Friendship between Muslims and non-Muslims

[LauraS]

Hello, I wanted to talk about something I had read once, a Muslim asking for advice and the advice he received. The man had been given a Christmas present by his Christian neighbours and wondered whether he should accept the gift and should be friends with his neighbours. The response was that a Muslim should only treat a non-Muslim kindly to treat and persuade them that Islam is the right path to take, other than that there should be no feelings of actual warmth and friendship between them.

I'm not sure if people on here actually agree with this, but to me it seems a shame that Muslims should feel that they mustn't be friends with any other than their own religion. I have a Muslim friend and I'm quite sure her feelings are real friendship and not just desires to turn me to Islam. I think it may be this attitude among some Muslims that is part of the reason why they have had a more difficult time integrating into western societies, they almost keep themselves aloof. Sikhs and Hindus have never really had any problems and they integrate more. I am not trying to cause trouble with this, they are just observations. Some Muslims live n the west yet completely disapprove of the way of life and the people, almost looking down on them.

Why can't it just be accpeted that we have different beliefs and that's the end of that (obviously I'm not being so naive as to say this of the extremists of the world who are the cause of all the problems with religion) I'm on about your average person. Also, the fact is that where you are born and into what culture, obviously influences your beliefs. I was born into the UK and have been christened, if I am anything, I would consider myself a Christian but I''m not sure what I truly believe in. How am I to know Islam is the right religion to follow if Allah has never come to me and said "Hello I'm Allah, become a Muslim" the same of our Christian version of God has never some to anyone of Eastern origins. Surely if this is the case then any God out there must realise people born into a different culture can't possibly know they are following the wrong religion? Anyone on this board could have been born into a western family and could have become a Christian and never dream of becoming a Muslim and vice versa, it's all a matter of chance.

[ardianto]

Hello Laura,

If a man comes to you and say "Hello, I am Allah, become a Muslim", he must be not a Muslim.
If a man comes to you and say "Hello, I am God, follow my religion", he must be not believer of any religion. Believers never declare themselves as God.

I am not living in west, but in Indonesia, a country that has largest number of Muslim. But I have many non-Muslim friends, even there are Christians in my big family.

I never have a problem in relationship with my Christian relatives or my Christian friends. They always respect to my religion, I always respect to their religion. They have good religious tolerance.

But I cannot say all Christian are same like them. There are intolerant Christians who always try to converse Muslim with tricks and money.

Not so different than Muslims. There are some intolerant Muslims who always try to spread hatred to non-Muslim. But of course, there are many Muslims who have good religious tolerance.

Laura, if you assume Muslims are intolerant, that is because you look at only to few intolerant Muslims. I hope tomorrow you will meet tolerant Muslims.

[Supreme]

Well, I have two Muslim friends, and Islam and religion seldom ever comes up as a conversational topic. They haven't even joked about me being a non-Muslim- and in today's society of Christians, Muslims, atheists, Sikhs, Hindus etc- if you cannot take friends from all religions, you are not just socially retarded, but actually rather backwards and pretty stupid, too.

[CosmicPathos]

A Muslim should not take non-Muslims as friends. A Muslim only takes them as fellow humans with whom he/she should maintain a professional relationship and work in a humane manner. Friendship means approval of the beliefs of the friend. A Muslim does not approve of kufr.

[EllyDicious]

A Muslim should not take non-Muslims as friends. A Muslim only takes them as fellow humans with whom he/she should maintain a professional relationship and work in a humane manner. Friendship means approval of the beliefs of the friend. A Muslim does not approve of kufr.

Well you're wrong. Because real life experiences show that true love and true friendship overcome the boundaries of religion.

[CosmicPathos]

Well you're wrong. Because real life experiences show that true love and true friendship overcome the boundaries of religion.

If that is true then there would be no need for religion aka Islam. Since that is wrong, you are wrong.

For an atheist/agnostic, true love and true friendship can have different meanings at different times. So how do you standardize "true love, true friendship" in the absence of certain maxims which are derived from something Divine?

[EllyDicious]

If that is true then there would be no need for religion aka Islam. Since that is wrong, you are wrong.

It's wrong according to Islam. And just because it's wrong according to it, doesn't mean it's wrong for real.
Also, as I already told you , facts in life have proven the opposite of what Islam says. So this leads me to think that Islam is wrong.

[LauraS]

ardianto- of course I've met tolerant Muslims (that's why I have a Muslim friend) and I certainly wouldn't suggest all Muslims are intolerant. I don't mean a man coming up and saying "Hello I am Allah" I'm on about if God (not matter what religion it happens to be) just revealed himself to all humans I might make things a lot easier.

mad scientist- that's why I think problems arise, yes Muslims and people of other beliefs can live together, but I think only if they mix as friends can there be true respect. Otherwise there will always be this coldness that can lead to distrust and trouble. Like I said before people's beliefs all depend on which culture you're born into anyway, you could easily have been born into a Christian, Hindu or Sikh family.

[CosmicPathos]

ardianto- of course I've met tolerant Muslims (that's why I have a Muslim friend) and I certainly wouldn't suggest all Muslims are intolerant. I don't mean a man coming up and saying "Hello I am Allah" I'm on about if God (not matter what religion it happens to be) just revealed himself to all humans I might make things a lot easier.

mad scientist- that's why I think problems arise, yes Muslims and people of other beliefs can live together, but I think only if they mix as friends can there be true respect. Otherwise there will always be this coldness that can lead to distrust and trouble. Like I said before people's beliefs all depend on which culture you're born into anyway, you could easily have been born into a Christian, Hindu or Sikh family.

That is wrong. When you go to see a family physician or your family doctor, do you make him/her your friend? no. On the contrary, he works with you in a professional relationship to address your concerns. You still trust your family doctor, dont you? Yet can you call him/her on the weekend to have BBQ with him/her? No.

That shows that you do not need to be a "friend" to develop mutual respect for other humans.

[LauraS]

There's a difference between a doctor and patients and millions of people. People should integrate for there to be trust in society. No one should keep themsleves aloof.

[aadil77]

Well, I have two Muslim friends, and Islam and religion seldom ever comes up as a conversational topic. They haven't even joked about me being a non-Muslim- and in today's society of Christians, Muslims, atheists, Sikhs, Hindus etc- if you cannot take friends from all religions, you are not just socially retarded, but actually rather backwards and pretty stupid, too.

Lol you should be able to get along with everyone

[aadil77]

There's a difference between a doctor and patients and millions of people. People should integrate for there to be trust in society. No one should keep themsleves aloof.

Basically in islam you can integrate, get along with others, be social nd all that. You're just not meant to devlope love for non muslims, you're not meant to get overly friendly to the extent that it affects your faith and you start imitating them and commit the same sins as them, same with bad muslims.

[Getoffmyback]

Muslims do have friendships with non muslims everywhere.

But the modern life revolves around clubbing drinking fornication bla bla bla. So thats Why a serious practicing muslim can't fit in such friendships they try to keep it professional and respectful!


Its funny how true love also fails sometimes at the last minute decision between 2 lovers from different religions .

[أبو سليمان عمر]

......With regard to non-Muslims, the Muslim should disavow himself of them, and he should not feel any love in his heart towards them. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“O you who believe! Take not My enemies and your enemies (i.e. disbelievers and polytheists) as friends, showing affection towards them, while they have disbelieved in what has come to you of the truth (i.e. Islamic Monotheism, this Qur’aan, and Muhammad), and have driven out the Messenger (Muhammad) and yourselves (from your homeland) because you believe in Allaah your Lord! If you have come forth to strive in My Cause and to seek My Good Pleasure, (then take not these disbelievers and polytheists, as your friends). You show friendship to them in secret, while I am All‑Aware of what you conceal and what you reveal. And whosoever of you (Muslims) does that, then indeed he has gone (far) astray from the Straight Path”

[al-Mumtahanah 60:1]

“Indeed there has been an excellent example for you in Ibraaheem (Abraham) and those with him, when they said to their people: ‘Verily, we are free from you and whatever you worship besides Allaah, we have rejected you, and there has started between us and you, hostility and hatred for ever until you believe in Allaah Alone’”

[al-Mumtahanah 60:4]

But this does not mean that a Muslim cannot interact with them in a nice manner that will encourage them to enter Islam, so long as that is within the guidelines of sharee’ah, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Allaah does not forbid you to deal justly and kindly with those who fought not against you on account of religion nor drove you out of your homes. Verily, Allaah loves those who deal with equity”

[al-Mumtahanah 60:8]

The Muslim should strive hard to call non-Muslims to Islam through all possible permissible means, in the hope that they may benefit from that and respond, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Invite (mankind, O Muhammad) to the way of your Lord (i.e. Islam) with wisdom (i.e. with the Divine Revelation and the Qur’aan) and fair preaching, and argue with them in a way that is better. Truly, your Lord knows best who has gone astray from His path, and He is the Best Aware of those who are guided”

[al-Nahl 16:125]

“And who is better in speech than he who [says: ‘My Lord is Allaah (believes in His Oneness),’ and then stands firm (acts upon His Order), and] invites (men) to Allaah’s (Islamic Monotheism), and does righteous deeds, and says: ‘I am one of the Muslims’”

[Fussilat 41:33]

Muslim narrated in his Saheeh (2674) from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever calls people to guidance will have a reward like the reward of those who follow him, without that detracting from their rewards in the slightest, and whoever calls people to misguidance will have a burden of sin like the burden of those who follow him, without that detracting from their sins in the slightest.” ........................

Something else that will help you to stop mixing with non-Muslims is to remember that these kaafirs – even though they may have good manners and some good qualities – also do a number of seriously wrong things, any one of which is sufficient to nullify any good deeds that they may do. Among these evil things is the belief of the Christians – for example – that God is one of three (trinity), as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Surely, disbelievers are those who said: ‘Allaah is the third of the three (in a Trinity).’ But there is no Ilaah (god) (none who has the right to be worshipped) but One Ilaah (God —Allaah). And if they cease not from what they say, verily, a painful torment will befall on the disbelievers among them”

[al-Maa’idah 5:73]

The other kaafir nations all attribute partners to Allaah, or else they do not believe in God at all.

The kuffaar in general do not believe in the Qur’aan or in the message of our Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), rather they reject the Qur’aan and they reject our Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him); so how can a Muslim be inclined towards them with their kufr and misguidance?

Even if they give you some of your rights by treating you nicely, they do not give Allaah His rights and they do not give the Qur’aan its rights and they do not give our Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) his rights. The rights of Allaah and His Book and His Prophet are more important than our personal rights. Remember this, for this is one of the things that will help you to hate them and regard them as enemies until they believe in Allaah alone, as mentioned in the aayah quoted above (interpretation of the meaning):

“Indeed there has been an excellent example for you in Ibraaheem (Abraham) and those with him, when they said to their people: ‘Verily, we are free from you and whatever you worship besides Allaah, we have rejected you, and there has started between us and you, hostility and hatred for ever until you believe in Allaah Alone’”

[al-Mumtahanah 60:4]

But we reiterate that there is nothing to stop the Muslim from treating them kindly within the limits set by sharee’ah, especially if they are among those who treat us well. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Is there any reward for good other than good?”

[al-Rahmaan 55:60]

[EllyDicious]

Its funny how true love also fails sometimes at the last minute decision between 2 lovers from different religions .

It's also funny how true love fails at the last minute decision between 2 lovers of the same religion.

So when something is meant to fail, it fails regardless of religious point of view that partners have.

[أبو سليمان عمر]

now you have the reverts how can we say" we cant love them and it is my mom and dad brother or sister didnt revert with me" well this is natural love but still we hate the belief the believe and try to call them to the truth

Love of Allah
by Imâm Ibn Qayyim al-Jawziyyah

The love of the Beloved
must be unconditionally returned.

If you claim love
yet oppose the Beloved,
then your love is but a pretence.
You love the enemies of your Beloved
and still seek love in return.

You fight the beloved of your Beloved.

Is this Love or the following of shaytaan?

True devotion is nothing
but total submission
of body and soul
to One Love.

We have seen humans claim to submit,
yet their loyalties are many.

They put their trust here, and their hope there,
and their love is without consequence.

[ardianto]

A Muslim should not take non-Muslims as friends. A Muslim only takes them as fellow humans with whom he/she should maintain a professional relationship and work in a humane manner. Friendship means approval of the beliefs of the friend. A Muslim does not approve of kufr.

Maybe your definition of friendship is different than mine.
I am never thinking their religion is right, and they are never thinking my religion is right. But we always respect each other.

I don't see anything wrong if I lunch together with my Christian friends. But of course, I cannot pray before lunch together with them, this is strictly prohibited. They must pray in Christian way and I pray in Islamic way.

[CosmicPathos]

@ umar: jazakAllah for that beautiful response.

[CosmicPathos]

Maybe your definition of friendship is different than mine.
I am never thinking their religion is right, and they are never thinking my religion is right. But we always respect each other.

I don't see anything wrong if I lunch together with my Christian friends. But of course, I cannot pray before lunch together with them, this is strictly prohibited. They must pray in Christian way and I pray in Islamic way.

So if I have a lunch with a kaafir, does it mean I am his friend?

[Skavau]

If that is true then there would be no need for religion aka Islam. Since that is wrong, you are wrong.

For an atheist/agnostic, true love and true friendship can have different meanings at different times. So how do you standardize "true love, true friendship" in the absence of certain maxims which are derived from something Divine?

People do, despite holding differing beliefs in all walks of life show affection for one another be it a bond of brotherhood or intimate. You you seem to be saying pragmatically is that for you, Islam is a barrier (that you accept) towards engaging in such yourself because it would be a passive approval of their disbelief in Islam.