u really think their with sum1 els now?
    -----------------------------------------------

    SMS2
    -----
    i cant sleep. i've tried txtin, evn tried callin but they not pickin up. are you still awake?
    -----------------------------------------------



    You text back telling them you'll come over in a little while.




    *Knock knock*


    Come in, he/shes in their bedroom.


    Oh okay, thanks.


    You go upstairs, the doors locked.


    It's me! open up!!




    Your friend goes back to lie down again, staring at their phone.


    *sigh* you go sit next to them.





    Why did it have to happen to me for? I wasn't, i never even.. t-they.. came to me first. I never wanted to hurt him/her, thats the only reason i said yeh when they asked me..


    Oh.. but you knew it was a sin.


    Yeah.. but.. i really felt it would work, then maybe we could get married and be good.


    Good can't come from bad though, sin can put a person in a worser position.


    I know.. i know that now. I thought that he/she cared for me, we even said to each other that we would be together like bonnie and clyde. It's just that i wish it never had happened, yet at the same time i do.

    I tell myself that if it had never happened to me, my life would be so much easier now, but imagining life without him/her kills me inside.

    I can't love him/her if he/she isn't there for me, but i can't move on without them either.


    Life without him/her makes me feel lost, yet life before that was free.. everything felt so simple, like i had no worries, and remembering how i cried when i fell in the park makes life before this seem so free.

    But when i'm with him/her i feel even more special, i feel like someone cares for me, and they want to be by my side, they understand me and they make me smile. Yet whenever i imagine life without them, i feel lost again. It's like a circle, a cycle.. which has no ends.





    You could see a tear rolling down your friends eye. Their face wasn't like that fun, baby face that they had when you two were younger.. it was now more serious, focused, it seemed more mature.


    You missed your childhood, when you never had to worry about guys/gurlz, and all you had to worry about was who would win in the playground. This was a life changing event, and your friend wasn't who you knew of before, they were a different personality.





    You have no choice though, you have to move forward with them.




    Your friend was crying now.. it looked like they were having an anxiety attack.

    You could see the pain in their eyes.. they were still focused like before, except the tears were flowing out much quicker than before. Sometimes they would whisper the person's name.. then become breathless. They would breathe rapidly, their lips quivering, while their eyes rained tears constantly. They would seek security, warmth by holding onto their pillow.



    Imagine a baby crying, and what it does when it loses the one it loves and cares for. If a baby loses the one it loves, it can even die because it needs love, the same way it needs food and water to live.

    When it cries, its eyes flood with tears, its breathing becomes rapid, its lips quiver, and if it's old enough it cries out, cries out for its mother and holds onto its pillow for security too.



    We are all babies deep down inside, we only change outwardly.. but we desire for someone to care for us, to be there for us and to love us...




    To be continued inshaa'Allaah...




    Last edited by - Qatada -; 12-29-2006 at 11:47 PM.
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    Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

    im kinda late in this thread but u seriously got my attention bro. i read every post from word to word...can't wait till the next sequel.جزاك الله
    Last edited by Al_Imaan; 12-30-2006 at 12:03 AM.
    What to do if your friend gets 'heart-broken'?

    wwwislamicboardcom - What to do if your friend gets 'heart-broken'?
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    Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?


    I haven't read so much in the last hour ok ok since well a few weeks now
    mashaAllah yeh realistic stuff u got up there bro...
    Interesting read....waitin for the rest....maybe it could help increase my level of vocabulary
    What to do if your friend gets 'heart-broken'?

    I had a wrestle with an alligator, i had a tussle with a whale, I handcuffed lightning, thrown thunder in jail! Only last week i murdered a rock, injured a stone, hospitalised a brick, im so mean i make medicine sick

    "If you even dream of beating me you'd better wake up and apologise!"
    kay:
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    Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

    MashaAllah nice post... some1s r so
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    Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

    Aww these posts are really good!

    I agree though, really sad too .... makes you think thats for sure!

    Cant wait for the next bit

    Nyomi
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    Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?



    The Beginning..



    It was my turn before you!


    No! it was mine..


    I'm going to tell my daddy over you..


    Sooo.. you started it! shall i tell teacher?!? you even hit me.. saddo *sniff*......



    .......



    Nope, i'm wearing a jubba with a hoody for eid.


    Is it?


    Yep, we'll wear it for eid salaah.


    Kool!


    ------------


    It's not the beauty that counts, its the inside isn't it?


    Yeah sis, anyway i want to wear loads of jewellery on my wedding day.


    lol, thats a looong time yet.. remember your mom said you would get married until only after college?


    ..yeah thats a long time yet. do you want arranged marriage or love marriage?



    ..........



    Shall we join in?


    No, don't. They think their kool but we just messing ourselves up if we get involved.


    Oh okay...



    .................................



    Yo, sup! listen, we got sutin goin on? wna join in?


    ...Oh..Alright.. yeh safe!


    respekt! ayt your one of us now..


    Kool! what do i have to do?


    Fo startaz, talk propa.. yo 1 of uz naw, ayt n 2nd we got a lil dare fo ya.


    ...Alrigh..aiiight! i'm in then...




    --------------------------------------------------


    The Truth of this World




    Life is a short journey.. you'll be travelling since the day you're born till the day you die. Then you will rest in your temporary home [the grave], which is probably an even longer place of residence than the home of this world. And the one after it will be even longer lasting.. once Allaah has created the soul of a human or jinn, it will last forever, the location of the next life [hellfire or paradise] can only be determined by what was accomplished within the life of this world.. the person lives in this life while facing many difficulties, and these difficulties can have different responses.


    1) Some people may become arrogant and harsh because they are facing difficulties, and they feel it's stopping them from accomplishing what they want in this world.

    When they are given an easy time, they act proud, but when they face a difficulty - they become angry and impatient. They feel they are self-sufficient, and rely more on the creation than on the One who really provides for them [Allaah Almighty.]



    2) The person feels really weak and helpless, they feel that there's a reason for these problems. This person sometimes turns to God for help because he/she feels weak, but they still need to climb that extra step so they can turn to God whole heartedly. Which will be good for them and make this life and the hereafter easier for them, if they only knew.



    3) This person has submitted to God/Allaah whole heartedly. The person feels desperate to turn to Allaah for help, because he/she knows that everything is under Allaah's control. The more a person is dependant on the Creator, the less they are dependant on the creation.


    The successful ones are those who turn to God/Allaah whole heartedly in total submission [person no.3] because if a person submits to Allaah and is sincere, Allaah will give this person an easy life in this world and the hereafter. Whereas those who become arrogant when Allaah trials them, they go deeper into their arrogance which may distance them even more further away from Allaah. Person number 2 stays in a state of confusion and if they don't turn to Allaah whole heartedly, they are likely to be influenced by the society around them, which is usually something negative.


    The only reason Allaah trials us is to see if we will turn back to Him, if we will stay firm on our belief in Him, because these hardships we face, they are given by Allaah; to remove our sins, to raise our ranks in His sight and in paradise, & to make us better people in this life and the hereafter.


    Why? Because a person usually only turns to God if they are in need of help, otherwise we prefer our desires and turn away from what Allaah expects off us. These hardships are a way of bringing us back to Allaah for help, which is in of itself a form of worship.


    -------------------




    Truth or Dare? erm.. truth?


    lol ayt.. You ever been out with a guy/gurl before?


    er.. maybe?


    Nah! thats not a proper answer. You gna do a dare instead, i dare you to go ask him/her out. Go on, you can do it!


    I.. i'm...


    what u mean? its a dare, its a game.


    oh.. kay..


    *the drum in your chest starts beatin faster*





    hey.. lisen erm, this is jus a.. dare, so.. u wna.. go out with.. me? .. it's just a dare sorry.


    what u think u r!? do one.


    ok, i'm sorry about that..



    hahahaaaa! lol that was funny, what did he/she say?


    nothin.. it was nothin.



    eww! did you see that guy, he thinks hes a thug or sutin. i hate dem wanabez.


    lol alow it, he proli part of der crew now init.


    yehh.. i thote he waz religios n dat.. weird.




    listen bros, i'm out - catch up wit u'z later init.


    ayt bruv, chat inabit. make sure u 'dont fall in luv wiv er' shes not your type! haaha.


    hm.. ok. inabit.



    ......




    you walk on home, your annoyed at yourself.. still kinda embarrased, but yeah - i'll be more braver from now on.


    you need to get popular, but things aren't working out.. you start walking faster, looking at the floor while thinking of what you did wrong.



    "oi.."


    what was that? must be my imagination..


    "over here."


    You stop. Look around you, to your right.. someones standing there.


    "who is it?" you ask.


    you walk forward and near the corner you see two gurlz. Or is it one guy? Depends on your gender init.


    Note: Females usually prefer to be in groups. This way, they can discuss the issue, usually with their best friend and explain how they feel emotionally etc.

    Being in a group with more than two is social, and they might not get involved as deep into matters as much as if there were only two. If there are two and they are best friends, they are likely to explain how they really feel instead of playing along with the way they are expected to act [by the group they are with.]



    Guys usually stick together in gangs, especially if they going to face opposition, or if they want to show their strength.

    They don't usually discuss their emotions to each other, however - if two really trust each other, they might discuss how they feel regarding a certain issue. In islamic principles its a good thing to explain how you feel, especially when you know something is wrong. However, in the society we live in it is looked down upon, and this has many evil consequences such as doing something wrong, even though you know its harmful.



    "listen, come here.. my mates callin ya"


    "yeh?" you look at her then quickly look down..

    [this is shocking because when Allah orders us to lower our gaze in the Qur'an 24:30 - we are naturally by default [in our fitrah] embarrased to stare at a person from the opposite gender, however this can be altered if the staring is done continuously and this feeling of hayaa (modesty) dies out.]



    "listen, you know what happened today yeh.. i was kinda harsh on ya, jus wanted to say sorry n dat init."



    "oh.. its ok."


    "go on, say it then."


    ...


    "ayt.. erm..."


    "what she's tryna say is that she thinks your cute."


    "oi, shurup you lol" *embarrased*


    "Nah calm down gurl, so wa u think of her?"


    "..."


    "Wna go on a date with her then? listen, whats your numba, we'll give you a call later init."


    "Ok-kay.."


    "Just give us a bell and we'll save your numba"


    "ayt.. safe."


    *you take your phone out and save the other persons no. then you miscall them so they know what your number is too.*



    "ayt, chat later yeh.. she's just quiet cuz shes shocked, thats ma gurl init!"




    you rush home.. that funny feeling inside of you, its an exciting feeling. lol you got that smile on your face now init? your boddy feels ticklish.. and you're taking looong breaths [compare this to the short, quick rapid breaths of the person who's been hurt.]



    ------------------------

    Love is A Tree


    Love can't really be described in one word. It's a tree, and there are loads of branches extending out of it.

    These branches include; extreme joy, extreme sadness, grief, anxiety, excitement, looking forward to what may come ahead, sweetness, pain, energy, a feeling of the unability to do anything.


    Any word you can describe love with, its always got an opposite extreme to it.




    This world has both of these extremes in, where love can end in pain, and pain can turn into love. Where many hard years of earning wealth can be destroyed within a moment, and a large amount of wealth can be earned within a small amount of time.



    Allaah has created these factors so that we may see both sides of this world and recognise the reality of the hereafter. If a person submitted to Allaah in this world and through Allaah's Mercy entered paradise, there would be eternal love, joy, peace, tranquility, happiness there.

    Yet anyone who disbelieved and turned away from Allaah's signs, they are liable to Allaah's punishment, and the punishment of the fire will be pure regret, hatred, anger, sadness etc.




    Anything which Allaah has made haraam [forbidden] for us in this world, it is for our and other peoples benefit. Yet at the same time, like mentioned in an earlier chapter - Allaah has made certain things permissible for us, so instead of adultery/fornication, Allaah has made permissible for us marriage, and instead of doing haraam to fulfill our desires, we have something permissible instead to fulfill our desires and even get rewarded for it.



    We all will die, and every soul will taste death. If we have turned to Allaah whole-heartedly, we will be succesful in the hereafter inshaa'Allaah. However, if we have turned away from Allaah and His messenger's commands, we are doing injustice because we are turning away from what Allaah has made permissible for us, inreturn for what is sinful, and harmful for ourselves and others.



    We know that even if we love someone fully from our heart in this world, it still won't do good if it is a sinful love, rather it will push us deeper into Allaah's anger. If it's a permissible love, you may even get rewarded for it, that is allowed and if you keep your duty to Allaah your love story can continue in paradise inshaa'Allaah forever...
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  11. #28
    - Qatada -'s Avatar
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    Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

    What Can I do?


    How long has it been now?


    2 weeks..


    oh ok.. listen, try not to think about it too much then.


    what can i do though? that's all i got on my mind.


    hm.. what did you used to do, like what do you miss?



    It's jus..st that we could talk about anything together. We said we wouldn't end it.. i don't, i don't think i can ever move on..


    But, it wasn't even for too long.


    Yeah, i know.. but my whole life, it feels worthless now..


    No, don't say that!


    it is though.. seriosly, everything that happened to me, it feels as if the rest of it's irrelevant, except the time when i was with them.


    Can't you try to forget about it though?



    no.. i think the reason why its so powerful is because usually.. in our lives, we do things which we don't fully focus on. So we don't use all our senses, maybe use hearing, listening while talking to someone. Or maybe tasting when you're eating.. but the difference is that when you're with that person.. you use all the senses you have, and that makes you remember them memories more.

    Like, you use your eyes to stare at them, and your eyes pupils become bigger so you can stare into their eyes.. you hear every word they say carefully, trying to remember it; every word they say, and every moment feels special.


    What about the others like smell, taste, and feeling?


    All the time you got that person on your mind, so whenever you do anything - it reminds you of that person.. whenever you eat something, that taste remains in your mind, the scents you smell, the things you touch. It all gets stored in your memory.. that's why anything you do after makes you feel hopeless, because all your emotions feel limited, whenever you remember the person, you feel lost, because their not there for you no more...



    Oh.. do you feel like moving on though? So that way, you can try to forget the past and try to do new things to keep your mind busy?



    Move on to what though? I thought he/she was my future.. we could be together and have a family together. But, it looks like.. it was all false promises, it all just ended so quick..

    I'm tired now.. tired of this world. I don't know what to do, where to go.. it's like, like...



    It's like what?



    .. I don't know what to say. You know like when you hold some ice, even though its freezing cold, you still feel it burning you, just like fire. The one that made me feel so special, they were the one who made me feel the lowest.. it's like they didn't even care. They just ended it.



    ...
    ------------------





    Patience...




    You kept listening, trying to understand what they were going through. They would sometimes get breathless and emotional like before, but they had stopped contacting this person now, they had given up hope in them.. yeah - they desired to be with them again.. but we don't always get what we want in this world. Usually this is a blessing in disguise from Allaah.



    Therefore, we can say that the first step for you is is to lookafter the person who's hurt, allow them to explain how they feel, and allow them to let it all out instead of keeping it locked in.


    Don't always keep saying to them that 'you will get over it', or 'there are plenty of other fish in the sea' because this hurts the person more. They don't want any other fish apart from the one they were with before.


    Every person differs on how long it takes for them to recover, so you will have to be patient.

    However, you can tell them to be patient and gradually with time they will be able to move on.



    At the same time explain to them that they might feel they can't move on, but Allaah has made us in a way so that we can, but this takes patience. The person will realise this later on in life, and its still worth mentioning because its something positive.

    At the same time you can explain that Allaah never overburdens a soul with more than it can bear.


    On no soul doth Allah Place a burden greater than it can bear. It gets every good that it earns, and it suffers every ill that it earns.

    (Pray: ) "Our Lord! Condemn us not if we forget or fall into error; our Lord! Lay not on us a burden Like that which Thou didst lay on those before us; Our Lord! Lay not on us a burden greater than we have strength to bear. Blot out our sins, and grant us forgiveness. Have mercy on us. Thou art our Protector; Help us against those who stand against faith."


    [Qur'an 2:286]





    Your friend will still feel sad.. they don't really want to move on, they want to be with this person. But they can't.. we know this world is surrounded by hardships, and even though Allaah may take away something/someone we love away from us, it is only for our own good. Allaah knows what is in the future, while we don't.




    This person we were in love with may have given us a worser time in this life in the future, maybe made us live a sinful life, or maybe even lead us into the hellfire because of our sins and wrongdoing [we seek refuge in Allaah from this.]


    The reason why its a blessing in disguise is because if it wasn't for this reason that stopped them, they would try to cling on even if they had to hold onto a thread. However, by one person ending it - it's actually the only way the person can try to move on [because their not getting any positive response from their ex anyway.] Other situations which force the relationship to end, such as parents, death, moving away etc are all different ways which may break up a relationship.



    But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knoweth, and ye know not.

    [Qur'an 2:216]







    You have to move forward...


    As time passes by, your friend will gradually have to move on, whether they like it or not.




    What can you do?



    The first thing is, you have to make them lift their head up. If their still thinking about the past, it's going to keep them depressed for even longer.


    Do this only after a few weeks, or 2/3 months minimum.. otherwise it's going to be rushed. It's also going to be hard to push them forward if you don't allow them the time for rest, or time to get over it.


    You need to bring them to a new group of people. The best thing to do is to bring this person to practising muslims, maybe in a new environment.

    This is because the person experiences a new place, and different people.




    The new environment is important because your friend will experience new things. Maybe see something new, talk to, and listen to others who have a different mindset, compared to your mates old friends. Your friend will still feel in a daze, however these new people are likely to keep your friends mind more occupied, instead of your friend just staying at home all day [while remaining depressed about everything which occured in their past relationship]






    Okay, lets see what we've just said.


    1) Allow your friend to feel sad, and explain how they feel for a few weeks. Reassure them that things will get better inshaa'Allaah.

    Don't use quotes like 'there are plenty more fish in the sea' or 'get over it' - but show that you feel their pain. And show them that you're a good friend. If you become arrogant and tell them their acting like a baby, their just going to feel more hurt.

    Also pray to Allaah for them, because Allaah is the one who changes the hearts.




    2) After a few weeks or 2/3months. Bring them to practising muslim friends so these people can benefit them in a good way inshaa'Allaah.



    The Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him) said:

    "A person is likely to follow the faith of his friend, so look whom you befriend."

    [Abu Dawood and at-Tirmidhee]



    These people will make the person move on from their sad memories and make them think about new things. Your friend will have more contact with different people [instead of the sinning friends they may have had before.]


    Keep this constant and make your friend meet them and go to different environments to keep their mind occupied. These environments can include meeting other good friends, reflecting on the creation of Allaah [i.e. scenery], visiting islamic seminars etc. anything which will make the person feel abit more different, a new experience for them. Their in a weak, timid state - so they need to have a calm place, time where they can feel relaxed. This is usually common in places where there is alot of nature.

    Gradually as time passes by, your friend will start thinking less about the past and be occupied with the present inshaa'Allaah.





    Remember we discussed in an earlier chapter that your friend's just been pushed off a plane? It's really important that you take them to safety with good practising muslim friends. If you don't, their just going to become harsh, or get influenced by society again to do more wrong.. which may make them hard hearted, and push them further into darkness - which we really don't want.



    People differ alot; some move on from the past within a few weeks, months, others it might even take a year or more. However, the same method applies, but the timing differs. You know your friend, and you have to help them - its your responsibility. Don't give up on them, if you work hard enough and place your trust in Allaah - He will help youl; dua' (prayer) and patience - these are of the most powerful weapons which we underestimate.




    You keep hearing this statement loads right? You're a baby, and you're going to be affected by those around you. You're the friend, it's your responsibility to help them from not falling astray. It's also your responsibility to be with those who are practising islaam, otherwise you could fall astray too.


    So, verily, with every difficulty, there is relief:

    Verily, with every difficulty there is relief.


    [Qur'an Inshirah 94:5-6]




    A man asked the Prophet durood 2 - What to do if your friend gets 'heart-broken'? about the Hour (i.e. Day of Judgment) saying, "When will the Hour be?" The Prophet durood 2 - What to do if your friend gets 'heart-broken'? said, "What have you prepared for it?" The man said, "Nothing, except that I love Allah and His Apostle. " The Prophet durood 2 - What to do if your friend gets 'heart-broken'? said, "You will be with those whom you love." We had never been so glad as we were on hearing that saying of the Prophet (i.e., "You will be with those whom you love.") Therefore, I love the Prophet durood 2 - What to do if your friend gets 'heart-broken'? , Abu Bakr and 'Umar, and I hope that I will be with them because of my love for them though my deeds are not similar to theirs. Anas narrated it.




    Who do we really love?

    Those who follow the way of the dwellers of paradise, or do we love the way of those who are under the wrath of Allaah?

    Which group of people do we really want to be raised up with?




    Last edited by - Qatada -; 01-02-2007 at 12:03 AM.
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    peacechaser's Avatar Full Member
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    Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?



    Alhamdulillah, Jazakallah khayran for the posts brother. You know? One day I want to be a wise friend, who cures my heart-breaking buddies...

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    Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

    format_quote Originally Posted by peacechaser View Post


    Alhamdulillah, Jazakallah khayran for the posts brother. You know? One day I want to be a wise friend, who cures my heart-breaking buddies...

    To forget its not easy at all and sometimes there is no will to move one. Patience
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    Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

    format_quote Originally Posted by peacechaser View Post


    Alhamdulillah, Jazakallah khayran for the posts brother. You know? One day I want to be a wise friend, who cures my heart-breaking buddies...





    Maasha'Allaah, may Allaah set our intentions right and allow us to do good for His sake. Remember that you should do your bit as a friend, a listener etc. but you're friend can only be cured by the will of Allaah, this comes through patience like tania said, and also prayer.



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    Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

    salam
    wow! i'm hooked to your story, bro! one day you will become a successful author!
    can't wait for the next bit...
    wslm
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    Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

    Re-union



    why is life like this..? i thought it would be more special .. why did it have to end so soon.. i should have been more patient.. should have stayed away..


    But if i never, i wouldn't ever meet up with him/her.. and I wouldn't feel hurt that way though?


    ..i miss those times... *sigh* .. lifes so messed up...




    *Beep Beep* 1 New SMS Recieved.



    Your heart skips a beat. You rush to open it.

    - Open -

    -----------------

    Hey, sup. listen, wna hook up?


    ------------------------------


    who is it? reply bak.


    ------------------------------


    Who could it be? is it them? i wish it is... go on, reply back quick please!



    1 NEW SMS

    ------------------------------


    its me, i changed my number.

    sorry about before, i had to sort some things out.


    anyway, u ayt n dat?



    --------------------------------


    hey! yeh, its ok. i 4giv u. i missed u sooo much.
    :D

    where u wna meet up?



    --------------------------------


    erm.. whereva init. cinemaz? be there at 7.


    -------------------------------


    okay! i'll meet u there outside at 7. i missed u. mwah x


    ---------------------------------



    What? is this a dream!? you've got all that energy inside of you again.. you wipe your eyes and start searching for your best clothes.




    Where you going? It's getting late.


    Oh, just to a friends house.


    It's gettin late now, whats with all the makeup?


    Don't worry, she's got a party. Girls only, i'll be back by 10. Don't tell dad init, he'll flip.


    Alright, don't mess about. This is cuz u backed me up last time, safe?

    Alright, ayt.. anyway am out.


    Wonder wats up with her? hm...



    ---


    Have i got my phone? *checks pocket*



    Hey, listen. Can you drop me off to pictures?


    yeh, k.. wa time?


    dno.. bwt half 6ish?


    k, u owe me..


    thx! yeh, i owe ya.




    Beeep beeeeep! "get in you idiot!"



    So who izi? wats hiz name?


    lol, he ma hero init.


    ayt ayt.. make sho hez na playin ya lol.


    ..shurup.


    yeh, we ere. take a bus home init? i'll be at wrk. need sum cash?


    nah, got sum from home. kk inabit!





    Looks quite busy.. wonder where he's at? Oh, its not 7 yet.


    hm this is takin a while.. i'll text him.



    Yo! wag1.. how long u been waitin for?


    Hey! na dat long.. i missed ya.


    Nah, am here now init. so wa u wna watch den?


    Dno, u pik. I'm happy with woreva u wna watch..


    Ayt.. safe. We'll watch an action movie. u okay wit dat?


    If you're happy, i'm happy...


    Anyway, we'll decide later init. What u been upto? Been starin at any new guys lately?



    W-what? what you mean..?


    Oh, nothin. What's new anyway?


    Nothin really.. i'm jus really happy that you're ere now...


    Listen, anyway. I think i left my cash at home, let me check my wallet.

    *opens up wallet, and looks through it.*

    I'm skint. You got any money?



    Yeah, i got some from home.. how much u need?


    hm.. sorry about this yeah, nah we just need enough to see the movie together init.


    Yeh.. don't worry. I'll pay.


    Good one, thanks. C'mon, lets go now. Their about to start, let's get the tickets.




    The seats are at the back i think.


    Yeah, should have come earlier.


    I did, but yeah.. maybe next time.


    It's about to start..


    ....



    Hey listen, do you think you could get some popcorn? We could share and that init?


    Sure, that's okay.




    You walk away to get the popcorn.


    *Beep Beep* uh oh, i should have kept it on silent.

    ==================


    Hey, where are you! listen, you need to get home.


    Why what is it? *you whispered back*



    I heard you said that you was at my house.


    Oh, how did you find out?


    Your bro rang my house, he asked, and we never had no party...


    Do my parents know?


    I'm not sure, but get home quick okay?




    ..okay.. i'll try.


    ==================


    You walk back towards your seat.




    Who were you on the phone with?


    Oh, it was just my friend..


    Where's the popcorn?


    I forgot to get that, sorry.. listen, i'm really really sorry about this but i have to go.. my friend just called me, and i have to go home.



    Who's this friend you keep talking about? You sure you not messing about with me?


    No, honest. I'd love to stay with you, but i can't init..


    Why not? Is this friend more special than me?


    It's not that...


    Look - i can't be bothered with this, just do one.


    I'm really sorry.. seriosly.


    Nah, you can go. I'll stay here.


    Ok..kay. i'm sorry. Bye.



    he wasn't interested, just kept staring at the screen.


    You went outside, it was dark now. The street lamps had a glow to them, it was becoming colder.

    Your heart sank.. a lonely feeling. You worked hard to control your tears again. Something covered your heart this time.. like an extra layer.. like a cloak.


    You waited at the bus stop, everything became blurry.. you wiped your eyes.

    The skin underneath them had become soar now, it hurt.


    *Knock Knock*



    Listen, come inside quick.


    *You walked in, and rushed upstairs.*


    "I think they know where you've been..."

    Last edited by - Qatada -; 01-04-2007 at 08:15 PM.
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    Sana Ishaque's Avatar Limited Member
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    Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

    I am waiting for the next post... impatiently..:-)
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    Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?


    The Good Friend



    What took you so long anyway?



    I was at my mates house init..


    Nah, don't mess about. We phoned your mates house.


    oh..


    Listen, i dno.. i think you should tell the truth before you get yourself into a deeper mess...


    ....




    Both of you! come downstairs.




    you sat there, staring hard at the floor.


    C'mon.. dad's calling.


    You stood up.. everything's happening too quick you thought to yourself.



    Both of you, come down! Now!




    You walked down the stairs, knowing that you were going to be questioned.. i wish i could run away you thought to yourself.

    You were in a daze, everything had happened within one day. No-ones even on my side, you felt alone...



    You sat down, not knowing what the response would be..




    So, where did you go?


    ....


    You felt, scared.. confused. What can i do? You was just getting over what had happened earlier today, and now i had to face this.

    These thoughts floated in my mind, i was scared.. yet the room was dead silent.



    Well?



    .....


    Your eyes were still firmly fixed to the ground, is this really the worst moment i've experienced in my life? It was a feeling of hopelessnes, an empty feeling. Tears were working hard to burst out, but you strived to keep them locked in.. one escaped, it ran down your cheek.


    How long was this going to take??



    Pass me your phone.


    Now go to your room.




    You tried opening your mouth, it was dry.. no sound came out, just a choke.. you put the phone on the table.


    The eyes were hurting now, you closed them to stop more from rolling out.. as soon as they were closed, you ran upstairs. Fell onto your bed as tears rushed out, like a fountain.. you pushed your face into into the pillow and wiped your eyes.



    Hopeless.. nobody to trust..everything was too much.. you.. cried yourself to sleep... you were having a dream.. everything was so special;

    hey! where shall we meet up? hahaa, lol. lets go together okay? yeh! safe.
    ..where are u? stop messin with me.. i'm here.where!?i'm here..ur krazy lol. oii!!...




    Oi! Wake up! wake up.. its me, its me. Your eyes were stuck to the pillow.


    where! who? i cant see..?


    It's me, what happened? What did your parents say?


    .. oh it was just a dream... i miss them times..


    i'm sorry.. what happened yesterday?


    i don't wna talk about it.. my parent's have my phone now though. *you rubbed your eyes*


    oh.. does it still have the messages in?


    yeah.. dno what they gna say yet.


    i'll pray for you..


    thanks.. these past few weeks have been kinda tough, especially the past few days.


    yeh, i feel your pain. i've known you since we were kids lol.


    remember when we used to hate each other?


    oh yeah.. lol. time.. changes people..


    yeah.. it does.. alot...



    You know when i walked in, your parents were lookin at me weird..


    i think i know why..


    cuz of yesterday?


    yeh, because ..i said i were at your place, sorry?


    it's k. listen, i've been goin to the masjid lately because i never had too much people to hang out with.. i made some friends there, is it okay if i call them over?


    okay, make sure it's not someone from the opposite gender.


    lol shurup.. obviously.



    "Asalaamu 'alykum, listen - can you come over to my mates house? the one i was talkin about earlier?"


    "wa alykum as-Salaam, alright. I was thinking of comin over anyway."



    Alhamdulillah, they comin over. I hope your parent's dont get suspicious.


    ..hm....


    doesn't matter, they practisin muslims anyway. your parents might be happy.


    yeah, insha'Allaah.


    so what happened yesterday then? did it end?


    yeh.. kinda. i dno, its mixed messages init.. its not like the same like the beginin, everythin changed.. i dno why.


    what if its another person?


    .. maybe..



    Come downstairs! your friends here.



    Can you go down for me?


    Oh okay. insha'Allah.




    hm.. I wonder what that dream was about? They have been actin strange quite alot lately.



    You heard some people running up the stairs.



    Asalaamu 'alykum! hey.. how are you.


    wasalamz.. am ayt n dat, u?


    yeh, me gud thx.


    i met them at the masjid init.


    lol yeh, we study together.. got a club runnin in the masjid, we go places, travelin and everythin..


    oh.. kool.




    my mates just abit down today, that's all. lol.


    its ok.. no probz. whats up anyway?



    nah, its nothin.


    no go on..


    it's someone i knew...


    oh.. is it, someone?


    *silence*


    ye..


    Love's something you don't have much control over, it usually happens before you know you've fallen into it. sometimes, it doesn't work out..



    i kno..



    it reminds me of a story in the lifetime of the prophet (peace be upon him.)


    ye?



    i'll try explaining it insha'Allaah:

    The Messenger of Allah salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam was telling his uncle Al Abaas the story of Mugheeth and Bareerah, he said: "O Abbas! Isn't it amazing how much Mugheeth loves Bareerah and how much Bareerah loves/hates? Mugheeth?"

    Bareerah was a female slave and A'isha was interested in buying her. She was married to Mugheer, and Ai'sha freed her (they were married in slavery); a free woman cannot marry a slave man, so after she became free, she had the choice to keep this marriage or to ask for the dissolvent of the marriage. She said, "Alhamdulillah, I'm tired of this marriage, I'm going to get out." Mugheer loved her so much, sincerely and honestly. After she left him, he couldn't take it, so he went in public weeping, chasing her, asking her "Ya Bareera just look at me or talk to me." He went to sahaba and said, "Please talk to her for me (to Abu Bakr and Umar and at the end, even to the Prophet (salAllahu alayhi wassalam) to ask him to intercede. So Prophet (peace be upon him) (as the mercy for mankind) felt sorry for him, and he said he'd do it. When he went to Bareerah, she asked, "Are you commanding me or are you just interceding?" The Prophet said, "I'm interceding." She replied, "If this is the case, then I don't want him", and since all else failed, he spent his life chasing after her and crying for her.


    What to gain from the hadith:

    Excessive love sometimes causes the forgetfulness of shyness. Just like in his example, he could not hide his love for Bareerah, but the Prophet (peace be upon him) didn't chastise him for it (becuse it wasn't in his hands.) He wouldn't have been chastised for it unless he totally crossed the limits. Imam Ibn Hajr said that it is permissible if it's out of someone's hands.

    In the story above, Mugeeth even went to the extent that he asked the Prophet to intercede for him. Mugheeth loved her so much that the Prophet didn't deny that love, and he didn't say, "You can't because she's not your wife anymore."

    *Love is a secret and it's an amazing secret from Allah (Subhanaw wa Ta'Ala!)*



    oh.. thats shokin. I never knew islaam covered all of dat. i thought it was all about prayin n everythin.


    nah, nearly anything that happens in our lives, we can relate it to the life of the Prophet or his companions. That's so kool because atleast we know that other people have been in similar situations to us..


    yeh.. thats true u know. i never thought of it that way before.


    just remember that Allaah never overburdens you with what you can't bear, Allaah won't test you so much that you feel you can't take it no more.. love feels like that sometimes, but in reality - Allaah is strengthening you, making you a more stronger , patient person.



    yeh.. maybe..



    We going library tomorrow, wna come with us? We can get some islamic books insha'Allaah?


    Aiigh..Alright. Sure, tomorrow insha'Allaah. Tell my parents though, i don't want them being suspicious on me.


    No worries, we'll sort it out for you insha'Allah!




    -------------------------------------------

    Last edited by - Qatada -; 01-17-2007 at 09:09 PM.
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    Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

    The 3 Steps to the Cure


    When getting over a past relationship - theres 3 main steps the person has to go through in order to 'move on.' or move forward in their life.




    The 3 Steps are:


    1) Recovery.

    2) Confusion.

    3) Moving Forward.


    All the events will differ according to each person. Some people will move from one step to the other quicker than someone else.

    Some of the factors which affect this are if it's the persons first love, other reasons might include the persons friends and how these friends may distract them from the past and push them to move on etc.




    1) Recovery Period.


    In the first step, your friend will try to hold onto the relationship as tight as he/she possibly can. Their desperate to make it work and may even go back to their lover, even if this person cheated on them.

    The emotions override the logic and all the person wants is for things to be normal again, but they can't - because they feel that without their lover their nothing, and even though they might want things to be back to normal - it can't because it was a life changing event for them.


    You should allow your friend to go through this stage; they might cry, feel depressed, and want someone to talk to about everything. Be there for them and give them some time to recover. If you don't allow them to recover, they may become hard hearted and be forced to keep their past behind them. Which can have negative affects, so allow them to recover and explain how they feel.


    Minimum time: 1 Month or a few weeks.




    2) Confusion.


    This is the stage where the person isn't sure of what to do. They still don't want to move on, but they know that it won't work out. Maybe they havn't had contact with the person for a while,


    The person was clinging on in step no.1, but they fell off. Now they don't know where they are. They might still explain how they feel, but by now they've probably let it all out. You should now try to walk foward with them, maybe get more good friends who can influence them in a positive way.

    These friends might help them and explain to them similar situations they know of, maybe within the lives of the prophets, the righteous etc.



    We know of a famous worshipper called Fudhayl:


    HE BROUGHT ME TO THEM SO THAT I CAN REFORM MY CHARACTER..


    Al-Fudayl bin Iyaad was famous for his piety and worship, but he was not always a practicing Muslim. In his early years, al-Fudayl was an infamous highway robber; he would prowl in the night for victims on the road from Abiward to Sarakhs. Between these two cities was a small village in which lived a girl that al-Fudayl was in love with. One night, out of desperation to be with her, al-Fudayl climbed the wall of her home. As he was climbing over it, he heard a voice recite:


    أَلَمْ يَأْنِ لِلَّذِينَ آمَنُوا أَنْ تَخْشَعَ قُلُوبُهُمْ لِذِكْرِ اللَّهِ

    Has not the time come for the hearts of those who believe to be affected by Allah's Reminder?

    [al-Hadeed : 16]


    At that moment, al-Fudayl answered, "O my Lord, the time has indeed come." He returned from where he came and sought refuge near a traveling party on the main road. They were busy engaging in a serious discussion. al-Fudayl heard one of them say, "Let us continue our journey now." Another answered, "No, not until the morning, for al-Fudayl is lurking on the road somewhere out there, just waiting to rob us."

    Having heard the entire conversation, al-Fudayl thought to himself, "I go around in the night to sin, while a group of Muslims remain here because they fear me. Indeed i feel that Allah has brought me here to them only so that I can reform my character. O Allah, I indeed repent to you.."

    http://www.islamicboard.com/599073-post25.html



    You see that the most pious of people may not have been pious once upon a time, but due to their sincerety and good companions - they came closer to Allaah. How could they imagine they would be known 1000 years later? That is part of Allaah's Mercy and signs for those who are sincere to Him.


    The Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him) said:

    A person is likely to follow the faith of his friend, so look whom you befriend.”

    [recorded in Abu Dawud & Tirmidhi]




    So you should benefit yourself and your friend with friends who will influence you in a good way.

    This is the stage where your friend is confused, they need to move ahead and this can only be done through social interaction. Otherwise the friend who's heart-broken isn't going to move on from the past.


    These social friends should be good, and help you guys move forward. Even if you give him/her a little push.




    3) Moving Forward.


    Moving Forward can only be done once your friend is giving signs of recovery; maybe their interested in what your friends are saying, or maybe their talking about something else besides their previous relationship. Maybe their crying less, and wanting to accept the advice instead of simply nodding their head to please you.


    Again, it will differ on how quick your friend recovers. Keep them busy so they don't hold onto the past and don't mention it much either, but keep them moving forward. Keep them busy with other activities, other ideas and thoughts. If you keep giving that extra push - they will have other things on their mind, and have a new social group - and feel accepted, loved and cared for.


    That's what you want, and if you're doing it to please Allaah - you will be rewarded for it and Allaah will help make things easier for you. Just keep remembering, dua' (prayer) and patience are of the best weapons of the believer.
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  22. #37
    IbnAbdulHakim's Avatar Full Member
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    Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

    whoah.... thats all i gotta say man

    Alhamdulillaah

    lol
    Last edited by IbnAbdulHakim; 01-17-2007 at 09:26 PM.
    What to do if your friend gets 'heart-broken'?

    -
    My tears testify that i have a heart
    yet i feel me and shaytan never part
    -
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    Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?



    I've got into this thread VERY late but InshaAllah will keep coming back! Respect bro Fi-Sabilillah!

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    Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

    If my frend woz heart-broken..I'll take dem out sumwhere nice...get sumfin good 2 eat...chat and tlk wit dem..and try 2 make them 4get!!!
    But if I say dat evryfin is gonna b alright..it shud do de trick!!!
    I tell dem dat wotevr happens I'l b dere 4 dem...nomata wot
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    Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?



    Masha'Allah! Amazing info, and so true too.

    JazakAllah khair brother Fi_Sabilillah!
    What to do if your friend gets 'heart-broken'?

    If only I had checked myself
    Guy who wrecked himself

    True leaders don't create followers...
    .... They create new leaders.
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