Please Help!

[anonymous]

everyone,

I need some help and advice on what I should do in this situation.

I am going through a very difficult time of my life at the moment:
A coulpe of weeks back, I got attacked by a random person with a wooden stick, and it was serious.
Since then, I have had problems sleeping, nightmares, stressed, depressed at times etc.
I know that this was a one in a million thing, and that I shouldn't be anxious and scared, but unfortunately, I am.
I have some very depressing days, and can't concentrate at all at school.

Now, that's part of the problem. My teachers and family are helping me cope etc.
I've been hurt a number of times really badly in my life, emotionally I mean, and thats why I think I'm going through a very difficult time.
No one understands why I am so depressed at times, but the truth is everything comes so suddenly to me - unfortunately, I was sexually abused about a year back, and the trauma has never ceased since.. but I haven't told anyone about it yet either, which is why the teachers who help me will never know the full story about me - they just think I've been hurt by the attack..By the way, I am a girl and I'm 17 years old.

What do I do? I want to forget everything, but it is so hard - if I mention anything about having been abused before, my school will definitely take action and want to know who - I wouldn't tell them, because this person is family, and I wouldn't want to break anyone, nor bring problems up

I hope it all made sense..
Any advice/ help would be very much appreciated..

[Ummu Sufyaan]

wa alaykum us-Salaam habibti
im deeply sorry to hear what you have gone through and pray things will get better for you.

first things first. some experiences in our life are easy to get over no doubt and of course this is what we should aspire towards but at the same time, somethings that happen to us in life hurt us so deeply, that there maybe no way of getting over them. im not saying that you should lose hope, or be restless towards making life better for yourself, not at all but what im trying to get at is that sometimes things will affect people so badly that when they try move on, they find it impossible without realizing why-and that is because they dont realize that certain things simply cant be removed it has touched them in such a way, its like its been engraved in their souls or something. you find these people often loosing hope and complaining why they cant seem to be move on, often you will find them having really bad self-esteem issues and constantly blaming themselves. it isn't their fault or their not stupid or anything (as they may think of themselves), but as i said, some things are just too deep and they cant be deleted in our lives. so that's the first thing you need to acknowledge if you want heal yourself that if you cant move on, it isnt your fault, but rather certain incidents have hurt you too deeply. get me?

another thing you need to realize is that sometimes how we react, think feel, etc willo be a result of other unresolved issues. for example, maybe a hardship in someones childhood will cause them to think and act a certain way in their adulthood. i remember a sis on another forum needed help with an issue of zina she had and -well i dont know her personally-but for what she wrote it seemed that due to the mindset she was taught, i.e that she is to be blamed, punished etc was a drive for her committing zina so her committing zina was a way of punishing herself.
so you need to get these little issues that are making you think the way they do resolved, so the bitter fruits can also be removed.

second thing you need to realize, is that if it cant be removed, it can definatley be worked around. there is always a way out. always. believe that in your heart, make a firm resolve and implement it as best as you can.
for example with you getting attacked its totally normal to feel insecure and anxious about it-completely normal, but when these feelings overwhelm you you need to counter them with mental strength. just calm yourself down, tell yourself what has happened has happened and there is nothing that can be done about it. if possible go talk to someone (about anything) to distract yourself from these thoughts. if you need to cry, dont hold it back, but cry. think logically to repel this thoughts on anxiety.

another thing relevant to this situation is that the more you get stress out, the worse these feelings will overwhelm you so try avoid getting stressed. you know sometimes how you get a little stressed out about something and you may think to yourself how the heck can i get through this and so build worry which eventually builds more worry and tbh its very counter productive.


if your problem is with your family and it can be dealt within in your family, then speak up. go to someone you trust in your family and speak to them. im sure other people will suggest to reprt him as well.

it's really funny (not haha funny, but interesting funny) how some people who have undergone some kind of trauma they often think that people wont listen to them or that people will look down and blame them-but uktee, please realize that often this isn't the case at all. people are so understanding and soft hearted you just need to find the right person to confide it. no wonder why you are so distressed, you think no-one can relate to you.

get rid of the mentality that you are going to break up the family and bring shame to them, only ignorant people would think that and we all know ignorant people shouldn't be listened to if that person so cared about breaking up the family, then he would have thought of that before he did what he did to you. so dont you dare let this dhaalim (oppressor) get away with this.

you shouldn't feel so sad either...do realise that there are so so so many sisters in your shoes you definatley aren't the only one so dont feel alienated that you are. speak to someone because the more these things go unnoticed and undealt with the more the number of victims will increase maybe if you do to say something you pave the way and encourage other sisters to have someone else to talk to as well.
please please please (i cant emphasize that enough) do not blame your self or even let anyone pin the blame on you for their mishaps. everyone is responsible for their own actions.

lastly make plenty of dua, get more into the deen, pray your five and have an abundance of sabr.

[SMA89]

My only recommendation is to leave the past behind and focus on the future. There is nothing you can do to change the past and you will cause unnecessary stress/anxiety by focusing on negative experiences from the past. Try to find out what you like to do in life and pursue it. If you focus on negative things in life, then you will feel negative emotions. I just cant understand how family can sexually harass or do anything wrong to their own family members. It doesnt make sense to me.

[alcurad]

I'm very sorry for you sister, the impact that can have is obviously terrible, it should never have happened, and I don't think 'get over it' is a possibility at that for any who're suggesting it.

the best option you can have is talk to a therapist, plus depending on where you live there are groups for people with similar experiences so look into that, I mean fear of being judged etc would cause anyone not to tell anyone and thus exacerbate the negative effects of the experience, so it would be liberating and therapeutic to join a group who have a similar outlook.

and most importantly don't let this ruin anything for you~you can take matters into your hands.

see websites like this, or simply google the relevant terms:
http://www.ncvc.org/ncvc/main.aspx?d...cumentID=32315
http://www.thesurvivorstrust.org/

[S<Chowdhury]

^^^^ Agreed you need some professional help

Sister

I think like many of the poster I am also very deeply saddened to hear what you have gone through. It angers me as well that the person who has attacked you and sexually abused is allowed to roam free whilst you are feeling this way. No man should ever do such things and therefore i think you need to report the incident to the relevant authority so justice can be brought, if not you reporting maybe someone you trust can report on behalf of you. I think brother Umm ul-Shaheed and alcurad has given some sound advice therefore i won't repeat it again.

Take care Sister

everyone,


I've been hurt a number of times really badly in my life, emotionally I mean, and thats why I think I'm going through a very difficult time.
No one understands why I am so depressed at times, but the truth is everything comes so suddenly to me - unfortunately, I was sexually abused about a year back, and the trauma has never ceased since.. but I haven't told anyone about it yet either, which is why the teachers who help me will never know the full story about me - they just think I've been hurt by the attack..By the way, I am a girl and I'm 17 years old.

[Grofica]

^^^^ Agreed you need some professional help

Sister

I think like many of the poster I am also very deeply saddened to hear what you have gone through. It angers me as well that the person who has attacked you and sexually abused is allowed to roam free whilst you are feeling this way. No man should ever do such things and therefore i think you need to report the incident to the relevant authority so justice can be brought, if not you reporting maybe someone you trust can report on behalf of you. I think brother Umm ul-Shaheed and alcurad has given some sound advice therefore i won't repeat it again.

Take care Sister

I agree with the advise S<Chowdhury gave. I know the pain your are suffering right now. and it never goes away but you letting that person run around free lets him do it to other people.

keep in mind most criminals start in their comfort zone... and branch out from there... by NOT saying anything you are just letting him hurt someone else. its a duty that someone has to turn that person in... its not your fault the person who did it is sick and they need help!!!!!!!!!!!

by keeping quiet you are telling that family member its alright to molest people. and that hurting people is ok.

[cat eyes]

Sister as hard as it is you have to let the police know as soon as possible whether the person is in your family or not you cannot allow somebody else to suffer at his hands please try and understand this. you have to do whats right. do you think Allah would want any human to suffer in silence? or to not inform the police so he can't harm somebody else? look you have the power in your hands to take action. we are thought to speak out against evil whether its done to ourselves or whether its done to somebody else.

you can't ignore this or pretend it never happened.. just sweep it under the carpet... what will motivate you to take action is that he won't be able to abuse somebody else and you will be rewarded for that. i will try and find a few hadiths about this.we cannot sit in silence sister. the rights of humans come first in islam and every human has a right to feel safe and others

[AnonymousPoster]

Im not the OP, if you live in the UK i would advise you use Muslim Youth Helpline, you can call them for free from your cell and talk to them online also.

Make Du'a, we are making dua for you.

http://www.myh.org.uk/

If you live in America you can try

http://www.naseeha.net/

[AnonymousPoster]

It helps to talk about it with someone you trust. Something like this is a shocking experience, especially if a family member is the attacker. It takes time to forget about what happened, for some it could take years to put it behind them. But a good start is to tell someone about it, for the sake of your emotional health. I pray that you stay safe and can find the help you need, inshaAllah.



(P.S. not original anonymous poster)

[Dagless]

I am also very sad to hear about what you're going through. I think you should confide in one person about all the abuse you've suffered, just someone you can trust, someone who won't get anyone else if you don't want them to... it maybe good to get it off your chest.
There are some good exercises to try for ptsd (which I think is the main issue).
If I wanted to send the OP some stuff via pm how would I do it?

[Italianguy]

OMG! You have to tell someone about this man, family or not he must be delt with now before he does this to some else in the family or worse...you again. I am extremely upset and very saddened by what you have experienced, NO ONE should ever have to deal with this especially a 16 year old...I am going to say that again ,,A 16 YEAR OLD! This action from this person is completly unacceptable from any culture or way of life.....I am honestly crying right now in anger and my wife is crying as well after reading this.

NONE of this is your fault...none of it. Please tell your family about this person, if you are affraid of your family's reaction please tell someone else.

God be with you always.

May God take away this pain, may He bring upon you peace and many blessings, may He give you the conviction in your heart to inform some one about this injustce done to you, may He be with you in these trying times, may He give you strength and clear your mind of depression and saddness. Ameen

[anonymous]

OP:
I thank you all so much for all your support!

I will try very very very hard to tell someone, most probably (which is what I have always wanted: my mum)

Make lots of du'aa for me please

Dagless: I don't think there is a way, but I have made an email: [email protected]

Does anyone know what the law is in this country regarding this issue: if I tell someone, like a teacher, but I wouldn't say who it was, and wouldn't want anything to happen, what would they do?

again I thank you all so much

[S<Chowdhury]

OP:


Does anyone know what the law is in this country regarding this issue: if I tell someone, like a teacher, but I wouldn't say who it was, and wouldn't want anything to happen, what would they do?

again I thank you all so much

Sister

Okey I'm not a 100% sure about the legal requirements but in the UK I'm assuming when you saying "this country" there is a Staff and student confidentiality according to the principle children's act 1989, when concerning emotional lives. Therefore legally they are not obliged to tell your parents or senior staff when concerning emotional matters, it also depends on school policy as well.

However if it is a case of child protection by law the teacher has an obligation to report to senior staff- the headteacher who i would i guess contact the Police and Social Services.

[Muslim Woman]

.. this is a shocking experience, especially if a family member is the attacker.

Uh ..I can't think of that situation . But sadly if any sis faces this tragedy , she should let parents know and handle the situation .

To the OP , if possible talk to your mom .

May Allah help u . Ameen.