How Can I Help Him?

[AnonymousPoster]

As-salaamu'Alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu brothers and sisters,

I am looking for advice on how to help my husband with his imaan.

Some background information:

Masha'Allaah my husband is a very knowledgeable man and he used to be very righteous. He was very involved in the islamic community. He used to give lectures, teach qur'an, he had his own islamic bookstore and dawah center masha'Allaah. But we live in a western country and they did not like who my husband was, so the national security came and interrogated him. They searched his computer, his books, tapes, but they did not find anything to charge him with so instead they took his passport. He is now not allowed to leave the country, to go to hajj or see his family (who he has not seen now for over 15 years subhan'Allaah)

Ever since then my husbands imaan has just dropped. Subhan'Allaah. He just prays his fardh (alhamdulillaah) but that is it. I try and get him to pray in the masjid, pray his sunnah, read qur'an but he just says 'insha'Allah insha'Allah' and never does it.... or he will say 'I will do it for Allaah and myself, not for you'..

I know men don't really like being told what to do by a woman... so I'd love some advice on how I can help him increase his imaan insha'Allaah.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

what more can you do then talk to him?


ask him why he feels the way his feeling now, why has he gone so laxed? did he not realise Allah tests those whom strive in his path?

[Re.TiReD]

You know the most beautiful thing, that our spouses are the ones who can help us attain Jannah bi'ithnillah. SubhanAllah...amazing, sis talk to him...just talk to him and reassure him, tell him that its just a test and that Allah (swt) is with the patient, tell him that he is able to go to the masjid and pray still, unlike many of our brothers who are imprisoned...

Tell him to be thankful for the freedom he still has...tell him that...SubhanAllah just talk to him and comfort him, thats the main thing you can do I guess. Also, I know men may not like being told what to do by women, but you're his wife, he gotta take it

[Al-Zaara]

Selam aleykum sister,

During the most difficult times, some lack faith, tell him to stay strong during these hard times, only then will he succeed. It is a test from Allah, subhana we ta'ala, nothing to dwell on or worry about too much. In the end, to stay strong in Emaan and dhikr, will reward you in ways you couldn't imagine. Tell him every dua and every prayer is only better for him.

Talk to him, comfort him and make a lot of dua for him. Show how interested you are in this, go to the Masjid sometimes yourself, listen to tapes, read Islamic books, make him see you doing all this. Sometimes talking is done enough, don't pressure him so much, but a bit at a time. I'm not saying stop talking about it, but choose when and where to talk about it wisely.

InshaAllah he will soon get back on track.

[Brother_Mujahid]

just read through the thread...

perhaps his motives or reasoning is that he doesn't want to be taken away by the authorities out of fear if he was to carry on going masjid etc.

Like the others have advised, simply talk to him. preferably over some nice homemade chicken followed by a lovely cuppa tea. or what ever else you may have.

Since your husband was invovled in work and teaching quran at the masjid, try contacting the imam or someone senior who knows your husband and can talk to him.

May Allah help you both and alleviate your problems, and increase you in Iman. Ameen

[Eeman]

As-salaamu'Alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu brothers and sisters,

I am looking for advice on how to help my husband with his imaan.

Some background information:

Masha'Allaah my husband is a very knowledgeable man and he used to be very righteous. He was very involved in the islamic community. He used to give lectures, teach qur'an, he had his own islamic bookstore and dawah center masha'Allaah. But we live in a western country and they did not like who my husband was, so the national security came and interrogated him. They searched his computer, his books, tapes, but they did not find anything to charge him with so instead they took his passport. He is now not allowed to leave the country, to go to hajj or see his family (who he has not seen now for over 15 years subhan'Allaah)

Ever since then my husbands imaan has just dropped. Subhan'Allaah. He just prays his fardh (alhamdulillaah) but that is it. I try and get him to pray in the masjid, pray his sunnah, read qur'an but he just says 'insha'Allah insha'Allah' and never does it.... or he will say 'I will do it for Allaah and myself, not for you'..

I know men don't really like being told what to do by a woman... so I'd love some advice on how I can help him increase his imaan insha'Allaah.

salam alaikum sister,

Subhan'Allah when i hear things like that i get so i dont know why some people are so evil. Gosh why can thy not just leave innocent people alone and go after their agendas of gaining control of oil!

never mind lets leave them to Allah swt the most Just Judge of all, each soul will get due in proportion for what thier own hands have earned so we will get justice Insha'Allah.

it is clear that this is the time when your husband is being tested and he needs to strive hard and bulid His imaan, nothing happens without Allah swt's will that we know and he knows too he knows it all sister but at times each and everyone of us needs to be reminded.

i dont think you are totally right about men not liking to be told what to do by a woman, it is the way the make it out to seem, but in secret without making it known to us women they do ponder over what we say and many times act upon it, women in most cases are the motivators of their husbands but what you need to realise that you need to Insha'Allah motivate him indirectly. if you have already tried to do so directly and it has not worked much now try indirectly.dont nag and carry on about it or for him to do this and that cos even though your only saying it for his own benefit and good, the chances of him acting upon it will not be high.

i suggest that you know try to set an example for him, the most beautiful and valueable lesson i personally myself hve learnt this year that even if you mean good and do something for someone for their own benefit if not done in the appropriate manner then your attempts will be fruitless, trying to force something down someone's throat is not the way to go.

i suggest that you start motivating him indirectly and set an example for him, what heused to be and do, start going to the mosque yourself to perform you salah, on sundays start off with gathering family children around or relatives and start to teach them the Quran, be involved in the muslim community more and the more your husband sees this the more he will be motivated dont say anything to him and dont tell him to do this and that just totaly leave him alone, but make sure that visually he sees this especially you teaching the kids Quran, then one day make up and excuse say something has come up or so and so needs help and you have to go but all the kids are coming round and ask him in the most loving manner if he would do the favour of teaching them instead for today.

and i promise you that Insha'Allah slowly slowy he himself will start again, motivation is not just done by words, it can be dne by actions, it can be direct or indirect, i have myself realised that indirect motivation for me has been the most effective and better way.

when i became a practisig muslim it bothered me a lot being a part of a non practisng muslim and i used to go out of my way to teach and enlightenmy family members and in return i used to get laughed at and my feelings would get hurt, but i wouldnt stop, i became so determined and was so passionate about that it came to the point where i was being a bit forceful, not physically of course but my family members would avoid the whole subject altogether and if by mistake someone brought it up everyone would disappear thinking oh she she goes again.
so i realised and gave up but Alhumdullilah this is the beauty of Allah swt, cos my intentions were clean and pure, i started to leave them to it and just crried on with myself and slowly slowly i realised that my own family members who would run away from me and discussions about islam started to approach me and ask me themselves, my nieces were motivated and inspired by just watching me to pray and would come to me and ask me if they could pray with me.

so be patient sister Insha'Allah Allah swt will reward you for your true intentions and means to do your husband good and make loads of dua...

i pray that Allah swt stregthens his imaan within his heart again and always keeps both of you guided to His straight path and bestows jannah upon you both to sbide therein for eternity.

[coddles76]

As-salaamu'Alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu brothers and sisters,

I am looking for advice on how to help my husband with his imaan.

Some background information:

Masha'Allaah my husband is a very knowledgeable man and he used to be very righteous. He was very involved in the islamic community. He used to give lectures, teach qur'an, he had his own islamic bookstore and dawah center masha'Allaah. But we live in a western country and they did not like who my husband was, so the national security came and interrogated him. They searched his computer, his books, tapes, but they did not find anything to charge him with so instead they took his passport. He is now not allowed to leave the country, to go to hajj or see his family (who he has not seen now for over 15 years subhan'Allaah)

Ever since then my husbands imaan has just dropped. Subhan'Allaah. He just prays his fardh (alhamdulillaah) but that is it. I try and get him to pray in the masjid, pray his sunnah, read qur'an but he just says 'insha'Allah insha'Allah' and never does it.... or he will say 'I will do it for Allaah and myself, not for you'..

I know men don't really like being told what to do by a woman... so I'd love some advice on how I can help him increase his imaan insha'Allaah.

Asalam Alykum,
Sister, I think the best thing you can do for your husband is to be there for him, support him, care for him and be gentle with his feelings. The righteous women never tries to upset her husband, She understands that he holds alot of responsiblilty and that sometimes that responsibilty just needs a supporting wife to comfort him and be there for him. The most important things you can do is Make DUA for him, Look towards Allah SWT to increase his iman and forgive him. The most succesful men are always usually succesful due to a loving and caring wife by his side

[sangeeta]

Agree with the previous replies.I wish and pray there is a way for him to get back his rights regarding his passport.

[AnonymousPoster]

barak Allaah feekum brothers and sisters for your replies.

I have been trying to talk to him, when he is comfortable and relaxed, and he agrees with everything I say subhan'Allaah. Then as soon as we stop talking, he is back to his same old ways.

I am trying to lead by example, but it is hard with kids. So I can't exactly go pray my salaat in the masjid unfortunately. But I do fast mondays and thursdays, I ask him if he would like to fast with me.. but all I get is a no. Or I will ask him to teach me some qur'an and he is like insha'Allah later... Subhan'Allah

I must say though, he is praying a few prayers in the masjid a day. At least once alhamdulillah. I guess it is just a slow process.


Brother_Mujahid, I also suspect that he is slacking because he does not want anymore trouble with the authorities too wa'Allaahu 'alam.

I don't think contacting a sheikh or someone outside the marriage would do a lot. Actually I think it would make him furious. He would hate that. I don't want to think what would happen if I did that subhan'Allaah


I guess there is not much more advice to give but I do pray that Allaah rewards every single one of you who replied ameen. Please keep my husband and I in your ad'iya insha'Allah. Please pray that he gets his passport back and that he (and I) strengthens in imaan.

[arabianprincess]

salam wa 3lykom

well just try to talk to him as much as u can .. BUt dont do it tooo much .. u know how men r ... Then they gonna be like ur naggin .. jk .. well i mean just try to talk to him in a calm way n let him feel that ur by his side.. which im sure u r .. n inshallah everythin would work out.... well i was thinkin if he got someone who is close to him as a friend brother cousin u can talk to n let them advice him cuz when it comes from close friends is diferent ,.,, i suppose... n i have heard many ppl who couldnt leave the country ... for NO reason.. but let him try to get a lawyer n try to understand what hes accused of.... n inshallah yseer khair.. may allah help us all .. i ll keep u in my duaa's inashallah salam wa 3lykom

[Sahabiyaat]

Have you tried reminding him of the people in guantanamo? and how strong they are? and what a terrible postion their in.

You need to remind your husband, and like arabianprincess said, dont constantly nag him, sometimes all a person needs is some time alone, remind him of all the comforts he has, his wife, children, home etc,...and how lucky he his and how much easy his test is test is from Allah compared to the prisioners of Guantanamo.

He cant travel outside the country and those prisioners are probably not allowed outside their cells without permission!, Just think of the difference SubhanAllah!!!

(041:049) "The human being does not tire in imploring for good things. But if adversity touches him, he is disheartened, desperate!"

We will pray for him InshaAllah