!%! Keeping The Right Friends !%!

**Khayal** · 01-11-2006

KEEPING THE RIGHT FRIENDS
Who we keep company with is reflective of who we are

For as far back as I can remember, my parents would always admonish me and my siblings to keep good company. My Dad specially had a favorite saying, "Show me your friends and I'll tell you who you are."
Needless to say, I was always very conscious, and careful about choosing the right people to surround myself with. In Islam it is doubly true and essential to surround yourself with righteous companions, because they will help to keep your feet planted on the straight path, while doing otherwise may lead you astray.
It was Ahmad ibn Harb, rahimahullaah, who said, "There is nothing more beneficial to a Muslim's heart than to mix with the righteous and to watch their actions, while nothing is more harmful to the heart of the Muslim than mixing with sinners, and watching their actions." No matter who you are, or how strong or independent you may feel, no man, or woman, is an island, and you can't make it through this life alone. This is why Islam so stresses the Jama'ah, or the congregation. The sayings that there is strength in numbers and that it is the lone sheep that gets devoured by the wolf are true.
Therefore we need to adopt correct manners, in that we try ardently never to do an action or to befriend anyone without knowing whether the pleasure of Allah is in it or not, and never loving and hating for worldly reasons. For the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu alayhi wassalaam said, "Whoever loves for Allah, and hates for Allah, gives for Allah and withholds for Allah, has completed his faith." (Abu Dawud) So who should be our companions? First of all they should be good Muslims, who believe in Allah and His Messenger. For Allah says in the Qur'an, "And who so obeys Allah and the Messenger [Muhammad, sallallahu alayhe wassalaam], then they will be in the company of those on whom Allah has bestowed His Grace, of the prophets, the Siddiqun (those followers of the prophets who were first and foremost to believe in them), the martyrs, and the righteous. And how excellent these companions are." [4:69]
Secondly, being around them should make you want to increase in good deeds. Allah ta'ala says, "And We have sent down to you [O Muhammad, sallallahu alayhe wasallam], the Book [this Qur'an] in truth, confirming the Scriptures that came before it and Mohayminan [trustworthy in highness and a witness] over it. So judge between them by what Allah has revealed, and follow not their vain desires, diverging away from the truth that has come to you. To each among you, We have prescribed a law and a clear way. If Allah willed, He would have made you one nation, but that [He] may test you in what He has given you; so strive as in a race in good deeds. The return of you [all] is to Allah; then He will inform you about that in which you used to differ." [5:48] By aligning ourselves with people who do good deeds, we are then prompted to compete with them in this regard, and thus improving the character and the religion of everyone involved.
Lastly, but by no means the least, our companions should help us to remember Allah. For Allah ta'ala says, "O you who believe! Let not your properties or your children divert you from the remembrance of Allah. And whosoever does this, then they are the losers." [63:9] In this time of hustle and bustle, it is very easy for us to get caught up in the pursuit of worldly gains. This is why it is increasingly important to surround ourselves with people, who will encourage us to think of Allah, in every instance of our lives.
The superiority of the remembrance of Allah was explained by the Prophet Muhammad, sallallahu alayhe wasallam, who said, "The example of the one who remembers his Lord, in comparison to the one who does not remember his Lord, is that of a living creature compared to a dead one. (Bukhari)
So let us take stock of the people we spend our time with. Do they fall into the above categories? If our friends aren't doing these things, then what does being with them say about us? We should strive to love those who love Allah, and to hate those who hate Allah, and what He has sent down of guidance for humanity. For the Prophet, sallallahu alayhe wasallam said, "Whoever possesses three things will find the sweetness of eman. For Allah and His Messenger to be more beloved to him than anything else; to love a person for Allah's sake alone; and to hate to return to disbelief the way he hates to be thrown into the fire." (Bukhari)

Sumayyah bint Joan

**sargon** · 01-12-2006

I have a very good friend who actually gave me my Shahada and I feel a responsibility to him. If I stop hanging out with him and go on the right path I'll feel like a hypocrite because before we used to go out together and the things we do/did aren't good.

It's really hard breaking away from old friends but I think if I don't I'll turn out like that lone sheep... the difficult thing is that he's Muslim and he's the one that taught me how to pray, and we used to talk a lot.

What do I? do it's stressing me out!!! Thanks for the article

**city_dweller** · 01-12-2006

I've been living in a kafr country my entire life. It's very hard not to be around those who will influence you in a bad way, especially if you have known them since childhood. However, I have taken it upon myself to become a da'ie and teach them about Islaam. It saddens me though, because I've known them my whole life, and it's only recently that I've realized it's wrong of me to take them as friends.

**hippopotty** · 01-12-2006

Originally Posted by city_dweller

I've been living in a kafr country my entire life. It's very hard not to be around those who will influence you in a bad way, especially if you have known them since childhood.

Kafir's are not necessarily bad influences - if they are bad influences then they are not friends of any kind, and the same goes for Muslims. Notice the good in people and steer clear of the bad - you are of course your own person, and The Lord has given you the ability to develop your individual qualities.

Just out of curiosity, I don't keep company of anyone (and I literally don't) so who am I if I have nobody to reflect onto me?

**mehnaz** · 01-12-2006

Salaam,

its important to have good company...thats a fact...but sometimes u just cant judge wat the other person is like until u have a bad experience...

...and i agree with our sis hippopotty here that non muslims are not necessarily bad influences...

W'salaam

**sapphire** · 01-12-2006

yeah true........im friends with all but like i have one true friend who i know reallyyyyyyy wellll and then my mates online r closer to me then my skul mates!!!!!

**Umm Yoosuf** · 01-12-2006

Originally Posted by sargon

I have a very good friend who actually gave me my Shahada and I feel a responsibility to him. If I stop hanging out with him and go on the right path I'll feel like a hypocrite because before we used to go out together and the things we do/did aren't good.

It's really hard breaking away from old friends but I think if I don't I'll turn out like that lone sheep... the difficult thing is that he's Muslim and he's the one that taught me how to pray, and we used to talk a lot.

What do I? do it's stressing me out!!! Thanks for the article

Assalaamu Alaikum

Welcome to Islam. I am pleased that you have taken this path and Allah has gided you.

With regard to beenfriends with a sinning Muslim, this goes against the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him):

“The likeness of a good companion and a bad companion is that of a perfume seller and one who works the bellows. With the perfume seller, either he will give you something or you will buy something from him, or you will notice a good smell from him, but with the one who works the bellows, either he will burn your clothes or you notice a bad smell from him.” Narrated by Muslim, no. 2628.

Imam an-Nawawy said that the Prophet (s.a.w.) compared a good companion to a seller of musk and spoke of the virtue of having companions who are good, who have noble manners, piety, knowledge and good culture. Such are those who grant us from their virtue. And he (s.a.w.) forbade us to sit with those who do evil, commit a lot of sins and other bad deeds, as well as with innovators, backbiters, and so forth. Another scholar said: "keeping good company with the pious results in attainment of beneficial knowledge, noble manners and righteous actions, whereas keeping company with the wicked prevents all of that." Many times a Muslim is encouraged by his friends to do evil and to forget his duties. The result is that Muslims themselves are often ashamed to leave them to perform prayer, their friends thus causing them to clearly deviate from the Right Path.

Love him for his good actions, for his love for Islam and trying his best to practise it according to Quran and Sunnah and hate him for his sins and going away from the way of Islam.

I suggest you stop all the bad things you do whether alone or together. Seeks Allah's forgiveness and turn to him in repentence. Allah your friend to Allah and soften his heart.

“And who is better in speech than he who [says: “My Lord is Allaah (believes in His Oneness),” and then stands firm (acts upon His Order), and] invites (men) to Allaah’s (Islamic Monotheism), and does righteous deeds”

[Fussilat 41:33]

Allah commands us to keep friends with rightous people who are upright and upon Islam.

“O you who believe! Fear Allaah, and be with those who are true (in words and deeds)”

[al-Tawbah 9:119]

“And keep yourself (O Muhammad) patiently with those who call on their Lord (i.e. your companions who remember their Lord with glorification, praising in prayers, and other righteous deeds) morning and afternoon, seeking His Face”

[al-Kahf 18:28]

If you hang about with someone whose iman is weak and you can't get through to them then they will effect you too.

Don't feel just because he called you to Islam that you owe him anything. It is Allah who has chosed you to guide to His Light.

The best place to make friends is the Masjid where you find real brotherhood. Brothers who are willing to learn Islam and Pracise it.

Keep this verse in mind:

"Friends on that Day will be enemies one to another, except al-Muttaqoon (i.e. those who have Taqwah)." [43:67]

**Takumi** · 01-12-2006

Originally Posted by sargon

I have a very good friend who actually gave me my Shahada and I feel a responsibility to him. If I stop hanging out with him and go on the right path I'll feel like a hypocrite because before we used to go out together and the things we do/did aren't good.

It's really hard breaking away from old friends but I think if I don't I'll turn out like that lone sheep... the difficult thing is that he's Muslim and he's the one that taught me how to pray, and we used to talk a lot.

What do I? do it's stressing me out!!! Thanks for the article

Allow me to congratulate you on your concern about your spiritual upbringing. This is indeed a blessing from Allah. Your must treasure this feelings.

Islam comes as an alternative. Allah makes things forbidden for reasons sometimes not known to us, but he always gives an alternative for the forbidden deeds/actions.

May I suggest that you try to come up with an alternative get together? Rather than him calling the shots, why don't you come up with something more creative.

For example, instead of going to the movies, try camping, mountain climbing or horseback riding, running, jogging etc. Go outdoors.

One more thing, hold your meetings or socializing after the solah or before. Rather meeting at the mall, try suggesting meeting at the masjid after a certain prayer.

You may also invite him over to your place more often. Thank him for all he's done to help you into Islam, after all he's only human.

Buy him gifts such as Books about Islam or things that he likes (as a friend, I'm sure, his likes/dislikes are known to you), if you can.

Get yourself busy with Islamic programs at the mosque. It'll do you good.

**Mu'maneen** · 01-12-2006

Mashah'Allah. Excellent information. Jazak Allah Kher Fe Dunya Wal Akhira dear Sister of Islam for the very important post.

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**Tasneem** · 01-12-2006

Very good article

Mashallah

SaLaMz

**Sis_ReNa** · 01-12-2006

it is soo true, iam dealing with this issues right now. I dont have many muslims in my area but i dont know what my responablitiy as a muslim is. How i should react to the Muslim "friends" i have. when be came a muslim it was like i started all over again . i dont even know what a true friend is. i know iam a wierdo.
Salam walakum wr wb
:sister:

**sargon** · 01-16-2006

I feel you sis ReNa you have to re-build a lot of things around you, but I'm glad I have the chance to do so

Thanks for all the advice and support it helped a lot.

**mujahedeen2087** · 01-16-2006

i once had 2 muslim friends that seemed nice but after a while they treated me badly, my non-muslim friends are nicer to me then my so called islamic friends!!!