I need help lol more importantly clearifications rather.
There is a certain girl I am interested, she is muslim ofcourse. Her family know me and mine pretty well. We are neighbours. The problem is this, If i even mentioned a word regarding their daughter, to marry or engagemend. They would say, yes without even questioning and what not.
My problem arises now, you see, there is another muslimah who wants to marry but she is of different culture though (I.e., not pakistani). Now there is a language barrier and yes, you can overcome it. Now, I only mentioned one who wants to marry me. There is another one as well :\, she is of different ethncity entirely. So that is two so far. There is a third one, she is different ethncity as well.
So thats three muslimah, that have keen interest in me. What the issue is, I feel overwhemled. I feel bad if I say no to the three, but then I contemplate, what if they were good and etc.
I just don't know what to do. Before I present any of this to my mom, I just want to be certain of what I want to do. Sometimes I feel, I am NOT ready for marriage, but sometimes I feel I am. Also, I feel bad regarding them. They should just move on and find someone else, I am just a mere average brother. There is nothing great, however they otherwise argue with me constantly.
What do I do, that is the question? I don't necessarily want to hurt their feelings. And Concerning the girl I am interested, she is younger than me . You see, well old members of this forum should know, I wasn't raised like regular muslim families (pakistani so to speak). Anyway, I don't know what to do with that either :\. What if she doesn't even like me and is forced to agree with her parents due to how i am, my personality and etc?
Lol, I feel like Hamlet sometimes (excluding the suicide part of course and killing the whole uncle idea :P).
Anyway, thanks for advising.
Btw, are there any pakistani (men) who have married say...an arab? or bengali? (Yep, you all probably figured the myterious ethncity by now Lol).
The Possibilities in Islam are limitless.
The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want. -Ben Stein
They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself. -Andy Warhol
choose the one that YOU are interested in, Talk with your family etc.
Khair InshaAllah , May Allah grant you a beautiful, long and successful Marriage! Ameen
I hope it works out.
And as for the onewho fears standing in front of His Lord and restrainsthe soul from impure evil desires and lusts, verily, Paradise will be his abode [79:40-41]
aint you the lucky thing, three in a row....bit like buses huh, they either take forvever to come, or come all at once!
You dont need to say anything to the ones your less interested in, if you dnt wna hurt um, just let them bask in your eligible bachelor glory and leave um to it, just dont give um the wrong impression, because you dont want to break hearts. Do istikhara for the 'girl next door' and see how it goes.
Last edited by Sahabiyaat; 05-22-2009 at 04:09 PM.
My heart, so precious,
I won't trade for a hundred thousand souls.
Your one smile takes it for free.Rumi
wow mashallah bro you are lucky , do istakhara bro and choose the one whos character you like the most? may Allah give you a happy marriage bro! inshallah!!
Uhh people, only one person in this thread said "MashaAllah"...
MashaAllah, brother, may whatever is best happen inshaAllah.
Like everyone said, make istikhara about marrying the one you're interested in, and see what happens. If for whatever reason that doesn't work, you can see the other one/two.
But, a word of advice. DON'T seek out all these girls at the same time, because even if your heart is in the right place and everything is halal, it makes you seem like a player, and all 3 girls will lose respect for you. Whoever you end up with wants to feel special, like you chose just her, not that you had 2 other people on the side as alternatives.
I love how every brother in here said he's ''lucky''.
Anyways, I think you should meet all three separate times, pray istikhara and then come to a final decision. Or if it's hard on you to pick one, marry all three.
Discuss with family and do istikharah, and get married to the one you feel most compatible with.
If there's barriers, thats going to be a problem from the start. You don't want that, you want the least problems.
You want someone who you can get along with, so someone with the least amount of potential issues from the start. The easier, the better.
Also, once you're married, don't think to yourself "what if marriage life would be better with that other girl", because that makes you give up on striving for a better marriage life.
Last edited by - Qatada -; 05-23-2009 at 04:10 PM.
Thats the issue, I don't want to be the player :\. I feel like that already!
I don't know, I just can't really say no to any of them :\. And no, more than one marriage is not permitted legally where I reside. Also, that having more than one wife only comes from a selected sects of Islam, where it is encouraged. I don't see any necessity to take that action at all, unless it is the absolute necessary. I don't prefer multiple wives anyway, not me, .
Anywho, thanks, I certainly don't feel lucky, more like overwhelmed! Their all really great mashallah! There isn't much of any issues with any of them , but the language barrier and the culture difference :\.
Thanks everyone .
The Possibilities in Islam are limitless.
The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want. -Ben Stein
They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself. -Andy Warhol
You are lucky like all of us. Just go with your heart and compare it with your parents/familys view and choose one. May Allah give you the right one. Ameen!
ok, that wasn't very good advice, but limitless my man, life is all about making choices, just think if you had to spend your life with just one, whom would it be?
the one with whom you can be yourself to an extent, who has the most appealing looks etc.
brother dont look at 3 girls at one time and consider, you are bound to be confused. Consider one and one time, like the first person who you knew of interest to you? you have to put the other two out of the 'what ifs...' section of your mind and concentrate on just one at first.
and if you still cant decide write out a pros and cons of each () and go with one...do not lead all three on at once.
And men marrying more than once is something thats in the Quran, no one can dispute it or even misunderstand the clearness of the ayah, so it is definitely not limited to one sect/a difference of opinion
Insha Allah its not about being a player, because you're not, and you won't play with their emotions insha Allah.
The main thing is, if you'll have language barriers, or cultural differences, then probably better to be with the norms which you're used to. Since cultural differences are sensitive, and you might cause pain or harm without knowing. But by being aware of certain rules, you comply with them and don't break them. This then causes you to be more happy, with less issues and 'unwritten' boundaries to fall into.
Also, another piece of advice. You won't ever know a girl until you marry her. That's fact. So you'll have enough things to take into consideration after the marriage, even more than before the marriage.
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. You see, well old members of this forum should know, I wasn't raised like regular muslim families (pakistani so to speak). Anyway, I don't know what to do with that either :\. What if she doesn't even like me and is forced to agree with her parents due to how i am, my personality and etc?
..bit like buses huh, they either take forvever to come, or come all at once!
.
) and go with one...do not lead all three on at once.
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