Treatment of parents in old age

Treatment of parents in old age

Assalamaleykum

I pray for all me brothers and sisters out there. Keep reviving the sunnah. Keep increasing the knowledge.

I had something on my mind and I thought who should I speak to. Then I realized I have the biggest family in the world, part of which are on LI so why not try to get their advice, hopefully they will help me and correct me if I’m wrong in my thoughts (no, I don’t expect u to be psychic), they go something like this..

As the thread title will tell you, my concern is about treatment of parents in old age in particular but in general even… oh, how much I wish I could speak what I feel but I have to suppress because I cant speak against elders.

Isnt it funny how parents r given respect and expect respect but when their parents age, the rights/respect takes the back seat so all of a sudden. Since they conveniently in a helpless state, they “lack knowledge and responsibility”... should more respect not be given to elders, especially if they are pious and have more life experiences...?

What does Islam say about parents in their old age?
Who gets to decide whom parents should live with?
Why do they become a burden if they live with their son?
Why do they become a burden if they live with their daughters?
If they are unhappy living with their son due to mental torture or any personal reason and feel they will benefit more from their time living with daughters, Is that wrong?
Is it against what our religion says?
Should their preference be thrown in their face? …as if its some kind of a disgrace...
Isnt it culture which says you should be ashamed if you are living with your daughter?
Why do people care about what the society will say?
Does society matter more than Islamic values?

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Fatwa No. : 84529

Question
What are the duties of a daughter for her parents after her marriage? What are the duties of husband for his wife's parents?

Fatwa

Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the World; and may His blessings and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all his Family and Companions.

The obligations of a daughter towards her parents are the same as they were before her marriage. She has to be kind with them, treat them with kindness, obey them in good and spend on them if they are poor and she is wealthy and able to give to them. The parents who raised her while she was small and felt pity for her while she was weak till she became a grown lady and the men become interested in marrying her. The marriage then is but one of the many favours of her parents. Therefore, the marriage should confirm their rights rather to abrogate or decrease them.

Everyone who considers the texts of the Qur'an and Sunnah will find that they stress the rights of parents. No doubt, marriage adds to the obligation of a woman the rights of her husband, children, and taking care of the house, etc. Thus, to deal with them correctly she needs to be wise and strong enough to give everyone his right without making any imbalance among the rights.

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I cant seem to tackle this issue. What would you do if your parents were mentally tortured either way, whether living with their son or daughter? Especially, if you are not given a voice? Isnt it funny how in Asian culture the less practicing parents bring up the values of parents/elders in Islam when it suits them and their situation and other times its completely scrapped.

I pray Allah eases the situation of those pious people strained by their own children. I pray, He guides those who are blinded of others’ rights. He is who does justice.

Ameen

Salamaleykum

Fi