How social are you?

[Argamemnon]

It seems to me that most people become depressed or experience anxiety when they are alone too often. When they are not around people they feel 'miserable' or unhappy or anxious. I'm the opposite, I feel awesome when all by myself, doing what I want without being interrupted by people who seek attention and affection. Solitude truly is the greatest feeling on earth. Why would I want to entertain other people? Entertaining other people drains my energy and causes too much stress, which is totally unnecessary and avoidable!!

I'm feeling guilty sometimes because marriage is encouraged in Islam. However, I'm absolutely certain that I will be a much happier person if I don't marry. I believe I can still be a good person and Muslim if I live a life of solitude - even if such a lifestyle is frowned upon by the majority of people. It's a pity that I don't know enough people who feel the same, it would be nice to exchange views and experiences.

[cat eyes]

i cant imagine myself being alone for the rest of my adult life that would be just depressing. i dont find many people who don't want to marry to be honest with you

because if you didnt marry you would fall in to zina.. you probably feel strong now that you wont but you never know. woman is a fitnah for a man and it just takes a certain cunning woman to trap you

all the best

[S<Chowdhury]

Brother,

I guess your thinking marriage is suffocating and you have to do everything together, but you don't always have to spend time with your partner and you don’t have to be inseparable to be in love. Sometimes it's good to have some time apart to spend time doing things that you enjoy that perhaps your partner doesn't.
It doesn't mean that you love each other less if you spend time apart, after all you are entitled to have a life outside of your relationship. This doesn't mean that you can go running off and doing things that could jeopardize your marriage.

I guess you just have to find the balance Brother between spending some time with your spouse and then the rest to spend as you please. I'd agree with Sister Cat Eyes that usually without marriage you will perhaps fall into the trap of Zina, the prophet (pbuh) has said "there is no celibacy in Islam....... and Marriage is my tradition who so ever keeps away there from is not from amongst me"

All the best Brother

[Argamemnon]

i cant imagine myself being alone for the rest of my adult life that would be just depressing.

I can't imagine spending the rest of my life with other people, that would be so depressing.

i dont find many people who don't want to marry to be honest with you

That's true.. yet, there are people who prefer living alone, even in Muslim countries. People are different.

because if you didnt marry you would fall in to zina..

That's not true, let's not generalize..

woman is a fitnah for a man and it just takes a certain cunning woman to trap you

A woman is not a fitna, a woman is a human being. And nobody can 'trap' me. I prefer to stay away from people as much as possible, which must be very hard to understand for others, i.e. 'normal' people.

all the best

all the best

[cat eyes]

im not generalising im talking about the nature of humans. even Allah made eve especially for Adam pbuh. and nobody can say that they wont do such and such a sin. we were not born perfect

now you say that woman is not a fitnah and no one can trap you. please i dont want to embarrass you by giving you evidence from holy Quran and sunnah

[cat eyes]

“I am not leaving behind me any fitnah that is more harmful to men than women "
Narrated by al-Bukhaari



“This world is fresh and sweet, and Allaah has appointed you over it, so see how you will do. Fear this world and fear women, for the first fitnah faced by the Children of Israel had to do with women.” Narrated by Muslim


‘If one of you were to be struck in the head with an iron needle, it would be better for him than if he were to touch a woman he is not allowed to.” (Reported by al-Tabaraani; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 5045)


Bukhari :: Book 7 :: Volume 62 :: Hadith 33 Narrated Usama bin Zaid:
The Prophet said, "After me I have not left any affliction more harmful to men than women."

Mu'az bin Jabal (ra) said to Raja' bin Haiwa:
"Your earlier trials consisted of harsh adversities and you had limited resources towards which you exercised extreme patience and
endurance, however, your future trials will consist of comfort and prosperity. Furthermore, the most I fear for you are the trials of
women, and the time will come when women will adorm their forearms with bracelets of gold and silver decorated alike with matching
bangles, and that will become the fashion, and then, they will be dressed up with damask linen and silk from Syria, and they will tie up
their heads with embellished headbands and ligatures from Yemen, and then women will become a burden for the rich and a worry for the poor."
[narrated Imam Ahmad bin Hanbal]

So from these hadiths we can clearly see that men are weak creatures and surely Allah knows us best then we know our own selves.

having said that there is more evidence on women to prove they are a fitnah and also children:

Allah, the Majestic and Magnificent, said:
(Indeed among your wives and your children are enemies) (At-Taghaabun 64:14)
Ibn Kathir said: “Allah states that some wives and children are enemies to their husbands and fathers, in that they might be busied with them, rather than with performing the good deeds.”
And foremost among these is learning about one’s religion, about Allah, about faith, about tawhid, and about the Sunnah.
It was narrated from Simak bin Harb, from `Ikrimah, that Ibn `Abbas was asked about this ayah
(Indeed among your wives and your children are enemies) (At-Taghaabun 64:14)

– And he said: “There were men who embraced Islam in Makkah and wanted to emigrate to Allah’s Messenger (sall Allahu `alaihi wa sallam). However, their wives and children reused to allow them. Later when they joined Allah’s Messenger (sall Allahu `alaihi wa sallam), they found that those who were with him have gained knowledge in the religion, so they were about to punish their wives and children. So Allah revealed….” And he mentioned the ayah. (It was recorded by at-Tirmithi in his Sunan, under the Tafsir of the surah, at-Tabari, Ibn Abi Hatim, and al-Hakim who said it is sahih, and adh-Dhahabi was silent about it, and al-Albani graded it hasan in Sahih Sunan at-Tirmidhi. There is a deficiency in the chain of narration, yet most of them considered it authentic, and the worst that could be said about it is that the narration is from `Ikrimah and not Ibn `Abbas, while most of them would consider it hasan or the like.)

Regarding the hadith in question, in his commentary on Sahih al-Bukhari, Ibn Hajar said:
“In the hadith, is that the fitnah of women is more severe than the fitnah of other than them. And this is testified to by the saying of Allah, the Most High: (Beautified for men is the love of things they covet; women, children….) (Aal `Imran 2:14) so He made them among the most coveted of the desires, and began mentioning them before the other types, indicating that they are the basis of that. And it occurs in what is witnessed; for a man loves the child of his wife who is with him (at the time) more than he loves his child from other than her…”

Regarding the ayah which Ibn Hajar mentioned above:
(Beautified for men is the love of things they covet; women, children, al-qanaatiril-muqantarah (large measures) of gold and silver, branded beautiful horses (musawwamah), cattle and fertile land. That is the delight (mataa`) of the life of the world; but Allah has the excellent return with Him.) (Aal `Imran 3:14)

Ibn Kathir said: “Allah mentions the delights that He put in this life for people, such as women and children, and he started with women, because the test with them is more tempting. For instance, in the Sahih, it is recorded that the Messenger (sall Allah `alaihi wa sallam) said:
‘I did not leave behind a test more tempting to men than women.’

When one marries women for the purpose of having children and preserving his chastity, then he is encouraged to do so.”
And he mentioned the hadith: “This life is a delight (mataa`), and the best of delights (mataa`) is a righteous wife.” (Muslim and others)

(Mataa`), the word used in the ayah and the hadith mentioned above refers to goods, merchandise, that which one takes pleasure in, etc.

Similarly, the Prophet (sall Allahu `alaihi wa sallam) said:
“The world is cursed, and all that is in it is cursed, except for learning, and teaching, the remembrance of Allah, and what is conducive to that.” It was recorded by at-Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah and others and it was graded hasan by al-Albani in Sahih al-Jami` as-Sagheer.

If you compare these narrations to the hadith:
“Whoever comes to this Masjid of mine, and he does not come except to learn or teach good, then he is like the status of the mujahideen in the way of Allah. And whoever comes for other than that, then he is like the status of a man looking at the goods (mataa`) of someone else.” It was recorded by Ibn Majah and others, al-Albani graded it sahih in Sahih at-Targhib wat-Tarhib no. 82.

So in the ayah, after first mentioning women, then the other desires of men:
(That is the delight (mataa`) of the life of the world; but Allah has the excellent return with Him.) (Aal `Imran 3:14)
In the hadith:
“This life is a delight (mataa`)”

And in the hadith about the world:
“learning, and teaching, the remembrance of Allah, and what is conducive to that”
These are exempt from being cursed, so he (sall Allahu `alaihi was sallam) said:
“the best of delights (mataa`) is a righteous wife”

Therefore you can see, that in the narration about going to the masjid to gain knowledge, one is promised the reward like that of a mujahid. But if one comes for reasons other than that, out of riya’, to gain status, to look important, or to receive some charity distributed there, etc.:
“then he is like the status of a man looking at the merchandise (mataa`) of someone else”
So this is why Allah said:
(That is the delight (mataa`) of the life of the world; but Allah has the excellent return with Him.) (Aal `Imran 3:14)
And then one can better understand when the Prophet (sall Allahu `alaihi wa sallam) said:
“Indeed the world is moist and green, and Allah has made you succeeding generations in it to watch how you will act, so beware of the world. And beware of women, for indeed the first fitnah for the Children of Israel was with women.” (Muslim, and others)

So men are distracted by women, and it is not that it is all the fault of the women, but that they are such that men are distracted by them. So a man may leave obligations or recommended acts because of his being distracted by a woman, either in general or in specific terms. It could be that he spends more “quality” time (as they say) in devotion to his wife, when he could be performing more acts of worship, spending more “quality” time in the devotion to his Lord. Or it could be that he is influenced by her to make certain decisions that are not best for his religion, as explained in the narration about the circumstances surrounding the revelation of the ayah mentioned earlier.

These are just some examples of specific types of distractions which a man may suffer from as a result of preoccupation with women. And Allah knows best.


As far as the stature of women is concerned, one should not confuse this matter with that matter, all of the Muslim is sacred, their wealth, their blood and their honor. The woman Muslim is sacred, the man Muslim is sacred. And the religion teaches respect for women, such that is not taught by any other ideology, the rightful understanding about status of individuals in a society which can only come from the wisdom of the Lord of the worlds.

[Asiyah3]

It seems to me that most people become depressed or experience anxiety when they are alone too often. When they are not around people they feel 'miserable' or unhappy or anxious. I'm the opposite, I feel awesome when all by myself, doing what I want without being interrupted by people who seek attention and affection.

I'm somewhat both. At home I sometimes enjoy hanging out with others, but I also occasionally prefer to be alone for the reasons you just mentioned. When it's outside I commonly choose company.

I'm feeling guilty sometimes because marriage is encouraged in Islam. However, I'm absolutely certain that I will be a much happier person if I don't marry.

I believe I can still be a good person and Muslim if I live a life of solitude - even if such a lifestyle is frowned upon by the majority of people.

There's lots of girls there who enjoy being alone too. I'm sure they'll grant you private time sufficiently.

[cat eyes]

this is also very important so read it
MARRIAGE IN ISLAM.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Islam, unlike other religions is a strong advocate of marriage. There is no place for celibacy like, for example the Roman Catholic priests and nuns. The prophet (pbuh) has said "there is no celibacy in Islam.

Marriage is a religious duty and is consequently a moral safeguard as well as a social necessity. Islam does not equal celibacy with high "taqwa" / "Iman". The prophet has also said, "Marriage is my tradition who so ever keeps away there from is not from amongst me".

Marriage acts as an outlet for sexual needs and regulate it so one does not become a slave to his/ her desires.

It is a social necessity because through marriage, families are established and the family is the fundamental unit of our society. Furthermore, marriage is the only legitimate or halal way to indulge in intimacy between a man and a woman.

Islam takes a middle of the road position to sexual relations , it neither condemns it like certain religions, nor does it allow it freely. Islam urges us to control and regulate our desires, whatever they may be so that we remain dignified and not become like animals.

The purpose of Marriage.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

The word "zawj" is used in the Qur'an to mean a pair or a mate. In general it usage refers to marriage. The general purpose of marriage is that the sexes can provide company to one another, love to one another, procreate children and live in peace and tranquility to the commandments of Allah.

* Marriage serves as a means to emotional and sexual gratification and as a means of tension reduction. It is also a form of Ibadah because it is obeying Allah and his messenger - i.e. Marriage is seen as the only possible way for the sexes to unite. One could choose to live in sin, however by choosing marriage one is displaying obedience to Allah.

Marriage is "mithaq" - a solemn covenant (agreement). It is not a matter which can be taken lightly. It should be entered into with total commitment and full knowledge of what it involves. It is not like buying a new dress where you can exchange it if you don't like it. Your partner should be your choice for life. One should be mature enough to understand the demands of marriage so that the union can be a lasting one. For a marriage to be valid certain conditions must be met.

1) consent of both parties.

2) " Mahr" a gift from the groom to his bride.

3) Witnesses- 2 male or female.

4) The marriage should be publicized, it should never be kept secret as it leads to suspicion and troubles within the community.

Is Marriage obligatory?

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

According to Imams Abu Hanifah, Ahmad ibn Hanbal and Malik ibn Anas, marriage is recommendatory, however in certain individuals it becomes wajib/obligatory. Imam Shaafi'i considers it to be nafl or mubah (preferable). The general opinion is that if a person, male or female fears that if he/she does not marry they will commit fornication, then marriage becomes "wajib". If a person has strong sexual urges then it becomes "wajib" for that person to marry. Marriage should not be put off or delayed especially if one has the means to do so.

A man, however should not marry if he or she does not possess the means to maintain a wife and future family, or if he has no sex drive or if dislikes children, or if he feels marriage will seriously affect his religious obligation.

The general principle is that prophet (pbuh) enjoined up in the followers to marry.

He said "when a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his religion , so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half." This hadith is narrated by Anas. Islam greatly encourages marriage because it shields one from and upholds the family unit which Islam places great importance.

Selection of a partner:

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

The choice of a partner should be the one with the most "taqwa" (piety). The prophet recommended the suitors see each other before going through with marriage. It is unreasonable for two people to be thrown together and be expected to relate and be intimate when they know nothing of each other. The couple are permitted to look at each other with a critical eye and not a lustful one. This ruling does not contradict the ayah which says that believing men and women should lower their gaze.

- The couple, however are not permitted to be alone in a closed room or go out together alone. As the hadith says "when a man and a woman are together alone, there is a third presence i.e. shaitan.

- There is no concept of courtship in Islam as it is practised in the west. There is no dating or living in defacto relationship or trying each other out before they commit to each other seriously. There is to be no physical relationship what so ever before marriage. The romantic notions that young people often have, have proven in most cases to be unrealistic and harmful to those involved. We only have to look at the alarming divorce rate in the west to understand this point. e.g. the couple know each other for years, are intimate, live together and so on yet somehow this does not guarantee the success of the future marriage. Romance and love simply do not equal a everlasting bond between two people.

Fact: Romance and love die out very quickly when we have to deal in the real world. The unrealistic expectations that young people have is what often contributes to the failure of their relationship.

- The west make fun of the Islamic way of marriage in particular arranged marriage, yet the irony is that statistically arranged marriages prove to be more successful and lasting than romantic types of courtship.

This is because people are blinded by the physical attraction and thus do not choose the compatible partner.

Love blinds people to potential problems in the relationship. There is an Arabic saying: which says "the mirror of love is blind, it makes zucchini into okra". Arranged marriages on the other hand, are based not on physical attraction or romantic notions but rather on critical evaluation of the compatibility of the couple.

This is why they often prove successful.

Consent of parties.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

There is a halal arranged marriage and a haram one. It is OK to arrange marriages by suggestion and recommendation as long as both parties are agreeable. The other arranged marriage is when parents choose the future spouse and the couple concerned are forced or have no choice in the matter.

One of the conditions of a valid marriage is consent of the couple.

Marriage by definition is a voluntary union of two people.

The choice of a partner by a Muslim virgin girl is subject to the approval of the father or guardian under Maliki school. This is to safeguard her welfare and interests. The prophet said "the widow and the divorced woman shall not be married until she has consented and the virgin shall not be married until her consent is obtained. The prophet did revoke the marriage of a girl who complained to him that her father had married her against her wishes.

The husband/wife relationship.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

-The wifes rights - the Husbands obligations.

(1) Maintenance

The husband is responsible for the wifes maintenance. This right is established by authority of the Qur'an and the sunnah. It is inconsequen tial whether the wife is a Muslim , non-Muslim, rich, poor, healthy or sick. A component of his role as "qawam" (leader) is to bear the financial responsibility of the family in a generous way so that his wife may be assured security and thus perform her role devotedly.

The wifes maintenance entails her right to lodging, clothing, food and general care, like medication, hospital bills etc. He must lodge her where he resides himself according to his means. The wifes lodge must be adequate so as to ensure her privacy, comfort and independence.

If a wife has been used to a maid or is unable to attend to her household duties, it is the husbands duty to provide her with a maid if he can afford to do so. The prophet is reported to have said: The best Muslim is one who is the best husband.

(2) "Mahr "

The wife is entitled to a marriage gift that is her own. This may be prompt or deferred depending on the agreement between the parties. A marriage is not valid without mahr. It does not have to be money or gold. It can be non-material like teaching her to read the Qur'an. " Mahr" is a gift from the groom to the bride. This is the Islamic law, unlike some cultures whereby the brides parents pay the future husband to marry the daughter. This practice degrades women and is contrary to the spirit of Islam. There is no specification in the Qur'an as to what or how much the Mahr has to be. It depends on the parties involved.

(3) Non-material rights.

A husband is commanded by the law of Allah to treat his wife with equity, respect her feelings and show kindness and consideration, especially if he has another wife. The prophet last sermon stresses kindness to women.

The wife obligations - the Husbands rights.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

One of the main duties of the wife is to contribute to the success and blissfulness of the marriage. She must be attentive to the comfort and wellbeing of her husband. The Qur'anic ayah which illustrates this point is:

"Our lord, grant us wives and offspring who will be the apples of our eyes and guide us to be models for the righteous"

The wife must be faithful, trustworthy and honest she must not deceive her husband by deliberately avoiding conceiving. She must not allow any other person to have access to that which is exclusively the husband right i.e. sexual intimacy. She must not receive or entertain strange males in the house without his knowledge and consent. She should not be alone with a strange male. She should not accept gifts from other men without his approval. This is meant to avoid jealousy, suspicion and gossip. The husband possessions are her trust. She may not dispose of his belongings without his permission.

A wife should make herself sexually attractive to her husband and be responsive to his advances. The wife must not refuse her husband sexually as this can lead to marital problems and worse still - tempt the man to adultery. The husband of course should take into account the wifes health and general consideration should be given.

Obedience.

^^^^^^^^^

The purpose of obedience in the relationship is to keep the family unit running as smoothly as possible. The man has been given the right to be obeyed because he is the leader and not because he is superior. If a leader is not obeyed , his leadership will become invalid -Imagine a king or a teacher or a parent without the necessary authority which has been entrusted to them.

Obedience does not mean blind obedience. It is subject to conditions:

(a) It is required only if what is asked from the wife is within the permissible categories of action.

(b) It must be maintained only with regard to matters that fall under the husband rights.

[Asiyah3]

edit*********

[tango92]

i used to be like you, but things will change for sure. one day you'll wake up and realise your hobbies are just a waste of time, having kids, establishing a home and earning a living are basically all we have to do in this life except work for Allahs sake.

go for marriage when youve acomplished what you wanted to acheive... most women are burdens

[S<Chowdhury]

i used to be like you, but things will change for sure. one day you'll wake up and realise your hobbies are just a waste of time, having kids, establishing a home and earning a living are basically all we have to do in this life except work for Allahs sake.

go for marriage when youve acomplished what you wanted to acheive... most women are burdens

^^^Thats a bleak outlook Bro, i agree to some extent but way to darken the mood and most women are burdens? Many wives support there husbands in accomplishing there aspirations so quite the opposite

[Ğħαrєєвαħ]

Aslaamu`Alaaaykum

Now, Learn to be happy with what Allaah The Most High, The All knowing, has prescribed for you, which is Marriage. Marriage is half of Deen remember, so to be a good "Muslim" you must Marry.
The Holy Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said:

"When a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his religion, so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half."


Wa`Alaaykum Salaam

[CosmicPathos]

I am a social outcast. Unacceptable to human species. Hence I am looking forward to colonizing pluto and spreading my seed there by marrying an alien.

[Ansariyah]

Bein alone for some time like having some space is alright but finding comfort in bein alone forever is not so exctiting. I respect that u want to be alone, this is jst a my opinion.

[aadil77]

I aint very social at the moment as I've got exams in a few weeks, I don't go out cause I'm meant to be revising but then I just end up spending most my time on here

[aadil77]

I am a social outcast. Unacceptable to human species. Hence I am looking forward to colonizing pluto and spreading my seed there by marrying an alien.

you aren't no social outcast bro - don't say that, you're part of the biggest brotherhood in the world, you can walk into a masjid and make more friends in one day than most people can throughout all their school years

[CosmicPathos]

you aren't no social outcast bro - don't say that, you're part of the biggest brotherhood in the world, you can walk into a masjid and make more friends in one day than most people can throughout all their school years

jazakAllah. I was just being humorous.

[Alpha Dude]

People do actually need solitude from time to time in order to reflect.

From memory, I think it is said that too much talking (without remembrance of Allah) hardens the heart. Some people are aways chatting away like there is no tomorrow. In person, on the phone, texting, online, everywhere whatever the occasion.

They don't take the time out to contemplate or connect with Allah and are almost forever in a state of heedlessness due to it. They pray but their thoughts are elsewhere and connected with their social interactions. I do think people need time out from all this to fully appreciate Allah and their religion and be able to focus on it.

I totally understand you bro, I feel the same myself so many times that I just wanna get away from most people cos there is so much ill feeling and animosity among people, so much evil that you want to be far from and want the safety and comfort of being by yourself.

However, community is of big importance in Islam and there is a huge emphasis placed on it so we can't run away from people altogether. For one thing, there's 5 times daily prayer in congregation that is mandated. Then you have things like maintaining ties of kinship/keeping in touch with family, neighbours and visiting the sick, attending the funerals of dead and also the duty of dawah.

So it's not good Islamically to be selfish and do what you feel is best for you personally. We have to think of the ultimate purpose and that is working toward the pleasure of Allah, which involves helping people in the above mentioned ways.

Saying that, I think you can carry your solitude with you though, without really having to be physically away from people.

For example, sometimes people talk a lot of silly, inappropriate and unnecessary things. You don't really have to join in with them. You can just nod, smile and utter few words here and there and that's it while you're some place else in your mind. It's best to keep a polite and cordial distance from too many people but still maintain a close enough form of contact to keep the sense of community alive.

[aadil77]

what if you're talking about islam, like the companians would with Rasulullah? They were tight knit group of people, in islam we're encouraged to have this brotherhood amongst ourselves, to be in the company of good people, cause then we're always in a state of remembering Allah

its only when you're amongst bad company when you should keep a limit on how much time you spend with them and how much time you give yourself towards rememberence of Allah

It depends on the people you're with, if they distract you and potentially put you away from islam thats when its probably better you keep to yourself or find new company

[aadil77]

jazakAllah. I was just being humorous.

alright but whats with the 'social outcast' under the username?