My father married his second wife seven years ago. Since then, he has not bothered to even look at my mother (first wife) nor with his sons and daughter from his first marriage, although we made no fault on our side. He has not been supporting my mother either financially or otherwise since then. He stays separately with his second wife.
I have three questions:
1. What are the responsibilities of the husband (my father) to his first wife?
2. Is the relationship deemed void or is it automatically terminated?
3. My mother has plans set to go in 10 days on her second Hajj. My father was asked, and permission was granted by him six months back. All preparations and planning for Hajj were done: Tickets paid for, visa issued, and things spent for. Now, my father suddenly has a change of mind and tells my mother that he does not give his permission for her to go for Hajj.
What is the ruling, on such grounds, on seeking the permission of one's husband on going for Hajj?
I tried reasoning with my father, but he seems to be adamant for no particular reason other than making things difficult for us.
A local imam told me that although permission from the husband is necessary, I need to consider only the first time that was asked and permitted by him; any later change of mind does not count.
Please help me in clarifying this situation.
Jazakum Allahu khayran
Name of Counsellor
Ahmad Kutty
Topic
Hajj: Merits & Rulings
Answer
Wa `alaykumas-salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.
Brother, thank you for your question, which emanates from a thoughtful heart. May Almighty Allah help us all adhere to the principles of Islam and enable us to be among the dwellers of Paradise in the Hereafter, amin.
One of the things that Islam provided people is the ability to marry more than one wife. The Qur'an did not haphazardly give this right; there are some requirements that must me met in order for a man to take a second wife. If a husband marries another woman and starts to discard the first and deprives her of some of her rights, then he will be punished in the Hereafter.
Regarding the issue of your mother's Hajj, she can go in the company of trustworthy women with whom her life and religion will be secured.
Regarding your question, Sheikh Ahmad Kutty,a senior lecturer and an Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada, explained,
Your father seems to have got his ideas mixed up. He seems to be entertaining the wrong idea, which unfortunately, many Muslims often fall into: That while he has every right to command his wife as he pleases, he owes no obligation toward her. This is absolutely wrong; Allah categorically declares in the Qur'an, (Andthey(women) have rights similar to those (of men) over them in kindness) (Al-Baqarah2:228).
Therefore, we will not be exaggerating, if we state — assuming what you have mentionedisnothing but the truth— that your father is being unfair and unreasonable in his actions and behavior toward your mother. In Islam, rights come with responsibilities: A hisband has no right to dictate terms to his wife if he is not fulfilling his obligations toward her. His primary obligation toward her entails supporting her financially as well as fulfilling his spousal duties toward her, which also includes providing emotional support.
Allah orders husbands to, (Consort with them in kindness, forif you hate them it may happen that you hate a thing wherein Allah has placed much good.) (An-Nisaa' 4:19). In case of taking a second wife, it is his duty to treat both of them fairly and equally as best as he can. Although he is not accountable for what he cannot control, he must never, in the words of the Qur'an, (turn not altogether away (from one), leaving her as in suspense) (An-Nisaa' 4:129).
But if after taking a second wife, your father has abandoned his first, then he has no right to dictate terms to her; the rules of Shari`ahapplyto both spouses and do not discriminate. Since your father is most likely acting whimsically, it is enough for her to make use of his permission that he granted in the first place. Thus your mother has every right to travel for her Hajj — since she has set her mind on it, especially after she has made all the preparations.
After having stated this, I must however, rush to point out that she must find a trustworthy group of women to travel with. It is worth remembering that, following the death of Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him), themothers of the faithful traveled to Hajj together in a group under the supervision of senior and reputable Companions of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him).
Coming to your question about the marriage being automatically rendered null and void because of your father’s abandonment of your mother, my answer is that it is not. For the marriage to be terminated, either she has to seek a divorce from him, which obviously she is entitled to because of his neglect of spousal duties toward her, or by his own initiative to divorce her.
May Allah inspire us all to act justly and righteously, and may He forgive us all for our shortcomings, both inward and outward, and both major and minor, amin.
Islamonline.com
Text without context is pretext If your opponent is of choleric temperament, seek to irritate him
" Its sometimes better people don't get to know you..
Cuz the more they know you, the less they understand & accept you..
Alone is better, what say " - SRK
I learned something new from that post
and may allah help that poor woman and guide the father to the true path one day before he die and meet his Lord without fulfilling his responsibilities toward his first wife
Therefore, we will not be exaggerating, if we state — assuming what you have mentionedisnothing but the truth— that your father is being unfair and unreasonable in his actions and behavior toward your mother. In Islam, rights come with responsibilities: A hisband has no right to dictate terms to his wife if he is not fulfilling his obligations toward her. His primary obligation toward her entails supporting her financially as well as fulfilling his spousal duties toward her, which also includes providing emotional support.
Allah orders husbands to, (Consort with them in kindness, forif you hate them it may happen that you hate a thing wherein Allah has placed much good.) (An-Nisaa' 4:19). In case of taking a second wife, it is his duty to treat both of them fairly and equally as best as he can. Although he is not accountable for what he cannot control, he must never, in the words of the Qur'an, (turn not altogether away (from one), leaving her as in suspense) (An-Nisaa' 4:129).
But if after taking a second wife, your father has abandoned his first, then he has no right to dictate terms to her; the rules of Shari`ahapplyto both spouses and do not discriminate. Since your father is most likely acting whimsically, it is enough for her to make use of his permission that he granted in the first place. Thus your mother has every right to travel for her Hajj — since she has set her mind on it, especially after she has made all the preparations.
25:36 And the true servants of the Most Merciful are those who walk the earth with humility and when the ignorant address them, they respond with words of peace.
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