moms silent treatment

[anonymous]

My mom and i stop speaking to each other, over trivial arguments. This has happened as far back as i can remember.It depresses me very much being in the same house as her and her just walking past me, excluding me in conversations, last night she kissed my sisters good night and left me out.Last night she also made dinner for everyone and left me out, i had to make my own dinner.

This can go on for days, upto weeks.Before she would end the silent treatment by talking to me, even if it be harshly,and i would be grateful, but now she is acting equally as stubborn, refusing to look at me.Just now i tried to strike up a conversation with her and she just ignored me and i felt so arkward and stupid.

This depresses me so much, i loose concentration at uni, at home, in everything i do, because i feel so lonely, especially when she does things to spite me i.e she wouldnt let my lil sis go to the chippy for me when i came bak from uni and i was starving and their was nothing int the house to eat.

Sometimes she has even told other family members not to talk to me but that is rare.

i feel so so so sad.i just cant contain myself, and i wonder why she behaves like this with me, its like she hates me, but i know she doesnt, maybe its just me....i dont know.

please advise me. I bet this doesnt happen to anyone else, and you must all be haing great pity on me right now.

this time the argument was trivial,....its started off with jokes and laughing, then i just dont knw where it took a serious turn, and she was saying harsh, hurtful things to me, which left me so upset that i had to get out of the room and o was crying and she was laughing.

[Mikayeel]

WaAlykumAlsalaam

Thread approved

[Zahida]

NO!!!!!!! I do not pity you little one but i do feel sorry for your situation.
I do not think that your mother has a heart of stone, she bore you as she did your siblings and a mothers love is equal.............

Can you think of anything that you might have done to upset her????
Have you tried to sit and talk to your mother???

I am not being harsh here but take a deep look at yourself and if there is something your mum dislikes about you little one then try your hardest to change/rectify what is wrong................. Your mum should be your best friend, your mum loves you more than anybody else in the whole wide world!

Please try to resolve your arguements with your mum. Talk to her and be friends with her. Please. Thankyou.

[Brother_Mujahid]

i agree with sis zahida

I think you need to re-evaluate and check what makes your mother treat you the way she does.

Perhaps the 'petty' arguments you say you have may not be petty to your mother and maybe she takes it to heart.

The first thing you need to really establish is the root cause of the problem and how YOU may be contributing to the situation.

Hopefully then you may find the answers to your problems.

May Allah help you.

Wasalam

[MO783]

I suggest make an apology and bring her some flowers, mothers hearts always accepts their child.

Good Luck

Salam

[Ummu Sufyaan]

My mom and i stop speaking to each other, over trivial arguments. This has happened as far back as i can remember.It depresses me very much being in the same house as her and her just walking past me, excluding me in conversations, last night she kissed my sisters good night and left me out.Last night she also made dinner for everyone and left me out, i had to make my own dinner.

This can go on for days, upto weeks.Before she would end the silent treatment by talking to me, even if it be harshly,and i would be grateful, but now she is acting equally as stubborn, refusing to look at me.Just now i tried to strike up a conversation with her and she just ignored me and i felt so arkward and stupid.

This depresses me so much, i loose concentration at uni, at home, in everything i do, because i feel so lonely, especially when she does things to spite me i.e she wouldnt let my lil sis go to the chippy for me when i came bak from uni and i was starving and their was nothing int the house to eat.

Sometimes she has even told other family members not to talk to me but that is rare.

i feel so so so sad.i just cant contain myself, and i wonder why she behaves like this with me, its like she hates me, but i know she doesnt, maybe its just me....i dont know.

please advise me. I bet this doesnt happen to anyone else, and you must all be haing great pity on me right now.

this time the argument was trivial,....its started off with jokes and laughing, then i just dont knw where it took a serious turn, and she was saying harsh, hurtful things to me, which left me so upset that i had to get out of the room and o was crying and she was laughing.

a) as other members have suggested, try to find out why. perhaps get someone else involved if you/she dosnt want to speak to one another....perhaps a sibling. just say something like: "have a clue why mums acting towards me like this."

b)soften her heart by smiling, laughing, giving flowers, or just things she likes. go up and kiss her good night....seriously...you know some people come across as really stubborn, but deep down they have the softest hearts. no joke. and this softness doesn't show up until you be soft with them...because sometimes they actually feel bad when you turn around and show kindness. sort of like a reverse psychology.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

hmm clearly seeing as she jokes around with you she has a LOT of love for you, and see's u as someone close. I cant be myself/joke around wiv people unless im close with em ! so i wouldnt take it to harshly, im sure she doesnt mean to BREAK you or anythin like that. She just wants to teach her lil kids a lesson thats all, dont mess with momma but seriously sis if i was you i would just sabr it out n try all the while to just keep her happy.

i know she gives a million ways which makes it harder but hey take each way as a challenge

[AnonymousPoster]

omg if my mom stopped talking to me, I wud die.
i cnt imagine how hrd this is for u. Sis go to ur mom unexpectedly, kiss her on the forehead, and hug her soo tight.

lol...this is how my sis..she ignores me (even when I do nothing wrong) it's like seeking some attention. "she shud come to me, and hug me" thts all they want believe me lol.

Do u have lots of friends? sometimes our parents feel a bit left out too u kno.

I dunno, anyway, hope it all works out.

peaaaaaaaaaace!

[afzalaung]

try using a mediator...little brother or sister are of great use.

or.... if all other means fail, you can always resort to a little drama ..like pretending to slip or pretend to be sick. its for the better of good,so i guess there will be no harm in it...

[Zahida]

Some great advice! I think we have sidetracked abit. I really would like to know why mom stops talking to you............. give me some examples???

My daughter is 14 and i am constantly telling her off about tidying her room..... she says she'll do it but then i tell her again i sometimes end up yelling at her and then i won't talk to her for a couple of hours........so she tidies her room and then we are back to normal........... What i am trying to get at is what you do to make your mum behave like this.

I am not justifying her not talking to you as she is adult and should say whats on her mind, and as your mother she should not behave in this way.Mybe it's her way of getting herself heard because she knows you won't like it when she won't speak to you.

Just like me and my daughter>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

[anonymous]

well, i think theres fault on both sides.

She will be in a mood over something, and will actually seek me out in the house to take it out on me, so for example, her and dad argue, she spots me, picks on some little insignificant thing like a piece of clothing thats not hung up, and uses that to take all her vent up frustration on me, sometimes i take it silently, when im feeling particularly strong, and sometimes ill try defending myself, but sometimes she juts takes it to far! like insulting me (i dont even want to begin repeating her insults..) and im human, so i just snap and say a few things back, and thats the start of the silent treatment, ...but its not just plain silent treatment, she will insult me indirectly even when were not speaking! and this really really aggrieves me. ...i can be rude sometimes as well....i just dont knwo how to stop being that way....


well thanks to the people who replied to this thread, i was determined to just end all this misery and please Allah and my mom, so i ventured around the house today, drinking glasses of water and munching on food to calm myself, did a bit of crying on my own because i was so worried she would ignore my apology again, and i would feel stupid and wrong footed, and finally after much walking past her a few times, i mumbled sorry and grabbed her in a bear hug and burst out crying , she was shocked at first, but then hugged me back and told me to shut up lol, and gave me a kiss sed i was forgiven and serve me right for picking an argument with her, but i just held onto her and carried on crying a bit more for good measure! because i had been feeling so emotional for the past 3 days.

i wasnt the least bit embarrased, im just so gald its all over Alhamdulillah!!

[SixTen]

Mashallah. You know, never grieve your parents, even if they are in the wrong - thats my motto, avoid chatting back, aggrevating them - really they don't deserve it.

[^..sTr!vEr..^]

cool mashallah ..we all are happy for yu

[Zahida]

You silly billy!!!!!!!!!!!! Now me crying......:laugh:

Told you your mum loves you no matter what!!!!!

Try to ignore her moods and if she not getting on with dad or having a bad day then try keeping out of way!! Everybody has a bad day.... even you.

[Kas1m]

That is why you say do not be so free with your parents. my mother used to tell me that whatever problem there is tell me and i will solve it. i did tell her and she made a blunder outts that problem and told everyone. ever since i kept my problems to myself and got a victim of lonliness. i dont know how it happened but noone in my family happens to understand it. they think everything is perfect until I opened the Quran and started reading it which helped me a lot.

mothers are cool. my mother is. your mother is. i love my mother.

[Zahida]

You sound sad..............????????

Your mum loves you no matter what ,
believe that, her love is the most pure and sincerest love you will ever find on this earth........

Mothers are human toooooooo........ Please don't forget that...They have emotions just like you........him/her and me<<<:thankyou:

That is why you say do not be so free with your parents. my mother used to tell me that whatever problem there is tell me and i will solve it. i did tell her and she made a blunder outts that problem and told everyone. ever since i kept my problems to myself and got a victim of lonliness. i dont know how it happened but noone in my family happens to understand it. they think everything is perfect until I opened the Quran and started reading it which helped me a lot.

mothers are cool. my mother is. your mother is. i love my mother.

[AnonymousPoster]

AsalamAlaykum

[Najm]

i had good advice, but the screen frozen hummmm. Ill make dua!!

FiAmaaniAllah

[AnonymousPoster]

well, i think theres fault on both sides.

She will be in a mood over something, and will actually seek me out in the house to take it out on me, so for example, her and dad argue, she spots me, picks on some little insignificant thing like a piece of clothing thats not hung up, and uses that to take all her vent up frustration on me, sometimes i take it silently, when im feeling particularly strong, and sometimes ill try defending myself, but sometimes she juts takes it to far! like insulting me (i dont even want to begin repeating her insults..) and im human, so i just snap and say a few things back, and thats the start of the silent treatment, ...but its not just plain silent treatment, she will insult me indirectly even when were not speaking! and this really really aggrieves me. ...i can be rude sometimes as well....i just dont knwo how to stop being that way....


well thanks to the people who replied to this thread, i was determined to just end all this misery and please Allah and my mom, so i ventured around the house today, drinking glasses of water and munching on food to calm myself, did a bit of crying on my own because i was so worried she would ignore my apology again, and i would feel stupid and wrong footed, and finally after much walking past her a few times, i mumbled sorry and grabbed her in a bear hug and burst out crying , she was shocked at first, but then hugged me back and told me to shut up lol, and gave me a kiss sed i was forgiven and serve me right for picking an argument with her, but i just held onto her and carried on crying a bit more for good measure! because i had been feeling so emotional for the past 3 days.

i wasnt the least bit embarrased, im just so gald its all over Alhamdulillah!!

ur mum sounds alot like mine! but yeah i think she takes it out on you cos you tolerate it, which is something definatley commendable. i notice my mum just snaps when shes got something really bothering her, (like everyone else )
If thats the case, just swallow it because it probs a "one of" thing that should "blow over." but if it really bothers you that she acts like this when annoyed, just talk to her (when shes in a good mood ) and say that you dont like it and for her to go a lil easy on you.

i do the same too when my mum acts like that. put up and shut up. but sometimes i do say something, but indirectly, like "would you guys just leave me alone" (like as in my siblings lol). i just get so frustrated, astagfirullah. but just so that she stops it but never anything directly to her.
but i feel real bad for talking to my mum like that after wards lol

she was shocked at first, but then hugged me back and told me to shut up lol, and gave me a kiss sed i was forgiven and serve me right for picking an argument with her,

LOL shes your mum, shell never reject you

[Snowflake]

i mumbled sorry and grabbed her in a bear hug and burst out crying , she was shocked at first, but then hugged me back and told me to shut up lol, and gave me a kiss sed i was forgiven and serve me right for picking an argument with her, but i just held onto her and carried on crying a bit more for good measure! because i had been feeling so emotional for the past 3 days.

aww mashaAllah, alhumdulillah!!! that warmed the cockles of my heart! I was thinking my reply in my head until i got to this post and thought "alhumdulillah, that's sorted now!" *beams*

it proves that mums are human too. having a child doesn't come with a manual. so we mums learn by trial and error as well. knowing this should make it easier for you to deal with her weaknesses and also see how yours affect her.

khair mashaAllah what you did is commendable. for future use, write down what ticks your mum off and what you can do to avoid or resolve the problem. then act upon it! Praise be to Allah & may Allah bless your relationship with your mother. Ameen.