The Top 5 Misconceptions of Backbiting and How To Respond To Them (OP)
The Top 5 Misconceptions of Backbiting and How To Respond To Them
Backbiting is one of those Islamic topics that often gets sidelined. Appearing as one of the frequent tarbīyyah topics in common circles and gatherings, the issue may be forgotten or ignored. This is severely problematic, as backbiting is one of the most devastating sins a person can ever commit, and not keeping ourselves reminded about it can lead to grave consequences.
To make it fresh in our minds again, let’s tackle the issue in a practical way. Here are 5 common misconceptions that we ourselves or others you encounter may have about backbiting, what is misunderstood, and how to respond to them.
Misconception #5: I’m not backbiting, I’m just saying.
When people respond with, “I’m just saying,” they’re telling themselves that what they’re mentioning is not something so bad as backbiting, it’s just “saying” things as they are. In other words, they’re trivializing the act, and telling themselves that backbiting isn’t really all that bad.
But backbiting is no walk in the park. It’s one of the most disgusting acts one could ever commit. That’s why Allah subḥāna wa ta’āla asks those who backbite, “Would one of you love to eat the flesh of his dead brother (or sister)?”1 God Himself is comparing backbiting to something vilely rancid, so no one is fooled to think it’s not an inhuman act like that of murder or rape. The imagery of you eating the dead carcass of the person you’re talking about really paints a clear picture.
Not only that, Allah is asking us if we would love eating that flesh. It’s as if He is saying not only is backbiting as disgusting as eating that person’s dead flesh, when we backbite, it’s as if we enjoy eating it, too.
Response: Describe to them how disgusting an act backbiting really is.
“You’re not, just saying. You’re going to that person’s body after their janāzah, ripping off their thigh, chewing it up, and enjoying it, too.”
Misconception #4: I’m not backbiting, everyone already knows about this person, anyway.
If a person is mentioning things about someone already known, not only are they still backbiting, they’re following the footsteps of hypocrites. The hypocrites of Medinah spread rumors about ‘Ā’isha, may Allah be pleased with her, and as a result were cursed by Allah to the depths of Hellfire.2
Hellfire, which was intensified by Allah for thousands of years, turning its flame from orange to red to yellow to black3, and burns 70 times worse than Earth’s fire (minimum 210th degree burns?)4. The same Hellfire where those who spread lies about others get hooks pierced into their cheeks and slammed back to rip off their faces, and are given scalding hot puss to drink as relief.
If everyone already knows about it, why spread it and potentially go to the horror that is Hell? And if not the Hellfire, then being punished in the grave with copper nails repeatedly scratching your face and chest off?5 The risk simply isn’t worth it.
Response: Remind them about the punishment of backbiting and how it makes spreading rumors not worth the risk.
“Mentioning what everyone already knows about somebody is a dangerous path to Hellfire. Is spreading the news so important that it’s worth living with black fire that’s 70 times hotter, boiling puss drinks and having your cheeks ripped off your face?”
Misconception #3: I’m not backbiting, I’m warning others about a person’s mistakes.
Human beings have a natural desire to warn others about harm. That’s why when they see something wrong with someone else, they’ll personally identify those characteristics as a problem, make a decision to be careful about it for themselves, and naturally want to notify others about it as well.
But that’s where the problem comes in. We want to naturally talk about someone else’s faults, but if we do, it’s backbiting. How can we get past this natural desire that’s so troublesome?
Simple. First we need to realize which of these natural tendencies is okay and which isn’t. It’s completely okay to be adverse to the faults of others. However, telling others about those mistakes, while naturally easy, is the major sin of the two.
The Prophet sal Allahu ‘alayhi wa sallam said backbiting is “talking about your brother in a manner which he does not like.”6 That means saying anything about the person that they wouldn’t want you to counts as backbiting. If you know the person you’re talking about wouldn’t like what you’re saying about them, don’t say it.
If we feel the desire to go out and warn someone about it, do so on the person with the faults in the first place in a kind and sincere manner. Our problem as Muslims is that we talk a lot about people behind their backs but never confront them in person.
Seconldy, on an encouraging note, remember that by not backbiting, we get closer to guaranteed Paradise. The Prophet sal Allahu ‘alayhi wa sallam said whoever guarantees control over what is in between their thighs and their jaws, he will guarantee them Paradise.7
This guarantee is awesome in two ways. Not only makes not backbiting easier because of the amazing goal attached to it, it comforts us in the fact that our religion understands. Notice how the Prophet sal Allahu ‘alayhi wa sallam asked for whoever guarantees control, showing that he knows it’s natural to lose control. But at the same time, he’s encouraging us to take that control and work towards Paradise.
Response: Explain to them what backbiting is and the reward of abstaining from it.
“Talking about others negative traits in anyway shape or form is backbiting and none of your business, and if you stay away from it you’re working towards guaranteed admission to Paradise.”
Misconception #2: I’m not backbiting, I’ll tell them later or I don’t care, I can say it to their face.
Some people justify backbiting by thinking if they inform the person later they were talking about them behind their back, it makes the act okay. But telling someone you backbit about them after the fact is a part of the process of repenting and making up for the sin. It has to be done sincerely, with regret and shame for the act, driven by a balanced fear of Allah’s punishment and a hope in His Mercy.
Trying to justify backbiting by telling someone you backbit about them is like trying to justify believing Prophet Jesus, peace be upon him, as the son of Allah by saying you will just repent later. Not only is it an imbalance between fearing Allah and having hope He will forgive you, it doesn’t make the act okay to commit in the first place.
What’s worse is when some people claim they, “don’t care” about backbiting and they supposedly can or will say what they backbit about someone to their. Not only is that even more of a misunderstanding than planning to tell them later, it just shows two things. One, they’re just a jerk. It isn’t bad enough that they’re backbiting, but they have to go and act “brave” by claiming they can tell the person the insult to their face.
In addition to being a jerk, they also need to be careful when they say, “I don’t care.” Do they really not care? And what do they not care about? They don’t care about incinerating in that 70 times hotter black fire we mentioned before? And having their cheeks ripped off your face and having to drink searing hot puss afterward? Are they really sure they don’t care? Chances are no.
Response: Backbiting about someone with the intention to tell them later doesn’t make it okay. It’s still backbiting. And claiming you, “don’t care” and can say it to their face shows that you’re a jerk and don’t care about the Hellfire.
Misconception #1: I’m not backbiting, it’s true.
This, by far, is the most common misconception and response we find Muslims making when we warn them about backbiting. They think that backbiting is only when you mention bad things about people that aren’t true. Is that really the case?
Going back to the definition of backbiting, the Prophet sal Allahu ‘alayhi wa sallam said backbiting is to mention things about your brother (or sister) which they don’t like. After the Companions heard this definition, one of them asked, “what do you think about if what I say about that person is true?”
“If (that) is actually found (in that person) what you claimed, you, in fact, backbit him. And if that’s not in that person, it’s slander,” the Prophet sal Allahu ‘alayhi wa sallam answered.
This shows that we’ve got it all wrong. Just because what we’re saying is true, doesn’t mean it’s not backbiting. In fact, it proves that we are indeed backbiting, because backbiting is true information. If it wasn’t true, we’d be doing something worse than backbiting, slander.
That makes a whole lot of things count as backbiting. That’s why when ‘Ā’isha said about Ṣafīyya, the wife of the Prophet sal Allahu ‘alayhi wa sallam who was the daughter of a Jewish leader, that, “she’s short,” he got upset and said, “you have said a word that if were to be dropped into the sea it would contaminate it.”8
‘Ā’isha and the Prophet sal Allahu ‘alayhi wa sallam knew about Ṣafīyya’s height. So did everyone else who saw her in Medinah, and all the people from her tribe before she married the Prophet. In other words, what ‘Ā’isha said was as true as it gets. But the fact that it was true made it backbiting. And if something as small as what she said was poison to the entire sea, what about when we talk about how people may be gaining weight, undergoing a divorce, losing their hair, struggling to control their anger, failing to give up a public sin, or anything else they wouldn’t like said about them?
Response: Inform them about truth being backbiting and falsehood being slander.
“Yeah, you’re backbiting, because the Prophet sal Allahu ‘alayhi wa sallam if it’s true, which you’re saying it is, then it’s backbiting.”
Conclusion
Backbiting is no misdemeanor. It’s a federal offense. In fact, it’s more than that. It’s a universal act of ethical treason, the likes of which transcend this world and has severe consequences in the next.
We need to remember that when we signed up to become Muslim, we agreed to follow all of the rules, and one of the rules is that for anyone else who signed up for the contract of Lā ilāh ha illa Allāh, Muḥammmad al-rasūlullāh you can’t ever talk behind their back. Doing so is not only a horrible sin and a disgusting act, it’s one of the worst things you could ever do to your Muslim brother or sister.
While you may be fired up to use the responses to these misconceptions and are trying to think of people you could use them on, ask yourself if the person to respond to is none other than you. Do you have these misconceptions about backbiting? Have you ever made any of these five justifications or something similar to them? If so, give yourself the responses and work on yourself first, and eventually, you can work on correcting others, as well.
1. Qur’ān: Surah Ḥujurāt, chapter 49, verse 12, Sahih International translation
2. Qur’ān: Surah Nūr, chapter 24, verse 11
3. Ḥadīth: Sunan al-Tirmidhī
4. Ḥadīth: Bukharī 3265; Muslim, 2843
5. Ḥadīth: Sunan Abī Dāwūd 4875, Book 41, Number 4860
6. Ḥadīth: Muslim, Book 032, Chapter 18, Number 6265, narrated Abū Hurairah
7. Ḥadīth: Bukharī, Volume 8, Book 82, Number 799, narrated Sahl bin Sā‘d
8. Ḥadīth: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 2502, Sunan Abī Dāwūd 4875
Re: The Top 5 Misconceptions of Backbiting and How To Respond To Them
format_quote Originally Posted by czgibson
Greetings,
What about if someone has broken the law? Is it bad to report it?
Peace
depends. but if what you are saying is beneficial to the community, you should say it. it's similar to press rules. it has to be beneficial to public, it has to be real, it has to be recent (or related to recent) , and it has to be balanced.
Come, let's all be fellows, make life easy on ourselves
let us love, and be loved, no one will have the world for themselves.
Re: The Top 5 Misconceptions of Backbiting and How To Respond To Them
Greetings czgibson,
format_quote Originally Posted by czgibson
What about if someone has broken the law? Is it bad to report it?
No, it isn't. The Holy Qur'an says:
"O ye who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest ye swerve, and if ye distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that ye do." [An-Nisa 4:35]
Regards
"I spent thirty years learning manners, and I spent twenty years learning knowledge."
Re: The Top 5 Misconceptions of Backbiting and How To Respond To Them
Greetings,
Thanks for your replies, burdenofbeing and Osman.
Isn't it irresponsible of the article not to mention this, though?
Someone could read it and just assume that they should cover up any crimes committed by someone they know, since backbiting is apparently "one of the most disgusting acts one could ever commit".
Does anyone else see how an article like this could be extremely dangerous?
Re: The Top 5 Misconceptions of Backbiting and How To Respond To Them
I do not see how some one would assume that but, if this were to be re-writen I think it should be added in.
I wish you all love, peace, and happiness in your lives.
It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. ~Aristotle www.themuslimzone.com
atheist of peace www.heathen-hub.com
godzilla
Re: The Top 5 Misconceptions of Backbiting and How To Respond To Them
Hello czgibson,
format_quote Originally Posted by czgibson
Thanks for your replies, burdenofbeing and Osman.
No problem at all. It's a pleasure.
format_quote Originally Posted by czgibson
Isn't it irresponsible of the article not to mention this, though?
Someone could read it and just assume that they should cover up any crimes committed by someone they know, since backbiting is apparently "one of the most disgusting acts one could ever commit".
Does anyone else see how an article like this could be extremely dangerous?
I can see your point and perhaps it would have been wise for the article to also make make mention of this. To be fair, however, the kind of backbiting that, certainly I and I suspect most other Muslims hear being committed and sometimes even engage in, is usually discussing the personal affairs of others or talking about somebody's personal faults behind their back.*
I think that is what the article is aimed at, since that is the type of backbiting that most Muslims engage in.
* I apologise for using so many clauses in this sentence.
Regards
"I spent thirty years learning manners, and I spent twenty years learning knowledge."
Re: The Top 5 Misconceptions of Backbiting and How To Respond To Them
format_quote Originally Posted by aadil77
Ok so what if you're reffering to groups is it still backbiting ?
Gheebah (backbiting) means say about others things that they dislike. It is permissible in some situations, such as the advice of one who is able to advise you, and complaining about one who is mistreating you.
What is the definition of gheebah and what is the ruling on it?
Praise be to Allaah.
Gheebah (backbiting, gossip) means that a person mentions the faults of his Muslim brother in his absence, which he would not like if he heard about it, when there is no need to mention them.
When I say “mentions the faults of his brother”, this excludes cases when the other person says something to praise or commend him.
When I say “Muslim brother”, this excludes the kaafir, for there is no gheebah in the case of a kaafir.
When I say, “in his absence”, this excludes things said in his presence, which is not called gheebah according to the more correct of the two scholarly opinions.
When I say, “which he would dislike if he heard about it”, this excludes things which he would not mind.
When I say, “when there is no need to mention them”, this excludes cases when there is a shar’i reason for doing that, such as warning against an innovator to make people aware of his bid’ah.
It is essential to pay attention to the following in such cases:
1. Sincerity towards Allaah and seeking His pleasure.
2. Paying attention to the interests being served by such things.
3. What is said should be limited to the shortcomings in question and should not go further, to matters in which there is no benefit.
The scholars agreed that it is haraam to talk behind a person’s back for no legitimate purpose. Most of them stated that this is a major sin and that it varies in degree, some kinds being worse than others. The one who backbites about a scholar is not like one who backbites about an ignorant person. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“… neither backbite one another. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You would hate it (so hate backbiting). And fear Allaah. Verily, Allaah is the One Who forgives and accepts repentance, Most Merciful”
[al-Hujuraat 49:12]
In Saheeh Muslim it is narrated from al-‘Alaa’ ibn ‘Abd al-Rahmaan from his father from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do you know what gheebah is?” They said, “Allaah and His Messenger know best.” He said, “That you say something about your brother that he dislikes.” He was asked, “What if what I say about my brother is true?” He said, “If what you say is true then you have gossiped about him, and if it is not true then you have slandered him.”
Abu Dawood narrated in his Sunan via Nawfal ibn Masaahiq from Sa’eed ibn Zayd that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The most prevalent kind of usury (riba) is going to lengths in talking unjustly against a Muslim’s honour.”
And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Your blood, your wealth and your honour are sacred among you, as sacred as this day of yours in this month of yours in this land of yours. Let those who are present convey it to those who are absent; perhaps he will convey it to one who has more understanding than he does.”
(Agreed upon, from the hadeeth of Abu Bakrah).
One of the worse types of gheebah and one which is most emphatically forbidden it to look down upon a Muslim and do one’s utmost to insult him, show disrespect towards him and cast aspersions upon his honour. This is a blameworthy characteristic and a serious malady; it is one of the major sins and the one who does this is subject to the warning and a severe punishment.
Re: The Top 5 Misconceptions of Backbiting and How To Respond To Them
Umar, about kaafirs:
Backbiting about a kaafir is haraam if he is a dhimmi [a non-Muslim living under Islamic rule], because that puts them off from accepting the Jizyah and it is going against the treaty of dhimmah (agreement between non-Muslim subjects and the Islamic state) and the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). 'Whoever makes a snide comment to a dhimmi has earned Hell.' (Narrated by Ibn Hibbaan in his Saheeh)
At any rate, it's not the best idea to do gheebah of kaafirs, unless you intend to harm them for a just cause.
Come, let's all be fellows, make life easy on ourselves
let us love, and be loved, no one will have the world for themselves.
Re: The Top 5 Misconceptions of Backbiting and How To Respond To Them
format_quote Originally Posted by burdenofbeing
Umar, about kaafirs:
Backbiting about a kaafir is haraam if he is a dhimmi [a non-Muslim living under Islamic rule], because that puts them off from accepting the Jizyah and it is going against the treaty of dhimmah (agreement between non-Muslim subjects and the Islamic state) and the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). 'Whoever makes a snide comment to a dhimmi has earned Hell.' (Narrated by Ibn Hibbaan in his Saheeh)
At any rate, it's not the best idea to do gheebah of kaafirs, unless you intend to harm them for a just cause.
Indeed akhi
That is why i posted all the other links hope you all read them
Re: The Top 5 Misconceptions of Backbiting and How To Respond To Them
format_quote Originally Posted by aadil77
What does this mean?^
Sorry but still need answers
sorry but if you read the other 2 links i posted you will understand what it means the first one i posted was about backbiting muslim so it dosent include the rulings of non muslims but the other 2 links explains pls read them
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