In the halal supermarket

[glo]

I wanted to ask a question about a situation I found myself in the other day.

We have a halal supermarket not far from us, where we quite frequently shop - especially items such as spices, pulses, chillies etc.

The other evening I had gone for a few items and was waiting at the till.
There was only one person in front of me, a young man with a trolley full of shopping and a tiny baby in a buggy, which he had had to 'park' in the aisle next to me because there wasn't enough space for buggy and shopping trolley.

While he was loading the shopping and paying the baby started to cry. (You know the little cry babies which are only a few weeks old make - like a kitten meowing. Ahhh ... )

I thought to myself 'How is this guy going to push the full trolley and the baby buggy out of this shop?'
So I waited for him to pay and then asked him "How far is your car? Do you want me to help you with the buggy?"

He looked at me a little puzzled for a moment, as if tempted by my offer, but not sure whether he should take me up on it or not. He went as far as replying "Would you mind?" ... but then very quickly the man behind the counter got another male member if staff the help the customer take baby and shopping to his car.

I left it at that, just glad that the young father had some help ... but I couldn't quite help feeling that my offering help had caused a slightly embarrassing situation.
Perhaps because I, a woman alone, had approached a man?
Perhaps because I had been willing to walk to the car with him (which, incidentally, was just outside the shop)?
Perhaps because the shop staff thought they should have offered help before another customer did?

I really don't know ...

I told my husband about this, and he just said "Surely offering help is always a good thing - even if it may challenge other cultures or opinions."

What do you think?
Was what I did Islamically wrong?
Should I not have offered to help?

Looking forward to your replies.

Peace

[yusuf18]

I wanted to ask a question about a situation I found myself in the other day.

We have a halal supermarket not far from us, where we quite frequently shop - especially items such as spices, pulses, chillies etc.

The other evening I had gone for a few items and was waiting at the till.
There was only one person in front of me, a young man with a trolley full of shopping and a tiny baby in a buggy, which he had had to 'park' in the aisle next to me because there wasn't enough space for buggy and shopping trolley.

While he was loading the shopping and paying the baby started to cry. (You know the little cry babies which are only a few weeks old make - like a kitten meowing. Ahhh ... )

I thought to myself 'How is this guy going to push the full trolley and the baby buggy out of this shop?'
So I waited for him to pay and then asked him "How far is your car? Do you want me to help you with the buggy?"

He looked at me a little puzzled for a moment, as if tempted by my offer, but not sure whether he should take me up on it or not. He went as far as replying "Would you mind?" ... but then very quickly the man behind the counter got another male member if staff the help the customer take baby and shopping to his car.

I left it at that, just glad that the young father had some help ... but I couldn't quite help feeling that my offering help had caused a slightly embarrassing situation.
Perhaps because I, a woman alone, had approached a man?
Perhaps because I had been willing to walk to the car with him (which, incidentally, was just outside the shop)?
Perhaps because the shop staff thought they should have offered help before another customer did?

I really don't know ...

I told my husband about this, and he just said "Surely offering help is always a good thing - even if it may challenge other cultures or opinions."

What do you think?
Was what I did Islamically wrong?
Should I not have offered to help?

Looking forward to your replies.

Peace

ofcourse sisters need hayah

[Ummu Sufyaan]

@thread starter, maybe he was just in a bad mood.

[Soulja Girl]

It's a good fiing you offered to help sis!

The dude was probz jus embarrassed or liike Na7lah said, in a bad mood. :><:

[doorster]

ofcourse sisters need hayah

why are you so obsessed with this word hayah? what is your real/actual problem?

I told my husband about this, and he just said "Surely offering help is always a good thing - even if it may challenge other cultures or opinions."

Was what I did Islamically wrong?

before replying may I ask what makes you think it is against Islam to offer help to someone in obvious need?

[Gator]

Glo,
I don't have an islamic answer, but I would not read to much into as this could happen anywhere.

Its just good manners on the establishment's part to provide help in that situation and I see it all the time.

Thanks.

[glo]

^maybe he was just in a bad mood.

Oh no, nobody was in a bad mood or openly cross with me - but I was still left feeling that something had gone wrong ...

[glo]

why are you so obsessed with this word hayah? what is your real/actual problem?

What is hayah?

before replying may I ask what makes you think it is against Islam to offer help to someone in obvious need?

I didn't think it was against Islam to offer help at all.
But the awkwardness I experienced made me wonder whether under those circumstances it may have been better not to.

Will you share your thoughts now?

Peace

[glo]

Glo,
I don't have an islamic answer, but I would not read to much into as this could happen anywhere.

Its just good manners on the establishment's part to provide help in that situation and I see it all the time.

Thanks.

That's very much what my husband said, Gator.

I guess I try to make a conscious effort not to offend - so if I know this kind of thing is not appropriate in the Muslim community, then I will try to bear that in mind in future.

[doorster]

What is hayah?

http://www.google.com/dictionary?source=translation&hl=en&q=%D8%AD%D9%8A %D8%A7%D8%A1&langpair=ar|en


Peace

[nebula]

Hello glo, i think you did the right thing, you cared for the cute baby so you offered to help i dont see anything wrong with that. You had a good intention thats all that matters, dont worry bout the reaction you got from the shop clerk.

[Yanal]

Bismillah hair ramaan nar raheem
Sister you did the best thing you could but he took it as a wrong message. Since you told us he had a newly born baby which means he does not have a lot of information on his wife and vice versa,he might think if I talk to her or let her help me that might be fitnah and from his view and an audiences view that was the right thing but as a non muslim Glo you did the right thing but to bad he thought of it as something else.

Next time just stay quiet till you understand the full concept of what is going on,for instance if this happens you should ask for help: a person has a trolley and a stroller ,he is stuck and isn't asking the staff,then you should ask and 95% he will accept because first he will want to help the baby get away from the uncomfortable place. InshAllah you will get ajr for doing soon.
Walakum Asalam Warakmatulah Wabarkatuh
Islamic bro.

[S_87]

its probably not you personally its the fact that they didnt help first knowing he may have needed help, a matter of 'izzat' or honour/respect

[aamirsaab]

Glo you did the right thing -offering help is always a good act. The guy was probably just in shock that someone offered to help him that's all. You're just reading too much into the situation (something I am guilty of too, mind you ).

[crayon]

^Yeah I agree, I don't see anything wrong with what you did, it was a an act of kindness mashaAllah.
And like sis amani said, it's probably nothing personal that the man didn't take you up on your offer, especially since there was the choice for a man to help him. If there hadn't been anyone else perhaps he would have been very grateful for your help.

[جوري]

I'd have just thought you a baby snatcher, whether a man or a woman I'd not accept help from someone offering help where a baby is involved no matter how well meaning or normal looking!

all the best

[Snowflake]

IMO, the man was probably surprised at your offer to help and perhaps embarrassed as he wasn't sure whether to accept or not. However it was generous and right of you to offer.

[Muezzin]

What do you think?
Was what I did Islamically wrong?
Should I not have offered to help?

Looking forward to your replies.

Peace

The father was probably just feeling awkward because (unfortunately) nobody really asks anybody else if they need help of this sort, so when someone offers it, people don't know how to react.

The shop staff member probably acted awkwardly because from the shop's POV, if anyone should be helping the customer, it is a member of staff, rather than another customer.

Offering help was fine and kind and what more people should do generally.

I'd have just thought you a baby snatcher, whether a man or a woman I'd not accept help from someone offering help where a baby is involved no matter how well meaning or normal looking!

Ah. Good point.

[glo]

I'd have just thought you a baby snatcher, whether a man or a woman I'd not accept help from someone offering help where a baby is involved no matter how well meaning or normal looking!

all the best

That problem could have been solved by me pushing the shopping trolley, and he taking the baby in the buggy.

(Unless I was a shopping snatcher, of course ... but I would have been hard pushed to make a run with that heavy trolley! )

[glo]

The father was probably just feeling awkward because (unfortunately) nobody really asks anybody else if they need help of this sort, so when someone offers it, people don't know how to react.

To be honest, when he hesitated and asked "Would you mind?" I wondered whether he wanted to take up the offer of help, but was hesitating because he was in a Muslim environment.
Do you know what I mean? I wondered whether, if we had been at the local Tesco instead he would have said yes without hesitation.
(Of course, I don't know that, and there is much assumption here on my part. It was just a feeling I had ...)

Offering help was fine and kind and what more people should do generally.

Thank you.

I think most people will appreciate somebody's offer of help and know that it was made with good intentions - even if it does cause a moment of awkwardness or break cultural taboos.

Perhaps the worst thing we can do is stop offering to help each other and look out for each other, for fear of upsetting or offending somebody ...

Peace