:(

[AnonymousPoster]

Hey guys,
sorry this might be a little long but i need someone to talk to or somewhere to spill this out of my system because its killing me.. my husband and i fight a lot.. and sometimes it gets very bad.. (he's never hit me though..) but i feel that when he gets mad the things that he says breaks me so badly inside and theres so many wounds that are going to take so long to heal.. he makes me feel like im going crazy today i couldnt take it anymore my heart started beating so fast i felt like i was going to black out i needed to step out for a minute to breath and get some air but he wouldnt let me go.. i am muslim but i wasnt familiar with the practices of islam till these recent years and i want to start namaz.. so i was asking him how to do it and how to perform the ablution and what not because he knows a lot more than i.. and then he threw that in my face and said why would i waste his time asking him if i havent even started doing anything yet.. um HOW can you judge me? like.. he doesnt even pray.. he's cheated on me and had a full out relationship with another girl.. he drinks.. he is no where NEAR a prophet..NOWHERE.. i am newer to the practices of islam and im trying to involve myself as much as i can.. why is he putting me down like this? but you get a feel of how mean he can get.. when hes angry he says hes bored of me and im not attractive and he wishes i looked like this and that.. sometimes i just feel like falling to the ground and crying..and at times thats all i do because no matter how much ive talked to him he says when he gets mad its not in his control what he says..like.. i LOVE him i really do.. but he hurts me so bad.. do you guys have any advices? is there any duas or anything that can help me?
i really dont want this marriage to end.. i dont have children btw..
im just so hurt again right now

sorry guys for the looong read... i really just needed to vent this out cuz i dnt like talking to my friends about this stuff i dont want it to seem like im putting my husband down..

anyways thanks very much for your repliess,,
God bless

[aus sis]

Hi sis
I know what you are going through.. I will not give you advice, I will only say that Love is not enough.. Please go and speak to a sheikh/Imam if you are really interested in turning to Islam.. I will send you a PM when I can

[Tony]

Sister pray that Allah keeps you on the right path, maybe you dont realise it but Its an incredibly beautiful and powerful thing you are doing, in the face of such imaan breaking difficulties you are striving to become closer to Allah. Subhan Allah. Learn your salaat from books and internet, its not so difficult and who knows maybe your example will touch your husbands heart in some way. As for the bullying and put downs, I understand how sickening that can be trust me, but you know Allah created you exactly the way you are, He knows your perfect and so do your righteous brothers and sisters in Islam. Sister keep asking for help and guidance from Allah, this is what Allah likes the most and you will be helped, you will get to a stage where the abuse is akin to the water on the back of a duck, it cannot touch you when you are protected. May Allah guide you to the straight path and help your husband to fight the shayatin, Ameen. please keep us informed, I will make dua for you

[جوري]

Love is tender and kind and doesn't hurt in the terms you have just described.. it should actually be the safe harbor with which you and your partner go against the strife that life throws your way... I don't wish to give you bad advise, but chances are, your husband is beyond reform..

People usually are with their habits before or after Islam.. Abu Bakr As siddiq (RA) didn't like drinking before he was Muslim and so his nature prior is his nature subsequent..

My grandmother used to always speak of people in terms of elements.. she would say, some elements are noble even if crusty from neglect.. and some others are common no matter how shiny and sparkling.. your true nature is what reigns in the end..

But Allah swt knows best.. I really find drinking and fornicating to be abhorrent traits.. I can only hope that your husband realizes the error of his ways (because you truly love him) but I believe that love is based on many factors, respect and honesty and fidelity are a part of it..

and Allah swt knows best

[cat eyes]

anybody who talks like a vulgar animal and acts like one.. you might aswell divorce him eventually you will start to believe you are worthless. this guy needs a pounding and then some one should take him to a mosque or a lecture and show him what way a muslim is mean't to act because these characteristic's are not of a muslim. sister have you got muslim friends? do you know any other brothers? you are married to a junky

[cat eyes]

i don't know why muslim women stay with men who have just committed adultery. you know any woman in there right mind would not stay with a man like this! not any woman with respect and common sense would! its hell not possible! young girl you are under some spell if you ask me. sister there is other good brothers out there do you know that?? they will not insult you and cheat on you and treat you like crap.. they will teach you islam and show you how to pray. they will not drink. did you know such men exist?

[AnonymousPoster]

Thank you all for your help guys,
i really appreciate it.. and i know it sounds so easy to leave but honestly i have tried and its so hard for me..so i dunno what im going to do yet lol only time will tell and I know Allah will guide me,,
but thank you all so much for your support may Allah bless you all

[syilla]

salams ukhtee...

Just try to be nice to him for a few months just to see his reaction. Sometimes when when we treat other nicely eventhough they are very harsh...they'll probably regret it in their heart...and probably he'll change little by little.

For now try to think about changing 'yourself'... just let him 'see' the change in you. and let see his reaction...

[zakirs]

Sis regarding how to pray may be his will help

http://muslim-canada.org/salaat.html

And please be patient and keep belief in allah .

[Muhaba]

Sister, do you love this man more than Allah? Allah says in the Quraan in Surah Al-Tawbah verses 23-24:

O you who believe! Take not for Auliya' (supporters and helpers) your fathers and your brothers if they prefer disbelief to Belief. And whoever of you does so, then he is one of the Zalimun (wrong-doers, etc.).

Say: If your fathers, your sons, your brothers, your spouses, your kindred, the wealth that you have gained, the commerce in which you fear a decline, and the dwellings in which you delight ... are dearer to you than Allah and His Messenger, and striving hard and fighting in His Cause , then wait until Allah brings about His Decision (torment). And Allah guides not the people who are Al-Fasiqun (the rebellious, disobedient to Allah). (9:23-24)

This man is bad for your eeman. He's an adulterer, he drinks, he doesn't pray etc and when you ask him about prayer he obviously doesn't like it so he starts bashing you. Sister, I suggest you do istikhara and then consider divorcing him, telling him that if he improves, stops committing adultery, stops drinking, starts praying 5 times daily, and starts practicing islam fully you won't divorce him but if he continues in his unislamic way then you will go for divorce.

Be glad you don't have children. If you had children with this man, leaving him would be more difficult and he would be bad influence for your children. Imagine if you have children and they learn all the bad ways from him, commit zina, drink, etc, how will it be then? What will you do? They will all be going to hell and you will be responsible for sticking to such an evil man.

So it's best to divorce him now then have more headaches later.

[Tony]

Sister only you can decide to leave or not, dont let anyone make you stay or leave, we can see the injustice but it has to be ur descision, only you know how much u can take sister