this is about a problem I have been having recently. I have been introduced to a girl through some mutual friends. Both of us are sunni muslim. we have both been in a relationship before that had ended for the sole reason because the other person was not a muslim. Anyways over the course of 2 to 3 weeks we got talking got to know each other and I like her very much. I think she likes me to because she seems very comfertable with me and does not mind sharing and talking to me about personal issues.
We have both become better practicing muslims since our previous breakups, and she has also become a Hijabi. I really like her and have a good feeling about her, that she is the right person for me to get to know more and maybe eventually marry.
however, last week she talked to her ex boyfriend after a while and now is confused and thinks we should not talk for a while and she needs time. this hurt me because i thought things were ok between us. I dont think she doesnt like me, instead i can think of 3 possible reasons of this.
1. she still has feelings for her ex and was reminded by this phone call, and is just not ready to trust another man right now.
2. since becoming hijabi she feels it is wrong to be talking to a man alone or dating a man.
3. she regrets sins she has commited in the past and is afraid they will happen again if she dates.
what should I do? i really like her, but i dont think proposing marriage right away or telling each others parents to get involved is the answer. im sure this will just scare her away.
Sallamu 3aleikum
i know how you feel like akhi, been through similar situations before i held steadfast to my deen (hamdullah)
Well the only right thing to relly do if you think that she is right for you is to approach her mahram(s) (father, older brother etc) and tell them that you want to marry her
i know it might seem a bit too far fetched, but trust me that is the right thing to do
however, if you do not feel that the love you have for her is the same love you get from her, than you should really think about what you are doing.
Because even if she feels comfortable being with you, it doesn't mean that she wants to spend the rest of her life with you.
Like Sheikh Zakir Naik said in one of his lectures:" Don't marry the woman that you love, but marry the woman that loves you".
It is always better to go for the right muslimah when thinkin about marriage since you will be spending the rest of your life with her (unless in some occasions divorces are occuring)
Well my final advice is to just sit with her and her mahram and have a loooooong talk about what you both think should happen next, because only then you both are able to find out about each individuals perspectives.
wallahu a3lam
wassalam and make du3a insha'allah
I usually like to stay out of these sort of threads.. but I wholeheartedly believe that both parties should love each other to the same caliber... affection from just one side is disaffecting, aliening and can foster long term resentment if love isn't reciprocated with the same force..
that being said of course, I believe people have different definition of what affection and companionship actually entail... and so rather than have this post end in affray.. I shall bow out gracefully while I still can..
to the OP...
May Allah guide you to what is best for you ameen
Text without context is pretext If your opponent is of choleric temperament, seek to irritate him
sallam
well the source is Zakir Naik who said it himself, which doesn't mean that it is a hadeeth or anything, but it's just his personal opinion
which ever way it goes however, like Skye said, both parties should love each other
anjd if that's your case then insha'allah it should work out
wassalam
this is about a problem I have been having recently. I have been introduced to a girl through some mutual friends. Both of us are sunni muslim. we have both been in a relationship before that had ended for the sole reason because the other person was not a muslim.
while i disagree that YOU should be in a relationship with a non-Muslim, the fact the SHE was in one [relationship with a non-Muslim], would indicate that her focus on Islam is somewhat askew.
Anyways over the course of 2 to 3 weeks we got talking got to know each other and I like her very much. I think she likes me to because she seems very comfertable with me and does not mind sharing and talking to me about personal issues.
yes, women can do that...
We have both become better practicing muslims since our previous breakups, and she has also become a Hijabi. I really like her and have a good feeling about her, that she is the right person for me to get to know more and maybe eventually marry.
Akhi, you are forgetting that she was in a relationship with a non-Muslim...
however, last week she talked to her ex boyfriend after a while and now is confused and thinks we should not talk for a while and she needs time. this hurt me because i thought things were ok between us. I dont think she doesnt like me, instead i can think of 3 possible reasons of this.
Akhi, i was a non-Muslim for 48 years, in that time i have heard or seen others struck by those words. GET OUT, and get her out of your mind. a woman stuck choosing between 2 men is bad enough, but one that can't chose between a believer and a non-believer in NOT for you to consider marrying...
1. she still has feelings for her ex and was reminded by this phone call, and is just not ready to trust another man right now.
actually, just: she still has feelings for her ex!
2. since becoming hijabi she feels it is wrong to be talking to a man alone or dating a man.
wishful thinking...
3. she regrets sins she has commited in the past and is afraid they will happen again if she dates.
i doubt it...
what should I do? i really like her, but i dont think proposing marriage right away or telling each others parents to get involved is the answer. im sure this will just scare her away.
Thanks,
find a woman whose "religion" impresses you. dismiss all else...
as for "" Don't marry the woman that you love, but marry the woman that loves you". or ANY such nonsense, marry a woman ONLY for her "religion"; anything else will make you a loser...
from Bukhari:
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 27:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
The Prophet said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers.
Last edited by YusufNoor; 05-04-2008 at 09:26 PM.
Reason: added Hadith
Had the non-believer known of all the Mercy which is in the Hands of Allah, he would not lose hope of entering Paradise, and had the believer known of all the punishment which is present with Allah, he would not consider himself safe from the Hell-Fire http://www.muftimenk.co.za/Downloads.html
Skye Ephemerine: affection from just one side is disaffecting, aliening and can foster long term resentment .. if love isn't reciprocated with the same force..
I strongly beleive that if she goes tothe mahram (her father ) she will realise that he is really serious about her.Happen to me instead of judging her like sum people in this forum help her .. and dont just judge ...no point complaining and seeking advice from us.. Pray to ALLAH .. im sure he will show you the anwser and think to urself .. is this the women that i want to marry >? is this the women that will raise my kids to be GOOD muslims.. Inshalla allah shows you the right path ...
well if shes becom i hijabi then leave her unless the 2 of u want 2 do it the right way good luck. and a peice of genuine advice mate dont waste ur time unless ur absolutely sure
ok i have an update. we did end up going out together, but i didn't know if she liked it or liked me. anyways the day after we went out she called me and we talked for 2 hours. i think that may be a sign that she had fun and may like me. i have other friend that are girls and i dont call them in the middle of the night to talk for a couple hours. ladies what do you think about this?
Maybe you should have cold showers, speak to guys only and be happy. Then if your family is Muslim, speak to them about getting married and get them to arrange something with anyone you feel ok with. Then work hard to put food on your family (erm, I got it from George bush).
The path is long but I hope we meet,
After the grave and the Day, in paradise in bliss upon a reclined seat.
A traveler traveling - travelled from shirk to tawheed,
If I'm remembered for anything - let it be the Mercy I seek.
Maybe you should have cold showers, speak to guys only and be happy. Then if your family is Muslim, speak to them about getting married and get them to arrange something with anyone you feel ok with. Then work hard to put food on your family (erm, I got it from George bush).
leave it to Allah and have sabr!!
In the name of (Allah) God, the Beneficent, the Merciful.
i know everyone says this is not the halal way. but i refuse to marry anyone before i get to know them and befriend them first at least for a couple months
But then why are you on an islamic forum? No offense, but all you're doing is asking for advice and then ignoring it when it doesn't suit you. What's the point of asking if you're going to do it your way anyway?
i know everyone says this is not the halal way. but i refuse to marry anyone before i get to know them and befriend them first at least for a couple months
did you just say your refusing the halal way?
so you choose this girl and life over islaam and Allaah?
THINK MAN THINK!
-
My tears testify that i have a heart
yet i feel me and shaytan never part
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i know everyone says this is not the halal way. but i refuse to marry anyone before i get to know them and befriend them first at least for a couple months
There is a halal way of getting to know someone prior to marriage. Allah has made Islam easy for us. You can talk to a girl in the presence of her wali (guardian). If you choose to date a girl, it might satisfy your desire to get to know her how you want, but there are never any blessings and happiness coming from acts that displease Allah.
Bro, when we are young our emotions surpass our logical thinking, and we do make mistakes solely based on your emotions, and the word “love” or “like” is more deceptive than it appears.
If you don’t want to propose, then don’t. And if you don’t want to tell her parents then don’t, but tell each other that you like each other and just leave each other for the sake of Allah, and marry each other when ready for the sake of Allah.
But in the meantime do all that is Halaal, if you really want to have a serious relationship with her, stay away from relationships which are outside the bounds of marriage.
Look at it this way you have angered Allah when you dated a non-Muslim, I am not in a position to judge you or her because of that, but try to avoid angering Allah again after He has been kind and merciful to you. Don't be ungrateful, and don't be among those who go astray after being guided to the right path.
Advice: Seek Allah’s Pleasure and those you are pleased with will seek you.
70:28 Lo! the doom of their Lord is that before which none can feel secure
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I like this Girl, Does she Like me?
instead of judging her like sum people in this forum help her .. and dont just judge ...no point complaining and seeking advice from us.. Pray to ALLAH .. im sure he will show you the anwser and think to urself .. is this the women that i want to marry >? is this the women that will raise my kids to be GOOD muslims.. Inshalla allah shows you the right path ... 
leave it to Allah and have sabr!!
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