{{Below is an e-mail I was going to send out to the brothers (as a whole – though specifically aiming at one) however due to me already bombarding everyones emails, I thought I’ll put it here and insha-Allaah benefit everyone. THIS IS NOT AIMED AT THE BROTHER WHO KINDLY LENT ME HIS DVD’S, BY ALLAAH THIS IS NOT. To proceed:}}
Assalaam o alaykum,
Just a quick word of advice to everyone. Please do read of it. InshaAllaah it will take no longer than 5 mins of your time…
Bismillaah;
The Prophet (saw) said: “The deen is naseeha (sincere advice).” [Muslim, Abu Dawud & Nisa'e]
‘Umar Ibn Al-Khattaab (r.a) said: “The most beloved of people to me is the one who points out (to me) my mistakes.“
Also, ‘Umar said in a speech he gave when he assumed the position of caliph: “Help me against (the evil of) myself by enjoining what is right and forbidding what is evil, and by offering me advice.“
And inshaAllaah this is just a quick word of advice to everyone. To proceed;
As we know, on the day of judgement, there will be people whom Allaah Ta’ala will not look at (with His Mercy), these people include:
- The one who trails his garments out of pride
- The one who reminds others of his favours
- The one who sells his goods by means of false oaths
- The old man who commits zina (adultery)
and many more…
[From: Saheeh Muslim, Sunan An-Nasaa'i, Ahmad and others (from multiple hadiths)]
However, there is one hadith on the authority of ‘Abdullaah Ibn ‘Amr, collected in Ahmad, An-Nasaa’i & Al-Haakim, which brothers should really ponder over, where the prophet (saw) mentioned:
“There are three at whom Allaah will not look at on the day of Resurrection: (1) the one who disobeys his parents, (2) the woman who imitates men, and (3) the duyooth (a man who has no protective jealousy towards his womenfolk).” [Saheeh Al-Jaami' As-Sagheer 3/74, hadith no. 3066]
Unfortunately, having no ghirah over your women folk is something which some of brothers have blatantly fallen into. No doubt this is something which we as Muslims have adopted from the western lifestyle. Having no ghirah over your women folk and allowing them to speak in sweet tones to non mahrams is more common here in the west as it is in eastern countries, although this fitna is spreading quickly.
Now with all due respect, I personally have no idea how a practicing brother can allow his wife to be so open and easy going with other brothers (non-mahrams).. Allaah Ta’ala mentions that such a person (who has no protective jealousy) would not be looked at by Him on the day of Resurrection.
The prophet (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) said: “The women is object of concealment, when she leaves the house, Shaytaan (the Devil) beautifies her.” [On the authority of Abu Ahwas from Abdullaah, recorded in Tirmidhi 1173, Ibn Khuzaymah 1685-1687, Tabaraani 10/132, Abdur-Razaak 5116, authenticated sahih by Shaykh Al-Albaani in Sunan of At-Tirmidhi 1173]
I personally ask all practicing brothers to review themselves and review the way they allow their wives to behave in public. As ‘Umar Ibn Al-Khattaab said, “Take yourselves to account before you are taken to account.“
I mean no offense to any brother, and I sincerely apologise if I hurt anyones feelings.. My intention is only to advice, as I love you all for the sake of Allaah Ta’ala and only wish the best for your affairs in this life and the next.
Furthermore it is compulsory for you wife to obey you, so it’s unimaginable for a husband to say he cant say anything to his wife in this regard.
When the prophet (saw) was asked which woman was the best he replied: “The one who pleases (her husband) when he looks at her, obeys him when he gives a command, and does not go against his wishes regarding his person or property doing anything of which he disapproves..” [Reported by At-Tirmidhi, An-Nasaa'i & Al-Bayhaqi]
Again, I mean no offence to any brother, I’m just saying as to what I have seen from practicing brothers with regards to this issue (of having no ghirah towards their woman folk). Me and another brother have been put in tight scenarios three (now four) times now, and its just shocking knowing how some brothers have no ghirah over their women-folk, allowing them to speak excessively and in sweet tones to non-mahrams. What has happened to possessing this beautiful characteristic of having ghirah over your women-folk?
As ‘Umar Ibn Al-Khattaab said: “O people, whoever among you sees any crookedness in me, let him straighten it.“
He (r.a) is also reported to have said: “May Allaah have mercy on the one who, when he spots my mistakes, tells me.“
And such should be a true Muslims attitude when advised. Rather than being like those (the Jews) who said “…We hear and we disobey…” and then have regrets when the reality of the seriousness of the sin is shown to them in the after life.
There are three nice articles online about Ghirah:
As a man, you are responsible for those under your care (and hence you will be questioned):
From ‘Umar (radiyallaahu ‘anhu) who said that Allaah’s Messenger (salallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) said: “Each of you is a guardian and is responsible for those whom he is in charge of. … a man is the guardian of his family and is responsible for those under his care; a woman is a guardian of her husband’s home and is responsible for those under her care….“ [Reported by al-Bukhari (Eng. Trans. 9/189/no.252) and Muslim(Eng. Trans. 3/1017/no.4496)]
And i re-quote the original hadith:
“There are three at whom Allaah will not look at on the day of Resurrection: (1) the one who disobeys his parents, (2) the woman who imitates men, and (3) the duyooth (a man who has no protective jealousy towards his womenfolk).“ [On the authority of 'Abdullaah Ibn 'Amr, collected in Ahmad, An-Nasaa'i & Al-Haakim. Authenticated in Saheeh Al-Jaami' As-Sagheer 3/74, hadith no. 3066]
Lastly, I just wish to say to those practicing brothers who have no protective jealousy towards their women-folk (which is just too shocking) to seriously fear Allaah Ta’ala, and I say this with all due respect.
As ‘Umar Ibn Al-Khattaab said: “I fear that I may make a mistake and no one will correct me out of respect for me.“
Likewise, a man once came to ‘Umar and said to him – in the presence of witnesses – “Fear Allaah, O’ ‘Umar!” Some of those present became angry and wanted to silence him, but ‘Umar said to them “There is no goodness in you if you do not say it and there is no goodness in us if we do not listen.“
[06-02-10 (Update): Ok now that this is on my blog where I can speak more openly as compared to on our mailing list, I'll just add by saying how astonished I am at seeing "practicing" brothers dropping their wives off to places where THEY KNOW that their wife will have to interact with other men (Muslim or non-Muslim, it doesn't matter). How can you allow your wife to interact with men without you being present there!? Especially if you know your wife has a sweet tone of voice and cannot control her tongue (by that I mean, she talks to anyone) and furthermore she doesn't wear the niqaab nor a proper (plain, non glamorous) jilbaab.
So what, you dont mind your wife talking to other men? Is that the case? You're 'ok' with dropping your wife off places where, if a man were to approach her, she has to interact with him due to her role... Where is your gheerah over your womenfolk? That's your wife, you keep her.
Just imagine, a man comes whom she now has to speak to, would you like that? And we all know what goes through a mans mind. Shaytaan is the third one there, what do you think shaytaan whispers to him? So now people "share" their wives with the whole world do they? Thats YOUR wife, YOU enjoy her sweet and beautiful company. By Allaah, it's like I wanna hold you by your shoulders and shake you. What the hell is wrong with you?! Stop showing the world you got a sweet wife, stop allowing her to go to places where she has to (due to her role) speak and interact with other men.
Even if you were present there, still a REAL MAN with gheerah over his wife would not allow her to be in such scenarios. Yet "practicing" brothers drop their wives off places and leave them there where men come. Masha-Allah well done! So now you got men thinking about how sweet that lady/sister was... Imagine that! OTHER MEN thinking about YOUR wife! La hawla wala quwata illaa billaah. Fear Allaah, and I say this to you even though you are an elder in our society, so I respect you on account of your age (being way older than me), but no-way do I show respect to a brother who has no gheerah over his wife! I ask you by Allaah, what is wrong with you?
And again I quote you: the prophet (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) said: "The women is object of concealment, when she leaves the house, Shaytaan (the Devil) beautifies her." and no doubt a sister not wearing the niqaab seems to be more beautiful than she really is! Allaahu-Akbar, now you got brothers telling you how beautiful and sweet your wife is! Well done!]
I agree whole-heartedly. Some Muslims, though, have told me that I am very narrow minded for having such views.
Help me to escape from this existence
I yearn for an answer... can you help me?
I'm drowning in a sea of abused visions and shattered dreams
In somnolent illusion... I'm paralyzed
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