Hormones Having a Field Day...

[anonymous]

Salam alaikum
Wat advice would u give someone in this position (me).
I am a revert, male, in my 20s. Ive been trying to get married 4 about 3 years now.
At first, sexual desire wasnt an issue. I just wanted to share life with someone.
But it seemed like no ones parents would approve a revert or no1 wanted to know me.

Just in the last while, sexual desire has hit me hard.
Its just adding more pain to what i was already feeling.

I dont know what to do.
I dont want the cycle to go foreva!!

[Hamza Asadullah]

Salam alaikum
Wat advice would u give someone in this position (me).
I am a revert, male, in my 20s. Ive been trying to get married 4 about 3 years now.
At first, sexual desire wasnt an issue. I just wanted to share life with someone.
But it seemed like no ones parents would approve a revert or no1 wanted to know me.

Just in the last while, sexual desire has hit me hard.
Its just adding more pain to what i was already feeling.

I dont know what to do.
I dont want the cycle to go foreva!!

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, my brother jazakallah khayran for sharing your issue with us. My brother i I can fully empathize with your situation. I pray to Allah to grant you patience (sabr) and keep your mind away from the sinful, and may He bless you with a pious wife as soon as possible.

In the meantime, you are best advised to turn your mind away from lustful thoughts by occupying yourself with other beneficial matters. You should ask Allah to help you. Here are some suggestions from Sheikh Ahmed Kutty in order to guard yourself against falling into sins:

1. Make it a habit to read the Qur'an or listen to a beautiful recitation.

2. Practice remembrance of Allah (dhikr ). Find a good prayer book such as Muhammad Al-Ghazali's Remembrance and Prayer:The Way of the Prophet and read it regularly.

3. Learn to curb your carnal desires. Get Al-Ghazali's book Disciplining the Soul and Breaking the Two Desires (translated by T.J. Winter).

4. Find good companions who will divert your attention to good things.

5. Find volunteer services that need help in your community and spend time volunteering your efforts.

By keeping your mind occupied with positive and beneficial things, with the help of Allah, you can guard yourself against sinful thoughts.

I would also add that you should eat less red meat and meat in general and try to keep away from foods that create heat in the body. Also try to excercise and fast more like fasting on Mondays and thursdays which is Sunnah. Do not eat heavy meals but make your meals lighter and try not to go to the market place unless it is absolutley necessery as well as places where you will see more of the opposite sex.

Finally, use the following prayer on a regular basis:

Allaahumma tahhir qalbee wa ahsin farjee.

(O Allah, cleanse my heart (of all sinful thoughts) and help me to remain chaste and pure).

Rabbi qinee sharra basaree, rabbi qinee sharra sam`ee; rabbi qinee sharra lisaanee, rabbi qinee sharra maniyyee.

(My Lord, guard me against the evils of my eyes; my Lord, guard me against the evils of my ears; guard me against the evils of my speech; guard me against the evils of my private parts.)

Allaahumma habbib ilaynaa al-imaana wa zayyinhu fee quloobinaa wa karrih ilaynaa al-kufra wa al-fusooqa wa al-`isyaana.

(O Allah, make faith dear to our hearts and embellish our hearts with it; and make disbelief, transgression and rebellion abhorrent to our hearts.)

Allaahumma aghninee bi halaalika `an haraamika wa bi ta`atika `an ma`siyatika wa bi fadhlika `amman siwaaka.

(O Allah, make me self-sufficient with what You have declared as lawful for me; make me self-sufficient with Your obedience so that I am not driven to disobey You; and make me self-sufficient with Your favor so that I am not compelled to look to favors of others.)

[Masuma]

^subhanallah! thank you so much brother Hamza for the dua!

And I suggest you brother to fast a lot. This really works as it is Prophet's advice to us.

[Ğħαrєєвαħ]

^I agree. .

[cat eyes]

Salam alaikum
Wat advice would u give someone in this position (me).
I am a revert, male, in my 20s. Ive been trying to get married 4 about 3 years now.
At first, sexual desire wasnt an issue. I just wanted to share life with someone.
But it seemed like no ones parents would approve a revert or no1 wanted to know me.

Just in the last while, sexual desire has hit me hard.
Its just adding more pain to what i was already feeling.

I dont know what to do.
I dont want the cycle to go foreva!!

why don't you marry another revert girl? you won't have any problems with her family then and i mean its not like there is a shortage of revert muslimahs.

Theres loads.

[CosmicPathos]

why don't you marry another revert girl? you won't have any problems with her family then and i mean its not like there is a shortage of revert muslimahs.

Theres loads.

do you know any one for me?

[S_87]

get in contact with the masjid to put the word around, there are many people willing to accept reverts not all are close minded ignorants.
May Allah bless you with a righteous wife soon, Ameen

[anonymous]

salam

jazakAllah kheir for your advice brother hamza. walla it made me cry, it was that good!! the most support i have ever really been given!!
may Allah reward you!!

its not just the desire for...that.
i mean it is, but it was the desire for someone to be in my life with me first. things have just kind of come from that.
i dont know its hard to find the roots, but one came before the other. the problem just seems to be growing.
allah alim.
ill stop my complaining.

im just finding it hard to stay strong. its like, nothing looks like changing, and ive lost hope that it will change.

i will pray the dua bro hamza posted, for sure!!

[noorseeker]

brother its all in the mind , ive controllled my desire eventually through this. But i still have to be strong

[Hamza Asadullah]

salam

jazakAllah kheir for your advice brother hamza. walla it made me cry, it was that good!! the most support i have ever really been given!!
may Allah reward you!!

its not just the desire for...that.
i mean it is, but it was the desire for someone to be in my life with me first. things have just kind of come from that.
i dont know its hard to find the roots, but one came before the other. the problem just seems to be growing.
allah alim.
ill stop my complaining.

im just finding it hard to stay strong. its like, nothing looks like changing, and ive lost hope that it will change.

i will pray the dua bro hamza posted, for sure!!

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, my dear brothewr many of us are in the same position as you so surely you are not alone but eventually when Allah does find you a partner then you will appreciate her more inshallah.

Allah created us to have partners and Allah described us and our partners as garments for one another whereby we console and comfort one another and are each others through thick and thin and all situations in life committed and faithful to one another.

Shaythan is wanting to make you lose hope but you must reject him for he is your sworn and eternal enemy. You must have full hope and faith in Allah for you he will find you the right partner and you must NEVER lose hope but have FULL faith in him. Think to yourself if Allah has given you faith out of ALL the people in this world he chose YOU and gave you the gift of imaan then will he not also give you the right partner if you go about it in the right way?

Then my brother trust in Allah, keep your gaze low, fast Mondays and Thursdays and on the white days and do not eat heavy meals and also at the same time make the best effort you can to find the right partner by telling all of your close and trustworthy Muslim friends aswell as local Masjids. Also make much sincere dua particularly at Tahajjud time and when the time is right you will find the right partner inshallah but you MUST have FULL hope, trust faith and reliance in Allah and whatever is best will happen for you.

and Allah knows best in all matters

[anonymous]

wa alaykum salam.
sorry for the late reply. i don't get on much.
its good to know im not alone and ameen to ur dua!
may Allah grant us all pious and good spouses. ameen!

your right. it is the whispers of shaytan. thank you for keeping this at the foirefront of my mind and the reminder!!!!

i have a question though.
ive heard this kind of thing is what makes marriage a fard.
what if marriage seems like its unattainable?
what if you cant sustain one?
what if you cant find a compatible sister?
what if you cant find a sister in genral?

[Hamza Asadullah]

wa alaykum salam.
sorry for the late reply. i don't get on much.
its good to know im not alone and ameen to ur dua!
may Allah grant us all pious and good spouses. ameen!

your right. it is the whispers of shaytan. thank you for keeping this at the foirefront of my mind and the reminder!!!!

i have a question though.
ive heard this kind of thing is what makes marriage a fard.
what if marriage seems like its unattainable?
what if you cant sustain one?
what if you cant find a compatible sister?
what if you cant find a sister in genral?

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, mr brother again these are shaythan trying to disillusion you and make you think you will never be able to get married. A lot of us go through these thoughts in life when we are trying to achieve something that we have been striving for but we must continue to practice patience for it will happen in its ordained time.
You will look back and think why did i eevr think these thoughts. Just think to yourself if Allah has brought you to where you are today as in giving you imaan then will he not give you a partner?

Think to yourself that it is shaythan who is giving you these thoughts trying to disillusion you. Ask Allah for patience and recite dua's and the Qur'an often. It WILL happen when it is ordained for you even though it is hard right now. But that is what will make you appreciate your wife more. Ramadhan is here now and it is the month of patience so let us acquire patience for patience is a learned attribute. So learn it and Allah is with those who are patient and the reward of patience is paradise.

and Allah knows best in all matters