What do you do when you have been praying for this one thing this one thing in each and every dua that you have made, each and every day for the past year and the opposite of what you had prayed for happens?
what do you do when you are put in situation where you have no control over anything and Allah swt has given full control to the other person and all He has left in your possession is dua and you make all the dua that you can possibly make and hold onto every bit of patience you can possibly find and make more dua to the Almighty and ask Him for patience and you hold onto everything and anything you can find within you to keep you going and holding on?
what do you do when you have given your all to this one person and in return it has been just slapped back right across your face?
what do you say to the one that swears by Allah and the Quran and yet lies to you and looks right into your eyes and you know he is lying but yet has no remorse and carries on doing it?
how can you forgive the one that makes so many promises and never fulfills not even one promise?
how can you forgive the one that builds so many dreams before your eyes and within your heart then goes and does the same thing over and over and over again shattering each and every dream into tiny bits and pieces?
what do you say to the one that wrongs himself but yet always points the finger at you all the time?
how do you trust someone when all they do is betray your trust?
how do you calm his anger when he gets more furious when you hold your peace?
how do you stand your ground and walk away when each and every time he comes back he begs you like a beggar and all for te sake of Allah?
how do you get rid of that hope in your heart that maybe he'll change maybe my duas will be answered?
what more do you do to make them feel secure after sacrificing everything in your life, your friends, your independence, your life, your liberty and yourself just for the sake for their happiness?
How can you still carry on giving to the one that gives you nothing but pain and lets you down?
How can someone claim to pray 5 times a day and realise the existance of God yet still do these things?
How long do you bare with it? how long should you be patient for?
what do you do when they neither give you your basic rights as a wife nor set you free?
what do you do when a promised 2 weeks turns into a year and in the end of it all after holding on for so long out of hope you have nothing else to hold onto you want to walk and never look back but doubt creeps into mind and makes you think, what if you wasn't patient, enough, what if you didnt give it more than you should have, what if you wasnt understanding enough?
how long does one have to be patient? is Allah swt going to hold m for account for not sitting and waiting for the rest of my life for him to change
what do you do when your heart hurts so much that you can feel the physical pain in your chest, you feel each and every bit of it shattered into pieces but dont know where to start, which piece do you pick and recollect first?
how do you even begin with wiping out the memories out of your mind and heart when they were the biggest part of your life?
How do you live each and everyday when there is not a single thing that you do, see or hear that reminds you of them?
Where do you get the strength from to get up and learn how to walk again?
what do you do when you have been so wronged and hurt and all you want is justice but that justice never seems to come your way?
why is it that everytime you see a way out and think that this is what you have been waiting for and Allah swt's help is here you realise you are mistaken?
where do you get the strength from for the first time in your life to dub out that hope in your heart that maybe just maybe all your efforts will pay off and just get up and leave and never turn around to even take a second glance and walk out of that door and set yourself free knowing that this time its not permissable by His swt's laws for that door to be opened again?
all i would do is think this is what Allahs wanted, i feel bad about making dua' opposite to Allahs hukum (will) and then i'll alter myself to fit Allahs will and my destiny.
accept qadr... be happy
smile cause whoever accepts qadr good and bad... will ALWAYS be happy
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My tears testify that i have a heart
yet i feel me and shaytan never part
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ur the perfect wife, and ur other half is full of crap....in other words.
I no its hard,but you need to make a descion.stay and wait and be patient (which is what Allah would like you to do).use the advice of the quran. get members from ur family and his to negotiate the problems between u.
Or else give up and walk away from the man that hasnt ever understood ur feelings, and dont look back.ever.
Allah has provided you with both paths.ur husband is using u like a door mat. He knows u love him, and hes using that to his full advantage.
do u have children? how long have u been married?
My heart, so precious,
I won't trade for a hundred thousand souls.
Your one smile takes it for free.Rumi
ur the perfect wife, and ur other half is full of crap....in other words.
I no its hard,but you need to make a descion.stay and wait and be patient (which is what Allah would like you to do).use the advice of the quran. get members from ur family and his to negotiate the problems between u.
Or else give up and walk away from the man that hasnt ever understood ur feelings, and dont look back.ever.
Allah has provided you with both paths.ur husband is using u like a door mat. He knows u love him, and hes using that to his full advantage.
do u have children? how long have u been married?
salam alaikum sister,
how long do you wait for? sis 2 weeks has turned into a year, we are married i live at home with at my parent's house, he neither gives me my basic rights which is something that you automatically gain as you get married nor gives me my talaaq, actually he has already given me talaaq once, then claimed how his family had done it without his knowledge, so we reconciled, then the second time the same thing, which was less than six months ago he used to just send me my talaaq namahs to my house wthout my knowledge of anything whatsoever, so i used to recieve this letters and my whole world would fall apart, then after the second time he did the same, begged and begged for days everything became for the sake of Allah, in everything it was Allah swt's name. and now its when i can no longer mentally or physically go on and i want one way or another, i have even come to terms to accept talaaq if he is not capable of being a husband to me and giving me my basic rights but he wont even do that cos thistime he knows that it wont be halal for us no more to reconcile. khair Allah swt sees all, hears all and knows all.
family???
his family dont even talk to me or him, my family?
when he calls my house he doesnt even have the decency to say salam alaikum to my mum on the phone.
thats just terrible, hes given u talaaq twice in the space of what ....did u mean 1 yr uve been married !!!! :eek:
give sum more details darling, u sed u live with ur parents? why? and why doesnt he get on with his parents, for a man who cant handle his own parents, hes not realli gna be treating u like a princess!
My heart, so precious,
I won't trade for a hundred thousand souls.
Your one smile takes it for free.Rumi
just finished reading through the thread... all i have to say is:
Theres only so much you can do and accept in return, i don't think you should drag and work hard to keep your marriage..
sis save your self the hassle and worry, and get a khulah
i'm sorry for being direct but i don't really have much time to give a few words of encouragement. I know your going through hard times but let him go and try rebuilding from scratch. Its not like you can't remarry, niether does it say in your marriage contract 'till death does us apart'
May Allah fix your affairs. Ameen
Member of - LI's MTL™crew (Marriage thread lovers)-
he obviously does not live at home, i mean he is too old to be living at home,
he's parents dnt talk to him co of the things he has done in the past and the last straw was when he married me cos they were dead against it.
see we are from 2 different cities, so after marriage i tried moving to the city he lives in but it was impossible, i was not allowed to be seen anywhere in case people saw me and caused problems for him, his family is quite evil! they have done many things that you wouldnt even believe of.
so i was basically to be house arrested and only allowed to go to the shops behind our place to get food and the superstore.
this caused a lot of problems between us cos it was not right and i never understand why he just wouldnt move to the city where we lived in where things would be so much better. but at 1st the arguments got worse then to the point where he kicked me out took my keys and sent me home to my mums and promised me that within 2 weeks he'll sort the problem out and move to where i live and we'll start our lives there. its been a year now, everyday he literally buys days of me, he has used every excuse you could imagine there are no more excuses left.
and im tired im really tired, now its come to the point whre i am not allowed to go to see him and he just cant be asked to come and see me, unless he wants to see me, whenever he wants always what he wants, he sees me for a day since im not allowed to stay for too long cos his loser friends come round and if his family finds out then trouble will start again, cos he is trying to patch things up with them.
yeh, thats what marriage to me is from what i've experienced, when i see my sisters Masha'Allah may Allah swt always protect their homes, it breaks my heart not in a envious way but in awe, cos thats what i want.
yeh, thats what marriage to me is from what i've experienced, when i see my sisters Masha'Allah may Allah swt always protect their homes, it breaks my heart not in a envious way but in awe, cos thats what i want.
And you shall get inshallah
Member of - LI's MTL™crew (Marriage thread lovers)-
oh my gosh, is this marrage? subhanallah.
same here wit my mom, but she been married for 18 yrs, i dont kno how she deals with it.
But Allah has helped her MANY MANY times, like with proposals and all, allah makes something happen to make them decline the proposal, then later on we find out something very bad about that person. SubhanAllah.
So sis either be patient, or get talaaq, but remember allah, always.
aw mashallah sis eeman your really really strong sis, mashallah. i woulda given up by now. hehe. im a weak faithless person.
Mashallah sis may allah grant you jannatul firdous with your children and family inshallah, and until then, may allah make it easy for you and your children in this world full of evil, and prevent from you and your children and family from all kinds of evil and haram in this world...
Last edited by truemuslim; 07-27-2008 at 05:08 AM.
I asked for my talaaq yesterday and he turned around and said that he has made up his mind and we cannot be cos things have just really turned sour since for the past month i have not been that loving and accepting wife that lets go of everything and doesnt even question him when he screws up or bring it up, and when i asked for my talaaq he told me that since i am so strong now to go and get it myself, cos apparently he took an oath and swore by Allah that he would never give me talaaq so i have to go and do it myself, LOL what do you say to a person like that???????
the amount of oaths he has taken and broken Wallah you cannot imagine, the amount of lies he has told whilst swearing and taking oaths by the Almighty Lord that he is telling the truth, you seriously will not believe and its just left me speechless about this whole thing all day, i still cannot get over it.
i just really do fail to understand why people are so deluded!!!
i mean what is it do they forget that there is a God up there always watching or do they pick out and leave bits and pieces and apply religion or remember God when it only benefits them?
i have seriously come to the conclusion today that my husband is pyschologically ill and needs some serious help! the thought had crossed my mind many times and i had suggested help to him but he is simply in denial about everything when it comes to him.
so i guess now its time for me to pick myself right up Insha'Allah and gather the pieces put them together and ask Allah swt for strength then get up and leave for good and this time round no begging nor anything can be done to take him back even for Allah swt's sake.
you know i never really understood the whole giving talaaq and reconcling and then again and reconciling and then third time not being able to reconcile unless the woman gets married to another man and on the basis that she then gets talaaq from her atter husband would it be lawful to her to go to her former husband never made sense to me...
But Subhan'Allah i guess when Allah swt creates people like my husband who thinks that marriage is a absolute joke and go as far as to making an absolute mockery out of the whole institute of marriage then it makes you smile when you realise that Allah swt's laws protects you from people like that. )
lol sis i think your husband is like my dad.
you need to get used to the swearing oaths things. when my BROTHERS do something my dad says "wallah, haram wa talaaq , if you dont do bla bla bla, im gonna divorce you mum!" lol and they dont care because they used to the lies, and there...nothing happens ...just another lie.
subhanallah how horrible men can be
but wow he has some illness? well inshallah you can get him all fixed up and inshallah some miracle happens by ALLAH and you all discover he is really a saint muslim who is very nice to you and your family and is full of kindness and politeness and all that...
god imagine a dad like that ---emm em i mean imagine a husband like that
May allah help you sis !
oh my gosh, is this marrage? subhanallah.
same here wit my mom, but she been married for 18 yrs, i dont kno how she deals with it.
But Allah has helped her MANY MANY times, like with proposals and all, allah makes something happen to make them decline the proposal, then later on we find out something very bad about that person. SubhanAllah.
So sis either be patient, or get talaaq, but remember allah, always.
aw mashallah sis eeman your really really strong sis, mashallah. i woulda given up by now. hehe. im a weak faithless person.
Mashallah sis may allah grant you jannatul firdous with your children and family inshallah, and until then, may allah make it easy for you and your children in this world full of evil, and prevent from you and your children and family from all kinds of evil and haram in this world...
Jazak'Allah khair for your duas and same dua to you sis Insha'Allah and your mum i pray that Insha'Allah Allah swt makes every affair of hers easy for her and helps her out each and every step of the way and i pray that your dad recovers fully Insha'Allah soon and is a better and changed man with better health and imaan.
lol sis i think your husband is like my dad.
you need to get used to the swearing oaths things. when my BROTHERS do something my dad says "wallah, haram wa talaaq , if you dont do bla bla bla, im gonna divorce you mum!" lol and they dont care because they used to the lies, and there...nothing happens ...just another lie.
subhanallah how horrible men can be
but wow he has some illness? well inshallah you can get him all fixed up and inshallah some miracle happens by ALLAH and you all discover he is really a saint muslim who is very nice to you and your family and is full of kindness and politeness and all that...
god imagine a dad like that ---emm em i mean imagine a husband like that
May allah help you sis !
sis i know where your coming from i have a sister thats been married 17 years, when i read your post about your dad her and her husband came to mind, i always lend my ear and shoulder to her and her oldest daughter and it breaks my heart when i hear how they feel and the stories, but Alhumdullilah she has a lot of patience I pray that Allah swt bestows people like them and what they go through with jannatul firduas Insha'Allah, cos marriage is a big part of life and it can either make your life in this dunya blissfl or absolute hell.
But its all a test, and Insha'Allah they will pass this test.
unfortunately its very common amongst muslim men many muslim by name.
so lets just pray that Insha'Allah Allah swt has written a nice practsing and sincere, loving, respectful, merciful, understanding, an righteous spouse for you Insha'Allah and has saves you from going through such marital hardships that we have experienced!
he sounds like a person you cant depend on nor trust. May Allah make it easy for you sister.
Can you go to your local masjid to see the imam and ask him to intervene and get you the kulah since it seems like your husband is going to find every excuse not to divorce you?
Firstly u have to know that there are millions of people out there who are worse of than you so don't feel to lost. and another thing, i hate to tell you that divorce is a good option but consider the outcomes if you don't seperate with this person... What will it do to your health? your Iman? It can either break you, or make you into a stronger person. But it won't be easy. Everyone is trialed in this life and if you get through with patience Allah will reward you so much that you will wish you had born twice as much and never even sighed about it. then think, if you live with this man and have his children you will be bound to him. He will have a hold over you and the children, it will be much more difficult to seperate and your kids will suffer what he has suffered. he sounds like he's from a messed up family and has psycological disorders...you don't want him to disturb ur children's minds. and also even if his family were against him maryying you, he should have either, not married you or married you and taken the responsibility with it. Actions make a male a Man. He shouldn't cower with fear of people. only Allah is worthy of being afraid of. and same for you sis, don't fear him, he can't do anything to u except give you the oportunity to raise ur status in Jannah insha'Allah.
Don't put urself through pain for someone who from the start proves he is not worthy of taking on the responsibility of marriage.
Do istikhara and do what you think is best and Insha'Allah ALlah will not forsake you beacuse He is with those who are patient.
Oh Mankind! What keeps you from your Lord most Generous?
There is no Hand but the Hand of Allah is over it, and
There is no Opressor but he is tried with a Greater Opression.
Firstly u have to know that there are millions of people out there who are worse of than you so don't feel to lost. and another thing, i hate to tell you that divorce is a good option but consider the outcomes if you don't seperate with this person... What will it do to your health? your Iman? It can either break you, or make you into a stronger person. But it won't be easy. Everyone is trialed in this life and if you get through with patience Allah will reward you so much that you will wish you had born twice as much and never even sighed about it. then think, if you live with this man and have his children you will be bound to him. He will have a hold over you and the children, it will be much more difficult to seperate and your kids will suffer what he has suffered. he sounds like he's from a messed up family and has psycological disorders...you don't want him to disturb ur children's minds. and also even if his family were against him maryying you, he should have either, not married you or married you and taken the responsibility with it. Actions make a male a Man. He shouldn't cower with fear of people. only Allah is worthy of being afraid of. and same for you sis, don't fear him, he can't do anything to u except give you the oportunity to raise ur status in Jannah insha'Allah.
Don't put urself through pain for someone who from the start proves he is not worthy of taking on the responsibility of marriage.
Do istikhara and do what you think is best and Insha'Allah ALlah will not forsake you beacuse He is with those who are patient.
yessis your absolutely right that i know and i am not afriad of him one bit Allah swt is my witness to that, i just want him out of my life now, in fact i really am starting to despise him i know its not a good thing but for someone who does even half the things he does it will only make people wonder why am i still with him, but still to me marriage was something that i wanted and i had the thinking that i will stick through it through thick nd thin and make it work, it takes two in a marriage to make it work but only one to destroy it and i guess i waited so long to just so that i could walk out lf it holdingmy head up high knowing that i gave it my all but still it want me that failed it was him.
he always used to tell me that i used to try too hard put too much effort in lol! well i guess i nevr just tried but tried too hard and that in itself is something that i makes me proud of myself, not in a snobby way but just knowing that i really did give it my all and the fact that it still didnt pay off is not up to me its up to Allah swt, and Insha'Allah my rewards for it all will be with Him cos many of it was done for His sake.
i've already spoken to the imam in our local masjid but he sounds more clueless than i am, so i think i should go to a bigger masjid and ask for an imam there i really want to avoid the shariah council cos i have heard that their process is too long and too much of a headache, now i just want this to be over and done with and put it in my past Insha'Allah and just focus on myself and how to start living a normal life again, learn to take baby steps in making my life normal again, get out of the house bring routine in my life, get back into work, make new friends and be able to have my liberty back and breath. Insha'Allah.
I already prayed istikhara sis like about a month or so back and that night i had a dream that he was unfaithful to me with another woman and in the dream i was catching him out, now i asked a few scholars online but unfortunately no reply from them yet. so i dont know howto interpret that dream whether to take it literal or in another way im not really good with dreams but anyhow i've already asked Allah swt for guidance now its all a matter of seeing where He leads me Insha'Allah.
I already prayed istikhara sis like about a month or so back and that night i had a dream that he was unfaithful to me with another woman and in the dream i was catching him out.
Im not going to put any thoughts into ur head but seeing that he only sees you once in while, its a bit suspicious.Most men of that nature cannot live without a 'female presence' so to speak, therefore hes getting his 'companionship' from somewhere else.....and ur dream may just be and indication towards that.
Ive heard of cases like this before, where men live in different cities, for long periods of tym, away from their wives who are so naieve in thinking that theres nothing dodgy about that.
It would be wise not to confront him about ur istikhara dream, after all, its only suspicion isnt it.
But do speak to someone about getting a Khulla, and if this guys violent or anything, it would be wise not to tell him, he might try stopping u ...lol i know i sould like a drama queen but im thinking of the worst scenario.
My heart, so precious,
I won't trade for a hundred thousand souls.
Your one smile takes it for free.Rumi
what about your own family and parents what do they make of the whole situation? are they supportive of you?
my family from the start was dead against me marrying him cos he is of a pakistani background not cos they are racist but cos they knew it would be difficult since he's family were so mean and horrible and used to always go out of ther way to humiliate me, throughout everything mymum has suffered the most through this it's caused her a lot of stress, although she tells me that for my own future its best if i get my talaaq, i can see and sense that at the same time she wants it to work and for him to be man enough to take care of his responsibilities and to fulfill all the promises that he made to her.
no one trusts him whatsoever i mean its hard for me to trust him myself i have fought so much for him, but there's just nothing left there to fight no more.
to this day i get suitors asking about me through family and my mum's face almost shines i guess it brings hope in her, they want me to leave him and move on. good thing is Alhumdullilah that we dont have any children so it makes things that much easier.
i'm not hurt of in despair for being hardbroken or for it not working out or anything like that now i have come to accept it that its jus not meant to be but what hurts me and really gets to me is remembering every single thing that i did for him in the past 3 years that breaks my heart but now i guess im at the stage where i need to accept that doing something for someone you shouldnt expect anything i return from them you should firmly believe that your reward Insha'Allah is with Allah swt.
sis when i got the dream interpreted dreaming of your husband or partner being unfaithful to you is always the opposite.
but Allah swt knows the truthand if that is the case then my husband will get whats due to him in proportion, the most important thng to me is that i have been a faithful and devout wife and have done nothing that i should be ashamed of let alone thought about it.
its ome to the point where when he lies to me now it doesnt even hurtor bother me cos the way my thinking goes now is that, your not wronging me with your lies, your only wronging yourself, so before i used to get angry cos he has ied to me whereas now i get sad and angry cos he is lying and wronging himself, i have tried so much to steer him in the way of religion and Masha'Allah he even started praying but prayers is not enough to make you a muslim a believer, you have to imply the whole teachings of islam in your life.
i always used to say to him that by you praying namaz be it 100 times, is it really going to get accepted even though you lie and commit so many other sins? but whats the use its like talking to a brick wall khair i pray that Insha'Allah Allah swt truly guides him and changes him for the better and makes him a righteous slave of His for his own sake and salvation even if im not in his life.
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cause whoever accepts qadr good and bad... will ALWAYS be happy
im so sorry
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