i dont feel welcome at the mosque :(

format_quote Originally Posted by mad_scientist

man, you are like my inner voice!!!!! I feel so isolated from the company of humans, some Muslims included! Especially some people at MSA at my uni too .... They are like executives of the club but I feel that they dont deserve that ... they cant connect with you at a personal level!

Kher. I like this forum. I hope you get out of this lonely shell and make friendship with nature. Inanimate nature is your best friend, more so than humans.

Go for hiking, go for sight-seeing, go for surfing, go and become a part of nature.

DUDE! YOU SURF????? I totally surf as much as i can! We get waist high and sometimes single over head here at Virgina beach, and i go down to Avon NC for the waves durring huricane season....it was wack this year

format_quote Originally Posted by mad_scientist

I dont but I would love to someday lol!

Dude if your ever in Virginia you just tell me! I will take you surfing I am no profesional but i hae fun and enjoy one of God's greatest creations, the ocean.

I used to have a Muslim buddy who would come with me, but he moved to India after college It's nice to have poius friends to discuss God and enjoy nature Now my wife just sits under an umbrella and reads a book while i surf by myself It's no fun when your by yourself. I have some Christian freinds that surf sometimes but they are all too busy now.

I just hit the waves alone now and enjoy the quiet.....but it would be nice o have others around....besides those zen like surfers who think the ocean belongs to them

format_quote Originally Posted by Nur-ud-Dean

I've been Muslim for almost 6 years now, and like others I don't feel entirely comfortable in the mosque. You will always be watched, scrutinised and judged to an extent alien to born Muslims.

I'm used to it now. I have as much right to use the mosque as any of God's creatures, and I do as I please there. If I still feel like a bit of an outsider, that's a reflection on other people rather than me. I attend mosque because I have an obligation to do so, and it does give me a spiritual boost. It's not perfect, but I've learned to live with it.

The only thing that really vexes me is the continue absence of English in many mosques. You can forgive the failings of individuals, but hope that those in charge would take the lead in making newcomers a bit more welcome.

There is no compulsion for you to assimilate; remember that not everything that other Muslims say / do / believe is correct or worthy of emulation. Do your own thing, and you will build friendships with those who have the manners to treat youy properly.

Hmmmm, you know, I was born a muslim, and to be honest in growing up, I don't really remember a time when anyone at the mosque differentiated between muslims i.e converts or non converts.

I think that sometimes when we make a change, it can be percieved in a variety of ways by others and we can also be sensitive to a certain degree in interpreting others reaction, behaviour and or actions when we are sensitised.

When I returned to England to live, I went to the mosque on a Friday and in the womens' area it was not hostile, it was not unfriendly, but it was not friendly either, this was not the same as the attitude or should I say warmth I learnd to associate with Islam and Jumat in Lagos which is where I grew up. Jumat in Lagos is a flambouyant affair, we put on our best clothes and go to hear the whutba, then go to hear the lecture before and after prayers.

My gran used to have to send us to get a good spot with the mats because the mosque would always be overcrowded and you would be outside for fresh air, it was like holidays where people scramble for a beach and sun spot. Sometimes we would be lined up into the main road and cause a traffic jam or the street would be closed. Imagine a family of nine or ten, you need two mats and if there was dirt you had to clear it then lay your mat.

Everyone smiled whether they knew you or not, everyone said hello. We particularly enjoyed being given your zakat by grandma and grandad then you would try to split it into smaller coins so everytime the collections box lady/man came past shaking it you could put money in. Once over, we got to stop and socialise a bit with friends who lived nearby and then you got treat money from adults at the mosque and then go to buy sweets to eat but we had to rush ahead of my gran so she would not catch us.

I gave up and started to either miss, skip or pray jumat using the telly, I was even told that women don't go mosque for jumat its not sunnah etc. I don't go here currently for logistical reasons, but I did pull up the courage to return to the mosque for eid prayers last year and since then I have continued.

At the mosque I go to, people are respectful, helpful, friendly and smile at you and greet you etc. But aside from that it is pretty much normal for people to simply greet and then ignore you, that is the way of the world now.

Having said all the above, I suppose what you should always bear in mind is that you do not go to the mosque for the people or for the atmosphere, you go there to worship Allah.

You will find that with time, just like the new student, people may begin to recognise you or remember you because of you not them, You must go in, and greet people with confidence, smile, show you are respectuful and ask questions aobut any thing you are not sure of like for wudu and so on.

It takes time to establish a relationship with people at the mosque after all you are a stranger to the people there just as they are to you.

You don't need to be friends, just be civil, you don't need the acceptance of the congregation, you need and already have that of Almighty Allah.

Familiarity can sometimes breed contempt, so... as much as one craves being warmly greeted and known and popularity with congregations, also understand that you may not like it if too much interest is given to your attendance and you may not want to share your personal life with the people at the mosque.

So in principle and to conclude, continue to go to the mosque, it empowers you to maintain good habits outside of congregation, it also gives you confidence in your daily life.

Stop completely noticing who said, did, or was at the mosque, instead go in, greet, find a spot, wait for adhan and pray, remain if you want time to meditate, remain if you want to simply be in a quiet place then finish and greet all you see, know or encounter and again, go home. It is as simple as that.

May almighty Allah strengthen your confidence in yourself, your ability to feel the peace and comfort of islam and grant you the grace to feel accepted by yourself first and then by others and strengthen your faith in Allah and his ability to guide, protect and support you. Amin.

format_quote Originally Posted by mystical_moon

I just wanted to say, you shouldn't just not do something because no one else want's to. Go do what you want, even the crazy ideas! You will meet people on the way, ones who have just as crazy ideas as you

Yeah, I just wanted to say that

These days I am up for anything.....whats a good crazy idea? I could go realllllllllly wild and.....stay up until 3am, i know, that sounds wack, but thats being really wild for me

salam brother.
im sorry you feel that way.
but alhamdulillah, Allah brings you to the mosque to make friends with Him and the masjid is not only a place for you to make friends but should also be your sanctuary from the rest of the world.
The way ive made friends is by making salaat in the masjid not jus for jummah. but every chance you get and smiling and giving salam to the brothers there.
and jus be yourself.
even a smile is a charity
make dua and proper niyat and rememberance of Allah and he will introduce to many good friends inshallah.

I honestly know EXACTLY what you are going though.

I was even born a Muslim, so rest assured that the reason you feel awkward is not because you are a revert at all. In a mosque, 9.99/10 people have some degree of imman otherwise they woudnt be at the mosque. If any of the muslims are like me, a great deal of my friends are reverts and it makes me soo happy to see them in the mosque with me, it reminds me that islam is the unstopable truth.

The reason I feel akward, and the reason why I think you do also, is because I imagine that no one really shown you around the mosque, or told you the procedures in enough detail, or the process for Janazzah, or what to do if you are late, or about the rules (like not walking infront of someone when they are praying) or about when to do dua or tusbee....(no one told me)

And its because of those reasons we begin to feel out of place when we see people walking by knowing exactly what they are doing etc and we begin to feel like there looking at us (though we know they really arnt)

There are TONS of ways to remove this feeling though, but it takes time. I am still working on it. But some things I have found that help me are:

1. Befriend an Iman, I bet you he wont be able to help you enough. For me it was a little hard approaching him because I am really shy, but Imans really are beautiful people because the follow the quran and sunnah.

2. Ask a friend to go with you for as often as possible, even if he isnt the most religous person in the world (though it would help). But even if he isnt, it does not matter. When you go some where new its always nice to have someone to talk to as oppose to letting your mind wander

3. Friday Jumahs can be really busy, which is a good thing. But I bet you that your local mosque will only use like the first two lines for say Fujr, Zuhr or Asr prayer (thats what mine does, and its a massice and local mosque). Go to mosque at one of those times, other than a friday, get a feel for things and the procedures when its a lot less busy.

4. Go camly and with plenty of time to spare. What I mean by that is dont let time, be a reason you seek awkward

5. Read about all the procedures, ask friends and imans and us on the Islmaic board forum

6. Go to the front rows, the closer you are to the front the closer you are to Allah

7. Dont think that everyone is looking at you. They wont remember you from last week. Walk in the mosque, like its the 1000000th time you have done it (not arragontly lol, just assured)

I know what you are going though, but it really is all in our heads. It is a horrible feeling, but one thats there only because of were not sure what we are doing (even though I bet we are both doing it right, i suppose it just takes time)

You are always welcome in my mosque.



Ps if any of that helped please do a dua for me, my life really is falling apart.

format_quote Originally Posted by ghengis

whatever happened to the ummah... i never thought islamic people would allow stragglers on the edge of society to exist....

what happened to welcome... we are one ummah... we feel pain when you get hurt... yeah right....

i am grateful for all the comments and invitations... but i cant believe people like me exist....

isolated ones... i bet there are actually loads of us...... this is not good. its a social ill.
isolation is a western disease.
that it seems islam has caught..... maybe cos we are living in this west... who knows.

lonely fragmented individuals that have no home. i think i am a refugee.

yeah. thats it. i'm a refugee.

Just because someone has a Muslim name and goes to the mosque, doesnt mean they are a true Muslim. Trust me.

Remember, what was written on the Prophet PBUH sword.

If God Forbid, these people really do delibrately stare at you or what not to make you feel awkward (which is absolutely disgusting, and thank Allah that you know about Islam to know that, if that is the case, then they are not fully representing Islam yet). Then let them stare.

You went there for Allah. No other reason.

- I just remembed a quick story that I will tell you. (it is authentic hopfully someone else can give the full details).

But there was this man that one day got up and went to see somone who did not fully like him, when he was going he was asked why?

Do you owe this man money? No replied the man.....(and a few other questions). The man then asked 'why are going to see him then'.He replied 'because I love Allah'.

On his journey to the mans house, Allah sent the Angel Gabrail, to tell him that Allah loves him to.

Moral of the Story, do it because you love Allah