Need Help !!! ~ Marriage Issue...

[mq2007]

AsslamuaAlykum

How is everyone?

I have an issue with my Marriage. I just got married few months back in Ahmedabad, India. My wife is still overseas and I returned back to USA.

While I was there my wife was insisting that I don't hide any information from her and tell her all about my past. I told her bits and pieces.

Background info: My life was of sin previously and I had relationship with a girl. However I made a u-turn of my life and for the past 5/6 years I haven't had any relationship and have been trying to be a true slave to the lord.

Recently as we talk on the phone she kept insisting me to tell her if I touched any girl previously and I said yes. Now she is shocked and saying that I shouldve married that girl and why did I marry her.

What should I do? I am asking Allah (swt) for help. I have asked Allah to forgive my sins and still do.

Please advise.

[Lonely Gal]

not sure if i can give u any advice, but if she was askin she should have been prepared for the good and the bad.. personally i think she should realise that you have changed and know the sin you committed and have moved on from that, trying to do good now.
Explain to her that your being honest and dont want anything to come between you, u easily could have kept it a secret, but cos the relationship means so much to u, you want everythin to be out in the open and for a fresh start for you to move forward together..

[Yanal]

Perhaps the way you said it shocked her. Maybe she asked did you touch any girl recently and you said yes. My advice to you is that phone her up and tell her what I told you that I didn't touch any other women for 5 years and thought you were asking about the incident 5 years ago.

[Vito]

She should appreciate the fact that you came out and even told her the truth. Lots of people would be hesitant of doing that. In my opinion, you doing that made her trust for you even stronger (or should have). Like the others have said, just take the time to explain to her that was a long time ago and you're closer to the religion. And also explain to her that you have nothing to hide and can always be trusted Hope all goes well with you

[IbnAbdulHakim]

dont give up

help her understand that your not a sinner anymore

convince her that you've changed, and wish she can help you stay good etc.

[roohani.doctor]

Tell her you changed and that everybody has a past and its not perfect. you are with her now and she should appreciate the fact that you told her the truth and dint lie. I'd rather hear the truth and be hurt then live a lie.

[Donia]

Wa alaikum asalaam.

I think you should talk to her and tell her what you have written here. That was in your past and you made a change and you're trying to do right. Inshallah she will understand. I hope she will appreciate that you were honest with her.

[halloula]

salam

i went thru the same thing with my husband but as long as he done tawbah before getting married i forgave him and we moved on with our life you should be clear with your wife and explain everything everyone is allowed to make mistakes but the main thing is we understand and we try to fix them and do a proper tawbah. explain life move on and doesnt stop in the past tell her that you love her now and that she is all your life now and that you dont need to cheat on her or knnow anyone else

salam alaykom

[glo]

I guess the real problem is that you didn't tell your wife the full truth about your past (despite her asking) until after you were married!

I have no doubt that you have repented your sins and God has forgiven you.
But you also need to ask your wife for her forgiveness ... and pray that she will find it in her heart to do so.

I don't want to sound too harsh, but I am assuming that you and your wife don't know each other very well at this stage, you are not yet living together - so any trust that is growing between you is based on things you have said and done for each other so far.
Starting a relationship with half-truths was perhaps not the wisest thing to do ...

I pray that you will grow together in trust, patience and love, and that your's will be wonderful marriage!

Salaam

[Ummu Sufyaan]

you know, you can tell and tell and tell someone that you'll be always faithful to them and that you've changed-and it would be the case
but you know, these things aaaaaalways seem to resurface after marriage and somehow cause tension...no one really lets go of these things. i mean your wife. these things always seem to linger around....

so, i would actually consider breaking the whole thing off, as excessive as that may sound(pray istkhara first)

[anonymous]

Guess you don't really understand the insecurities that your wife is feeling right now. Trust me, I've been there. You're always second guessing yourself, thinking just maybe if he's thinking of her, if the "other girl" is more attractive etc. Does he even love me?

It remains in our heart so much that it starts to eat us up, which in some cases causes frequent fights, or even worse...

The issue here is trust.

There's no easy way of convincing.

Allah always guides people from the worst sins, and if Allah can forgive then mankind should too. Although we don't have the same love and mercy as Him, an ounce of it can go a long way.

Give it time brother, show that you care and love her. Affection is one of the best remedies in marriage.

Show the past is the past, and that's where it should remain. If like me, she feels hesitant, tell her to pray istikhara herself, and let nature takes it's course.

Anon.

[glo]

^
Nice advice, anon. And from one who has been in that situation herself, which helps to understand the perspective of the other party.

I'd give you reps if I knew who you are.

[anonymous]

Thanks glo, I'm an old member passing by.

Anon.

[nms]

Tell her you changed and that everybody has a past and its not perfect. you are with her now and she should appreciate the fact that you told her the truth and dint lie. I'd rather hear the truth and be hurt then live a lie.

this is good advice