I would like to share my problems with you beacuse i have only Allah and you to share , I dont have a family here nor friends here , I have only a husband that i love so much and he loved me so much but last 3 months he completly changed i couldnt find out what changed him , During this 3 months my husband is going to work from 6 am to 6 pm everyday and even in the weekends sometimes and i stayed all the day at home by my self without going out side nor talking to anybody just wating for him to come back from work and when he come back he eat and watch TV and he sleep and no time for me for anything and i m sure you understand what i mean and now i have a big stress in my life and i went to the doctor and he said that i suffer from depression , I spoke with my husband why you changed he said hes not and hes working hard to make enough money for us thats all hes answer all the time , I cannot stop crying , I really dont know what to do please i need your advice and help thank you very much
Congratulations on your marriage. This is a blessing and something to be happy about. Depression is serious and needs to be treated by a doctor. I hope you are going to one. You need to get out in the day time. Go for a walk outside or just go looking in the shops. Try to find some married friends around you who can talk to you and be some company for you. You can't rely totally on your husband for social support. You need friends too. If there is a mosque near you then try going regularly and ask if they have groups for sisters like quran recitation or halaqas. Your husband has a busy work day so he probably just wants to relax when he gets home. Probably if you do all these things then your depression will get better inshaAllah. If not then it might be sign of a deeper illness that needs a doctor to solve. Best wishes. Keep coming here and post more for support. We would be happy to hear from you.
.. working hard to make enough money for us thats all hes answer all the time ,
but is it true ? Does he really need to work that hard ? If yes , then u can also do a job .
If u 2 are not in need of that money right at that moment , then tell him money won't bring u happiness . Also u can try to cut some of ur expenses in daily life and assure him that if he earns a little less , still u can manage the family life.
What is your hobby ? Don't u have any friends in your neighbourhood ? U can join any sister's group / work as a volunteer to serve the community , try to learn a new language etc etc .
Think positively , try to do something that u like to do - don't just sit and wait for him.
Come to this forum more often and talk to us . InshaAllah u won't feel lonely anymore.
May Allah help to your overcome your crisis .
Last edited by Muslim Woman; 10-16-2009 at 04:54 PM.
Christ will never be proud to reject to be a slave to God .....holy Quran, chapter Women , 4: 172
Thank you for your support and advice, what you mean please by deeper illness ? yeserday i visited my GP doctor and he said all my illness is depression because im not working and i dont have friends also i spend all the time without talking to anybody and is not easy for any person to support to be quiet from 6am to 6 pm everyday because i dont have a family here and my husband doesnt allowed to me to have friends hes very jalous person even from anybody to get close to me even women and thats an other problem really dont know what to do
Thank you Muslim women for your support and advice
Welcome sis ;
If ur husband does not allow you to even to talk any woman / make friendship any woman , then I think , it's a serious mental problem . Can u take him to any doc about discussing this matter ?
Anyway , if u can't go out , is it possible for u to do any online course ?
Christ will never be proud to reject to be a slave to God .....holy Quran, chapter Women , 4: 172
Hope All is well with you, you know, husband working hard in job from morning to evening, he may get very tired and now he think that he have to do 'another job' spending time with wife when he come home. Spending time is great times for couples, YES, but he feel like he is burden in long hours.
There is something to cheer you up, you get start your job that would be helpful instead mind empty being at home. It would be great support additionally to your husband and financial plan. (You both don't have children yet)....
Something to do make you busy, volunteer involved, school, own business, etc.. I used to tell my spouse to get job that would help her better. Can't rely on me 101%. Husband and wife have own responsible 50/50, they will appreciate each other.
Last edited by Humbler_359; 10-16-2009 at 05:06 PM.
"When the Qur'an is read, Listen to it with attention, And hold your peace: That ye may receive Mercy" ~ 7:204
"Then do ye remember Me; I will remember You. Be grateful to Me, And reject not Faith. ~ 2:152
how he could be jealous of you seeing other women? like what would be the reason for that?? can you not go to your local mosque get him to drop you there when hes off from work? maybe hes just tired thats all but sister you should keep busy maintaining the home. prepare food for him for when he gets home talk nicely to him. if you have ego and he has ego then its not good. one of yous must try to keep your head down sometimes to compromise and admit each others mistakes. appreciate that hes working hard for you sister. maybe he dose not feel appreciated and hes working like a donkey to keep you satisfied and all he gets in return is not trusting and doubting ur husband? is it fair? he is just tired. you would be also
If depression gets worth then you could get a psychosis from it and start having delusions, hallucinations and paranoia. Also, depression could be one side of an illness like schizoaffective disorder or bipolar disorder.
I would ask your husband why you can't have friends? This is not healthy for you or him. He has to trust his wife when he is away from her. He can't expect you to stay isolated from everyone when you are not around him. This is a sign that he has trust issues and he needs to talk to someone about why he feels like that. Maybe you can bring him to the doctor and have the doctor explain to your husband why you need to have friends around you. Maybe coming from a doctor he will listen. He should not have a problem with you going to the mosque. This is for your islamic education and it is important.Take care.
Try listening to quran everyday. Put it on for one hour and do some cleaning around the house. InshaAllah you will benefit from it.
^ I agree. Your depression is due to social factors that can be solved without resorting to drugs. It's all about having the correct state of mind and trust in Allah. Be positive and optimistic.
Also have more communication with your husband. Try and get him to open up. I know you said he says the same thing each time you talk, but try and persist in asking and talking to him from your heart. Maybe also text/call him often when he's at work, if you don't already? Just little texts saying how you miss him etc.
Do you tell him that you get lonely and bored throughout the day without having friends? Maybe if he knew what it actually feels like, he might become more lenient.
i dont think its fair to start annoying him with text msgs and filling his head with complaints about how shes not happy in the marriage i mean would you like your wife doing that to you while your slaving away trying to make money and put food on the table. all that will cause is more tension i guarantee you. i also had depression but do you know what caused it sister, it was because i was not giving the proper 5times salat. i went to doctor and everything and he told me i had bi polar but Alhamdulilah since ive started practicing properly Allah cured me
From what the sister has written, there seems to be a lack of communication. Sending text messages that tell him how she misses him and loves him is not a bad thing by any means.
It depends what type of work he is doing. If he is in a job where he reads things all day and has a lot of paperwork to read through then he might not appreciate more messages to read and respond to.
I spoke with my husband why you changed he said hes not and hes working hard to make enough money for us thats all hes answer all the time
Don't ask him "why you changed ?", it heard like you interrogate him. But you must pretend nothing has changed and always show your attention and always give your love. Always speak softly if you want to talk to him.
He's tired and he expects when he back his wife will gives him a warm welcome. Try to make him feel comfort in home, try to make him fall in love again with you.
From what the sister has written, there seems to be a lack of communication. Sending text messages that tell him how she misses him and loves him is not a bad thing by any means.
i know what you mean bro thats ok but she has to be careful what she says to him like some men cannot take there wife moaning at all. they just cannot handle the extra tension and some men would have no problem turning around and divorcing a wife like that in anger. we don't know what he works at and second thing is we don't know why hes working so much it could be because he needs the hours an hes in dept or something. it could be for alot of reasons so she really must be careful and take his feelings into consideration and give support. let him know that she will always be there for him and she appreciates everything that hes doing and know that he can come to her for anything with any problems. some people get carried away in texting and end up saying something that they will regret for the rest of there life because thats what happens
I would like to share my problems with you beacuse i have only Allah and you to share , I dont have a family here nor friends here , I have only a husband that i love so much and he loved me so much but last 3 months he completly changed i couldnt find out what changed him , During this 3 months my husband is going to work from 6 am to 6 pm everyday and even in the weekends sometimes and i stayed all the day at home by my self without going out side nor talking to anybody just wating for him to come back from work and when he come back he eat and watch TV and he sleep and no time for me for anything and i m sure you understand what i mean and now i have a big stress in my life and i went to the doctor and he said that i suffer from depression , I spoke with my husband why you changed he said hes not and hes working hard to make enough money for us thats all hes answer all the time , I cannot stop crying , I really dont know what to do please i need your advice and help thank you very much
Asslamu Alikaum.
You sound as though you feel lonely. For the past three months you have not been given much attention from your husband nor had any contact with your friends or family. I think when your husband comes back he might be tired and probably that could be the reason why he is not giving you enough attention. Is there anything else that could be upsetting you? Do you miss your family?
I think you need to talk to your husband how you feel. He will probably understand what you are going through and he might decide to help you.
Try to find something to do in your spare time. You could always get a part time job or find some hobbies to do. You'll feel less lonely this way. Exercising and changing your diet will help you combat depression.
Most importantly keep a constant remainder of Allah. Allah understands the pain and suffering you are going through. Having faith in Allah is what you should truly focus on.
Thank you for your support and advice, what you mean please by deeper illness ? yeserday i visited my GP doctor and he said all my illness is depression because im not working and i dont have friends also i spend all the time without talking to anybody and is not easy for any person to support to be quiet from 6am to 6 pm everyday because i dont have a family here and my husband doesnt allowed to me to have friends hes very jalous person even from anybody to get close to me even women and thats an other problem really dont know what to do
Ah, this clearly tells me your husband still cares for you...maybe he is overprotective and does not want to loose you. This can develop on to jealously...which is not good. You need to talk to your husband. Good communication is essential to maintain trust.
Is he going through any problems? Like any changes in his behaviour? Keep this in mind when trying to explain your problems to him.
I would continue to seek advice from the GP. Medication is not the best solution to depression. Depression is an illness, which everyone goes through. You can fight against depression by having a healthy diet, exercising and praying.
I was looking at myself talking to myself and I realized this conversation...I was having with myself looking at myself was a conversation with myself that I needed to have with myself.
Thank you for your support and advice, what you mean please by deeper illness ? yeserday i visited my GP doctor and he said all my illness is depression because im not working and i dont have friends also i spend all the time without talking to anybody and is not easy for any person to support to be quiet from 6am to 6 pm everyday because i dont have a family here and my husband doesnt allowed to me to have friends hes very jalous person even from anybody to get close to me even women and thats an other problem really dont know what to do
Ukhti,
You have taken the first step to solve your problems. By your problems I mean both you and your husband. As a married couple, your problems and your husband's problems are now inseparable.
Let us look at the problems you have mentioned.
1.
my illness is depression
Depression comes in two major forms. Situational or Clinical.
Situational depression seldom last over a month or two and is self curing as the situation changes or the person adapts to the situation.
Clinical Depression is a major physical illness with many causes. Such as hormonal imbalances, diabetes, low or high blood pressure etc. Be certain your doctor runs enough test to eliminate any physical causes for your depression.
2.
im not working and i dont have friends
Ah, but you are working. You have one of the most important and honorable jobs in existence---being a wife. Speak with your Mother and/or your mother-in-law and learn your job duties and rewards from them.
A sad fact of life. None of us have any lasting friends except for Allaah(swt) all other friendships are of limited time and often very shallow.The closest human friends you will ever have are your parents, siblings and spouse. Value each with gratitude and respect as no other human will care for you as much as they can.
3.
i spend all the time without talking to anybody
Isolation is very painful. If you have any contact with your husband's mother perhaps you can get her to explain to your husband how much pain this causes you.
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