Heart is heavy...

[AnonymousPoster]

As I get older and reflect on my life there are many things I wish I would have done differently and yet I realize my past is what has lead me to be the person that I am today.


I've been "married" in my heart to a man for the past 8 years. Due to cultural differences his family will not even accept that I exist. Due to these family issues, my "husband" is afraid to stand his ground with his family for fear that his father will take action against his mother and siblings.

My heart is torn and divided. I love this man with my entire soul. If I didn't I wouldn't have stayed with him so very long now. But I am getting older, I want to do the "right thing." I want to settle down and start a family with him but the way his family is, that just doesn't seem like a possibility.

So basically I've given the past 8 years of my life building a home with this man and the things I most desperately want, marriage and children is being denied to me.

I am the one who's here for him, I did not abuse him when he was a child as his father did.
I am the one who cooks and cleans for him, not his mother anymore.
I do not drink like a fish nor smoke like a chimney like his father.

I am the woman in his life now, I am his family not the people he see's maybe once or twice a year or speaks to on the phone once a month.

My family is very accepting of my "husband." My family accepts us and our differences and encourages our love.

This man is perfect except for this issue with him and his family. I almost feel like a second class citizen when it comes to his family. Like he chose to be with the house servant or something. (Which he did not, I am educated and I earn my own living.)

His mother told me once "If you loved him, you would leave him."

It's ridiculous and you would think after 8 years they would be over it but they are not.

What should I do? My father wants me to sit down with him and discuss this with my "husband" and explain to him how I feel, that I want us to be legally binding and to start a family soon. But I am scared to do this. I don't want him to have to choose between me or them, its not fair to him, but it's also not fair to me either, waiting, and waiting.

I hope this post made sense. I know this is the bed I made and I have to sleep in it. It's just weighing so heavily on my mind right now.

Bless you all.

[Ummu Sufyaan]

im sorry if my reply may seem harsh
ukhtee, whether your a guy or girl, your family have to always come first...

arrogance and thinking your're more important than someones family isn't really the best mentality because of what you have done for him and/or how often (or not) he sees them, etc...

and also, doesnt matter what bad his family do, it dosnt mean your're necessarily any better than them...

if i were in your shoes, ummm yh i probs would leave it..either that or get someone to speak to his family

[mohsen1985]

I'd have to disagree, seems like this man is isolated from his family and now you are the family he has and you too will have a good life together. You can get married and live together, and you can stay away from his family during the once-a-year visits.