Weddin Plans.... Without Bride-to-be Being Consulted

[anonymous]

Assalamualikum, how are you all?

Heres a scenario:

Well actually its not just a scenario, a good friend of mine is actually going through this.

Basically, the title says it all. Family are planning her wedding, she hasnt a clue about anything apart from who she is going to get married to.

Does not know when the wedding is or anything. And shes now refusing to get married simply because she has not been given any time apart from what two months notice????

How much notice do you think a bride to be needs and to what extent does she get to have a say in it all. I dont even think she has been asked if she is happy with going ahead with the marriage or nothing. No-ones actually even TOLD her she is getting married, she just happened to overhear. But she has been expecting it. But still i feel for her. What do you guys think?

[Snowflake]

From Surah Taha
Rabbi Ishrah Li Sadry, Wayassir Li Amry, Wahlul ‘Uqdatan Min Lisany, yafqahu Qawly. (My Lord, I ask you to expand my breast, make my task easy, undo the knot in my tongue so that my speech will become comprehensible) (Moses’ prayer)

asalam alaikum wr wb,

First of all, as well as her consent it is the right of the bride-to-be ask her potential husband to settle the Mahr with her. It's her prerogative to ask for as much Mahr as she wants, but it is recommended that she should not ask for more than her potential husband can easily pay. Has this been done; since consent and the settlement of Mahr are the basic requirements of Nikah?

Secondly, strictly speaking an islamic wedding should not be such that it needs months of planning and finance. I may be wrong but planning of this type usually points to an extravagant affair. The Prophet instructed muslims to keep weddings simple and dignified. That doesn't mean there can be no joyful activities such as singing and dancing, but intermingling of sexes is forbidden.

Given the above conditions of marriage, the sister has a right to be involved in the wedding arrangements. She doesn't need any other excuse, since the above reasons are valid enough. She has the right to refuse/object to plans that include anything impermissable. As a muslim it is her duty to refrain and help others refrain from anything that goes against Islam. Therefore, she can demand to know what is going on. That will help her decide whether she needs more time or not. However if she is satisfied there is no reason to delay the marriage.


wa alaikum asalam wr wb.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

How much notice do you think a bride to be needs

a few hours

seriously.. there have been marriages arranged in the morning and performed at night and mashaAllah those are normally the blessed ones in accordance with the sunnah of not delaying after engagement!

and to what extent does she get to have a say in it all. I dont even think she has been asked if she is happy with going ahead with the marriage or nothing. No-ones actually even TOLD her she is getting married, she just happened to overhear. But she has been expecting it. But still i feel for her. What do you guys think?

she gets to pick the geezah (man to marry), then its upto the wali (parents/guardians) to give her away in the manner which agrees wiv shariah.


its nice if they ask her though, they should consider her feelings..


Assalamu Alaikum

[S_87]

how much say?

the main and final say is the brides.
This means everything from the groom, the time, and what she'll wear etc (within reason.)

To have her just 'turn up' on the wedding is totally absolutely wrong.She should confront whoever is doing this, because its her life thats being planned and its her thats going to suffer if thats not what she wants.

[Tania]

If she doesn't agree, i think she could ask for a high mahr, like a palace, a private island and so on. Until the groom will ensure that to her, she is free.

[anonymous]

SALAAMS, i opened the thread! my friend is alhamdulillah fine now, shes thought about it and talked things through with her family so all is good. shes decided to just get engaged for now and get married next year inshallah

[anonymous]

[Snowflake]

SALAAMS, i opened the thread! my friend is alhamdulillah fine now, shes thought about it and talked things through with her family so all is good. shes decided to just get engaged for now and get married next year inshallah

asalam alaikum wr wb,


Alhumdulillah for that! May Allah bless the couple with a happy marriage and protect them from fitnah. Ameen.


wa alaikum asalam wr wb.