Am i still obliged to sleep with my husband whenever he wants if hes stopped praying and started smoking again? He used to smoke skunk and I'm sure hes using it again.
Or will the angels curse me all night? Is this his right no matter what he does?
Am I entitled to refuse occasionally on this basis?
I ask this because in the case of if a wife is misbehaving the husband can seperate their beds so surely it works both ways. I dont want to get any sin for this.
I'm a fully practising muslimah pray 5 times wear hijab.
Am i still obliged to sleep with my husband whenever he wants if hes stopped praying and started smoking again? He used to smoke skunk and I'm sure hes using it again.
Or will the angels curse me all night? Is this his right no matter what he does?
Am I entitled to refuse occasionally on this basis?
I ask this because in the case of if a wife is misbehaving the husband can seperate their beds so surely it works both ways. I dont want to get any sin for this.
I'm a fully practising muslimah pray 5 times wear hijab.
Jazakallah khair
Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, jazakallah for sharing your sensative issues with us sister. There was a similar question asked to yours on Islamonline:
Answering your question, Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada, states:
"There is no doubt that your husband is committing the most heinous sin by neglecting prayers. Prayer is indeed the most fundamental pillar of Islam after the Shahadah. These are our means of salvation as the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, is reported to have said: “There is no guarantee of protection from the hell-fire for someone who does not pray.”
It is therefore important to remind your husband to establish prayer and thus return to Islam faithfully.
Drinking, as everyone knows, is the mother of all evils. Allah wants us to shun it totally for He says that this is the only way to prosper.
Having said this, I must say that your husband is still considered a Muslim so long as he does not consider his sins as lawful and permissible. Committing a sin is one thing but considering them Halal is another issue. Therefore, since your husband does not fall in this category ( i.e. Kufr) he is still considered a Muslim but a sinful one.
It is therefore, permissible for you to be married to him and fulfill your conjugal duties to him. You are not permitted in Islam while remaining as his wife to refuse to have conjugal relations. By doing so, you will be guilty of driving him further into sin. So continue and advise your husband and persuade him to embrace Islam fully and wholeheartedly, and do not refuse to cohabit with him. May Allah inspire us with wisdom and piety."
Elaborating on this issue, Dr Abdel-Fattaah Idrees, professor of Comparative Islamic Jurisprudence at Al-Azhar University, states:
“Prayer is one of the fundamental pillars of Islam, and neglecting it is counted as a major sin that incurs Allah's Wrath. If the husband does not deny the obligatory character of prayer, but rather he does not perform it out of laziness, it is your duty to admonish him and always urge him to observe this duty, using all means available to accomplish the task. This means that you are allowed to use any means that will make your husband get back on the right track and obey Allah and His Messenger. If you do so, you will, Insha' Allah, earn a great reward for enjoining what is good and setting right what is wrong. Accordingly, you are allowed to sleep alone in another bed as a way of pressuring him to pray, but you are not allowed to refuse to have sex with him if he wishes to do so, because his demand to make love to you is one of his rights as a husband.
Therefore, sleeping in a separate bed serves as a means of trying to force your husband to be regular in prayer, but you may not refuse to have sex with him as this is one of his marital rights.”
So sister try to find ways of gently encouraging your husband towards strengthening his faith and religious resolve, so that he is able to avoid such matters.
You will be rewarded inshallah for your sincere advice to your husband. Your living with him is not haraam, because drinking alcohol does not make him a kaafir. So keep on calling him, advising him and making du’aa’ for him, and may Allaah cause him to repent.
If your keeping away from him in bed will serve the purpose of deterring him and making give up alcohol, then it is permissible, but if it will not achieve anything, then do not do it.
Give him material to read about why he should give up alcohol. This is the Islamic perspective and contains a lot of information which may even deter your husband from drinking inshallah
I would also suggest that you go to a reliable local scholar who can also help you with this very sensative issue.
My sister have full hope,trust and faith in Allah and know that Allah will reward you for your patience. Dua is the most powerful weapon so make strong dua's after every Salat. Your duas will be answered sister and know that Allah is with those who are patient.
Am i still obliged to sleep with my husband whenever he wants if hes stopped praying and started smoking again? He used to smoke skunk and I'm sure hes using it again.
Or will the angels curse me all night? Is this his right no matter what he does?
Am I entitled to refuse occasionally on this basis?
I ask this because in the case of if a wife is misbehaving the husband can seperate their beds so surely it works both ways. I dont want to get any sin for this.
I'm a fully practising muslimah pray 5 times wear hijab.
Jazakallah khair
My sister you must deal with this directly with your husband. Remind him in a gentle manner that he is committing a sin when he drinks alcohol. Ask him to stop drinking. If he refuses to do so, then talk to his parents and your parents about the problem. Let them talk to him directly. If he still refuses to stop drinking, then you can enter into a dialog with yourself, your husband, and the local Imam. Insha'allah, the Imam should be able to get your husband to stop drinking.
In addition, depending on how severe his drinking problem is, your husband will need to have counseling to help him deal with an addiction if he has one. Try to be supportive of your husband and help him to get back on the straight path. If all else fails and you believe your husband's drinking will destroy your marriage, then by all means, initiate the possibility of getting a divorce. If your husband is mature and serious enough about the marriage, he will come around. If not, then he will continue drinking but at a great expense! And Allah knows best.
He has rights, as well as you do. Explain to him how you feel. Men aren't dictators in Islam, speak for yourself, and remember to be assertive. Realize that some problems may be going on in his life, so you should try to relate and talk to him.
Make Du'a to Allah (SWT) and Inshallah he will help you.
Is a husband allowed to force his wife?
If a wife does strays away from islam then a husband is allowed to refuse her, so why is it different for a woman?
I understand that if the wife refuses the husband, there is a possibility that the husband may go elsewhere, but if there is a woman who is doing drugs or misbehaving or not praying then isnt there a possibility that if the husband refuses her, she may look elsewhere for attention?
After reading the posts Im just looking for clarifications on this matter as it doesnt make sense to me.
People say that a wife is only allowed to refuse her husband if she has a valid enough reason. Is a husband not praying and doing drugs not a valid enough reason?
What is a valid enough reason?
Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb,
Islam has established reciprocal rights for men and women. Allah Says in the Holy Qur'an ( And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them, according to what is equitable). [2:228]. In the same vein, the Beloved Prophet Muhammad (Blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said in the Farewell Hajj: " Verily, you have rights against your wives and your wives have rights against you". [al-Termizi and Ibn Majah].
Therefore this applies to both husband and wife not just the husband and both husband and wife have rights over each other with regards to marriage, so they both cannot refuse each other unless having marital relations will adversly affect the health of the person or a disease may be transmitted.
you might find this helpful sis, May Allah ease your hardship.
Can she withhold herself from her husband who does not pray?
Can a husband or wife withhold oneself from his or her partner if they do not pray? In other words, is it permissible to demand that your partner pray in order for you to give yourself to them?
Praise be to Allaah.
Indeed it is obligatory for the woman (in this situation) to withhold herself from that intimate relationship, and the opposite also applies [i.e., a man should withhold himself from his wife if she does not pray]. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“… Likewise hold not the disbelieving women as wives…” [al-Muntahanah 60:10]
It is not permissible for a Muslim woman to stay with a man who does not pray at all or does not pray most of the time; she has to leave him and not stay with him, because he is a kaafir who has gone beyond the pale of Islam. We ask Allaah to keep you safe and sound.
isnt forcing ur wife or any woman to sleep wiv u considerd rape?? u cant force sum 1 to sleep wiv u. sorry bt it doesnt make sence to me that you can force ur wife to have sex. there needs to be understanding between husband and wife...sorry am still learning about islam, anyway.... is there any proof dat you can force your wife???
A husband CANNOT force himself over his wife for sexual gratification. The Hadith mentions that,
'the husband spends the night in anger or being displeased,'
Which clearly shows that he must restrain himself from forcing himself over her. Had this not been the case, the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) would have advised the husband to gain his right in a forceful manner.
Similarly, it should be remembered here that, the wife must obey her husband in his request for sexual intimacy unless she has a valid reason. She must obey him as long as she does not have to forego her own rights. As such, if the wife is ill, fears physical harm or she is emotionally drained, etc; she will not be obliged to comply with her husband's request for sexual intimacy. Rather, the husband would be required to show her consideration.
Allah Most High says:
'On no soul does Allah place a burden greater than it can bear' (al-Baqarah, 286)
Many times it is observed that the husband demands from his wife to fulfil his sexual needs no matter what state she is in, and uses the above quoted Hadiths to impose himself over her.
If the wife is not in a state to engage in sexual activities and has a genuine and valid reason, and the husband forces her, then he will be sinful. Muslim husbands should realize that their wives are also humans and not some type of machines that can be switched on whenever they desire!
Finally, these matters should be resolved with mutual understanding, regard for one another, love, gentleness and putting one's spouse before one's self.
The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) has reported to have said:
'None of you can be a true believer until they love for their brother what they love for themselves.'
The importance of this is even greater in a marital relationship.
This proves it that a husband CANNOT force himself on his wife. NOWHERE is this in Islam sister so you have seen proof now. One should clarify these things properly before making a conclusion because that way one will be misled. Hope that helps.
i knew it... y av sum people on ere said that husband can force his wife, hw dull can u get..its like common sense isnt it? anyway am not the thread starter just giving my opinion
Its called lack of knowledge sister or you might have misunderstood them. We should all be very careful about what sources we get our knowledge from and also we should NOT make our own fatwas on whats halal and haraam or whos kaafir and whos not kaafir. I think this section needs to be moderated more.
“Men are the support of women as God gives some more means than others, and because they spend of their wealth (to provide for them). So women who are virtuous are obedient to God and guard the hidden as God has guarded it. As for women you feel are averse, talk to them suasively; then leave them alone in bed (without molesting them) and go to bed with them (when they are willing). If they open out to you, do not seek an excuse for blaming them. Surely God is sublime and great.”
Meaning of the Words
For the three words fa'izu, wahjaru, and wadribu in the original, translated here 'talk to them suasively,' 'leave them alone (in bed - fi'l-madage'),' and 'have intercourse', respectively, see Raghib Lisan al-'Arab and Zamakhsari. Raghib in his Al-Mufridat fi Gharib al-Qur'an gives the meanings of these words with special reference to this verse. Fa-'izu, he says, means to 'to talk to them so persuasively as to melt their hearts.' (See also v.63 of this Surah where it has been used in a similar sense.)
Hajara - Wahjaru (do not touch or moleste them)
Hajara, he says, means to separate body from body, and points out that the expression wahjaru hunna metaphorically means to refrain from touching or molesting them. Zamakhshari is more explicit in his Kshshaf when he says, 'do not get inside their blankets.'
Daraba (to have intercourse, not to beat)
Raghib points out that daraba metaphorically means to have intercourse, and quotes the expression: "Darab al-fahl an-naqah" - 'the stud camel covered the she-camel,' which is also quoted by Lisan al-'Arab.
It cannot be taken here to mean 'to strike, hit or beat them (women).' This view is strengthened by the Prophet's authentic hadith found in a number of authorities, including Bukhari and Muslim:
"Could any of you beat your wife as he would a slave, and then lie with her in the evening?" There are other traditions in Abu Da'ud, Nasa'i, Ibn Majah, Ahmad bin Hanbal and others, to the effect that he forbade the beating of any woman, saying: "Never beat God's handmaidens."
Source: Al-Qur'an: a contemporary translation by Ahmed Ali, Princeton University Press, 1988; pp78-79
In the past, some translators of this verse have mistakeningly used the word "beat" to represent the word "dhaaraba" in Arabic. This is not the opinion of all scholars especially Raghib and Zamakhshari as mentioned above and those who are well grounded in both Islam understanding and the English language.
Quran: (Surah An-Nisaa' [The Women] 4:34)
Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands), and guard in the husband's absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity, their husband's property, etc.). As to those women on whose part you see ill*conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful), but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allah is Ever Most High, Most Great.
We understand from this some of the translations are not properly representing the spirit of the meaning. Therefore, they cannot be considered to be the representation of what has been intended by Almighty God.
Now we can properly understand that Almighty God has commanded the men to provide for the women and allow them to keep all of their wealth, inheritance and income without demanding anything from them for support and maintenance. Additionally, if she should be guilty of lewd or indecent conduct, the husband is told to first, admonish her and then she should cease this lewdness. However, if she should continue in this indecency, then he should no longer share the bed with her, and this would continue for a period of time. Finally, if she would repent then he would take up sharing the bed with her again.
Dr. Jamal Badawi (St. Mary's University, Nova Scotia) is of the opinion these (three stages) are necessary steps prior to divorce. Instead of a man saying, "I divorce you" three times in a row, he should follow this procedure before acting hastily and thereby doing something unwise and displeasing to Allah. The first step would be as mentioned above, to give her a "good talking to" and then if she continued in such unpleasing behavior, to leave the bed (not have intercourse with her) for a period of time and then finally, the last straw would be to "tap" her on the arm with a "tooth stick" or something of this size and nature to signify to her this is the final straw and then if she still persisted in her bad way, he could divorce her.
Regardless of the various positions and opinions, there is no permission establish through the teachings of the Quran or the Sunnah (way) of Muhammad, peace be upon him, wherein one person could "beat" another person.
We should all be very careful about what sources we get our knowledge from and also we should NOT make our own fatwas on whats halal and haraam or whos kaafir and whos not kaafir.
I agree, we are not scholars here. The best thing the OP could do is to ask a trustworthy Scholar/Imam and guide your husband the best way you can.
May Allah make things easy for you and May Allah guide your husband and us all. Ameen.
Thereby thread closed
And as for the onewho fears standing in front of His Lord and restrainsthe soul from impure evil desires and lusts, verily, Paradise will be his abode [79:40-41]
Why are people here throwing out their personal opinions and thereby issuing rulings based on their own desires?? Do you realize that if what you're saying is incorrect, then you will mislead the questioner and bear the sins they earn because of your incorrect advice?
Allaah says:
{And do not say about what your tongues assert of untruth, "This is lawful and this is unlawful," to invent falsehood about Allah . Indeed, those who invent falsehood about Allah will not succeed.}[an-Nahl; 116]
Some are suggesting very odd opinions without having the scholarly background or knowledge to be just in their reply. The scholars amongst the Companions used to think many times over before answering a question and still they would avoid it if they can, yet people who are simply laypersons are throwing out answers as if the questioner is asking about some small matter - this is the ruling of Allaah you're talking about people! If you don't know, please remain silent. A good intention isn't enough here. Don't assume.
“Do not argue with your Lord on behalf of your soul, rather argue with your soul on behalf of your Lord.” - Dhul-Nun
"It is the very pursuit of happiness that thwarts happiness." - Victor Frankl
Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.
When you create an account, we remember exactly what you've read, so you always come right back where you left off. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and share your thoughts. Sign Up
Re: Can I refuse him sex?
anyway am not the thread starter just giving my opinion
Hide
Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.
Posting Permissions
Bookmarks