Flesh Inside me

[ابن آل مرة]

brothers and sisters. This is a poem I have found, its about Day of Judgement. It is very unorthodox and un-rhyme style.

The Flesh Inside Me

The Night gets darker, like that piece of flesh inside my body. I lay down on a sheet listening to the words of Almighty. Tears flow, my lips tremble. I am drowning, drowning in something I cannot see, something, I cannot feel. But something that comes to me from every angle. I, myself, and me. I am drowning, I cannot be helped, I cannot breath, I cannot rest. I yell out for help, but no one hears. I am about to be hopeless. But only the kuffars are hopeless. That little light I see gives me a hope. I think. I think again. I think of the flesh inside me. It is the most valuable part in my body. But I neglect it. My flesh is darkened by the whispers. By the whispers of the whisperer. When the words of Al Qiyama are being described, I imagine myself naked, no one around me. The only one who is front of me is Allah. Angry, angry like never before. I cry out for help. I find someone, seeking hope and help. I found the person. The person whose belly I was in for the nine months. My ummi. I smile. But my smile fades away when she says,“ I do not know you, nafsi nafsi.” Then I wished that I was not there. I wished that this was just a dream. I wished that this is just an illusion. I hear something in distance. I hear a name. A name similar to mine. I see someone coming towards me. In anger they are coming towards me. I run. I run like never before. I run towards the endless road. I turn back, I see the angels still after me. They are closer, and closer. Then, I run into someone. A familiar face I recognize. It was my friend from duniya. I Hope and smile. But he tells me, “Leave me alone, I do not know you, myself, myself” This was when I see the angels right behind me, grabbing me like I was never grabbed before. They tell me, “It is your time”. I resist. I cannot resist their force. They are angels. Angels of The One. I am being dragged in harshness by the angels now, do not know where I am going. That is when I wake up. I wake up in cold sweat. I woke up like I never waken up before. I realize something. That was only a dream. Or was it? Maybe I was just imagining this. Maybe There is no day like this. But I am reminded. I think of Al-Haaqqa. It is the truth. It will happen. But I hope. I hope again. I hope that that will not be me on The Day. I think about my flesh again. My Qalb. My heart. What is my heart like? Is it covered with black spots? It seems like the Outcast has overtaken me. I am not living my life. I am living on commands. Commands of Allah?? Or Commands of Ash-Shaytan, the Arrogant. I do not want to be in front of my Lord when he is angry. I want to face him with Light shining around me. With The scale of Good deeds outweighing the bad. With a smile on my face. With my lord being pleased with me. I think again. Where am I? Am I living like an animal? Am I a true believer?? What is around me? The smell of Hope? OR the smell of Disgrace. There are too many questions to be asked about how we are living. But one question is. Are we pleasing Allah subhana wa ta3la?? We know the answer. I try to forget everything and get some sleep. But I imagine again, me on Day of Judgement. I shiver. I tremble. I weep without a noise. Then I get up, I tell myself. I am who I am. But I need to change the “who”. I am blessed. I thank Allah. Alhamdulillah. I am a muslim. But wait. I am a muslim right? Muslims go to jannah since they believe in Allah. But Al-Jannah is not so cheap. It is the most expensive place to be. You cannot buy it. You have to EARN IT. How do I earn al-Jannah? We all know how. But why do we forget and ignore the Orders. Why do we sleep when the athan is being called? Why do we go against ourselves? We are Thalimoon. We are criminals. We are unjust. We are sinners. We are unjust to ourselves. We torture our heart, we go against Sunnatullah wa sunnatul rasul. We go against Quran and Sunnah. I am disgraced. But I do not give up hope. Only disbelievers are the ones who give up hope. I plan. I plan for myself. For my good. And I Supplicate to Allah that he will help me. I want Allah to be pleased with me. Not the world. The world of injustice. The world of hypocrisy. I am scared. I am so scared of the Day that I can not fall asleep. I repent. I repent again. Then I write. I write this. I have a plan. A plan that I have planned before, but I could not accomplish. But this time, I will try harder. Insha’Allah. Forgive me for any harm I have done and said my brothers and sisters. For sake of Allah. Forgive and Forget. I want to leave. I Call for a Jihad against the evil. All evil. I will struggle. Struggle and fall. But every time I fall, I learn how to get myself back up in fear and hope.

[jennifer sky]

wow that was amazing...made me think anyway, thanks for sharing