format_quote Originally Posted by
Sunshine71
I am seeking advice. I have known "I" for nearly a year, and I am in love with him. He is Pakistani by birth and has been in US for nearly 10 years, and I am a white, Christian American woman. We have 'dated' in the Western style of dating for nearly a year. When I first met him, his mother was staying with him and she was aware of me but we did not meet. She left in January to go back to Pakistan, and she has returned to the US in July, and is living with him. Again in January, she will go back to Pakistan. I know in the Pakistani culture, and in Islam, dating is not permitted, however, he choose to pursue something with me. I was not very aware of Islam prior to him, but have learned a great deal since then, although I am still very much naive.
In addition, I am older than him by 5 years, he is 33 years old and I am 38 years old. I met his mom recently (his father has passed away), and have met his sister several times. The sister did like me and after the initial meeting, we never had a hard time getting along. The mom is a different story. She does not approve because of my age, which then leads her to make offensive remarks about myself, because I am 38 years old and never married, and since I am Western, I must have had sexual relations with many men (yes, I am single, never married, and yes, I have had sexual relations with men, not 'many') and I know this is haram in Islam, as well as Christianity. In addition, due to my age, she is concerned we will never have children. I know my age is an issue, however, I had several tests last year and my fertility was fine, and if there is an issue, we could always use medical advances to help (I'm not sure if infertility treatment is haram or not, but from what I've read, it is not).
He has been fairly positive about us and the way that things were going, until his mom came here and starting making comments about myself. In addition, some members of the community have found out about myself and have been giving him a hard time for 'dating' a white woman.
I would not say we are perfect with each other, we have our disagreements, but on the whole it is a good match, we are very similar, have similar interests, similar values, outlook on life, and both want a family, and a peaceful, happy life.
His two biggest concerns are disrespecting his mom because she wants him to marry a Pakistani Muslim woman, and being alienated from the community. I have told him that I am willing to learn Urdu, to learn about the culture, and learn the religion, and that the children will be raised Muslim and will also learn Urdu.
If anyone can give advice, I would greatly appreciate it. I love this Brother and would like to marry him one day.
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