Can I have some advice please ?

[anonymous]

Assalamu Alaykoum,

I came here because I don't have anybody to talk to about this issue, it's kind of embarassing.
About 5 years ago, my father left the house after a weird period at home, and just before he left I found out he was gay. Or i assume it because I saw an email on his email account where he was saying he was looking for : " a passive young man" and other things like that.
For me it was like the sky was collapsing, I was going to tell my mother but I was hesitating, and then 2 years later he wanted to come back at home. And my mother wanted him to come back cause she didn't want to spend the rest of her life alone, and plus she's sick and doesn't work, I realized if I said something it would destroy my mother's life.

So basically i didn't say anything for my mother's sake.
The problem, is that this information is killing me from inside, I wish i didn't read that email and my mental health would be better now. Plus I fell into alcohol, I know it's haram, but it's like a medicine righ now for me to forget that and to have my mind in peace for a moment.

I'm 22 years old man and I can't wait to go away from home.
I am planning to go abroad to live, start a new life and hopefully inchaAllah my life will be better, but it's not a long term solution, i know.
I don't really talk to him, and my family thinks i'm disrespectful because of that, they would be right if he was normal, but if they only knew the truth.

So I'm just asking you guys what do you think about this whole situation, what would be the solution? What should I do ?

Thanks for your advice

Salam

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you anonymous;

I am so sorry to hear about your problems, if you have the courage, find a time to be on your own with your father and ask him about the email.

Alcohol on its own is not a great problem, but if you are feeling unhappy alcohol is a depressant, and it will simply feed your depression. It can be addictive, and they say alcohol is the fuel for so much crime, and of course it is against your religion.

You deserve better, and God loves and cares for you, he does not like to see you harmed.

In the spirit of praying for an inner peace that surpasses all understanding

Eric

[Snowflake]

Assalamu alaykum bro,

I'm sorry. This must be hard on you. But if your father came back, that is a good sign. Maybe he got curious about homosexuality? But now has realised he made a big mistake. I can't think of why else he would've returned home.

My advice is to speak to someone knowledgable - your local imaan?

And as Eric wisely pointed out alcohol is not the solution. You hate your father for doing something which is forbidden. Then why yourself go down the same path?


I pray you find peace inshaAllah. Get closer to Allah and He will make your difficulties easy for you.

wa salam.

[Muslimlearner]

I hope your father will return to Islam one day,insha-Allah!

And you:leave home,,,drog,, yourself with work and Islam,Koran,Figh us Sunna;send money to your mom,care for her;pray,pray,pray and seek medical help if you cant stop drinking-do you know that your salat is not accepted for 40 days?!!!!But Allah knows best!Can you take that!?

Be strong and change your life!
Allah barak feek!

[Tony]

if you carry on drinking it will become a physical problem and not a spiritual problem alone, you will end up doing more and more stupid things untill you end up doing something much worse than your dad in an attempt to block it, trust me I know what im talking about, alchohol is the devils urine.
Now youve got one dad and dont tell me you are going to let something as powerful as homosexual urges etc to rob him from you, Im not for 1 minute trying to belittle what you feel, but he had a loving wife and familly and somehow this yrge was so strong it cuased him to leave this behind. The poor man musztr have been almost suicidal with the depression and conflicting emotions, in Islam we love the person and hate the action brother, so keep him in your heasrt, go for a walk with him and quiz him, he will surely answer all your questions as he is your father and loves you. Dont forget it will be painful and very embarrasing forhim. I hope you have success if you decide to emigrate, however, only go when you have sorted this problem out. May Allah grant you patience and bring your dad to Islam, Ameen

[crayon]

Running away is not the solution, whether it be by moving far away, or by blinding yourself with intoxicants. I don't have time to write a long reply now, but here's one way to get things on the road to recovery- talk. Talk to your dad (in private), let him know what you know, how you feel, and that you're confused and hurt and whatever else is on your mind. And then let him have a say, give it to you from his perspective.