Love or Desire (A good article to read Insh'Allah) (OP)
dear :brother: s and :sister: s in faith,
Long but worth the read Insh'Allah
.................................................. .................................................. ....
Love or Desire,
Respected Brother/Sister in Islam
Assalamu Alaykum Wa Rahmatullaahi Wa Barakatuhu
Where in the world, are the Muslim youth getting their ideals about love, marriage and family?
In Bahrain, a teenage Muslim princess ran away from her family, her home and country forever, putting her life in jeopardy in order to marry an American marine she hardly knew. She made a decision, that she can never take back, to Iive a life of exile and sin. If asked why, she did this, she would naturally say she did it for "love."
Where in the world, are the Muslim youth getting their ideals about love, marriage and family? Are we turninq to the Qur'an and the Sunnah of in Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam? Unfortunately, we do not.
In the Indian subcontinent, we're turning to Indian films; In America and possibly the rest of the world, we're turning to Hollywood.
Bombay, a famous mainstream Indian film, features a Muslim girl who falls in love and ultimately marries Hindu boy. At the beginning of the film, she is shown in niqab. By the end, she is dressing like a Hindu. After her family refuses to allow their marriage, the girl runs away and does not speak to them for six years. At the end her parents come to her and all are happy.
Hollywood, one of the largest influences in the world, plays a huge role in the formation of concepts about love, marriage, and family. These films portray men and women who are "in love." And yet, often times the individual they "love" will be someone they just saw or spoke to briefly. Suddenly, however they are willing to lose their spouse, their family, their job, their life, and even their Lord. It is, therefore, more correct to say that they make these sacrifices because their desires have become their God. Allah speaks of these people when He says: "Then seest thou such a one as takes as his god his own vain desire? Allah has knowing (him as such), left him astray, and sealed his hearing and his heart (and understanding), and put a cover on his sight. Who, then, will guide him after Allah (has withdrawn guidance)? Will ye not then receive admonition?" [45:23]
But yet these very same people that Allah has described in His book as most astray have become our example and ideal. In 1998, Titanic, grossing more than 1 billion dollars in sales worldwide, became the most popular movie across the globe. The story features a young girl of age 17 who is engaged to be married. After meeting and ultimately falling in love with another man, the young girl cheats on her fiance and disobeys her mother. Both the mother and the fiance are shown as superficial in order to make her disloyalty more acceptable.
The messages of these films are very penetrating. The most powerful message is: if you sacrifice for "love", all will be well in the end. In other words, if you disregard your religion, your farmily, your God, following only your desires, you will be rewarded in the end.
If we look to America, we can see the clear effects of these misshapen concepts. 'Why has divorce reached the unprecedented rate of 40-60%? I believe the answer lies in the misconstrued definition of what true love and marriage actually is. These movies feature the wedding as the end of the movie, and thus marriage is seen as the end of a love story, rather than the beginning.
What effect does this have on our society, on our youth in particular? Who are the victims of these misconstrued ideals? What is the basis of the "love" portrayed in these movies? What criterion will young Muslims affected by these images use when choosing a spouse? Will they follow the Sunnah of the Prophet, sallallalhu alayhi wa sallam, who says the one who marries for deen is blessed? Or, will they base their choice on an empty, fleeting attraction disguised as "love"? If the youth begin to choose their spouses based on this ephemeral emotion rather than on deen, what effect will that have on the Ummah as a whole? Will not more families be broken due to divorce and strife? Will not more youth be forced to cut ties with their families (assuming they do not agree)? Will not more children be raised far from Islam?
Thus, we should be aware and guard ourselves and our children from this deceptive tool of Satan. Allah describes those people who only follow their desires numerous times throughout the Qur'an. Let us not be among those who Allah describes as most astray and let those not become our ideals. "Who is more astray than one who follows his own lusts, devoid of guidance from Allah? For Allah guides not people given to wrongdoing" [28: 50]
The problem is the amount of mass media we have hitting us daily especially
us muslims who live in the west, the kufar are sending out the messages and
values by Telivision which is an addiction, through this we see haraam on a
mass scale be it,love triangles, background music etc, yet it's considerd as a
norm in many muslim housholds unless we get these nagative things out of our
lives we'll be exposed to them, even though we might not act upon them we'll
have already been exposed to them. For example we'll have an advert which will have semi-naked women thus exciting the males and making him look at women as a piece of sexual meat, also music which could be done through adverts or soundtracks for films, soaps etc, ever wonderd why it's you can think of a song and you'll hear it with CD quality but yet you cant do the same with the quran.
Great post Taebah sis. JazakAllah for bringing up this very important issue.
Education begins from a mothers lap. It is a little too late when parents who've sat and watched such films with their children, then throw a barney when their kids go off the rails.
Parents fail to explain do's and don'ts to their children and these are the results. It all boils down to the lack of islamic education and environment at home.
Too many parents say, you can't do this and you can't do that, without ever bothering to explain the repercussions of forbidden acts. Exposure to films/songs that glorify this kind of love will only corrupt young minds. And some old ones too.
Islamic education from an early age, is the only way forward. As they say prevention is better than cure.
gotta say sis..i'm SO with u on that...its so odd wen parents force their kids to attend madrasahz after school or wat not..and then wen the kids come home..wat the 1st see is TV..and the parents expect the kids to be 'religious'..
Alhamdulillah not ALL parents are like that...but in sum cases because the parents are ignorant...they choose to turn a blind eye to wat theur kids do..
am i makin ne sense..or hav i gone off topic?
The problem is the amount of mass media we have hitting us daily especially
us muslims who live in the west, the kufar are sending out the messages
The problem is, muslims choosing to let themselves be influenced by the media. The same exposure stems from muslim countries too. We can't blame the west for our downfalls.
format_quote Originally Posted by Hijabi_19
gotta say sis..i'm SO with u on that...its so odd wen parents force their kids to attend madrasahz after school or wat not..and then wen the kids come home..wat the 1st see is TV..and the parents expect the kids to be 'religious'..
Alhamdulillah not ALL parents are like that...but in sum cases because the parents are ignorant...they choose to turn a blind eye to wat theur kids do..
am i makin ne sense..or hav i gone off topic?
No, you're not off topic. I've seen a lot of households go to ruin because children haven't been taught right from wrong. I've seen parents gifting mullahs because their child has finished the Quran, never mind if he's understood it or not.
Child is disobedient. Child steals. Child swears. Oh, don't bother explaining to the child why it's wrong. Just take the easy way out and tell him that the policeman will come and take him away. Pathetic, but this is what I've heard mothers tell their children. Very soon the child realises that this phantom policeman never materialises. The mother realises her threats are futile.
No use telling that child what the Quran & hadith says when he's a teenager and deaf for the noise of hormones raging around his body. To him it will be an alien language. If you're going to say something to your child one day, you'd be better off by saying it from day one.
Great post Taebah sis. JazakAllah for bringing up this very important issue.
Education begins from a mothers lap. It is a little too late when parents who've sat and watched such films with their children, then throw a barney when their kids go off the rails.
Parents fail to explain do's and don'ts to their children and these are the results. It all boils down to the lack of islamic education and environment at home.
Too many parents say, you can't do this and you can't do that, without ever bothering to explain the repercussions of forbidden acts. Exposure to films/songs that glorify this kind of love will only corrupt young minds. And some old ones too.
Islamic education from an early age, is the only way forward. As they say prevention is better than cure.
This reminds me of a story typical of many muslim youths. A man came to the imam of the masjid, complaining about his teenage son.
My son doesn't pray, he takes drugs and has girlfriends. Can you do something about it?
The imam said, "how old is he now?"
"16"
"Well, you should have brought him to me when he was 5!"
Okay, without criticizing the imam, our children, our responsibility. Not the imam, the scholar or the teacher for that matter.
If can't handle responsibility, don't have sex. Nuff said. Because the consequence of your passionate and uncontrolled hormones is another life.
You've messed up yours, don't mess up others'.
Takumi Nakashima WattaquLlah(a) wa yu'allimukumuLlah(u)
(Be Mindful of Allah and He will teach you)
This reminds me of a story typical of many muslim youths. A man came to the imam of the masjid, complaining about his teenage son.
My son doesn't pray, he takes drugs and has girlfriends. Can you do something about it?
The imam said, "how old is he now?"
"16"
"Well, you should have brought him to me when he was 5!"
Okay, without criticizing the imam, our children, our responsibility. Not the imam, the scholar or the teacher for that matter.
If can't handle responsibility, don't have sex. Nuff said. Because the consequence of your passionate and uncontrolled hormones is another life.
You've messed up yours, don't mess up others'.
there are many stories similar to what u mentioned above, you also have to understand is that when our parents came to western countries there main concern was to put the food on table for their family. so upbringing of their children (according to Al-Islam) was not a major concern to them, because many of them didn't have correct islamic knowledge themself.
Now that they (parents) have established themself and seen their young children grow up the wrong way, for some it's too late and some of them are trying their best to correct the mistake they made years ago.
that's why we see/hear ppl going to ulemah of Al-Islam or so-called saints for help, why they do this is because they have seen their parents go to so-called saints for every problem. i'll give u an example of my gran-ma she tells their daughter-inlaws go to this saint or that and he'll sort all ur probelms (cow not giving milk, husband nt happy etc etc)
At the end of the day our parnts have dne everything for us except teach us Al-Islam.
If can't handle responsibility, don't have sex. Nuff said. Because the consequence of your passionate and uncontrolled hormones is another life
*cough* thats a bit harsh isnt it.
its not quite as easy or as simple as that brother
everyone goes through certain 'phases' in their lives and many do not think about children or responsibilities or consequences for that matter until very later on (even up until when their kids are teenagers, the parents still act like teenagers themselves, what kind of an example is that ?) ....they should but they dont.
brother iqbal_ibn_adam point is very true "our parents have done everything for us except teach us Islam"
we are the next generation
lets hope we do not make these mistakes.
Last edited by Sahabiyaat; 01-21-2006 at 02:26 PM.
My heart, so precious,
I won't trade for a hundred thousand souls.
Your one smile takes it for free.Rumi
format_quote Originally Posted by muslimahimprovin
If can't handle responsibility, don't have sex. Nuff said. Because the consequence of your passionate and uncontrolled hormones is another life
*cough* thats a bit harsh isnt it.
its not quite as easy or as simple as that brother
everyone goes through certain 'phases' in their lives and many do not think about children or responsibilities or consequences for that matter until very later on (even up until when their kids are teenagers, the parents still act like teenagers themselves, what kind of an example is that ?) ....they should but they dont.
brother iqbal_ibn_adam point is very true "our parents have done everything for us except teach us Islam"
we are the next generation
lets hope we do not make these mistakes.
inshA we all should pray that we don't repeat the same mistake again as our parents did. and may Allah (swt) forgive them.
there are many stories similar to what u mentioned above, you also have to understand is that when our parents came to western countries there main concern was to put the food on table for their family. so upbringing of their children
Concentrating to put food on the table isn't the reason why parents failed to give their children good Islamic education. If that was the case then working people today would be in the same position. But I can understand why you're thinking that way.
The reason is that, they lacked education themselves. I know many elders who have no academic education let alone an Islamic one. They relied on molvis/mullahs and heresay, which rarely, if ever, included any say on how to raise children according to Islam. Many of their beliefs consist of bidah & cultural traditions, which they passed on to their children.
Still, even for todays wayward youngsters, it's never too late to undo the damage, for which of course the older generation cannot be directly blamed for.
Every muslim should make the effort to spread what knowledge they have to assist in bringing the 'lost' ones to Islam.
We all have computers, so why not print some beneficial ayah's, hadiths, and the relevant Islamic infomation to begin with and distribute flyers around your area. This can be kept up on a weekly/monthly basis.
If our efforts, change even one person, the next generation will benefit from it too inshaAllah.
Concentrating to put food on the table isn't be the reason why parents failed to give their children good Islamic education. If that was the case then working people today would be in the same position. But I can understand why you're thinking that way.
The reason is, that they lacked education themselves. I know many elders who have no academic education let alone an Islamic one. They relied on molvis/mullahs and heresay, which rarely, if ever, included any say on how to raise children according to Islam. Many of their beliefs consist of bidah & cultural traditions, which they passed on to their children.
Still, even for todays wayward youngsters, it's never too late to undo the damage, for which of course the older generation cannot be directly blamed for.
Every muslim should make the effort to spread what knowledge they have to assist in bringing the 'lost' ones to Islam.
We all have computers, so why not print some beneficial ayah's, hadiths, and the relevant Islamic infomation to begin with and distribute flyers around your area. This can be kept up on a weekly/monthly basis.
If our efforts, change even one person, the next generation will benefit from it too inshaAllah.
i did mention that they (elders) lacked islamic knowledge themself due to their background etc etc.
im 100% wid u, bout the idea of distributing islamic flyers on basic islamic issues.
if any1 is interested in doing this there are lot of web sites where u can download the flyers for free, so u won't even need to sit there and type it yourself.
format_quote Originally Posted by muslimahimprovin
If can't handle responsibility, don't have sex. Nuff said. Because the consequence of your passionate and uncontrolled hormones is another life
*cough* thats a bit harsh isnt it.
its not quite as easy or as simple as that brother
everyone goes through certain 'phases' in their lives and many do not think about children or responsibilities or consequences for that matter until very later on (even up until when their kids are teenagers, the parents still act like teenagers themselves, what kind of an example is that ?) ....they should but they dont.
brother iqbal_ibn_adam point is very true "our parents have done everything for us except teach us Islam"
we are the next generation
lets hope we do not make these mistakes.
answer: it's not harsh. It's the truth. Other people can sugar coat, glaze and sprinkle it if they want. I prefer, straight to the point.
Yes, let's concentrate on US. The generation who realizes that we gotta choose Islam. Islam is not a birth right. You were born muslim until you realize that you want to make Islam your way of life. If you don't choose Islam, than Islam doesn't need you. Let people who actually like Islam for what it is, not for what they have been born with.
Some tips before you get married. [if you are, you may change this topic to, tips before having *cough*] {I like to please other people, too , sometimes}
(1) Visit local welfare offices. See abused kids and volunteer to help.
(2) Before reading about marriage and love, read about how NOT to treat a child.
(3) Interview your future partner and ask about how he/she feels about having children. What kind of disciplinary actions would he/she take on the child. Trial and error is not good enough. Children are most of the time DEFENSELESS. They cry because they don't know how to show their emotions otherwise, while adults can write and do more stuff
(4)If you can't handle your urges, go out, play sports, or walk. don't get married just to fulfll your sexual desires alone. And also, LOVE is not good enough.
(5) If you can't follow any of the above, trust me, stay single. Let people who can follow, reproduce. They'll do a better job than you. You can't be good at everything. Accept your weakness and move on.
Takumi Nakashima WattaquLlah(a) wa yu'allimukumuLlah(u)
(Be Mindful of Allah and He will teach you)
answer: it's not harsh. It's the truth. Other people can sugar coat, glaze and sprinkle it if they want. I prefer, straight to the point.
Yes, let's concentrate on US. The generation who realizes that we gotta choose Islam. Islam is not a birth right. You were born muslim until you realize that you want to make Islam your way of life. If you don't choose Islam, than Islam doesn't need you. Let people who actually like Islam for what it is, not for what they have been born with.
Some tips before you get married. [if you are, you may change this topic to, tips before having *cough*] {I like to please other people, too , sometimes}
(1) Visit local welfare offices. See abused kids and volunteer to help.
(2) Before reading about marriage and love, read about how NOT to treat a child.
(3) Interview your future partner and ask about how he/she feels about having children. What kind of disciplinary actions would he/she take on the child. Trial and error is not good enough. Children are most of the time DEFENSELESS. They cry because they don't know how to show their emotions otherwise, while adults can write and do more stuff
(4)If you can't handle your urges, go out, play sports, or walk. don't get married just to fulfll your sexual desires alone. And also, LOVE is not good enough.
(5) If you can't follow any of the above, trust me, stay single. Let people who can follow, reproduce. They'll do a better job than you. You can't be good at everything. Accept your weakness and move on.
jus gotta say..i'm wid ya on wat u said..but wat bout those peepz who were forced into marriage...didnt want children..etc etc...and then again there'z the opposite where people wait MANY years to have children...and wen they finally do...they go and OVERSPOIL them..watz the world coming to? ..
But then again..the MAIN problem at the end of the day...is lack of education..as u and Nadia have pointed out...also...its so annoying wen people are not WILLING to learn..:rant: ..i can go on bout the ignorance of sum peepz...but shan't do so..honestly its jus so..:grumbling
and again there'z sum peepz..who jus dont bother teachin their kids the basicz..and wen the kid turns 16 or 18..."hey kid..its ur life now....not my prob"
jus gotta say..i'm wid ya on wat u said..but wat bout those peepz who were forced into marriage...didnt want children..etc etc...and then again there'z the opposite where people wait MANY years to have children...and wen they finally do...they go and OVERSPOIL them..watz the world coming to? ..
But then again..the MAIN problem at the end of the day...is lack of education..as u and Nadia have pointed out...also...its so annoying wen people are not WILLING to learn..:rant: ..i can go on bout the ignorance of sum peepz...but shan't do so..honestly its jus so..:grumbling
and again there'z sum peepz..who jus dont bother teachin their kids the basicz..and wen the kid turns 16 or 18..."hey kid..its ur life now....not my prob"
I really dont get the whole love thing, I get the desire, but I dont get this concept of 'love' I mean I love my brothers and I love my sisters, but I dont know about love of my wife, i think that would just be the same as my love for my brothers and sisters, I dont get the difference. I really am confused.
Someone said to the Prophet, "Pray to God against the idolaters and curse them." The Prophet replied, "I have been sent to show mercy and have not been sent to curse." (Muslim)
I really dont get the whole love thing, I get the desire, but I dont get this concept of 'love' I mean I love my brothers and I love my sisters, but I dont know about love of my wife, i think that would just be the same as my love for my brothers and sisters, I dont get the difference. I really am confused.
lol cuz like aamirsaab said u'll find out when u get married inshA.
to find a true loving partner at times like this is very hard, so be wise with whome you choose inshA
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