"Don't take on too much all at once"

This is less of a question and more of an open chat (a not-quite debate)... that's allowed here isn't it?

Anyway... assalam alaykum!

Okay since converting to Islam one of the most frequent topics that have come up whenever someone wanted to give me advice was "don't take on too much at once", usually followed by being told a story about how someone they knew tried to take on too much all at once and was put off entirely and turned away from Islam before they'd really got the hang of it.

Well, there's two sides to this.

As far as jumping into things you don't understand, I can totally agree with that. Of course it's bound to be off-putting when you feel pressured and expected to do things that you don't really have full knowledge of, all the while knowing that there's so much more you're not doing that you should be but don't even know what all of that is, and you're also doing things you shouldn't be, again knowing that you don't know what all of those things are. And then getting all worked up about it and "cramming with your study" in a vain effort to learn everything at once. Yes, that's taking on too much all at once and you need to chill out, take things a step or two at a time. Yes we don't know when the exam finishes and for some of us it could be any minute now for all we know, but there's no benefit in making ourselves ill over it and slowing our progress with stress.

On the other hand, my most recent experiences with learning about Islam and how to worship and what to do and what not to do is coming across small things (small compared to the bigger picture, on their own they're still big and significant changes) that you find and learn about and then it hits you BAM... something clicks and you realise you have to change something in your life that you have been doing wrong (or not doing) and it may be a really big test for you and it may hurt and you might feel like giving up sometimes.

Then you go to ask for advice and, depending on who they are they might go all "Oh just forget about that for now you're taking on too much just for get about it relax Allah is all forgiving, He wouldn't give you more than you can handle..."

...er, wait what? What are you suggesting here?

It almost sounds like an invitation to go all soft in your integration. You're making headway but it hurts, so just because it hurts they're suggesting you just sweep it under the carpet and deal with something else instead. Yes, I have had this very advice with these very words "sweep it under the carpet for now" just because I found it a bit hard. Just because Allah (Subhanahu wa ta'ala) is all forgiving and all merciful does not mean we can take advantage of that. One thing I have never been taught is to fear Allah, except through books and online lectures. The people I speak to however take this softly-softie approach and quite frankly it scares me a bit, there's little fear or it's not openly expressed to new muslims to be fearful. I dunno if they're just trying to avoid new muslims becoming too anxious like in the first example of someone taking on too much stress from trying to learn about Islam, but what is being taught surely isn't very good either.

I am just curious, is this the norm in Western society nowadays? It's the norm where I live, well, there isn't really an Islamic community here, you can't nip down to the masjid and ask someone learned because there isn't really anyone there to ask most of the time (and if there is, they're usually in the men-only bit anyway so tough for women ) but I dunno, as I said I'm tired of being coddled. I just wish when I went for advice from someone they were a bit tough on me, you know? I guess that's why I feel a bit envious of the guys. I have a male friend and from the sounds of things not only are they tough on the subject but they don't dance around sensitivities either (I realise this is a generalisation, I'm referring more to the men at the masjid where I'm from, my friend informs me that there are plenty of guys who aren't like that). I think it's the distinctive lack of tough ladies that frustrates me.

I don't really know what kind of topic this is, lol. It was meant to be a chat, then a discussion, and now I think it's just turned into a good old rant. Anyway there's a question in there somewhere...