It's not really that there weren't opportunities, but I knew such relationships are inappropriate and stayed away from them. Another huge aspect was that all my friends in my closest circle are religious and so usually this wasn't an issue on my mind. I kept thinking that the right person would come along, we'd become friends, I'd get to meet her family, you get the point. Do things the right way. But frankly, I just don't see how I can meet someone in a halal manner in my (our?) society.
Take my current predicament as an example: I recently moved to a new country and living near relatives I never got to know too well growing up as I lived too far away. These relatives are really good friends with this other family. I met their daughter who is the same age as me and we're currently hitting it off pretty great. Nothing has happened between us yet but I can sense a mutual attraction. Her whole family is great and I think both families would be happy to see us together. This is as close to a halal romantic relationship I think I'll get. A part of me thinks maybe this is like a divine sign (lol).
Here is the thing though, I don't live in a particularly religious society. Dating and premarital activities are the norm. I can tell she is waiting for me to ask her out. She's been pretty flirtatious and has been breaching the subject of our previous dating expriences in conversations we have but I've been trying to stay clear of that topic as I feel like it would be way too awkward to explain I never had a girlfriend. I'm sure my virginity would not be a big issue but it's the fact that I never had ANY sort of relationship with a girl that might put her off. At this point every girl I meet will be like this. They will be way more experienced than me. Not really sure how to approach this subject from here.
Meaning of Shirk according to The Qur'an
" Worshipping anyone or anything besides Allah " or " distributing anything exclusive to Allah, to anyone or anything else "
Meaning of Tawheed according to The Qur'an Worshipping none but Allah. Affirming whatever is exclusive to Him, Him alone.
Re: I'm almost 30 and never had a relationship and it's really messing with my head.
Assalamu alaykum,
Even if the whole of society is doing something a certain way (dating, pre-marital relationships) it does not make it right, the same way even if you are the only one maintaining your decency, it doesn't mean you are wrong.
Within Islam, dating before marriage is strictly not allowed. I am not implying anything, but if the girl you are currently interested in seems to want to date or have any relationship before marriage, there might be an issue of compatability with you in terms of religious practise.
I know many women who are in their thirties and yet have not been in any relationship, likewise girls who are only 18 and have had numerous boyfriends - it is not about age but character and piety. Never rush into marriage believing you are too old (and almost 30 is certainly not old), but marry on the basis of deen, then you'll be happy inshaAllah. Not every girl you meet will be like that - it's a matter of maybe asking family and friends to look and having sabr.
Don't be ashamed of following the right path and remaining firm with your values, which unfortunately many have sacrificed. You should on the contrary be proud of it, alhamdulillah.
They merely:
Veiled themselves and didn't flaunt it
Sought forgiveness and didn't persist
Took ownership of it and don't justify it
And acted with excellence after they had erred - Ibn al-Qayyim
Re: I'm almost 30 and never had a relationship and it's really messing with my head.
Ask her out! - for dinner over your parent's house. I believe that counts both as a date and a halal way of getting to know one another. Not to mention that it would make your intention clear to your parents and hopefully pave the way to marriage. Maybe she will reciprocate and ask you to dinner at her parents! Insha'Allah!
Re: I'm almost 30 and never had a relationship and it's really messing with my head.
format_quote Originally Posted by Little_Lion
Ask her out! - for dinner over your parent's house. I believe that counts both as a date and a halal way of getting to know one another. Not to mention that it would make your intention clear to your parents and hopefully pave the way to marriage. Maybe she will reciprocate and ask you to dinner at her parents! Insha'Allah!
Beware of being alone with her tho. AFAIK, the Prophet :saw: did not allow male and female (who are not married) to be alone in a secluded area.
Meaning of Shirk according to The Qur'an
" Worshipping anyone or anything besides Allah " or " distributing anything exclusive to Allah, to anyone or anything else "
Meaning of Tawheed according to The Qur'an Worshipping none but Allah. Affirming whatever is exclusive to Him, Him alone.
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I believe that counts both as a date and a halal way of getting to know one another. Not to mention that it would make your intention clear to your parents and hopefully pave the way to marriage. Maybe she will reciprocate and ask you to dinner at her parents! Insha'Allah!
Ask her out! - for dinner over your parent's house.
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