The righteous wife

The righteous wife is the one whom the messenger of Allaah, salallahu alaihi wa salam, advised should be obtained from the beginning. As aboo hurayrah, radiyallaahu anhu, narrated from the prophet, salallaahu alaihi wa salam, that he said,

"A woman is married for four reasons: for her wealth; for her lineage; for her beeauty; and for her religion (deen). So marry the one who is good in her religion (deen) - may your hands be covered in dust."

(reported by al-bukhaaree and muslim)


Attributes of the righteous wife - part 1 of 2

1. Devotion and obedience to Allaah, the Most High, such that she fulfils His rights, such as prayer, fasting, chastity, covering herself, withholding her gaze and so on.

2. Obedience to her husband in that which does not involve disobedience to Allaah, the Most High, such that she fulfils his rights completely.

3. That she guards and preserves herself and her honour, in the absence of her husband, from the hand of anyone wishing to touch her, the eye of anyone to look upon her, the ear of anyone wishing to listen to her.

Likewise that she preserves her husbands children, home and wealth. Allaah, the Most High, says:

“Therefore the righteous women are obedient to Allaah and their husbands, and guard that which Allaah has ordered them to guard (their chastity and their husbands property) in the absence of their husbands.” surah an-nisaa’ 4:34.

The prophet, salallaahu alaihi wa salam said, ‘if a woman prays her five (daily prayers), fasts her month (i.e. ramadaan), guards her private parts, and obeys her husband, it will be said to her, ‘enter paradise through whichever of the gates of paradise you wish.” [1]

4. Serving her husband. First of all by carrying out what is required in his house, such as bringing up and educating the children, preparing the meals and the beds and so on.

From husayn ibn mihsann who said that my paternal aunt said, “I came to Allah’s messenger, salallaahu alaihi wa salam for some need, so he asked, ‘you there! are you married?’ I replied, ‘yes.’ he then asked how are you towards your husband?’ she responded, ‘I do not fall short in his service except with regard to what I am unable to do.’ he said, ‘then look to your standing with him, for indeed he is your paradise and your fire.’” [2]

Here is an example of how asmaa’ bint abee bakr, radiyallahu anhumaa, served her husband. she said “az-zubayr married me and he did not have any property or slaves or anything upon the earth except for a camel which drew water from the well and his horse. so I used to feed his horse, draw the water, stitch his water bucket, and prepare the dough, but I was not proficient in baking bread – so ladies from the ansaar who were my neighbours and were honourable used to bake the bread for me. I also used to carry the date stones upon my head, from the land given to az-zubayr by Allah’s messenger, salallahu alaihi wa salam, and a group of the ansaar were with him. so he called me and said, ‘ikh, ikh.’ [3] in order to carry me behind him upon the camel. but I felt shy to proceed along with the men, and I thought of az-zubayr and his sense of jealousy, and he was one of the most jealous of the people. so Allah’s messenger, salallahi alaihi wa salam, saw my shyness and so passed on. so I came to az-zubayr and said, ‘Allah’s messenger salallahu alaihi wa salam, met me while I was carrying the date stones upon my head and with him were a group of his companions. he caused his riding camel to kneel, but I felt shy and remembered your sense of jealousy.’ so he said, ‘by Allaah your having to carry the date stones is harder upon me than that you should ride along with him.’” she said, “then later on aboo bakr sent me a servant to look after the horse, so it was as if he had set me free.” [4]

The scholars differ with regard to the ruling about women serving her husband. shaykul-islaam ibn taymiyyah said, the scholars differed about whether she has to serve her husband with regard to the like of household bedding preparing food and drinks, baking the bread, grinding the corn, and providing food for his slaves and cattle – such as providing fodder for his riding beast and so on.

“Some of them say: it is not obligatory for her to serve him – and this is a weak saying, like the weakness of the saying that it is not obligatory upon her to live together with him and have intercourse with him! however what is correct is that it is obligatory to serve him, since the husband is her master according to the book of Allaah, and she is captive with him according to the Sunnah of the prophet, salallaahu alaihi wa salam, [5] and the captive and the slave have to serve – and this is something known.

...the saying of Allaah, the Most High,

“Therefore the righteous women are obedient to Allaah and their husbands, and guard that which Allaah has ordered them to guard (their chastity and their husbands property) in the absence of their husbands.” surah an-nisaa 4:34

“This aayah shows that it is obligatory upon her to serve her husband unrestrictedly, including: serving him, travelling along with him, making herself available to him, and so on – just as it is obligatory to obey the parents, since the obedience due from her to the parents transfers to the husband.” [6]

5. Keeping the husbands secrets. Particularly what occurs between him and her in private – with regard to sexual matters and the private affairs within the marriage. disclosing the husbands secrets will hurt him and anger him and this contradicts obedience to him and seeking to please him. furthermore preserving his secrets is one of the duties of the righteous and obedient women, as described in the saying of Allaah,

“Guarding that which (Allaah has commanded them to guard) in the absence of their husbands,” surah an-nisaa 4:34

Part of their guarding what they are to guard in the absence of their husbands is that they should not broadcast their secrets.

From asmaa bint yazeed, radiyallahu anhaa, who said that she was in the company of Allah’s messenger, salallahu alaihi wa salam, and the men and women were sitting, and he, salallaahu alaihi wa salam, said, “perhaps a man mentions that which he did with his wife, and perhaps a woman informs of what she does with her husband?!” so the people were silent, so I said, “yes, by Allaah, o messenger of Allaah! the women certainly do that, and the men certainly do that.” he, salallahu alaihi wa salam, said, “then do not do so, since that is just like a male devil meeting a female devil upon the way, and he has intercourse with her while the people are watching.” [7]

6. She should appear before the husband in the best appearance, such that if he looks at her it pleases him.

aboo hurayrah, radiyallahu anhu, narrates the messenger of Allaah, sallaahu alaihi wa salam, was asked, “ which of the women is the best?” he replied, “ the one who gives him [8] pleasure when he looks; [9] obeys him when he orders; and does not go against his wishes with regard to herself or her wealth by doing that which he dislikes.” [10]

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Footnotes:

[1] saheeh due to supporting narrations as has preceeded.

[2] reported by al-hakim (2/189) and others, he declared it saheeh and adh-dhahaabee agreed; and shaykh al-albaaneewith them in aadaabuz-zifaaf (p.285).

[3] a word said to make the camel kneel down.

[4] reported by al-bukhaaree (eng. transl. 7/111/no.151) and muslim (eng. transl. 3/1190/no. 5417) and others.

[5] as the messenger of Allaah, salallahu alaihi wa salam, said in the sermon of the farewell pilgrimage, ”...treat your women well, for they are captives with you.” reported with this wording by at-tirmidhee(no. 1163) and he said, “hasan saheeh.” and ibn maajah (no. 1851). declared strong by al-albaanee in irwaa’ul ghaleel(7/52).

[6] majmoo’ al-fataawaa(abridged) (34/90).