Ill start off by saying that i need help and want to change my life.
My mother is the most religious person in our family
shes always praying reading the quran
And i will be honest i cant go to her for help.
Ive been really down lately and i just dont kno what to do anymore
I have a car many can dream of having i have a motorcycle i have wealth im good looking young 22yo i have many many friends, Im a pharmacy Tech
I hardly can sleep at night because i think something is missing and i believe its the lack i have in my religion, its so hard for me though, i feel as if im right infront of the door but cant step into it. I feel disgusted with myself i do alot of really bad things, I just picked up alcohol the other day and thats something i swore never to get near, but i did and i feel really bad.
I do believe in ALLAH but i just feel like im such a disgrace i shouldn't even say the name allah.
I sleep with woman, I lie to my parents,I don't sleep at home much of the time im always out partying,. but inside me there is a piece thats trying to come out, its something that wants to push me to the path of my religion. I didnt sleep one bit today and its been like this for a month now. I hurt alot of woman in the past emotionally and physically, a couple of hours ago i went down stairs and asked my mom to show me how to pray, her eyes opened up real wide and she said dont joke with me like that and i said mom im serious.
so i took a shower and got out she told me to repeat stuff after her.
I prayed and i felt so good yet so bad, i felt like i shouldn't do this because im dirty on the inside. I cried throughout the whole thing. Im still tahir and i feel so good for some reason.
I really want to stop doing bad things like i do every night. but its hard its my way of life.
I just dont kno what to do. its like i want to become a muslim pray everyday and turn off all that nightlife girls ect... but I just feel like i will never be able to.
many times when i go to the grocery store i put money in the little basket for muslims.
I am scared of allah yet i still do bad things and its taking over my life.
Im drifting away from it. how do i kno when im ready to put all the bad stuff aside i feel like im not ready to even though i want to. Will i ever be ready to change what will help me to change.
what will help me change my mind and really focus on religion and start praying
what will help me forget the bad friends i have
what will help me forget about girls
what will help me steer towards islam.
what will help me change for ever
Don't forget about girls. I think you need to get married. It's our nature to get married. And that will definately stop you from doing these things. May you Insha'Allah find a religious woman.
And wow! You are 22, and don't know how to pray? You should learn the meaning of the prayers, if you only say it without knowing what you say, you wont have the feeling.
Studying; (aka reading hadith & qur'an) and praying (salah) will help you towards it. The thing about alcohol is just stupid, you should be smart enough to stay away from it. Girls? Marry one. =)
Firstly, welcome to the forum, and I pray you find a lot of guidance and support here. I am sure you will make plenty of friends(if u awnt them of course)
firstly I would say that the fact that feel bad about this stuff is actually something positive. and the fact you cried is something u should in fact be glad about because it means that your heart isnt as "dirty" as you say. It means it still affects you and everytime you do something in order to gain closeness to Allah you will feel stronger and stronger. DONT STOP dong these good things. Inshallah slowly but surely you can get there. noone is perfect and we have all dont bad things and continue to but its through Allah's forgiveness that we can achieve Jannah, inshallah.
For all the bad things you have done in the past, you need to ask forgiveness from Allah. continually and repeatedly ask for forgiveness and Allah will inshallah grant mercy over you. I feel you know what is bad and what isnt the expected behaviour of a good Muslim so you need to find a way of stopping that.
You have completed such a big step just by starting to pray and starting to lead the life of a Muslim.
InshAllah there will be many more beneficial answers than mine to follow.
until you can get yourself (FORCE YOURSELF THOUGH YOU MIGHT NOT WANT TO. THOUGH THE SHAYTAN MAY DETER YOU !) to recite dhikr (subhanAllah, Allahu Akbar etc)
and read Quran
and pray regularly
until you can do those - you will not have the WILLPOWER (help of Allaah) to stop the bad and do the good
thats my advice, Assalamu alaikum
-
My tears testify that i have a heart
yet i feel me and shaytan never part
-
the best thing to do is leave sin. you can only experience piety when you leave sin. you will never be able to go through that door you speak of until and unless you leave sin. once you leave sin your true guilt will build (dont be put off, its a good thing) and you then will realize what a bad and horrible life you were living (you will not properly understand or grasp how bad you life is whilst you are sinning). once you realize and acknowledge that your life wasn't good, then the true desire and motivation for change will come.
so the transition is from leaving sin therefore you feel guilt and this guilt then translates into change (inshallah).
but the key is to leave sin.
dont be scared to ask your mother...dont let these types of satanic whispers put off...for all you know, she may just have the key to your happiness.
also dont underestimate dua. ask Allah to guide you and be patient is striving to be a better Muslim.
...desperate for husnul-khitaam...
please make dua that Allah grants me a good end (to my life). please make dua that Allah guides me.
I can tell that your mother has made a lot of duas for you and has been patient. The duas of a mother for the goodness of her children is always granted, so please help your mother by doing your part.
Leave all the sins (yes everything) and make tawbah.
Study Islam (so you can understand better the meaning of life), read the biography of the prophet Muhammad SAW, and enroll yoursefl in some islamic courses. By surrounding yourself with pious people, it will also strengthen your eeman. There's a book called "la tahzan" ("don't be sad") by DR. 'Aidh al Qarni which is a very good book to read especially for someone in your situation. Buy it or borrow it if you can.
And if you can afford, ask your mother to go on an umrah with you.
Make lots of duas,
May Allah ease your affairs and give you the best in this world and hereafter. amiin.
Brother Nadiamar has given a very good advice. i would tell you the same. Please do make Umrah a.s.a.p...
Prophet (saw) said "Value 4 things before 4. Leisure time before becoming busy, good health before sickness, wealth before poverty and Life before death."
Make Umrah a.s.a.p before time comes and you might not have money and marry before time comes and you don't have money.
Making Umrah forgives sins and visiting that place will give you a feeling, which cannot be expressed in words , and visiting Madinah.
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