The Treatment of parents in Islam
"Give thanks to Me and your parents." [31:14]
"And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honor." [17:23]
Mujahid said: "If the parents grow old and end up urinating and answering the call of nature on themselves, do not feel disgusted or say 'Uff' to them. Rather, remove the urine and feces from them, just as they used to do when you were young without feeling disgust in doing that for you."
Ad-Daylami narrated that Al-Husayn Ibn Ali (radhi allahu anhu) narrated that the Prophet (salAllahu alaihi wasalam) said: "Has there been an act of Uquq (entails neglecting parents and withholding one's kindness from them), less than saying Uff (Fie), Allah would have disallowed it as well."
Abdullah Ibn Amr Ibn al-Aas (radhi allahu anhu) narrated that a man came to the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) to give him the pledge of allegiance, saying, 'I have come to give you my Bai'ah (allegiance) to perform Hijrah (migration to al-Madina). However, I left behind my parents while they were crying." The Prophet (salAllahu alayhi wasalam) said: "Then go back and make them laugh as you made them cry." [Musnad Ahmad] Furthermore, Ibn Umar (radhi allahu anhu) said: "Bringing tears to parents is a part of Uquq and a major sin." [Sahih al-Bukhari]
al-Bayhaqi reports that Ibn 'Abbas (radhi allahu anhu) said: "Allah opens two doors (to Paradise) for every Muslim that is dutiful to his (or her) two Muslim parents, awaiting the reward with Allah alone, and one door if he (or she) had one surviving parents to whom he was dutiful. Furthermore, if one makes his parents angry, then Allah will not be pleased with him until his parents forgive him." He was asked, "Even if they were unjust to their child?" He said, "Even if they were unjust."
al-Imaam Ibn al-Jawzi reports that Ibn Muhayriz said: "He who walks in front of his father will have fallen into disrespect of him, unless he walks in front of him to remove some harm from his way."
He also reports in his book al-Birr was-Silah: "Children, no matter how old they get, should not look their parents straight in the eye, walk in front of them, speak first when they are present, or walk to the right or left of them, unless they make such a request. Rather, children should walk behind their parents just as a servant would do with his master."
He also reports that when Nasr ibn Abu Hafidh al-Maqdisi travelled from Jerusalem to 'Iraq to learn with al-Kazaruni, a well-known scholar at that time, al-Kazaruni asked him, "Is your mother alive?" Nasr said, "Yes." al-Kazaruni asked, "Have you taken her permission?" Nasr said, "No." al-Kazaruni said, "By Allah! You will not learn from me until you go back to her so that her anger ends." Nasr went back to his mother in Jerusalem and remained with her until she died, then travelled to collect knowledge.
Allah's Messenger (salAllahu alayhi wasalam) has cursed him, who insults parents, he (salAllahu alaihi wasalam) said: "Curse be upon whoever reviles his father, curse be upon whoever reviles his mother, Curse be upon on whoever slaughters for other than Allah, Curse be on whoever misguides a blind person on the street, Curse be on whoever does what the nation of Loot did." [Sahih al-Jami (5767)]
And he (salAllahu alayhi wasalam) also reported to have said: "From the major sins is a man reviling his parents." We (Sahabah) said, "O Messenger of Allah (salAllahu alayhi wasalam) and how does a man revile his parents?" He said: "Yes, reviling a man's father is reviling your father, and reviling his mother is reviling your mother." [Sahih al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim]
And in another narration, Allah's Messenger (salAllahu alayhi wasalam) replied: "He abuses the father of somebody who, in return, abuses the former's; he then abuses the mother of somebody who, in return, abuses his mother." [Sahih al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim] We learn from this Hadith that one should not abuse anyone's parents, because in the event, he is paid in the same coin and he will be responsible for disgracing his own parents.
Anas al-Juhani said that his father narrated that the Prophet (salAllahu alaihi wasalam) said: "Verily, on the Day of Resurrection, Allah has slaves whom He will neither speak nor purify nor look at." He was asked: "Who are they, O Allah's Messenger?" He said: "He who disowns and abandons his parents, he who disowns his children and he who was granted a favor by a people, but he denied their favor and disowned them." [Musnad Ahmad]
Abu Bakr ibn 'Ayyash said: "I used to sit with Mansoor in his house and I would hear his mother, who was loud and rude, shout at him, 'O Mansoor! Ibn Hubayrah (governor of 'Iraq at that time) appointed you to the post of judge, but you refused!' Mansoor would not even look her in the eye out of respect."
When Haywah ibn Shurih used to sit teaching the people, his mother would sometimes say to him, "O Haywah! Feed the chickens some barley," he would leave the audience, obey his mother, and then resume the lecture!
at-Tirmidhi reports that the Prophet (salAllahu alayhi wasalam) said: "The parent is the best among the doors of Paradise, so lose that door or protect it."
adh-Dhahabi and Ibn Majah report that when Ibn 'Abbas (radiAllahu anhu) was asked about the people of al-A'raf, he said: "al-A'raf is a mountain between Paradise and the Fire. Those who will be kept at al-A'raf include some men who joined the Jihaad without permission from their fathers and mothers and were martyred in the Jihad. Their death in the cause of Allaah qualified them to be saved from the Fire, but their disobedience to their parents prevented them from entering Paradise. They will remain at al-A'raaf until Allah decides in their case."
Muslim reports that the Prophet (salAllahu alayhi wasalam) said: "No child can pay back his parents, unless he finds that his father is a slave, so he buys him and sets him free."
Ibn al-Jawzi reported that al-Hasan (radiAllahu anhu) said: "It is better for you to eat dinner with your mother, so that her heart is comforted, than to perform a voluntary Hajj."
al-Hakim narrates that the Prophet (salAllahu alayhi wasalam) said: "Allah delays the punishment for whatever sins He wills until the Day of Ressurection, except for disrespect and disobedience of the parents, for he rushes its recompense (in this life)."
Ibn al-Jawzi reports that during hot days, az-Zubayr ibn Hisham would taste the water he brought and if he found it to be cold, he would prefer his father with it and send it to him to drink.
He also reports that Abu Hurayrah (radiAllahu anhu) used to carry his mother so that she could answer the call of nature and bring her back when she was finished after she became old and blind.
Zur'ah ibn Ibrhim narrated that a man came to 'Umar (radiAllahu anhu) and said to him: "I have an old mother who is unable to go answer the call of nature, so I carry her on my back. I also help her perform ablution while turning my face away from her (out of respect). Have I fulfilled my duty towards her?" 'Umar (radiAllahu anhu) said, "No." The man said, "Even though I carry her on my back and exert myself in her service?" 'Umar (radiAllahu anhu) said: "She used to do the same for you when you were young, while hoping that you will live. As for you, you await when she will go away (die)."
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