i really need help regarding this so if any1 can give me advice i will appreciate that.
i am in a situation where i am struggling to make a 100% decision about me and my boyfriend. i am 21 and he has just turned 24 in april.
i have been with him for a year, he is a really nyc person and down to earth,he told me earlier that his family live in uk, but this april he got caught by immigration because he has overstayed, and since then he told me that his family are backhome and didnt tell me that because he didnt wana lose me. He has been in detention centres from manchester to cambridgeshire and now at heathrow airport, i really want us to be together.
in court he told them about me and they wanted proof that me and him are real, but i was too scared at that point and didn't know what to do, they said he has 5/4 weeks left before they send him bak to bangladesh, i still have the option of getting married to him but he has to ask his legal advsor about that, but i would like to marry him in the future, i am scared to lose him, i have been doing istikhara last month and i didnt get any feelings, and i have been doin it again and have done it 6times from today and inshallah today will be the 7th day, but still i am confused and not really clear.
Also i don't want to tell my parents because they have the issue of getting married to a different race and culture to our own and i am gujarati,my sis wanted to marry a pakistani last year but my parents said no to this and strongly agreed she marrys in the same culture and race, and my parents tawk about their parents repsect but i dont see how marrying into a different culture and race would make a difference. i've seen people marry in different race and they're happy or not its like every married couple. i have acousin who has married to a pakistani boy even though her dad did not agree that time but they're ok with it now.
i want us to be together in future,ever since he been in detention centre he has been readin namaaz daily where as before it was mainly jumah and i feel everyday stronger that i want to be with him but confused at same time to what steps to take
can someone please give me some advice pleaseeee
thank you
salams
there is nothing wrong with marrying someone from a different 'race', whatever that means, but a persons situation, background etc should be sound before making such a big commitment.
on another note, staying as bf/gf and acting as a married couple is-generally speaking-not allowed, if there are sexual interactions it amounts to adultery, so either marry him or leave him, but don't just hang there.
bear in mind that he is not the best person to attach yourself too, given how he wasn't completely honest about his situation and the trouble that followed, not that husband and wife and muslims not to mention fellow humans generally shouldn't be supportive of each other, but simply having stayed with for a while and developed some feelings doesn't mean he's the best person out there, there are many more men out there, ie. it's not the end of the world if you leave him, however if you truly wish to go and marry him, and are ready to bear all the consequences, then do so by all means, I'd advise against it however,,
Sis, I don't mean to be harsh but I have to be blunt. I don't think it's his cast you should be worrying about but about his status as an illegal immigrant.
he told me earlier that his family live in uk, but this april he got caught by immigration because he has overstayed, and since then he told me that his family are backhome
Sorry sis, but in the one year you knew him he only told you the truth when he got busted? Does that tell you something? More important than that, boyfriend/girlfriend relationships are haram in Islam.
n court he told them about me and they wanted proof that me
You are not married so your relationship means nothing in the eyes of the law. Even if you were married, he'd have to go back to his own country and apply for a visa from the embassy there.
You also cannot marry him without the permission of your wali (guardian, ie. father, uncle, brother). For your sake sis, I hope you think hard and look at the facts without the rose-tinted glasses.
he told me earlier that his family live in uk, but this april he got caught by immigration because he has overstayed, and since then he told me that his family are backhome and didnt tell me that because he didnt wana lose me.
the race isnt shouldnt be a problem but with him as an illegal immigrant, this kinda does complicate the issue quite a bit. What would he have to do to get legal status in the UK? will he have to return to bangladesh and u go there and file for him to come etc? that can be quite a hard process and u really would need ur parents support for that so i suggest if u really do want to marry him think about the process n speak to ur parents.
format_quote Originally Posted by Scents of Jannah
Sis, I don't mean to be harsh but I have to be blunt. I don't think it's his cast you should be worrying about but about his status as an illegal immigrant.
Sorry sis, but in the one year you knew him he only told you the truth when he got busted? Does that tell you something? More important than that, boyfriend/girlfriend relationships are haram in Islam.
You are not married so your relationship means nothing in the eyes of the law. Even if you were married, he'd have to go back to his own country and apply for a visa from the embassy there.
You also cannot marry him without the permission of your wali (guardian, ie. father, uncle, brother). For your sake sis, I hope you think hard and look at the facts without the rose-tinted glasses.
Indians, Pakistani’s and (I think) Bengalis, living in the UK, try to marry people from within their own community even from within their own family. This appears to be true of Muslims and Hindus (not sure about Sikhs) so clearly it is matter of culture rather than religion. I have also formed the view that they tend towards marrying someone from their community of origin i.e. the village their parents came from in India/Pakistan. I understand the culture (although I don’t agree with it) but I don’t understand why they don’t marry someone from their community of origin who is already resident within the UK; why is that surely someone already resident in the UK is more likely to be culturally compatible?
Forgive me if my question is off topic or looks like hijacking this thread but I am curious to know.
simply because he has no relatives in the uk, but i do believe he aint trying anything on here.
i have done the istikhara for 7days n yet m feelin quite the same as before,but he has told me he is going to do a voluntary form where he sorts his own travel and expense to go back to his country, therefore will be banned for the next 5years, he said he could come back in 3 months but if i get the marriage papers done, but i don't think i will go ahead with that process.
people have different views thats why i joined on here, before this and still now he seems the same he hasnt changed at all for this.
nowadays people want to marry out the origin just because they don't want to marry in their origins/culture,its something different.
well i have alot of views for this, even if you don't marry in your origin or family does it really make a difference as long as you love each other and want a life together? you tell me am i right or wrong here?
thanks for your thoughts x
simply because he has no relatives in the uk, but i do believe he aint trying anything on here.
You know... Belief driven by emotions is sometimes a little biased.
i have done the istikhara for 7days n yet m feelin quite the same as before,but he has told me he is going to do a voluntary form where he sorts his own travel and expense to go back to his country, therefore will be banned for the next 5years, he said he could come back in 3 months but if i get the marriage papers done, but i don't think i will go ahead with that process.
Wise decision.
people have different views thats why i joined on here, before this and still now he seems the same he hasnt changed at all for this.
How do you keep in contact with him, may I ask?
even if you don't marry in your origin or family does it really make a difference as long as you love each other and want a life together? you tell me am i right or wrong here?
thanks for your thoughts x
How could you love a man who so stupidly lied to you? O_O
How many are the women who have been fooled by men claiming "I love you and wanna marry you" only to realise when it's too late that they were full of lies.
Don't be fooled, britain is full of men. But I'll tell you one thing, you won't find mr. right by having a haraam relationship those kind of men who are willing to have haraam relationships are most of the time only interested in messing around.
If you wanna get married join a marriage beaurue or ask a sister if she knows any brothers looking to get married. That's what I would do none of this bf/gf stuff how can you expect good to come from it when it's haraam in the first place.
If I was in your shoes I'd just forget bout him, your still young and don't know men very well. Sorry if I seem harsh but I just don't wanna see another young innocent girl getting tricked by some guy and crying afterwards.
If I had a penny for everytime it happened I'd be loaded now.
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