How to Make Your Husband Happy

sallam sister may Allah bless you for posting this (and many of your other topics ) Mashallah.

I hope we can all for fill everything that was posted above. May Allah make it easy for us sisters and most of them come naturally giggling:

Cant wait to start implementing them one day inshallah.

Jazakallah khair sister.

ok can you know do a thread on how to keep your wife happy?
has the dude even written a book on that matter?
cos it seemed to me that we have to do EVERY SINGLE THING!!!
leaving nothing for the men to do!
amazing how the author is atually a guy!

im sorry there were some good points but in all honesty did that not just cover every single thing in making a so called perfect marriage by the efforts of just one person in the marriage?

and not left a gap for the men to fill other than oh guess what work.

You need his permission to spend his money even for charity?????????
well for starter's in a marriage there should be no its my money or oh no its ur money between spouses.
its our money our home our children our room our kitchen!!!
so ok just cos it seems that the man is the breadwinner it is his money...
so then since the woman does all the cooking and spends much time in the kitchen should the husband ask her permission before he eats food if he is allowed to eat it or if he can enter the kitchen?????

i just found that a little sexist yet again i apologise for my reasons but i just had to comment.

salam alaikum

The majority of the points in Beautiful Reception, Beautify and soften the voice, & Smelling Good and Physical Beautification come off, at least to me, extremely oppressive & overtly taxing. I fail to see the necessity for women to “beautify” & perfume themselves every single instance their husbands return from school, work or travel, & I am having a hard time understanding why women are the sole benefactors of all arduous tasks, i.e. preparing a meal that is not only excellent but “on time.” Marriage, definitively a legal or religious ceremony that formalizes the decision of a man and woman to live as husband and wife, is a commitment that requires an initiative from both husband & wife to achieve relationship stability & all that is included. & no where in the above mentioned sections, nor in the following 14 sections, is the husband held accountable for anything other than being the primary bread-winner. Essentially, the husband is submitting to a traditionalist gender role, ultimately subjecting the wife to being the home-body who waits on her husband hand & foot, disregarding her own wants & needs, & in today's society, where women are increasingly proving their adequacy, achievement & superiority in roles that have, in the past 2 millennia, been dominated by men, I feel that this article in its entirety leaves much to be desired, & can quickly & ardently disregarded as an outdated text.

Still following the precepts of “beautification,” I ask what husband would not love, accept & be happy with his wife, regardless of how she looks, smells, &c.? After all, beauty is fleeting, while personality is the only permanence. The points made in this article intent on “strengthening the Muslim families and” spreading “the teachings of Islam in building families” depict a household that enables sexism & screams oppression. An atmosphere in which equality is unheard of & the extent of the conventional tasks are laid heavily upon the wife & this just cannot & should not be.

Furthermore, the section on intercourse, particularly the point that asserts that the wife “hasten for intercourse” when her “husband feels compulsion for it” is absurd. As it takes two to tango, the wife shouldn't be required, much less demanded, to partake in intercourse whenever her husband deems it necessary. Intercourse is an intimate marital rite & the intimacy & romanticism is void when the husband demands his wife please him whenever he so chooses. Although I realize there is an alternate article on how to please the wife, I doubt that there is anything that ascertains to the man dropping what he's doing & engaging in intercourse with his wife whenever she has a compulsion for it, & needless to say, that's extremely one-sided & erroneous.

Now, I understand in Islam the husband is the leader of the family & the wife his support & consultant, but no where does it unearth the fact that the wife should act as the dehumanized, propagandized & ever-submitting slave, although the article more or less delineates just that.

Next is the section titled Appreciation, which is so naive I considered not discussing it at all. But the extremity of its naivety warranted otherwise. Regardless of the Prophet (PBUH) stating that “the majority of people in hell were women because they were ungrateful and deny the good done to them,” I can say with certainty that just as many men are ungrateful towards their spouse than women, but because this article puts Islamic men on pedestals while women are kicked to the curb, Allāh must have disregarded this fact. Moreover, the husband should love his wife more & more as each day comes & goes, cognizant of the fact that every day that goes by, even if she does not articulate it, the wife is grateful, as should the husband be of her. & the whole if she does bad by me, I'll do bad by her statement is elementary at best. Two wrongs don't make a right; if the husband believes the wife is being ungrateful, in any way shape or form, discussing this belief with the wife is better than just swallowing the feeling of the lack of appreciation & swiftly asking the volatile question, “Why should I do good to her, if she never
appreciates?” Communication is a predominant pillar in any relationship, & without it, the relationship is destined to deteriorate.

While there are a few minute things I could discuss pertaining to the sections Pleasing Him If He Is Angry & Guardianship While He Is Absent, I will not, as I believe there are more significant things to discuss in the sections titled Good Housekeeping & Preservation of Finances and the Family. In particular, all of the statements in Good Housekeeping are, once more, sexist, submitting the wife to the traditional feminine roles in marriage. I see no harm in the husband being knowledgeable in all the skills necessary in managing the home, as required of the wife, & certainly see no harm in the husband straying away from his bread-winning, alpha-male demeanor & helping keep the house clean, well-decorated, & organized as well as possessing the capability to perfect the task of cooking. I doubt this is haraam, as it could only strengthen the marital bond. Lastly, as Sister Eeman pointed out, the money brought in by both the husband & wife go to a collective, equally allotted household banking system & should therefore be on hand to both the husband & wife, stripped of permission. While I believe that any major purchases should be discussed between the husband & wife, small, insignificant ones shouldn't need to be ran past the husband for his OK.

Conclusively, Sister Eeman, I'm glad you decided to speak up about this erring article. But, I do not understand why you have apologized. You are justified in your scrutiny. Nonetheless, my problems with certain partitions of this article & the assertions I've made as a result are not intended to offend or denounce. I realize that the Islamic faith is unlike any other & therefore has attributes that distinguish it from all others, but I do not believe this article does right by all that is Islam, as it establishes a sense of unlettered ramblings. I meant every comment made with the utmost respect towards the original author of the article as well as the original poster, I just felt that a lot of what was said is immensely false & at times immoral in various contexts. As for now, I've said all I've wish to say. & if you any of you feel moved to discuss this further, I'll be more than happy to.

How to Make Your Wife Happy
— Sheikh Mohammed Abdelhaleem Hamed

^You forgot "be understanding and be there for them when they need you"..

^ Oh. Kool

As a male, even I feel at unease with the article :S and I find point 4 to be somewhat unsuitable for this board (Just me? :P)

since our sister who started the thread bullpointed ways to keep your husband happy i think it is only fair that i share with you what the real root of the breakdown in marriages comes down to.

i have seen this with my own eyes growing up in a muslim society and family and its very unfortunate to say so but have learnt from various close people to myself friends and family where it all starts from.

I must emphasise dear brothers that i am not saying that this is the case with every muslim brother that is married but i am merely sharing something with you that i have seen with my own eyes and is why marriages that i have seen have broken down or the spouses have become bitter and resentful and are having a hard time coping in their marriage.

Causes of Marital Discord That Can Be Traced Back to the Husband Himself or His Friends

by Shaykh Salih as Sadlan

Translated into english by Jamaal al-Din Zarabozo


The husband himself may be the cause of the woman's disobedience and rebelliousness. For example, he may be very stingy and miserly. He may also be very emotional and excitable. He may also be someone who is very harsh, tough and despotic. He may be one who forces his will and decisions upon his wife in every matter without consulting with her, taking into consideration her feelings, exchanging views on the matter and being pleasant with this wife. He might consider his wife like some kind of belonging [instead of another human] and therefore deals with her with coldness and coarseness without any compassion or gentleness.

Translator's Footnote: A disease that seems to afflict many men in their ability to be very kind and brotherly to their brothers but extremely cold and harsh towards their own wives. Obviously, their wives have more rights upon them than any of their brothers in Islam. This mistaken behaviour must be corrected.

The cause for that may also be in his evil friends who sow discontent and evil between a man and his wife by leading him and pushing him to disliking and hating his wife .

"He may cause his wife different forms of harm, such as cursing her or her family, reviling her, verbally abusing her for the tiniest of reasons. He may insult her because of her family, if it is less prestigious or honourable than his. Or [another act of nushooz on his part is that] he may try to bring harm to her by divorcing her and then, before the waiting period is finished, bring her back as his wife and then divorce her again. All this is done without the intention of returning to a real married life but simply to harm her and transgress her rights. Or he may avoid having sexual intercourse with her for no reason or legal sanction. This may lead the woman to lose her chastity and doing something forbidden."

[In addition, included among the acts of nushooz] is his unfair distribution of his time or where he stays without legal justification. Or, he may not fulfil the needs of his wife and children such that their well-being is not met. Or, he does things that hurt and dishonour his wife and show lack of respect for her, such as backbiting her, slandering her or joking about her. Or, he may be desirous of her wealth and forces her to spend it on his behalf.