The righteous wife is the one whom the messenger of Allaah, salallahu alaihi wa salam, advised should be obtained from the beginning. As aboo hurayrah, radiyallaahu anhu, narrated from the prophet, salallaahu alaihi wa salam, that he said,
"A woman is married for four reasons: for her wealth; for her lineage; for her beeauty; and for her religion (deen). So marry the one who is good in her religion (deen) - may your hands be covered in dust."
(reported by al-bukhaaree and muslim)
Attributes of the righteous wife - part 1 of 2
1. Devotion and obedience to Allaah, the Most High, such that she fulfils His rights, such as prayer, fasting, chastity, covering herself, withholding her gaze and so on.
2. Obedience to her husband in that which does not involve disobedience to Allaah, the Most High, such that she fulfils his rights completely.
3. That she guards and preserves herself and her honour, in the absence of her husband, from the hand of anyone wishing to touch her, the eye of anyone to look upon her, the ear of anyone wishing to listen to her.
Likewise that she preserves her husbands children, home and wealth. Allaah, the Most High, says:
“Therefore the righteous women are obedient to Allaah and their husbands, and guard that which Allaah has ordered them to guard (their chastity and their husbands property) in the absence of their husbands.” surah an-nisaa’ 4:34.
The prophet, salallaahu alaihi wa salam said, ‘if a woman prays her five (daily prayers), fasts her month (i.e. ramadaan), guards her private parts, and obeys her husband, it will be said to her, ‘enter paradise through whichever of the gates of paradise you wish.” [1]
4. Serving her husband. First of all by carrying out what is required in his house, such as bringing up and educating the children, preparing the meals and the beds and so on.
From husayn ibn mihsann who said that my paternal aunt said, “I came to Allah’s messenger, salallaahu alaihi wa salam for some need, so he asked, ‘you there! are you married?’ I replied, ‘yes.’ he then asked how are you towards your husband?’ she responded, ‘I do not fall short in his service except with regard to what I am unable to do.’ he said, ‘then look to your standing with him, for indeed he is your paradise and your fire.’” [2]
Here is an example of how asmaa’ bint abee bakr, radiyallahu anhumaa, served her husband. she said “az-zubayr married me and he did not have any property or slaves or anything upon the earth except for a camel which drew water from the well and his horse. so I used to feed his horse, draw the water, stitch his water bucket, and prepare the dough, but I was not proficient in baking bread – so ladies from the ansaar who were my neighbours and were honourable used to bake the bread for me. I also used to carry the date stones upon my head, from the land given to az-zubayr by Allah’s messenger, salallahu alaihi wa salam, and a group of the ansaar were with him. so he called me and said, ‘ikh, ikh.’ [3] in order to carry me behind him upon the camel. but I felt shy to proceed along with the men, and I thought of az-zubayr and his sense of jealousy, and he was one of the most jealous of the people. so Allah’s messenger, salallahi alaihi wa salam, saw my shyness and so passed on. so I came to az-zubayr and said, ‘Allah’s messenger salallahu alaihi wa salam, met me while I was carrying the date stones upon my head and with him were a group of his companions. he caused his riding camel to kneel, but I felt shy and remembered your sense of jealousy.’ so he said, ‘by Allaah your having to carry the date stones is harder upon me than that you should ride along with him.’” she said, “then later on aboo bakr sent me a servant to look after the horse, so it was as if he had set me free.” [4]
The scholars differ with regard to the ruling about women serving her husband. shaykul-islaam ibn taymiyyah said, the scholars differed about whether she has to serve her husband with regard to the like of household bedding preparing food and drinks, baking the bread, grinding the corn, and providing food for his slaves and cattle – such as providing fodder for his riding beast and so on.
“Some of them say: it is not obligatory for her to serve him – and this is a weak saying, like the weakness of the saying that it is not obligatory upon her to live together with him and have intercourse with him! however what is correct is that it is obligatory to serve him, since the husband is her master according to the book of Allaah, and she is captive with him according to the Sunnah of the prophet, salallaahu alaihi wa salam, [5] and the captive and the slave have to serve – and this is something known.
...the saying of Allaah, the Most High,
“Therefore the righteous women are obedient to Allaah and their husbands, and guard that which Allaah has ordered them to guard (their chastity and their husbands property) in the absence of their husbands.” surah an-nisaa 4:34
“This aayah shows that it is obligatory upon her to serve her husband unrestrictedly, including: serving him, travelling along with him, making herself available to him, and so on – just as it is obligatory to obey the parents, since the obedience due from her to the parents transfers to the husband.” [6]
5. Keeping the husbands secrets. Particularly what occurs between him and her in private – with regard to sexual matters and the private affairs within the marriage. disclosing the husbands secrets will hurt him and anger him and this contradicts obedience to him and seeking to please him. furthermore preserving his secrets is one of the duties of the righteous and obedient women, as described in the saying of Allaah,
“Guarding that which (Allaah has commanded them to guard) in the absence of their husbands,” surah an-nisaa 4:34
Part of their guarding what they are to guard in the absence of their husbands is that they should not broadcast their secrets.
From asmaa bint yazeed, radiyallahu anhaa, who said that she was in the company of Allah’s messenger, salallahu alaihi wa salam, and the men and women were sitting, and he, salallaahu alaihi wa salam, said, “perhaps a man mentions that which he did with his wife, and perhaps a woman informs of what she does with her husband?!” so the people were silent, so I said, “yes, by Allaah, o messenger of Allaah! the women certainly do that, and the men certainly do that.” he, salallahu alaihi wa salam, said, “then do not do so, since that is just like a male devil meeting a female devil upon the way, and he has intercourse with her while the people are watching.” [7]
6. She should appear before the husband in the best appearance, such that if he looks at her it pleases him.
aboo hurayrah, radiyallahu anhu, narrates the messenger of Allaah, sallaahu alaihi wa salam, was asked, “ which of the women is the best?” he replied, “ the one who gives him [8] pleasure when he looks; [9] obeys him when he orders; and does not go against his wishes with regard to herself or her wealth by doing that which he dislikes.” [10]
[1] saheeh due to supporting narrations as has preceeded.
[2] reported by al-hakim (2/189) and others, he declared it saheeh and adh-dhahaabee agreed; and shaykh al-albaaneewith them in aadaabuz-zifaaf (p.285).
[3] a word said to make the camel kneel down.
[4] reported by al-bukhaaree (eng. transl. 7/111/no.151) and muslim (eng. transl. 3/1190/no. 5417) and others.
[5] as the messenger of Allaah, salallahu alaihi wa salam, said in the sermon of the farewell pilgrimage, ”...treat your women well, for they are captives with you.” reported with this wording by at-tirmidhee(no. 1163) and he said, “hasan saheeh.” and ibn maajah (no. 1851). declared strong by al-albaanee in irwaa’ul ghaleel(7/52).
7. She should not spend any of his wealth or her wealth except with his permission.
from ‘abdullah ibn ‘amr ibn al-‘aas, radiyallahu anhu, who said that Allah’s messenger, salallahu alaihi wa salam, said, “ it is not permissible for a woman to give a gift except with the permission of her husband.” [11]
al-albaanee said, “however it is not becoming for the husband – if he is a sincere Muslim – that he should use this ruling to play the tyrant with his wife and prevent her from utilising her wealth in a manner which not harm either of them. indeed this right is very similar to the right of the girls guardian – who is such that she cannot her herself married except with his permission. but if he unjustly prevents her, then the matter is raised to the islamic judge for justice to be attained. likewise is the ruling with regard to a woman’s wealth if her husband oppresses her and prevents her from spending her wealth in lawful and prescribed manner – then the judge will also bring justice for her. so there is no problem with the ruling itself, rather the problem is how it is misused.” [12]
8. She should no permit anyone to enter her husbands house except with his permission.
from aboo hurayrah, radiyallahu anhu who said that the messenger of Allaah, salallahu alaihi wa salam said, “it is not permissible for a woman to fast when her husband is present except with his permission; nor may she permit anyone to enter his house except with his permission; and whatever she spends in charity without his order – then half of the reward is for him.” [13]
9. She should not ask her husband for divorce without a reason of necessitating that.
from thawbaan, radiyallahu anhu, who said that the messenger of Allaah, salallahu alaihi wa salam, said, “whichever woman asks for her husband for divorce with our a strong reason – then the fragrance of paradise will be forbidden for her.” [14]
10. Avoidance of cursing.
aboo sa’eed al-khudree, radiyallahu anhu, said “the messenger of Allaah, salallahu alaihi wa salam, went out to the prayer ground for the (prayer of) adhaa or fitr, and he passed by the women and said, ‘o women! give in charity, for I have been shown that you shall be the majority of the people of the first,’ so they asked, ‘why is that, o messenger of Allaah?’ he replied, ‘you curse frequently and are ungrateful to your husbands.’” [15]
11. Being thankful to the husband for the good he does and for his treatment of his wife.
this is accomplished by good words, and by her obedience to him in what is good, and by not forgetting his good treatment and avoiding denying this, since that is one of the reasons which brings about entry into the fire.
from ibn ‘abbaas, radiyallahu anhu, who said that the prophet, salallahu alaihi wa salam, said “I was shown the fire and found that the majority of its inhabitants were women, due to ingratitude. it was said: “is it that they disbelieve in Allaah?” he said: they are ungrateful to their husbands and deny the good they do. if you were to treat one of them well always, and she then saw something (displeasing) from you she would say: ‘I have never seen any good from you.’” [16]
Allah’s messenger, salallahu alaihi wa salam, said, “Allaah will not look at a woman who is not thankful to her husband and she cannot do without him.” [17]
12. She should not remove her clothes outside her husbands house.
Allah’s messenger, sallahu alaihi wa salam, said, “whichever woman removes her clothes in other than her house, then Allaah, the Mighty and Majestic, will tear down His cover from her.” [18]
al-manaawee said, “Allaah, the Mighty and Majestic, will tear down His cover from her’ since because she has failed to take care of waht she has been commanded with regard to covering herself from strangers, then this is the recompense she receives, the recompense being of the type of the actions, what is apparent is that removal of her clothing means uncovering herself to strange males, for the purpose of sexual intercourse or that which leads to it. As opposed to the case if she were to remove her clothes amongst women, whilst covering her private parts, since there is no reason for that to enter into this warning.” [19]
13. Striving to please the husband by every possible means.
The hadeeth has already preceded containing the saying of the righteous wife, “...i will not taste sleep until you are pleased (with me).”
There also occurs in al-kabaa’ir of adh-dhahabee, “what is obligatory upon the woman is that she seeks the pleasure of her husband, and avoids angering him, and does not refuse him whenever he wants her. The woman must also know that she is like a slave to her husband, so she should not do anything affecting herself or her husbands wealth except with his permission. She should give precedence to his rights over her rights, and the rights of his relatives over the rights of her relatives, and she should keep herself clean and be ready for him to enjoy her. She should not boast at his expense of her beauty, not rebuke him for any ugliness found in him. The woman must also be always modest and reserved in the presence of her husband, lower her eyes in front of him, obey his commands, remain silent when he speaks, keep far away from everything which angers him, avoid treachery when he is absent, with regard to his bed, his wealth and his house. She should ensure that her aroma is pleasant, be accustomed to using musk and perfume and cleaning her mouth with siwaak. She should be constant in adorning herself in his presence and not when he is absent. She should treat his family and relatives honourably, and consider something small from him as something great.”’ [20]
[7] reported by ahmad (6/456) and there are witnessing narrations which raise it to the level of being saheeh or hasan at the very least. These are mentioned by al-albaanee in aadaabuz zifaaf (p.144).
[8] i.e the husband.
[9] meaning when he looks at her outer beauty, or at the inner beauty of her good character and how she devotes herself to obedience to Allaah and taqwaa...(as-sindees commentary on an-nasaa’ee).
[10] reported by an-nasaa’ee (6/68), al-hakim (2/61) and ahmad (2/251, 432 and 438). al-hakim said, “saheeh to the standard of muslim” and adh-dhahaabee agreed. al-iraaqee declared its chain of narration to be saheeh in takhreejul-ihyaa’ (2/39) and al-albaanee declares it hasan in as-saheehah (4/453).
[11] reported with this wording by aboo daawood (eng. transl. 2/1007/no. 3540), an-nasaa’ee (5/65-66) and ahmad (2.179&184). al-albaanee declares it hasan in as-saheehah (2/493).
[12] silsilatul ahaadeethis saheehah (2/420).
[13] reported by al-bukhaaree (eng. transl. 7/94/no.123) and muslim (eng. transl. 2/491/no.2238).
[14] reported by aboo daawood (eng. transl. 2/600/no.2218). at-tirmidhee (no.1187) who declared it hasan, ad-daarimee (2/1620, ibn maajah (no, 2055) and others. al-albaanee declares it to be saheeh to the standard of muslim in al-irwaa’ (7/100).
[15] reported by al-bukhaaree (eng. transl. 1/181/no.301 & 2/313/no.541) and muslim (eng. transl. 2/418/no.1931) and others.
[16] reported by al-bukhaaree (eng. transl. 1/29/no.28; 2/91-92/no.16 & 7/95-96/no.125) and muslim (eng. transl. 2/431/no.1982) and others.
[17] silsilatul ahaadeethis-saheehah (no.289).
[18] reported by al-haakim (4/289) and others, and it occurs in saheehul-jaami’(no.2708).
MASHA'ALLAH
Lets follow the path of the best women who lived in the best generation and got nurtured in the house of Prophethood. They are women of high status and outstanding estimation. Allaah praises them in the Qur’aan where He says [translation of meaning]....
“O wives of the Prophet! You are not like any other women. If you keep your duty (to Allaah), then be not soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease (of hypocrisy, or evil desire for adultery) should be moved with desire, but speak in an honourable manner.” (Al-Ahzaab 33:32)
Prophet (PBUH)said:
“Many men attained perfection, but only three women attained it: Maryam, daughter of ‘Imraan [Jesus’ mother], Aasiyah, Pharaoh’s wife and Khadeejah bint Khuwaylid.” (Ibn Mardooyah)
May Allah make us those who he chose to give the glad tiding of a house in Paradise. Ameen
seems you are well under MAN'S thumb......A WOMAN OR A MAN SHOULD MARRY for love not for religious reasons......and regarding obeying your husband.....DONT YOU HAVE your own thoughts..are you a slave to the male species?.....EQUALITY is a normal thing..but some woman are blinded by religious scholars OBVIOUSLY.......and PLEASE dont quote anything.....thats what bringS these problems about in the first place.....
no we are not under a mans thumb james.. Marrying for love in islam is forbidden. I mean a woman and a man can't talk without a wali present unless they have a reason, which prevents a lot of problems that are current in the west (eg. premarital sex, babies born outside of marriage ect.) This is what Allah swt prescribed for us.
SubhanAllah
seems you are well under MAN'S thumb......A WOMAN OR A MAN SHOULD MARRY for love not for religious reasons......and regarding obeying your husband.....DONT YOU HAVE your own thoughts..are you a slave to the male species?.....EQUALITY is a normal thing..but some woman are blinded by religious scholars OBVIOUSLY.......and PLEASE dont quote anything.....thats what bringS these problems about in the first place.....
What the he** are u talking about, can u tell me are a muslim or not. Because one minute u saying u dnt know much about deen and nx minute u saying things like this.
My advice to u is study Al-Islam first than pass on judgements like this if u think u will be able to justify it to Allah swt on the day of judgement.
Some shayuks from past used to think twice before they used to give a fatwa, and our knowledge is nothing compare to them. So keep this in mind nx time inshA
To ask a question is to show ignorance; not to ask a question, means you remain ignorant
Attributes of the righteous wife- part 2 of 2
... QUOTE EDITED: Please avoid quoting very long posts as it wastes space.
This world is nothing but temporary conveniences, and the greatest joy in this world is a righteous woman.” you forgot to mention that one sis very importante kay:
seems you are well under MAN'S thumb......A WOMAN OR A MAN SHOULD MARRY for love not for religious reasons......and regarding obeying your husband.....DONT YOU HAVE your own thoughts..are you a slave to the male species?.....EQUALITY is a normal thing..but some woman are blinded by religious scholars OBVIOUSLY.......and PLEASE dont quote anything.....thats what bringS these problems about in the first place.....
really this is a delicate issue and if people dont use the appropriate wording and approach, then it ends up sounding like the wife is a slave to her husband, which she isnt. I especially dislike how in the last paragraph it was actually said that the wife is like a slave to her husband.
While it is true that the husband has the final say, the wife does have the right to voice her opinion and to be involved in matters of decision making. The husband and wife function togther as a unit.
and dont forget the hadith of the prophet (pbuh): The best of you are those who are best to their wives.
As a wife your duty is to obey your hubby at all times as long as it's not agat the sharia. I personnaly have always wanted to learn to drive but my hubby has his reasons for it and i respect them so i decided to leave the issue.
By obeying his deccions makes a marrige much stronger and blissfull.
004.034 Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard. As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (Next), refuse to share their beds, (And last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them Means (of annoyance): For Allah is Most High, great (above you all).
Al-Qur'an, 004.034 (An-Nisa [Women])
Text Copied from DivineIslam's Qur'an Viewer software v2.9
THIS is my evidence from the Quran that women should obey, IF for an islamic basis NOT if the husband is going against Allah. There are many hadeeth which explain the ways in which we should obey our husbands.... i pray this helps you "Ameen"<------- thus i did not lie
Surah An-Nisa (4:34) < the righteous women are devoutly obedient*
This isn't the same as saying that women should without any qualms obey their husbands.
"The righteous women are devout (qanitat) and guard what Allah has willed to be guarded even though out of sight."
Qanit means one who is devoted to someone and out of love and devotion obeys him or her. Outside of the present verse the word in its various forms, occurs seven times and is used of both men and women. In six out of these seven places, the object of devotion and obedience is understood to be God, in one place it is God and His Messenger. For this reason qanitat may simply mean "devoted to God". In view of the context, the idea of devotion and obedience to the husband may also be read into the word.
Since men are qawwamun over their wives, they must have some authority to make decisions, for a person cannot be an effective guardian or maintainer of someone without having some decision making authority. And whenever there is legitimate decision-making authority on one side, there is some necessity of obedience from the other. In Hadith there are many traditions which encourage women to be obedient to their husbands. Some of these traditions are no doubt forged, being attempts by later Muslims to subjugate their women(1), but others look authentic(2). Thus the Qur'an and Hadith do teach that women should obey their husbands. But this "should" is not a "should" of moral or religious obligation. The Qur'an and authentic ahadith do not command women to be obedient to their husbands, so that it is not a sin on their part if they sometime do not listen to their husbands. The Qur'an and Hadith consider obedience to the husband as simply a desirable quality of the wife.
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Re: How to make your Husband happy
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