I have a HUGE problem on my hands, and i'd appreciate whatever help I can get!
Here is my situation:
Me and this girl really like each other, and we have spoken about marriage. We would like to proceed with it as soon as possible, however, there are many obstacles preventing it from happening:
1.) I am sunni and she is shia. We have both agreed that if we cannot come to a common ground when discussing the differences in our beliefs, there isn't a hope of this potential marriage working out.
2.) Her mother is EXTREMELY against non-iraqis, and as you've guessed, that is exactly what I am.
Is there any hadith or Qur'anic statements that promote inter-racial marriage, or any that condone nationalism or state about discrimination against ones nationality for marriage is not good/haram? I want to be equipped with enough islamic knowledge on this matter so when I do confront her (which will be soon inshallah) to propose, I can at least try to convince her that inter-racial marriages are nothing to be afraid of, with the backing of hadith/Qur'an.
I would strongly advise against marrying shia (12'er?), it can be very problematic when raising children... conflicting issues and such.
Try and iron that out before going to her mom.
yeah that is true, what we both had in mind, is discussing our differences and see where we stand, and just give dawah to each other and see what happens. Alhamdulillah she is someone who seeks the truth than blindly follows what she has been taught. I have already changed some of her beliefs, such as prayer etc. So when I do confront her mum, it will be at a point where i am comfortable with what she believes and know it will not have an impact on our future family in a negative way
Right, good plan, I would make sure there is agreement on the huge issues such as... you wouldn't want while you're teaching your children about sahaba on one hand for your partner to be slandering them, you know? It's very worrying, so find common ground on that.
Well my friend's father is a Sunni and his mother a Pakistani-Persian Shii. Well, they left upto the children to accept whatever they want. My friend is religionless these days, as youd have imagined. hes searching for the truth and I hope Allah guides him. His younger brother seems to be a bit more on right path as he chose Sunni Islam. But ive heard he did that because of his fiance. Whatever the reason, as long as the intention was to please Allah, it should be fine.
Regarding interacial marriages, they are not haram per se. But Islam allows us to use logic and rationality. It is logically possible that such an interacial marriage between and Iraqi and yourself might not work out because of different world views, different modes of thinking and what not. If you think that such logical problems might not arise even though you have very different backgrounds then there is no problem marrying her provided she believes in Islam of Muhammad pbuh.
Last edited by CosmicPathos; 04-14-2010 at 05:20 AM.
Help me to escape from this existence
I yearn for an answer... can you help me?
I'm drowning in a sea of abused visions and shattered dreams
In somnolent illusion... I'm paralyzed
I have a HUGE problem on my hands, and i'd appreciate whatever help I can get!
Here is my situation:
Me and this girl really like each other, and we have spoken about marriage. We would like to proceed with it as soon as possible, however, there are many obstacles preventing it from happening:
1.) I am sunni and she is shia. We have both agreed that if we cannot come to a common ground when discussing the differences in our beliefs, there isn't a hope of this potential marriage working out.
2.) Her mother is EXTREMELY against non-iraqis, and as you've guessed, that is exactly what I am.
Is there any hadith or Qur'anic statements that promote inter-racial marriage, or any that condone nationalism or state about discrimination against ones nationality for marriage is not good/haram? I want to be equipped with enough islamic knowledge on this matter so when I do confront her (which will be soon inshallah) to propose, I can at least try to convince her that inter-racial marriages are nothing to be afraid of, with the backing of hadith/Qur'an.
Help would be much appreciated!
JZK
Asalamu alikum Wa rehmatullahi Wa Barakatuh!
Dear brother,
There is nothing like Sunii or Shia in Islam but of course in our un-islamic society, these sects are present. I too recommend you to leave her as her beliefs are so different than us. Some Shias prefer Hazrat Ali (r.a) on Prophet Muhammad!
But if you think you can turn her towards the "Right Way" then go for it. And I know many events in which Muslim women married men from very different nationalities or even with very different social status! At the time of beloved Prophet, one Muslim woman who was extremely beautiful and rich, married a black, poor Muslim slave! Now what can be a bigger example of equality than this?!
But brother, look, you might change her but you can't change the whole of her family. So you people will always face problems afterwards! But if you really love her and can't leave her, then I don't know any solution! May Allah help you dear brother!
I had a really good friend , a local brother from UAE , when he got maried he wasnt a very practising muslim and went and married a shia girl , aat the time he didnt even care or know much , but Allah guidd him to the sunnah and thats when he truly started to see how big n huge the diffences are , but with time n i mean WITH TIME in a few years of him becomming reigiously commited n practising his wife completely not only became sunni but also now knows shiasm inside out n can refute their each n every claim , and she is very strong on tawheed n sunnah AlhumdolILlah , but ye sthe process was long and her family was not helpful at all , they are still each n every chance they get trying to change her mind n to create problems n create doubts in her heart , but AlhumdolIllah , the beautiful thing about the truth is that when u understand it n get it u wont give it up for the world.
Ut yes it took time , n LOTS of patience n dawah n good manners n respect from my friend , he was very nice to her very patient , very respctful , and also the wifes of our other friends helped his wife , also books like those of Ehsn Elyahi zaheer n others who have great contributions in refuting shiasm helped and their audio cds n cassettes n our noble sheikh like ubaid al jabiree n rabi bin hadee n sheikh salih al suhanimee n waseullah abbas kept giving the brother good advise n asking him to be patient n not to divorce her n to be nice to her n keep giving her the evidence from quran n sunnah n to be a good listener so with help from Allah , n after Allah with books n cassets n our nobel shuyokh n even the wifes of our other friends she is now on the way of Ahuls sunnah wal jammah.
But bro WHY were yo talking to her any way , why did u get to knw her n have any sort of relation with her , keep your faith in Allah , The blessings of Allah are not sought by doing what he has forbidden nor is the barakah n khair achieved by haram, so may be you should have not got into tis coz it was haram in the forst place.
How perfect You are O Allaah, and I praise You. I bear witness that none has the right to be worshipped except You. I seek Your forgiveness and turn to You in repentance
Bro, I wouldn't marry a shi'aa if I were you. They have corrupted beliefs and do you really want your kids growing up cursing the Sahaaba? A3uthubillah. Your idea of convincing her mother on the racial side of things is futile if you ask me. They only really accept what their "ayatollahs" say. They throw everything else i.e. ahadith out the window. They'll use taqqiya to try and convince you otherwise. You don't even wanna know what they say about Abu Hurairah (radhi Allahu anhum).
Iraqi shiaas are the worst haters out of all of them. I have experience in this- there's loads at my university. They label all sunnis as a "wahaabi". And the worst thing is (at my uni that is) is that they're mostly females so you can't exactly do anything. SubhaanAllah, the President of the 'Ahlul Bayt Society' (which is their Shiaa society) is a female!
I have a friend who was involved in a similar situation. Alhamdulillah he managed to get out with a lot of encouragement from from me and other brothers. Trust me, it's better if you forget her. Remember, religion is your priority. This may even be lust what your feeling right now.
Allahu 'Alam.
Fee Amaanillah.
‘Say: If the ocean were ink wherewith to write out the words of my Lord, sooner would the ocean be exhausted, even if We added another ocean like it.’~Al Qu'raan (18:109)
well I disagree with many here.. is there a better reward for someone save bringing someone from the darkness into the light, the reward for that is Jannah.. and indeed in Islam there is no difference between and Arab over a non-Arab save for piety..
yes there are plenty of 'fish in the sea' but she is the fish he wants so why tell him to throw her back in there and fish something else out? sob7an Allah
Questioner
Ahmad
Title
An Arab Marrying a Non-Arab: Any Problem?
Question
Respected scholars, as-salamu`alaykum.
What does Islam say about a non-Arab marrying an Arab or vice versa? It seems that culture has dominated Muslims' minds to the point that some imams even say an Arab should marry an Arab because they understand each other's cultures better. How about two from different cultures and they are both respectful of each other's culture, is their marriage disliked in this case?
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger. Dear brother in Islam, thanks for your question. May Allah bless those who seek knowledge to clear misunderstanding.
It is true that customs and traditions differ from one society to another. However, Islam constitutes a bond that unites all Muslims. The spirit of brotherhood and collective submission to Allah and His injunctions, if truly practiced and faithfully observed, are sure enough to eradicate such differences. When a dispute erupts owing to the difference in customs and cultural backgrounds, it should be settled according to the rulings of the Shari`ah. Once the Shari`ah decides the matter, none should feel unease or claim arrogant superiority.
Answering this question, Zienab Mostafa, a prominent Muslim Scholar and Da`iyah, said:
Islam has put an end to racism and tribalism. It has united us all under one banner. In the Prophet's Last Sermon, it is stated that "there is no superiority for an Arab over an Arab, for a white person over a black one except in terms of piety (taqwa )". There is no text whatsoever stating that an Arab must not or should not marry a non-Arab. Therefore, we should fight racism and tribalism that have caused disunity among Muslims. We should better follow the Prophet's example in his relationship to Marriyah who she was not an Arab.
As for understanding each other better, it is the harmony between human values and personal traits that help marriage to be successful and not the culture. There are so many Arabs who got married but their marriage collapsed even though they were from the same culture.
i agree with you sister skye however why take a chance in marrying somebody that possibly might never revert at all and then the time comes when they have kids? why not introduce her to some sunni sisters so they can give her dawah about proper islam. i know that there is some men who marry non muslims and after a while they have reverted however the guy has to be practicing himself. there is some success stories i heard but there is alot of horror stories i heard also and my personal opinion would be not to take the risk and give her dawah through other means instead of taking her as a wife.
Wa-alaykum asalam, ya akhi make istikhara first and foremost and ask Allah to guide you whether she's the one or not for you. Also be patient and give her plenty of written evidences for the Sunnah case and see if she agrees with time or not. May Allah giude her to the right path inshallah.
About the mother, you should try sucking up to her and give her the best gifts from your culture, and if she's into food, feed her your culture's best meals till she gets addicted, then stop, and then demand her daughter's hand as ransom, for further meals.
By the way, that being my first post and all, I was wondering why there is no "edit post", or do I have to become a full member first? Thanks in advance for answers and sorry a bunch for going off-topic. Salamualakum.
islamholic once you become a full member after (50 posts or so) are you able to edit and other things.. we have had problems on this site of people posting porn and whatnot so until their 'loyalty' so to speak is established they are forbidden from certain privileges..
Text without context is pretext If your opponent is of choleric temperament, seek to irritate him
i agree with you sister skye however why take a chance in marrying somebody that possibly might never revert at all and then the time comes when they have kids? why not introduce her to some sunni sisters so they can give her dawah about proper islam. i know that there is some men who marry non muslims and after a while they have reverted however the guy has to be practicing himself. there is some success stories i heard but there is alot of horror stories i heard also and my personal opinion would be not to take the risk and give her dawah through other means instead of taking her as a wife.
Very true, don't move forward with anything until you know she is sunni. it will save you a lot of headache in the future. Some shias are dead-set in their beliefs and there is no convincing them. If that's the case, the sooner you walk away, the better. It will save you a lot of heart ache.
everyone, JZK for all of your comments, but before I continue, i think i need to clarify exactly where she stands with her religion.
Although she is shia, she is not a sohaba slanderer, and disagrees with many shia beliefs herself. At the point she is in, she either does not belief in some of their own practices, or she has not done enough research into things for her to come to a conclusion yet. So alhamdulillah she is someone who does research for herself rather than blindly following. That is why I want to give her a chance as I know through religious talks we can reach a common ground where it will not affect the upbringing of my future children inshallah.
And as for the "diffrent cultural ways of thinking" as someone stated previously, i am from a mixed background myself, and i have reached the conclusion that sticking strong to culture has distorted Islam itself. Although culture is not a bad thing, but islam always comes first and that is something many people forget. I am not coming forward and proposing to bring merge my culture with hers, but I am coming forward to propose to a family because I believe that me and her will prosper islamically in the marriage.
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islamholic once you become a full member after (50 posts or so) are you able to edit and other things.. we have had problems on this site of people posting porn and whatnot so until their 'loyalty' so to speak is established they are forbidden from certain privileges..
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