Loner

**AnonymousPoster** · 11-12-2009

I really need you guys advice. I recently started at a new workplace. I don't like any of the people very much, I talk to them occassionally when I have to but don't go out of my way to talk to them. They're not my type of people if you get me? Well anyway I'm a bit of a loner at work, I do my own thing and just go home, don't really mix with anyone, sort of say hi to a few people but thats about it. The thing is I actually like being on my own most of the time, I've had issues with friends before and find it hard to trust people. I have a few friends, but not too many and I'm not actually that close to any of them and I like it that way. Is there something wrong with me? Society kind of dictates that we have to have friends and loners are perceived as losers, but I like being a loner. Do you guys think there is anything wrong with that, the fact that I like not having close friends and I like not relying on people and things? I would appreciate any thoughts and advice. Jazak'Allah

**Argamemnon** · 11-12-2009

I'm the same, I wish I could offer advice. But you are not "guilty" of anything.

**cat eyes** · 11-12-2009

no it didnt effect me when nobody wanted 2know me at work because i talked openly about my religion. They thought i was strange and weird...the whispering on my back was extremely annoying though. I felt like i was in school again geting bullied. But da only difference is i felt stronger to deal with it! I think that its IMAAN

dnt wry sis x

**Hamza Asadullah** · 11-12-2009

Originally Posted by AnonymousGender

I really need you guys advice. I recently started at a new workplace. I don't like any of the people very much, I talk to them occassionally when I have to but don't go out of my way to talk to them. They're not my type of people if you get me? Well anyway I'm a bit of a loner at work, I do my own thing and just go home, don't really mix with anyone, sort of say hi to a few people but thats about it. The thing is I actually like being on my own most of the time, I've had issues with friends before and find it hard to trust people. I have a few friends, but not too many and I'm not actually that close to any of them and I like it that way. Is there something wrong with me? Society kind of dictates that we have to have friends and loners are perceived as losers, but I like being a loner. Do you guys think there is anything wrong with that, the fact that I like not having close friends and I like not relying on people and things? I would appreciate any thoughts and advice. Jazak'Allah

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, my brother it is better not to have friends than to have friends who commit evil and may lead one astray however it is better for us to have good and pious friends because a lone sheep is vulnerable to attack from the wolf(Shaythan).

That is why for men we should attend the Masjid for our fard salah at least and there we can mix and socialise with good and pious company.

Also it is best if we do not rely on anyone for anything and that we don't ask others for favours.

But whatever you do keep a close connection with the masjid because as men we should not pray at home if we do not have a valid reason for not going masjid as Rasulallah (Pbuh) said in the nearest meaning that if he had do he would gather wood together and burn the houses of those men who prefer to pray at home without any valid excuse for not attending the Masjid for congregational prayers. Also congregational prayers are 70 times mre reward than when praying alone but for women they get 70 times more for praying at home.

We should keep a close connection with the house of Allah and there you can meet and talk to good and pious brothers and attend talks, fiqh,arabic,hadith and Qur'an studies etc. This will be more beneficial for you inshallah.

**Ummu Sufyaan** · 11-13-2009

i dont think there is anything wrong with what you are doing. as long you are happy with it and you dont have socializing problems, eg you know how to socialize, dont develop some kind of "social anxiety," and dont "snob" people when they socialize with you etc, then it shouldn't be a problem.
some people are social butterflies, others are anything but.

**AnonymousPoster** · 12-02-2009

I do know how to socialise, but the thing is I just prefer being on my own. I would rather spend lunch by myself than with a group of people, thats just how I feel comfortable. I dunno, I mean people must think I'm weird but I prefer it this way! Any thoughts?

(I am a sister btw!)

**DaNgErOuS MiNdS** · 12-02-2009

Sometimes people just do things, say things, put an act on just to mix in and not be left out but others cant or wont either way i see it as a choice. I know if you get along with people you'll have a more efficient time at work and time might go a bit better.

**gladTidings** · 12-02-2009

whatever floats your boat....and keeps you in a good state of imaan

**cat eyes** · 12-02-2009

don't let it bother you, it will also annoy you if you were hanging around with people that you didn't really want to be around? so just think of it that way. i don't know why people seem to have a problem with loners i find that its the most loud and annoying people that have a problem with loners and i have a problem with people like that who are to much ''in your face''

**gladTidings** · 12-02-2009

Whatever floats your boat....and keeps you in a state of imaan

**OurIslamic** · 12-02-2009

I don't know why people are referring to this person as "sister" or "brother" (it's an anonymous account, so you don't know!).

By the way, to the Original Poster, you're not doing anything wrong! Many people are like this, it's just how some people feel.

**Salahudeen** · 12-02-2009

We're all loners at some point in our lives, but I know how you feel at work, like your the only normal person and they're all strange. In our times this is how it is for the praticing Muslim, he's a stranger everywhere he goes and he feels strange amongst the non Muslim's. And sometimes feel strange amongst Muslims.

**Eliphaz** · 12-03-2009

Dear sis,

I think everyone finds it tough starting out a new job. I used to be a loner (and still am in some ways) and I also preferred it to an extent. But the simple fact is that we need human interaction and it helps us to thrive and grow and learn from one another. Everyone at work finds it hard to make an effort to interact, but the fact is we all have to make an effort, otherwise we are letting ourselves and others down. People are not seeing the beauty of your personality and you are not seeing theirs.

For me it was the fact I felt I had nothing in common with my colleagues and that there was therefore no point in making an effort, besides which most conversations started with the inevitable 'what did you do last night'. But the fact is we all have something in common (even if it is complaining about work together) so I think if you just start off with the simple stuff, like talking about the weather (etc), you might be surprised.

**AnonymousPoster** · 12-04-2009

i'm not the poster of the topic

i think it depends on how much of a loner you are.....

if you are a loner 24/7 and shut people out...i think that's bad

if you socialize and talk excessively 24/7.....i think that's bad.

I guess it's all about balance.

**Mark87** · 12-05-2009

"It is better to sit alone than in company with the bad; and it is better still to sit with the good than alone. It is better to speak to a seeker of knowledge than to remain silent; but silence is better than idle words." (Bukhari)

and truly Allah is relied upon for everything.