What is everyone's opinion on Love and marriage.
Do you need to 'love' (in the islamic sense) someone before you are married or do you think love builds over time during the marriage?
What if you are engaged but do feel you fully love the person? Would you go through with it in the hope that love will grow or do you end it?
In the western culture the big thing is to love someone before marriage otherwise they leave them. Curious to know what other muslims would do.
THis is how i see it. There must be a spark initially to get the marriage going, but this spark will most likely fire up during the marriage...
If u dnt ahve that park initially than ur just marrying a 'person', it could well be that u end up with the same fire later on in marriage.
The first post should read:
What if you are engaged but do not feel you fully love the person? Would you go through with it in the hope that love will grow or do you end it?
Sometimes its better to marry and then fall in love. I have seen marriages that have succeeded that way. Then again I would love to be in love and marry the person i love rather than a stranger i have no feelings for.
Allah knows best!!!
No, I don't believe in love before marriage...and no, I am not a pessimist
Western culture has totally changed the meaning of what Real love is; and they make it,at times, seem like something totally unrealistic. The "love" you see in movies is, in real life, simple infatuation, which fades after a day or a month or a year.
Real love,and I mean love as in a bond, as in, you truly cannot imagine yourself without this person, and you care for them as much as you care about your own person, comes with,(and I will never repeat this enough!)
TIME.
You need to go through hardships and have that person stand next to you, and support you. You need to experience ultimate joys with this person. You need to understand them and know them, know what their like when their angry,upset,happy... this is real,true love..when you truly feel that this person is your second-half..and I'm not saying that everyone who gets married will have that person. Actually, I think its pretty rare to have such a love. You might like the person you are married to/find them attractive, but to truly feel that certain...*special* bond,well, you'll simply know whether you have "it" or not with time
I would learn to get to know the person better, see if I can imagine myself with this person for the rest of my life. Marriage is not simply knowing his/her traits superficially(i.e being told that he/she is smart, funny, patient) you need to round up you're own opinion of this person by getting to know them better. That's what getting engaged is for. If you feel like you are comfortable with this person, and that they would make a good father/mother/life partner, and hold Islam dear in their hearts, then yeah, totally go for it. Don't expect that "infatuation" to be there, and if it IS there, check your decisions twice, because your real judgement might be blurred by it.format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
Lastly, and probably most importantly, see if your potential spouse has a true love for his deen and understands it. I once heard " If a man fears Allah(swt), then you do not have to fear him."
Completly true. if a man truly fear Allah(swt), then he will, Insh'Allah, be good to you.
Last edited by -Elle-; 02-19-2009 at 10:32 PM.
I don't think it would make a difference, as long as you're attracted to that person (psychically) then with hard work you can make it work inshaa'Allaah. Statically speaking, most marriages (50%) end up in divorce in the West after 5-10 years of being together. That obviously includes people that initially ''loved'' each other.format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
If you care about your spouse and you really want for them to make it to jannah, with you, then you don't let little obstacles get in your way of attaining it.
Small things help too, like being caring enough to clean the dishes and change the baby's nappies once in a while wouldn't hurt and your spouse would feel really cared for and appreciated. Thus making the love grow more and more.
Well, I believe in love either before or after marriage. Marrying the person that one loves would be so very perfect. Although love is a major side in a couple, it doesn't in itself guarantee the success of a marital life. I personally think that it is pretty sad and bitter to marry a total stranger and wait for some odds to fall in love with this person. I know many pple who experienced the magic spark after their marriage. Sadly, many more never seen that spark.
format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
Very coolMarriage is the best thing for any two people that love each other.
Not necessarily, it can simply be attraction, or genuine likeness towards him/her. 'Real love' comes after the first few years of marriage, after the 'in love' phase is over, this is when the love is accompanied by rahmah, mercy.Do you need to 'love' (in the islamic sense) someone before you are married or do you think love builds over time during the marriage?
You're in the 'in love' phase, but it's good. It'll help set a good foundation for marriage Insha'Allaah if things are done properly.What if you are engaged but do feel you fully love the person?
Well if you're engaged to someone you love, and they love you back, why would you want to end it?!Would you go through with it in the hope that love will grow or do you end it?
Depends in what terms you're using the word love. Love is good, but not necessary. Attraction, compatibility and simply liking the person can suffice. However if love is there, then it's a plus Alhamdullilah from my humble opinion.In the western culture the big thing is to love someone before marriage otherwise they leave them. Curious to know what other muslims would do.
you have to have some fireworks before marriage for it to work.
^format_quote Originally Posted by houda~No, I don't believe in love before marriage...and no, I am not a pessimist
Western culture has totally changed the meaning of what Real love is; and they make it,at times, seem like something totally unrealistic. The "love" you see in movies is, in real life, simple infatuation, which fades after a day or a month or a year.
Real love,and I mean love as in a bond, as in, you truly cannot imagine yourself without this person, and you care for them as much as you care about your own person, comes with,(and I will never repeat this enough!)
TIME.
You need to go through hardships and have that person stand next to you, and support you. You need to experience ultimate joys with this person. You need to understand them and know them, know what their like when their angry,upset,happy... this is real,true love..when you truly feel that this person is your second-half..and I'm not saying that everyone who gets married will have that person. Actually, I think its pretty rare to have such a love. You might like the person you are married to/find them attractive, but to truly feel that certain...*special* bond,well, you'll simply know whether you have "it" or not with time
I would learn to get to know the person better, see if I can imagine myself with this person for the rest of my life. Marriage is not simply knowing his/her traits superficially(i.e being told that he/she is smart, funny, patient) you need to round up you're own opinion of this person by getting to know them better. That's what getting engaged is for. If you feel like you are comfortable with this person, and that they would make a good father/mother/life partner, and hold Islam dear in their hearts, then yeah, totally go for it. Don't expect that "infatuation" to be there, and if it IS there, check your decisions twice, because your real judgement might be blurred by it.
Lastly, and probably most importantly, see if your potential spouse has a true love for his deen and understands it. I once heard " If a man fears Allah(swt), then you do not have to fear him."
Completly true. if a man truly fear Allah(swt), then he will, Insh'Allah, be good to you.oh: You said it so beautifully!
And I totally agree wiv ya sis!
Inshallah everyone experiences love in this way! =)
i think both would work to be honest. you can have a halaal love marriage and yet all that stuff may come later on. i think a marriage would work either way.format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
love can develop after marriage no doubt about. i don't think you have to love someone before marriage to marry them. i think, at the very least what needs to be there initially is that the couple need to be compatible/they feel some kind of mutual inclination towards one another, then all the falling in love thingee will probably come later...In the western culture the big thing is to love someone before marriage otherwise they leave them. Curious to know what other muslims would do.
if i felt that we're compatible, etc then i would go ahead. i think the rest comes later in most cases...format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGenderi agree with that<---that needs to be there imoIf u dnt ahve that park initially than ur just marrying a 'person'
Yes love is needed in everything in life. love help get though problems, love helps a marriage stay strong.. to me love is so important and if thier is no love nor respect then nothing matters.format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
love is so important for the marriage to keep it go but you dont have to fully love them before the wedding but you have to have at least to each other and that will get developped after when you are the same roof and become love. So if you dont feel anything before getting married then you better dont because the main things to make the marriage happy and strong are love and respect
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