My Extreme Unconfidence... A blessing?

**Muzamil_Syed** · 01-05-2014

As I have mentioned in previous threads about my extreme lack of confidence in myself, especially when communicating with others and asking for help from authority figures such as my job managers, school professors, and imams at the masjid... I am now wondering if I can indeed look at this problem of mine as sort of a blessing in a way from Allah SWT.

The reason why I have been recently thinking about this is because during my earliers years while I was young and "lost," I say lost because I was very inconsistent in practicing Islam and was more focused towards the normal western school environment than anything else. During my high school years I was hanging out with the wrong crowds, whether they were involved in Drugs, partying or girls. I was only hanging out with them but was not fully engaged in what they were doing due to lack of confidence. It was only as a normal peer pressure of just wanting to be cool. Now here is where my lack of self confidence comes in.

I sometimes question myself that If was a confident and social person during my "lost" years I would go as far as engaging in what all the so called cool people were doing such as drugs, partying with girls, etc. My biggest issue in high school was wanting to be able to communicate with girls to like me. Due to my lack of self confidence I was unable to actually communicate with girls and go through with what I ultimately wanted with girls, a relationship. During my senior year of high school, the year where proms and all the parting occurs I had completely isolated myself from all the school activities and partying to the point where I fell into depression because of having no confidence in my self or being too shy to try and even attend these events.

That is to only explain what I was going through in my "lost" years because Alhamdullilah Allah SWT has given me the ability to realize the wrongness of my actions in my earlier years and so I don't let my high school years bother me anymore. Now I just wanted to know if its appropriate if I look at my lack of confidence during these years as sort of a blessing from Allah SWT? Because I question myself that If I was confident it could have only been worse for me during my lost years. I could have indeed end up having relationships with girls or falling into drugs but I only went as far as just being lost in the whole "trying to be cool" thing.

So basically all the depression I went through during high school because I was not as social as my so called "cool friends" was unnecessary and could have been avoided with the knowledge I have now. But the reasons why I wouldn't believe my lack of self confidence is a blessing is because I still carry it now. As I mentioned in the beginning I am extremely afraid of approaching people and asking questions, especially if it were means to help myself grow and develop relationships with brothers at the Mosque.

I have completely changed myself in the past year consistently praying 5 times a day, volunteering at the mosque, and most of all Allah SWT helping realize the wrongness in my shortcomings both past and present. But its this lack of confidence I carry with myself that burdens me because i go as far as not being able to respond to compliments. I played football in high school and have been working out the past 7 years consistently so I have always been known as the "big guy" from my friends at mosque. But I feel incredibly uncomfortable accepting these or listening to these compliments from everyone and it oftens end up in me just standing there with no response. At other times I feel like I could be intimidating some due to my size which also kills me inside so I avoid approaching others to talk.. perhaps due to lack in confidence? I have also been told many times that I am such a big guy and why do I have such a problem being confident.

So my point in a nutshell is I do look at this lack of self confidence as blessing from Allah SWT because my teen years could have been wayy worse if I had confidence but at the same time I still carry the same lack of confidence in everything I do, mainly in communicating with people and developing motivation in school giving me doubts.

**ardianto** · 01-06-2014

Assalamualaikum

One of many things that make me grateful is my easiness to get someone who can accept me sincerely. Since I was kid I already had many friends. When I grew up as teen boy, I had more friends and larger socialization. When I grew up as young adult and began to thinking about having a life-partner, I didn't need to be bother to 'hunt' someone because there's always a girl who 'open the door' for me, so it put me in position which I could choose.

Was I a cool guy?. If it's refer to image of cool guy like shown by pop culture media, the answer is no. I was just a modest guy because I prefer to be modest. I was born in wealthy family and I was a good looking guy. But I didn't want people saw me as rich guy or good looking guy. I prefer to be seen as just ordinary guy because I hope the others could accept me sincerely.

Not wealth, not beauty, not social status which will make us be liked by people, but kindness that we have and we give which will make the others love us.

So, don't be deceived by image of cool guy that shown by pop culture media.

Your problem happened because you think people would not accept you because you are not a cool guy.

About your question. Is lack of confidence a blessing?. Absolutely not. Lack of confidence is an obstacle that can prevent you to do something good for society.

I understand if you feel shy to communicate with other people. I myself actually a quiet introvert person. But when I was kid my mother told me if I meet someone new and I did not introduce myself, I would be marked as an arrogant person. So, when I met someone new I tried to introduce myself although I didn't know how to start a talks. In beginning, yes, it was difficult and I felt shy, but later I became familiar with it and started able to talk. That's why I have many friends.

And I never feel inferior toward those who are 'higher' than me because I do not see someone from his/her outer attribute. If we see someone from his/her outer attribute such as wealth, beauty, or social status, automatically we would see our outer attribute too and compare it. This would make us feel inferior toward those who higher, and feel superior toward those who lower. But if we see anyone as just a human, we would realize that we and them are equal. So we would not feel inferior or superior toward other people.