parents won't let me fast during Ramadan

Assalaamu alaikum my dear,

(smile) You know, when Islam was being taught to the people in the Prophet's time, fasting was introduced gradually. (smile) It is beautiful that you want to try to do everything as much as possible. But you know, just as sudden diets have a high chance of failure in the long term, so does throwing yourself into Islam and trying to do everything immediately, make your long term success more difficult.

(gently) Your mother cares about you, I think. She seems to be supportive of your faith. She is just concerned that you may harm yourself. And you know, if you have not grown up gradually increasing your body's ability to fast, fasting can be quite hard. To start to fast Ramadan during your summer exam time may be a really big shock to your body.

(smile) Perhaps you could discuss the following idea with your mother (in a polite, respectful and loving way): How about if you fast the first day, so that you can feel the joy of starting Ramadan with other Muslims? And perhaps fast one or two days on the weekend during school time? And then you try fasting after school ends? (smile) As a new Muslim, you may well find that you can't fast all the days in a row. Try to adjust your fast to your body's capacity. Especially keep a lookout for signs of dehydration, such as: headaches, dizziness and lethargy (for more symptoms, see here: http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-c...s/con-20030056). You can also try pinching the skin on the back of your hands; it should spring back to normal shape as soon as you let go. If it does not (that is, if it is slow to return to its normal shape), you are becoming too dehydrated, and you will need to stop fasting for 2-3 days to rehydrate your body properly.

(smile) And listen to you mother's concerns. She has been caring for your physical needs for years; she knows you well.

As for future Ramadans... (smile) you are growing older and stronger every year. You will also become better at judging your own limits. And if you do some fasting this year, your body will start to adapt and get better at it. Furthermore, in the US, the days will get shorter as Ramadan will get earlier in your school year. And this will make Ramadan easier for you.

(smile) So don't worry too much about the future. Try to focus on what you can reasonably do now. (smile) And show your mother how Islam is helping you be a good, responsible person and loving daughter. Talk with her kindly and sensibly... and honestly. (gently) Don't lie to her about eating your lunch. Try to draw up a schedule for this year with her, and then honour it.

(smile) Welcome to Islam, my dear. I pray Ramadan may bring you and your family many good things.


May Allah, the Generous, Strengthen our bodies for fasting, and the loving ties within our families.

format_quote Originally Posted by basamasmile

Salaam Aleikum!
I am a new Muslim, and live with my parents. The other day, my mother has told me that she will not let me fast during Ramadan because it is partially during school (and finals) and she thinks it will lower my grades, and I won't be able to concentrate. Since she said it was alright to fast in the summer, I'll have 15 days where I can observe the fast fully. But the other 15, I'm planning on eating breakfast, throwing out my lunch at school, and not eating until dinner. Is this okay? I know it isn't a full fast, but it feels like it's better than nothing. I feel so guilty, because I know Ramadan is one of the 5 pillars of faith, and I feel like a bad Muslim for not being able to fully complete it. Any advice? This will also be an issue in later years as the Ramadan goes earlier in the year, and more of it will be during school.

Is it your first Ramadan? I would just make the effort to fast, regardless of what your mother says. If she gives you food for school, do not throw it out, give it to someone else who will appreciate you providing them with food. Never throw out food. Do things gradually, since you are not used to fasting it will be an initial shock. I remember my first Ramadan as a convert, I was studying and working, I worked during the day and then I went to school at around 4:00 pm or so. I would sit in lecture and the Athan would go off, and then I would take out my food and eat. People found it so odd, but I did not slack in grades and I was doing four courses + working full time. In Ramadan, the most beautiful thing, is that you do not feel hungry. If your intention is right, if you are drinking water properly and eating in a way that is good for your health, your system gets a nice break and sort of resets itself. Tell your mom that fasting is actually healthy for you, speak with her rationally, about the benefits of fasting in the first place. As well as the kind of foods you will eat and enjoy when breaking the fast that will be nutritious and beneficial for your health in the long run.

I took this from a (this is a non-Muslim) website promoting the benefits of fasting.
1. Fasting Helps Weight Loss
Fasting can be a safe way to lose weight as many studies have shown that intermittent fasting – fasting that is controlled within a set number of hours – allows the body to burn through fat cells more effectively than just regular dieting. Intermittent fasting allows the body to use fat as it’s primary source of energy instead of sugar.

2. Fasting Improves Insulin Sensitivity
Fasting has shown to have a positive effect on insulin sensitivity, allowing you to tolerate carbohydrates (sugar) better than if you didn’t fast. A study showed that after periods of fasting, insulin becomes more effective in telling cells to take up glucose from blood.

3. Fasting Speeds Up The Metabolism
Intermittent fasting gives your digestive system a rest, and this can energise your metabolism to burn through calories more efficiently. If your digestion is poor, this can effect your ability to metabolise food and burn fat. Intermittent fasts can regulate your digestion and promote healthy bowel function, thus improving your metabolic function.

4. Fasting Promotes Longevity
Believe it or not, the less you eat the longer you will live. Studies have shown how the lifespan of people in certain cultures increased due to their diets. However, we don’t need to live amongst a foreign community to reap the benefits of fasting. One of the primary effects of ageing is a slower metabolism, the younger your body is, the faster and more efficient your metabolism. The less you eat, the less toll it takes on your digestive system.

5. Fasting Improves Hunger
Just think about this, can you actually experience real hunger if you eat a meal every 3-4 hours? Of course you can’t. In fact, to experience the true nature of hunger, this would take anything from 12 to even 24 hours. Fasting helps to regulate the hormones in your body so that you experience what true hunger is. We know that obese individuals do not receive the correct signals to let them know they are full due excessive eating patterns. Think of fasting as a reset button: the longer you fast, the more your body can regulate itself to release the correct hormones, so that you can experience what real hunger is. Not to mention, when your hormones are working correctly, you get full quicker.

6. Fasting Improves Your Eating Patterns
Fasting can be a helpful practice for those who suffer with binge eating disorders, and for those who find it difficult to establish a correct eating pattern due to work and other priorities. With intermittent fasting going all afternoon without a meal is okay and it can allow you to eat at a set time that fits your lifestyle. Also, for anyone who wants to prevent binge eating, you can establish a set time in where you allow yourself to eat your daily amount of calories in one sitting, and then not eat till the following day.

7. Fasting Improves Your Brain Function
Fasting has shown to improve brain function, because it boosts the production of a protein called brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF.) BDNF activates brain stem cells to convert into new neurons, and triggers numerous other chemicals that promote neural health. This protein also protects your brain cells from changes associated with Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s disease.

8. Fasting Improves Your Immune System
Intermittent fasting improves the immune system because it reduces free radical damage, regulates inflammatory conditions in the body and starves off cancer cell formation. In nature, when animals get sick they stop eating and instead focus on resting. This is a primal instinct to reduce stress on their internal system so their body can fight off infection. We humans are the only species who look for food when we are ill, even when we do not need it.

9. Fasting Contributes To Self-Enlightenment
Fasting has helped many people feel more connected to life during the practices reading, meditation, yoga and martial arts etc. With no food in the digestive system, this makes room for more energy in the body – the digestive is one of the most energy absorbing systems in the body. It allows us to feel better both consciously and physically. With a lighter body and a clearer mind we become more aware and grateful for the things around us.

10. Fasting Helps Clear The Skin And Prevent Acne
Fasting can help clear the skin because with the body temporarily freed from digestion, it’s able to focus its regenerative energies on other systems. Not eating anything for just one day has shown to help the body clean up the toxins and regulate the functioning of other organs of the body like liver, kidneys and other parts.