Being Muslim

During worship services as my Christian church, I have always felt such a strong urge to bow down to God. Sometimes I do this even though it is very unusual. Sometimes I feel the presence of God so strongly that I have to fall to my knees with my head on the floor and give honor to the Creator of Heaven and Earth -- the God of everything -- the One God -- the Only God. And I sing -- THERE IS NONE LIKE YOU.

In the US, we have been shielded from Islam for many generations. Until now, people like me have grown up all their lives without knowing a THING about Islam other than the lies we are told. But you can't always blame the people who tell the lies because they are only repeating lies that were told to them as truth and they now believe they are telling the truth -- they are only ignorant, not necessarily evil.

Most of us have grown up not knowing anything about Islam, usually not even really knowing the difference between Islam, Muslim, Hindu, Buddist, etc... It's true -- most of us don't know a single thing about any of these other religions other than the fact that they are NOT Christian, which in this culture, pretty much amounts to being evil tools of the devil.

I don't say that to stir up contention -- only to explain.

Most of us learn to fear anything that is different than what we've been taught. We learn that different beliefs are very dangerous and that they will slip into your spirit and take you over and the next thing you know you'll be burning in a devil's hell for being deceived by false religion.

So we are not only shielded form information about non-Christian religions, we are taught to fear the very act of even questioning or investigating other religions. We are taught that to open a sacred text other than the Bible is opening yourself up to infectious ideas that will trap you like drugs and drag you into deception. We are taught that it is only safe to blind yourself from any information about other religions, particularly Islam.

But God will come to those he chooses, regardless of the barriers that ignorant men have built up around them.

I started thinking about Islam from many directions. First, I wondered about the people our government was demonizing and what purpose they had in doing that. Then in reading and researching the Middle East on topics of politics and culture I learned more about Islam.

What is Islam? I wondered. So I looked at some videos and took out a copy of the Qu'ran I had in my library and read some passages in it. I was very surprised to find that Allah was not a false god but that he was the ONE God -- the God of Abraham, Issac, Ishmael, Jacob, Jesus. Then I researched Israel and the history of Zionism.

I began to see that Muslims were the seed of Abraham and that Islam was the only truly mono-theistic religion and that Muslims were a people under attack from all sides.

At the same time, I was full of despair from living in the pornographic West. Even though I seemed alone in my beliefs I was deeply offended by the immodesty of our culture and the behavior of a society immersed in deviant sexuality. I couldn't understand how people were able to accept things as common place that were so blatantly, disgustingly perverted. Everywhere you go there are unclothed women and young girls deliberately acting in ways designed specifically to seduce men... not just one man -- any man. Clothing that was designed by prostitutes for one purpose -- to illicit sexual arousal in any and every man they pass by. And the whole society laughing and making jokes about it.. laughing and making jokes about adultry and infidelity and deceit. While my entire society had embraced these things I was profoundly offended by them.

And so I searched for a style of clothing that allowed me to respect myself as a Godly woman and yet was beautiful. I became interested in Middle Eastern clothing and first bought a sari. Then I shopped online and found a salwar kameez. After that, I bought a pantsuit with longer top. Then I bought a jilbab.

That day I felt truly at ease and beautiful, not only in the eyes of my husband but in the eyes of God.

Meanwhile I read more about Islam. But I didn't know much about Muhammed until just the other day when I started watching the documentary "The Prophet Muhammed." That's when I felt things changing in my heart.

I have already said that I believe God is the one God, the only God and that there is no God but God. I believe that God is Allah, the God of Abraham. I also believe that Jesus was born of the virgin Mary by a miracle wrought by the hands of God. Whether or not that makes him a "son" is sort of a technicality. And now I am seeing what a beautiful human being that Muhammed was and also that the message he brought was from God.

I also have a hard time going to the Christian church of which I am a member. I feel very lonely there and it is difficult for me to overlook the hypocrisy of present day 'Christianity.' I know there are many very sincere individuals in the faith and they are ignorant of the horrendous uses of what is now called Christianity. They don't know that their government uses their platform to gain the power they need to continue the mass atrocities presently occurring around the world, especially in Muslim countries. But I know. And because I know it is difficult for me to sit quietly.

And then I find that the Prophet Muhammed was very clear about our obligation to speak out against injustice when we see it. He was clear about charity and helping others.

I have been a humanitarian worker in social justice for years. My husband and I have a humanitarian project where we work with one of the poorest communities in the world.

What I'm starting to realize is that, even though I am a member of a Christian church and have not made a public stand otherwise, that I am a Muslim in my heart. And I am starting to realize that I have been a Muslim in many ways for a long time and just did not know it.

Yes, I am a Muslim.

NOW WHAT DO I DO?

My husband is a Christian minister. He does not really know the extent that my faith has changed. But I know he is drawn to Islam as well. He loves the dishdasha I bought for him and has asked me to get him the head covering as well. He loves the book I have here called "Caravan of Deams" by Idries Shah. He loves the modest clothing I wear and he cries whenever we watch videos showing the persecution of Muslim people.

I have ordered the documentary on the Prophet Muhammed that I am watching on youtube so that my husband and I can sit down and watch it all together in it's entirety.

I am kind of scared of how this will all work out. It's such a major step -- such a huge change. Especially when our entire lives have been lived pretty much in the Christian community.

I wish I had more posts here so I could correspond with someone on a more regular basis.

I really wouldn't mind getting email so if anyone feels led to write to me, my address is: Removed -email address, use send email on profile

Salaam,

caroline -- just another slave of Allah