i am the same girl that posted her problems related to the drunk and neglectful father. i am so distressed right now. Allah guided me in that i understand what it takes to be a believer and understand life for that matter.
lately, things have hit rock bottom. life just pushes you down to your knees, i swear this is the case. it pushed me to my knees real hard over the past two months and i dont know if i can go on any longer. there are enormous family problems, i was born into these problems, i NEVER had a choice to live a happy environment but somehow Allah gave me patience and the ability to look on the bright side, He has given me success in my education so far. but i don't know for how long i can keep looking on the bright side.
i am gradually losing all of my hopes, i am on the verge of giving up. i have important exams next month and i cannot concentrate on my studies at home because of my dad, and the fact that i have to act like a soldier all the time in the household. on the other hand, i overthink of the ummah situation, and know i should be doing something to help but i cant because i have a horrible situation right here, which is creating barriers around me, barriers that unable me to move on. i try not to cry, i try to contain myself. what is God trying to do to me? is He trying to push me over the limit so that i suddenly give up and become hard-hearted? i believe not, so that is why i continue to contain myself and play it tough, but this toughness is making me lonely too. i am fighting my own battle, i cannot be as normal as anybody else. when i look at other's normal lives, how happy they are, they get along with their families, they have a comfortable upbringing, good education, easy going day to day experiences, i wish i can be in their shoes. i want a normal life. i never knew what it was like to lead a normal life. i am tired of fighting. i am exhausted.
i just need Allah the most right now, He is there, but sometimes i feel that He is only making tests harder for me. i am a failure, i have failed myself and the people around me, maybe wasn't tough enough. am i not a good believer? what will it take for Allah to change the conditions around me? haven't i proved to be patient, putting others before myself, and containing myself? i changed what's within myself everyday yet Allah hasn't changed my conditions.
where do i go from here? i am very tired brothers and sisters, and i am only 20 years old. i don't know, i feel lonely, i have to keep re-assuring myself but it's not enough. maybe i am a failed believer, that is why Allah hasn't changed the conditions.
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Your situation is so truly sad, Subhanallah. May Allah give you patience.
I agree that you need to find someone you can trust and talk to. Sometime things are in our head for so long that it makes you believe they are true, even though it may be far from the truth.
surely the true mu'mins are strangers in this world
happiness comes from within not from what appears ordinary outwardly.
do you know how many families have problems hidden deep within? subhanAllah the more i grew the more i realised that our family wasnt the only one with problems. You see every family has it, some moreso then others but every family definitly has it. It hits one after another like rocks but you should NEVER think its too much because had it been too much it wouldnt have hit you! the fact that your still believing PROVES its not too much, you CAN handle it. SubhanAllah people need to realise it is NOT easy to arrive at the gates of jannah, there are those who go through diseases/punishment in dunya/agony of death/punishment of the grave/spend time in hell and THEN arrive at jannah. There are those who do not even ever arrive! are you not glad that your a muslim with a hard life that you may arrive in jannah quicker then others?
increase your emaan and your sabr will be increased.
just browse this forum may Allah grant you jannah
Agreed it takes time...but sis remember..Allah wouldn't throw any obstacle your way if you couldn't handle it..the person wit strong emaan gets their level of obstacles to test them..don't lose faith..bcuz that's all u hv to hold on to..and trst me sis evry1 luks like a happy family outside..bt in reality everyone has their own problems..i've lived in many households and i've seen it..i've had frnds who in the beginning looked happy bt really had so many problems..bt i respect them bcuz after hvin so mny problems they still hold their head high and say.."I can do this" ...I want you to confide in someone you trust bcuz when you have some1 by you ...you feel better..inshallah I pray that everything will be ok with you
“The believers in their mutual kindness, compassion and sympathy are just like one body. When one of the limbs is afflicted, the whole body responds to it with sleeplessness and fever”.
Thank you everyone that gave their time in reading my situation, and to those that replied. may Allah bless you all and give you sabr and happiness.
AvarAllahNoor, a couple of my Aunts know about this and often lend support, my dad's brother, in other words my Uncle is very dear to me, he is there to help but we haven't been in touch for two years. Alhamdulillah i have many friends but i don't wish to open my problems to them, i don't want to burden anyone. I find solace in actually being happy around friends. But you are right, i probably need to open up with somebody that i trust, however i feel that i am old enough to handle this one by myself. I think this one is personal between Allah and me, it is more than just family problems, it is about whether i am approved by Allah on this Earth as His trustee, whether my eemaan is good enough.
Ebtisweetsam, thank you, you are probably right. i have opened up on here quite a few times, maybe this will suffice. but i am trying my best to make this as realistic as possible. i am doing my best in education, i've applied for a job this summer, i do some voluntary work at the masjid and community whenever i can, these things keep me going and assure me that change will take place in the future. but everytime i carry this tension with me, knowing i have to return home and see my father drunk and angry and at the same time sad, i know i could be helping him but he just doesn't let me. then i have to see my mum under tension, and always needing support, and my siblings. i just want to see my brothers and sister fly, go out there with confidence and not carry such tension. i've been thinking about the family's welfare since day one, and it's exhausting me. but let's see where my eemaan and time takes us.
IbnAbdulHakim, you are right. i have to make myself realize deeply that i have to prove to myself that i am tough, and that can only be proven if my eemaan grows. i remember someone a year ago that told me that a believer is not defeated except by his own hands. and this is what i fear, i fear giving up, i fear that i will fail to Allah. i cannot even think of jannah too much right now, i dont have the time room or space to think too much of what jannah can offer because i am more worried of whether Allah is pleased with me. He is so Great, I am so small compared to Him. I just need His love and guidance, I can live with anything, I am prepared for it, but what I cannot live with is this uncertainty, whether Allah is pleased with me or not... I know I could be doing more otherwise the situation would've improved. i was watching a video yesterday of a little palestinian girl complaining of the food tasting like gas and her clothes smelling of gas too, her conditions are far worse than mines, makes my problems look small, so i rather be helping those that need assistance the most than worry about my problems, but the more i try to reach out and help, these barriers turn up.
Souljette, thank you for your advice, it is truly comforting, i need to keep my head high and take the hits, take the pain, and know that i have a choice - to either fall down on my knees OR keep going.
Ahlaam thank you for the links, and i also joined the forum to which the link led me to. I will listen to those lectures, i have already listened to and read many lectures, they provide comfort, words of encouragement and wisdom, and they have an impact on me. but when it comes to action, it is a whole lot harder, i just need hidayah, i need Allah. please keep me in your adiyah.
This confirms what the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, according to the hadeeth narrated by Abu Hurayrah who said: The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When Allah loves a person He calls Jibreel and says, ‘I love So and so, so love him.’ Then Jibreel loves him, then he calls out in the heavens saying, ‘Allah loves him, so love him.’ Then the inhabitants of heaven love him, and he also finds acceptance on earth. But if Allah hates a person, He calls Jibreel and says, ‘I hate So and so, so hate him.’ Then Jibreel hates him, then he calls out in the heavens saying, ‘Allah hates So and so, so hate him.’ So they hate him, and he is also hated on earth.”
“Is not He (better than your gods) Who responds to the distressed one, when he calls on Him, and Who removes the evil”
[al-Naml 27:62]
We have been created by the Almighty to be tested and tried (67:2). This trial is conducted through the circumstances we are put in. If we are put through good circumstances, then our trial is whether we remain thankful to the Almighty, who gave us without asking and without our having any right. If we are put through bad circumstances, then our trial is whether we show perseverance and patience in these times or not. Both these circumstances generally come in a person’s life. They are his real test. He cannot be given total happiness or total misery since that would make the trial profoundly difficult.
You can trying to be put it into your mind for next time, Insha'Allah.
We all are your brothers and sisters and we will be here for you, Insha'Allah!
the more you collect yourself, the more stronger you will become, the more you will become focussed and then you can do both inshaAllaah (ur home n outwards dawah efforts)
Assalamualikum...sis we're here for u...i'm happy to see that you have listened to us and answered to each of us individually...Jazakallah for doing that..now sis I know how it feels when you want to help ppl and you can't evn help your own first..but sumtimes we are left with no choice..help who you know wants help or seeks help inwardly..if they push u away after ur tryin various times then you hv nothing to do..inshallah may your efforts be rewarded Ameen...WE all are here for you..msg us sisters or w.e you want..we'll b here
“The believers in their mutual kindness, compassion and sympathy are just like one body. When one of the limbs is afflicted, the whole body responds to it with sleeplessness and fever”.
Thank you righteous lady. jazaak allahu khair for the heart-warming post. Souljette thank you ever so much, i will be sure to message you whenever i need a chat insha'Allah.
i don't know how to repay you guys, you are in my duas. this is the beauty and glory of the ummah - brotherhood, alhamdulillah.
salam
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When Rasulullah Saw and his companion were feeling so down and desperate, they were usually reminded by the stories of the past prophets, their endurance in the struggle to uphold Allah's will and to reject what He forbade.
One of the stories that i'd like to share with you is the story of Ya'qub AS, father of Yusuf AS. You can read the story in the Quran chapter 12. In short, from the perspective of Ya'qub AS the story shows how Ya'qub AS has been so patient when he lost his beloved son Yusuf AS that sent him into tears. The immense feeling of loss have then degenerated his eyesight that he then became blind.
If we would to be Ya'qub AS we would probably questioned Allah for the tragedy. Why should he be separated with his beloved son, why he should lose his eyesight, etc..etc..etc. But Ya'qub AS was a patient and optimistic person. He knew that everything is there for a reason. Even if he didn't knew the exact reason he knew that Allah will eventually help him.
The story ends with rejoicing moments when what has been prophesied to his son Yusuf AS became true.
Our life is no different to Ya'qub AS in terms of the test and the support that Allah will give to us. No one is given more than what he/she can 'bear'.
If your situation doesn't improve even though you've tried you're best to do the right thing than it's a good indication that you are being elevated by Allah's to a higher level of 'bear'-ness.
Even though we don't get the better hand in the world, InshAllah we get it in the after life.
Greetings and peace be with you anonymous; I thionk you are shwing great stregnth, even if you do not feel like that.
If you live to be a great grandmother, you will more than likely face many problems with the same kind of intensity as you are facing now. I say this because life seems to keep us struggling and we need to search for a coping strategy.
Life is a journey always one day at a time and you just need the strength of mind and body to get through today. You need to push yourself one more time, pray as if everything depends on God, work as if everything depends on the efforts of your brain and your hands.
Tomorrow you just repeat this process all over again.
Here is a simple yet powerful prayer whilst striving for peace in your heart.
Lord grant me the peace and serenity to live with the things I cannot change
Give me the courage to change the things I can.
And give me the wisdom to know the difference.
To understand how the prayer works here is how one lady used it whilst living in London during the second world war. Most days London was being bombed, she had no control over were the bombs would land. She would hear about; and see the death and destruction; her family might be killed, her home or work or shops might be bombed. Yet every day she had to get up, feed herself and her family, and do some work.
The first line of the prayer, grant me the peace and serenity to live with the things I cannot change.
She had to live with all the injustice, fear, anger, hate, death and destruction surrounding her. She could not change what happened yesterday, she cannot change other people. If you continually want to change; or try to change the things that cannot be changed you will make yourself ill.
Give me the courage to change the things I can.
The only thing she could change was herself and what was going on in her own heart and mind. Somehow she would have to keep coping or crack up, she did not know how long this destruction would last. Despite all the problems she directed her prayer to finding peace in her heart.
Give me the wisdom to know the difference.
The last line of the prayer is something you have to work out for yourself , you need to search for the real things that are worth changing and that you can change. Strive to live with loving kindness with all the things you cannot change.
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a great mystery; Lord help me to live this day and every day knowing that you hold me in the palm of your hand.
what can i say, Allah loves to test his believers, and indeed his believers are affected by hardships. But remember Inshallah, After a difficult/ hardship there comes Ease /relief. i kind of know how u feel in a sense, i have a challenge myself which i need to overcome, inshallah, and its affecting my life, my studies etc.. i pray inshallah Allah makes its easy for us all inshallah, ameen, and we succeed in this dunya and akhira. in times of need or despair, despite what we know, what our faith says, we sometimes get angry and start to lose hope and start to question Allah, when we shouldnt, and perhaps thats because of weak imaan.
We have all been there, speaking from experience, but with enough imaan inshallah our problems will be solved inshallah. i give this advice to myself before i give to you, try your best to pray salah , make dua, inshallah he will answer you. Be patient---- Easier said than done, i know, but a strong believer will have patience
i have heard from a lecture by Brother Jalal ibn Saeed, may Allah forgive me for any mistakes and please correct me if i am wrong, that Allah says , 'Ask me, and i will answer you', Allah will not leave his believer unanswered, he will answer inshallah, its just a matter of time.
Remember that our prophet Muhammad (PBUH) went thorough much harder problems than we all have, he still remained patient, kept smiling. He had complete trust in Allah.
There is a book which i am reading, called DONT BE SAD,it provides great advice , for when one goes through problems,calamities. its worth reading i highly recommend you read it , i havnt completed it but i read it now and again. inshallah it will be a source of help and guidance as well as the Holy Quran.
details of book:
Name: Dont be Sad
Author: Aaidh ibn Abdullah al-Qarni
Publisher: International Islamic Publishing House
( might be recommended on this forum in book section, can be found on this link: http://www.muslimbase.com/product_in...roducts_id=238)
There are a number of duas, which will help inshallah, such as:
There is a Hadith that says 'La Haula Wala Quuata illa billahil
aliyul azeem' is such a great medicine that it cures every disease and
the most minor disease it cures is 'Sorrow' (Gham).
i was sent this dua through a friend, for whenever one is in grieve, is faced with any calmity/ crisis, hardship or grief, then recite the following supplication: By the truth of Yaseen (a title of the holy prophet(pbuh) and the Quran full of wisdom and for the sake of Taa-haa( another title of the prophet (pbuh)) and the great Quran,
O He who is able to fulfil the desires of those ask,
O He Who knows what is in the heart,
O He Who banishes sorrow from the sorrowful.
O He Who dispels grief from those who grieve.
O He Who is merciful to old men.
O He Who provides for infants.
O He Who needs not to be explained.
Send blessings upon Muhammad and his progeny and fulfil for me..(Mention your wishes)
Hopefully the duas will help inshallah, by the way your not a failure! you can only do your best. if you are afflicted with something and you are doing the best you can , your not a failure, you cant control what is decreed, What Allah wills will happen, you can only do your best to get through something. Just trust in Allah SWT, He will not burden something upon you that u cant bear .Inshallah he will be ther for you inshallah. Live for today, dont worry about tomorrow or the future, leave it in his hands, He is the best of planners.
Muslims are positive people and are not hopeless /helpless inshallah. i have also remembered, give money to charity, doesnt matter how much, the act of giving,esp frequently, may bring you peace inshallah.
I hope my advice will help, i really hope inshallah Allah SWT helps you in your situation, May he make all our affairs easy, may he forgive me for any mistakes in the message Inshallah. Ameen. Remember me in your duas. Take it easy.. keep smiling
Johan, thank you for sharing such an inspiring story, of both Prophets (AS), who better than them to have exercised patience and forbearance. your post had made me think, that this life is about a struggle, and instead of seeking "paradise" in this world, i should really not expect it in the dunya, rather in the hereafter. please keep me in your dua, that Allah gives me strength and more sabr, and to exemplify the Quran in my actions.
Eric H, greetings and peace be with you too, thank you very much for such a heartwarming post, i love the prayer, it made me realize that the first journey is the journey within, in order to change what is within myself, i need to pay attention to the things i can actually change, and there is a lot i am unable to change. Maybe one day if God wills that I can go beyond this, He will place me in some kind of situation. But for now, I really need inner peace and happiness, just to be as close to God as possible, and to appreciate all that He gave me - my education, family, friends, brothers and sisters of Islam etc.
Sister janat, i will keep you in my dua, i hope Allah makes things easier for you. Jazaki allah khair for your great advice, especially when you mentioned giving charity. I have learned something in life - that giving is better than taking, because the more you give, the happier and at peace you are. I will digest your humble advice and try to act upon it.
I don't know what it is brothers and sisters, it must have been your dua, but I am feeling a whole lot better, more confident and ready to keep my head high once again and face the situation. I am suddenly studying comfortably, and feel an immense rush of confidence and happiness inside me. Verily in the remembrance of Allah does the heart find rest.
Salam
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Johan, thank you for sharing such an inspiring story, of both Prophets (AS), who better than them to have exercised patience and forbearance. your post had made me think, that this life is about a struggle, and instead of seeking "paradise" in this world, i should really not expect it in the dunya, rather in the hereafter. please keep me in your dua, that Allah gives me strength and more sabr, and to exemplify the Quran in my actions.
Eric H, greetings and peace be with you too, thank you very much for such a heartwarming post, i love the prayer, it made me realize that the first journey is the journey within, in order to change what is within myself, i need to pay attention to the things i can actually change, and there is a lot i am unable to change. Maybe one day if God wills that I can go beyond this, He will place me in some kind of situation. But for now, I really need inner peace and happiness, just to be as close to God as possible, and to appreciate all that He gave me - my education, family, friends, brothers and sisters of Islam etc.
Sister janat, i will keep you in my dua, i hope Allah makes things easier for you. Jazaki allah khair for your great advice, especially when you mentioned giving charity. I have learned something in life - that giving is better than taking, because the more you give, the happier and at peace you are. I will digest your humble advice and try to act upon it.
I don't know what it is brothers and sisters, it must have been your dua, but I am feeling a whole lot better, more confident and ready to keep my head high once again and face the situation. I am suddenly studying comfortably, and feel an immense rush of confidence and happiness inside me. Verily in the remembrance of Allah does the heart find rest.
Salam
As Salaam Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu
Masha'Allah!!! You do know that we are here for you! More important things of all, Allah always be there for you!
Keep going for it, Sister in Islam! Please let me know anything if you have a problems. I will be here, Insha'Allah!
I don't know what it is brothers and sisters, it must have been your dua, but I am feeling a whole lot better, more confident and ready to keep my head high once again and face the situation. I am suddenly studying comfortably, and feel an immense rush of confidence and happiness inside me. Verily in the remembrance of Allah does the heart find rest.
Salam
Al7amdulillah,
- Muslims are like a body, when one part in distress the other parts feels the fever as well.
- Allah will help his servant as long as His servant keep helping each other.
(both are the spirit of 7adeeths which i couldn't get a reference in the web)
Please keep me in you're dua as well sister, I hope to take an interview for my next job today.
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