I have read in the below link that a mother looses the custody of the children if she remarries. I didnt understand the reasoning behind this. Could someone clarify this for me please? She has to choose between her children and any future husband. Whereas the father of the children could remarry.
Re: Mothers Losing The Children's Custody If She Remarries
Dear Sister of Islam...
Is that one?
Question :
I am divorced and my x-wife. My x-wife has remarried to a Muslim. We have four sons ages 1, 3, 5, & 7. I have requested majority custody of our sons, but she has refused and has made it very difficult for me to visit with our sons. What are my rights and obligations under these circumstances?.
Answer :
Praise be to Allaah.
The mother has more right to custody of her children before the age of seven so long as she does not remarry, in which case the right passes to the one who is most entitled to that after her, because Ahmad (6707) and Abu Dawood (2276) narrated from ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr that a woman said: “O Messenger of Allaah, my womb was a vessel for this son of mine and my breasts gave him (milk) to drink, and my lap was a refuge for him, but now his father has divorced me and he wants to take him away from me.” The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to her: “You have more right to him so long as you do not remarry.” This hadeeth was classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.
It is obligatory to allow the father to see his children and to ask how they are, whether they are in the custody of the mother or of someone else.
Because the mother’s right to custody is lost when she remarries, then it should be given to the one who is most entitled to that after her. There was some difference of opinion among the fuqaha’ as to who has more right after the mother. Some scholars said that the right passes to the mother’s mother. Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah was of the view that the father has more right than the mother’s mother, on which basis custody should be given to you. Al-Sharh al-Mumti’, 6/26, complete edition).
Similarly if the mother’s mother is a kaafirah or an immoral person, then custody must be given to the father, even according to those who say that the mother’s mother has more right than the father.
It should be noted that what is meant by custody is keeping and raising the child. Hence a person’s right to custody is lost if he is immoral and corrupt, or careless and heedless, or if he travels a great deal which will harm his children’s interests.
The parents should cooperate in this matter, and pay attention to the child’s interests, so that their disputes will not adversely affect the children.
There is no Qur’aanic verse concerning this matter which specifies who is more entitled to custody, but the following verses should be sufficient for the Muslim:
“And whatsoever the Messenger (Muhammad) gives you, take it; and whatsoever he forbids you, abstain (from it). And fear Allaah; verily, Allaah is Severe in punishment”
[al-Hashr 59:7]
“But no, by your Lord, they can have no Faith, until they make you (O Muhammad) judge in all disputes between them, and find in themselves no resistance against your decisions, and accept (them) with full submission”
[al-Nisa’ 4:65]
“It is not for a believer, man or woman, when Allaah and His Messenger have decreed a matter that they should have any option in their decision. And whoever disobeys Allaah and His Messenger, he has indeed strayed into a plain error”
[al-Ahzaab 33:36]
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) ruled that the mother loses the right to custody if she remarries, as stated in the hadeeth quoted above, so the believing woman has to accept that and submit.
Re: Mothers Losing The Children's Custody If She Remarries
Yes sister
I want to understand why the mother has to choose between her kids and her future husband, also why fathers havent the same conditions if they get custody as mothers have. What is the reasoning behind it?
Re: Mothers Losing The Children's Custody If She Remarries
The mother has more right to custody of her child, whether it is a boy or a girl, so long as she does not re-marry and so long as she meets the conditions of custody. This is according to scholarly consensus.
The conditions of custody are: being accountable (i.e., an adult of sound mind etc.), being free (as opposed to being a slave), being of good character, being a Muslim if the child concerned is a Muslim, and being able to fulfil all obligations towards the child. The mother should not be married to a person who is a stranger (i.e., not related) to the child. If one of these conditions is not fulfilled and there is an impediment such as insanity or having remarried, etc., the woman forfeits the right to custody, but if that impediment is removed, then the right to custody is restored. But it is best to pay attention to the interests of the child, because his rights come first.
The period of custody lasts until the age of discretion and independence, i.e., until the child is able to discern what is what and is independent in the sense that he can eat by himself, drink by himself, and clean himself after using the toilet, etc.
Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.
When you create an account, we remember exactly what you've read, so you always come right back where you left off. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and share your thoughts. Sign Up
Mothers Losing The Children's Custody If She Remarries
Hide
Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.
Posting Permissions
Bookmarks